Understudy (5 page)

I checked my watch for the millionth time.

"Going home?" Mr. Cromley asked.

"Yes," I lied.

"Want a ride?"

It was tempting. Too tempting, but it was risky. "Thanks Mr. Cromley, but I'm fine. It's not that far anyway."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay." He hesitated, but I gave him one of my I'm-okay smiles and luckily, unlike his daughter, he bought it. "See you tomorrow then."

"Bye bye Kat," Lily called out as they walked away.

"Bye!"

I waited for their car to pull out of the parking lot and as soon as they hit the road, I took off running.

***

"You're late."

"I'm sorry," I said as I sank down against a tree to catch my breath. "I ran here as fast as I can. I think I should try joining a marathon."

Adam snorted. "I don't think so. You're not the sporty type." He sat beside me, his hair turning a shade lighter in the afternoon sunlight filtering through the thick trees above us. He grabbed my hand and kissed it, and I returned the gesture by kissing his. This made him smile.

"How's your day?" he asked.

"Same old," I answered. "How's yours?"

"Pretty much the same. And guess what, I didn't shower."

We laughed, though I didn't find it remotely funny. I hated it when he joked about what he referred to as his "ghostly situation." It only reminded me of the reality that he no longer belonged to this world. That he might just disappear one day.

Despite the fact that I had been spending my afternoons with Adam for more than two months, I was scared that a day would come when I wouldn't be able to see him anymore. We were both clueless about why he couldn't travel outside the woods. But we learned to be contented with the three hours we spent together every day. It was better than nothing.

I had considered telling my parents, even Sara. But I realized that might convince them that I was finally losing it, and my parents would surely send me to a shrink with no questions asked. There were times when I actually believed that I'd really gone insane, but if seeing Adam was the price I had to pay, then so be it.

"When is Sara coming home?" he asked.

"Today."

"I'm sorry. I know how much you wanted to see Texas," Adam said with a hint of guilt in his voice. "I'm sorry that you had to stay here."

"I'd rather be here than anywhere else."

He looked unconvinced, so I added, "And besides. I don't want to spend my afternoon smelling like horse shit and doing farm chores. As you said, I’m not the sporty type, which means I can’t do hard labor as well."

He managed to crack a small smile, though I saw the sadness in his eyes.         

"School starts next week," he said resting his head against my shoulder. "You're finally a senior."

He said it casually, but I felt guilt rising up my throat like bile. I also hated it when he talked about my future. Somehow, I found it hard to think about it without him in the picture.

After all this time, I couldn't stop blaming myself for the accident.

I shouldn't have told him to answer the phone. I should've reached for the phone myself. 

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice breaking as tears rolled down my face.

"Hey!" Adam's head snapped up. "Why are you crying?"

"I'm not," I said, wiping my face against my sleeves.

He let out a sigh and took my face in his hands. "Look at me, Kat. Stop blaming yourself. It was an accident," he said.

"An accident that could've been avoided."

"It wouldn't be an accident then."

I pulled away from his touch and crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't like it when you take serious matters lightly."

"Sorry, that came out wrong."

Adam wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest, breathing in his scent. He leaned down and brushed his lips against my forehead and, despite being slightly irritated with him, I pressed myself closer to his body.

"You have a tendency to over think and overreact to things," he said as he began stroking my hair.

"And you have a tendency to joke about things."

"What do you want me to do then?"

I didn't answer. We were both silent for a while.

I let my gaze wander around our surroundings, taking in the lush greenery and the peaceful atmosphere Adam and I fell in love with. The woods held a special place in our hearts. Maybe that was one of the reasons why it was the only place where I could see him.

"Are you scared?" he suddenly asked.

"What if I stop seeing you when school starts?"

"I don't think that will happen."

"We don't know what will happen."

I peeked up to look at his face. He was staring far ahead, and I could tell by the way his brows furrowed that he was thinking about it as well.

If Adam did disappear, would I be able to feel okay again? Would I be able to smile like Mr. Cromley?

Then a thought suddenly struck me. Was it possible that Mr. Cromley was seeing his wife the same way I was seeing Adam? Maybe they had their own special place where they met daily. Perhaps that would explain why he was sometimes late on picking Lily up. But then again, a small voice at the back of my head said, maybe he was just simply good at hiding his feelings. Something I would have to learn sooner or later.

***

"I've been waiting for you for like three hours!"

Sara was sitting at the foot of my bed as I entered my room. She was munching on a bag of corn chips and my gaze travelled down to the tiny bits scattered on the carpet floor.

I really didn't mind her
feeling at
home
in my home, even in my bedroom. But I guess enforcing some strict rules about food in my bedroom wouldn't hurt her.

"I can see that," I said as I flopped myself beside her.

"Nice to see you too," she mumbled, wiping her grimy fingers against the sheet. I made a mental note to change it later.

"You know what, for a pretty girl, you're not exactly..." I paused, searching for the right word. "Ladylike."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means no more eating in my bedroom!"

"Hey, I let you eat in my bedroom!"

"But I don't wipe my sticky hands on your stuff."

Sara jutted her lip, and I grabbed a tissue box from my dresser and tossed it to her. She pulled two sheets and wiped her gummy fingers before dropping it on the floor.

“I’ll pick it up later,” she said. When I raised an eyebrow, she added, “Promise!”

We lay on my bed in silence and I could've stayed like that for a long time if it wasn't for her constant shifting and sighing beside me. And I'd been Sara's best buddy long enough to know that she wanted me to ask how her summer was. "How's Texas?"

"It's delightful, y’all," she said in thick Texan drawl that would've made her Grandpa Lawrence proud. "Thought you'd never ask."

We were silent for a while and I knew that she expected me to ask more questions, pretending like I was interested. Instead, I found myself staring at the ceiling.

