Underground Secrets (The Underground #1) (28 page)

I know all too well what it’s like to feel the dark and embrace it. I went there when I was with Carter. I enjoyed watching and doing the things I did, but I couldn’t do it anymore. The good in me knew it was wrong and I think that’s how Wes feels. He likes the dark, but I don’t think he thinks it’s wrong and a part of me doesn’t think that either. I think that what he is saying is he does it for good. To rid the world of the wrong and only keep he good.

God. How sick am I that I’m actually somewhat agreeing with what he’s saying?

I don’t say anything, I just keep hoping he comes back and tells me more. This is the side of him I have been waiting for. Since day one I knew there was something about him. I could never pin point what it was. Though, I never thought it would be this.

He shakes his head as if ridding thoughts he didn’t want. “At first, right after I killed my father, I wanted to do it again. I had no remorse for what I had done. After some research I found that he had a little book hidden away with names in it. I found more men like him. Jesse and I got rid of them too.

“As time went on, it got easier and we got better at it. Actually, we got really good at it. But we had run into some trouble. There were a set of prints left at the home on one of the men we killed. My finger prints. So I was looked at as a suspect. Jesse was in the clear. The police were building a case against me and then one day, it all went away. I was able to go home. I thought it was pure luck, but I was wrong. A week of freedom later, I had come home to find a large manila envelope placed on my bed. In it was a set of papers, a large wad of cash and a burner phone. The papers were full detail of a job opportunity for Jesse and me. I was suspicious at first, but then the burner phone went off indicating a text. It was a job, our first job. If we were to accept, we would receive everything we needed to do it, plus a hefty incentive.

“It didn’t take us long to make a decision. Being young and hungry for what we were doing was at an all-time high. We accepted and we were given the tools we needed, guns, membership’s to a private gym that not only taught us how to fight, but how to use our guns in the most extensive way. We are the only ones that I know of, that use the place; like it was made specifically for Jesse and me.”

“Who offered you all of this?”

“That, I don’t know. We have tried to figure it out, but whoever it is, doesn’t want to be found out. Jesse and I like to refer to him as ‘
The messenger
’.”

“How does it work?” I am now fascinated by it all.

He smirks at me. He must see how interested I am with all of this. “I get a call and I choose to accept or decline the hit, without knowing about who it is beforehand. Then, if and when I accept, which I always do, then it seems that an envelope magically appears with all of the details on my next hit.”

Wow. This can’t be real, can it? The self-doubt only lingers for a moment, because of course it can be. I have lived a life similar to his. But how does all of this make me feel?

I only have three questions for Wes now. “Who?”

He looks at me confused. “I already told you, I don’t know who it is that approaches us.”

“No. I mean, who do you kill? What kind of people?”

His eyes light up with my question. “Murderers, rapist, drug and sex trafficker’s, the list goes on and on, but if what you’re asking is if I kill innocent people, than the answer is no, I do not.”

I nod and continue with my questions “How often?”

“Ah, that I can’t really answer. It varies really. It can be days, weeks or months before I get another call. It all depends on ‘The messenger’.”

“I see and this?” I hold up the picture of Gemma. “Is she one of your targets?”

His face falls. “Yes, but it must be some sort of mix-up. The Messenger has rarely sent me a hit without it being someone who fully deserves it. I will not hurt her, Marlie. I’m going to protect her. Someone, somewhere, wants her killed and I have a feeling it’s whoever was after you tonight. That’s why Jesse was parked outside your home and work today. You haven’t noticed, but he and I have been placed outside your home and work at night for a while now. To watch and to make sure you two are safe.”

“How long have you known?”

“Not long.”

“Then why the hell haven’t you told me? I should’ve known right away, Wes.”

“Because, Marlie. I didn’t know how to tell you, or if I was going to tell you at all. This isn’t something I just tell anyone. I thought maybe I could keep you two safe and you wouldn’t have ever known. But now that isn’t possible.”