Sara sat up beside me, leaning against the headboard with her knees close to her chest. For a moment I thought she was going to launch into her summer stories, but concern washed her features and I knew that she didn't come here straight from Texas just to make small talk with me.

"How are you holding up?"

I felt a lump in my throat as I considered her question. I felt alright. Not completely okay, but with how things were working out, I guess it was safe to say that I was fine.

"I'm fine."

Sara studied my face and I noticed her shoulders tense. "So the library volunteer thingy works?"

"Yes."

Silence.

"Your parents asked about how you're doing when I got here earlier," she said. "I think I may have experienced the journalistic side of your mom, and your dad's love for a pop quiz. It's either that or they're just worried."

Of course they're worried. I could only guess what they were thinking when the tears stopped and I suddenly started acting normal again. I wouldn't ever be normal again, no matter how long I spent in the woods with Adam. A part of me had died when he died.  

Sara continued, "I told them what you told me from your letters. Though I think I may have left out some things. You know, just so they stop worrying about you. Which I hope is the case... unless it isn't."

"You totally read my mind," I said, sitting up beside her. "Thank you."

Her shoulders relaxed. "Are you ready to go back to school next week?"

"I would be lying if I told you I am"

Tears welled up in her eyes, and I remembered the last time she visited before she went to Texas. She was the inconsolable one and it made me wonder if that episode would happen again. But it was fine with me. The thought that she was still crying for Adam made me feel that someone other than myself and his parents really cared for him.

"I'm sorry," Sara said in between sobs. "I told myself I wouldn't cry unless you cried."

"It's okay. I understand."

"It must've been hard for you. I mean, just look at me. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm a mess.” She hastily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, and that’s when I noticed how red and puffy they were.

I considered telling her about the woods. She was my best friend, and she cared for Adam too. Maybe she'd understand. But I didn't know how this thing worked. What if I stopped seeing him after telling Sara? I lost him once. I couldn't afford to lose him again. 

"You have no idea,” I said, grabbing the tissue box and propping it between us.

Chapter Five

Eric

My bedroom felt more like a cell than a bedroom. In fact, I felt more at home in the room I shared with Anthony back at Masterton Prep.

The walls were plain white and smelled faintly of paint. There was an empty desk beside an equally empty bookshelf and a queen sized bed, where I was lying face down. Other than that, the room was empty. It felt like a slap in the face knowing that I didn't have a space that felt like mine in my own home. No doubt Dad's way of reminding me that I didn't belong here. I got the message loud and clear.

I could've easily packed up and left. Both Dad and I would definitely agree on that, if it weren't for Mom.

I sighed and rolled onto my back, staring at the white ceiling. This was Adam's fault. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if I found him staring down at me from heaven with a huge smile on his face. If heaven did exist. I'm not really a believer of that stuff.

A soft knock on the door pushed the annoying image from my head, and I didn't have to see who it was to know it was Mom. Dad would've barged in right away.

"May I come in?"

I grunted something that sounded like a yes and the door opened.

Mom was wearing white from head to toe, and no matter how much make up she had on, she couldn't conceal her swollen eyes. They were still puffy and red from all that crying. I immediately turned away.

"Is there something you want? Food perhaps?" She sounded tired, her voice hollow, and I almost didn't recognize her.

"I want to get out of here," I said.

"This is your home."

Mom sat down at the edge of the bed and rested her hand on my knee, making me flinch. She, of all people, knew how much I hated that, but I let her because it was the least I could offer for a crying shoulder.

We continued to bond in silence, neither of us wanting to break the spell. I closed my eyes and considered drifting off to sleep. I needed one anyway.

"He would've liked seeing you home," Mom said, gently squeezing my knee. "He missed you."

"He shouldn't have died then," I said, opening my eyes just in time to see her shoulders tense. I wanted to take it back, but it had already polluted the already toxic atmosphere around us.

"How are you liking your bedroom?" she asked.

I propped up on my elbows and made a show of looking around the empty room. "Well, it's cozy."

"I'm glad that's the case," Mom said, smiling faintly, the sarcasm obviously lost on her.

"Do you want me to help you unpack?"

My gaze travelled to my lone suitcase.

"There's no need for that. I’ll probably just be here for a few days before Dad asks me to leave."

"That won't happen, sweetie."

It had been a long time since she called me
sweetie
. It sounded foreign in my ears. "And besides, this is your home," she added, regarding me warily with pleading eyes. God, I shouldn't have come home!

She walked up towards the suitcase, her long slender fingers fumbling through a series of padlocks I had placed on the zippers. She wasn't aware that I had changed my lock's combination, but she continued anyway.

"Just leave it alone, Mom. I'll sort it out later myself."

She glanced at me over her shoulder, forcing a smile. "You had a long trip, it's the least I could do for you."

"How about Adam's stuff? When are you going to pack his things? It has been more than a week."

Her fingers stopped moving. Again, I wished I could take it back.

Mom stood up, her back facing me. She left the room without saying a word.

Chapter Six

Kat

Adam and I were lying on a bed of grass that stretched for thousands of miles. Our fingers were intertwined like tangled vines and everything felt perfect.

He slowly turned his head to look at me, his dimples showing as he smiled. I traced a finger over his forehead, trailing down to his cheek and onto his lips, loving how warm and soft they felt under my touch. He gently lifted my chin and kissed me, his tongue exploring my mouth as he cupped my cheek and pressed himself closer, until he was on top of me. Our breathing began to hitch as he crushed my lips with urgency. That’s when I realized how different this kiss was. It was stronger…hungrier. Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain on my lower lip and I immediately pushed him away. I tasted blood.

“What was that?!” I exclaimed, and the moment I saw his face, I realized he looked different.