“Why?”

“Because I have invested myself into you, and I don’t plan on going anywhere. Whether you like it or not.

I look away and try to hide the tears forming in my eyes.

After a moment I am able to collect myself and I ignore his confession, “Carter,” I whisper out.

He looks at me angrily, “You think he’s capable of something like this? I mean, I know what that sick psycho did to you, but-”

Now it’s my turn to look at him angrily. “I have no doubt that he is capable of such a thing. The things he did, his uncle, everyone else associated with them.” I look down, “and me, are exactly the kind of people you say you take out,” I admit ashamed.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, they are monsters sent from hell and so am I.”

Wes quickly stands and is by my side in a heartbeat “Marlie, I know so little about what happened with you and the kind of life you lived when you were with them, but I know you are not like that. I can see it on your face every day, that there is something eating at you. At first I thought it was how things ended with your ex, but now I see that’s not all, is it?”

I don’t look up and I don’t respond, because he has no idea how true it is.

He grasps my chin and forces me to look at him. “Is it?”

“No.” I breathe out. I’m losing my battle. I stand up and start to pace the length of the couch. “No, it’s not it and no, I am not a good person. I have made mistakes and though I regret them, at the time, I couldn’t help but revel in the things I did, bad things. The one thing I don’t want to admit is that I still enjoy the afterthought of what I’ve done, what I do. I just don’t like who I’ve done it with, who I have to do it for, and how bad it got.”

Wes comes up behind me and whispers into my ear. “Which is why you were made for me.”

I spin around and look at him with wide eyes, “How do you know?”

“I just do. Trust me.”

“How can I, Wes? I just found out you kill people for a side job. How can I trust you, when you seem no different from the past I so desperately have been trying escape?”

“Because I am not like that. I promise you. I am the good guy doing bad things and I think you are too.”

His words hit me hard and it in that moment, I know nothing that he has done or does, affects how I feel for him. If anything, I feel for him even more than ever. Call me crazy, but I accept who he is, as I know he’ll accept me for who I am and what I do, because him and I, we could very well possibly be the same.

“I can help you, Marlie. I can protect you and save you from the life of your past. You just have to let me in. Trust me. Nothing will ever stop me from keeping the hurt you have endured from ever touching you again. Let me in.”

Fuck. I am ruined now.

“Okay.”

I wrap my arms around him and kiss him like it’s the last time, but it’s not. I don’t ever want to walk away from him, from this. He returns my affection with the heat intensity of the sun. He picks me up and carries me to the stairs. Our kiss breaks and we just stare at each other as he carries me up the stairs, down the hall, to a closed door. He opens the door and I know we’re at his room. He closes the door behind us and we spend the rest of the night distracting ourselves from what we’ll have to face tomorrow.

Together.

TWENTY-ONE

I
T’S 7 A.M. AND
I
’M TRYING
to open my eyes and wake up, as I lay here in this massiveness Wes calls a bed. Wes isn’t next to me or anywhere I can see. I mildly panic, but calm down enough to rationalize that he’s probably getting coffee or something. I get up and grab Wes’ button down white shirt that was thrown to the floor last night during the heat of our passion and quietly skim through his drawers, looking for a pair of boxers.

As I’m going through his dresser to find a pair, I find a gun hidden within a drawer of his ties. I pick it up and look it over. I don’t know that much about guns, but this one looks to be something even I could use. I test the weight of it and hold it like I’m ready to use it. I bring the gun up at eye level and point it towards the mirror above his dresser.

I look like a killer.
I am a killer
.

Memories of something I have tried to block out of my head come rushing back and I instantly put the gun down and burry it back within his ties. I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing.

Once I have recovered and am back to my normal self, I put the memory back in the old box and place it onto the shelf of misery in my head, then I go back to finding what I was looking for. Once I find a pair, I move to his suite bathroom to shower quickly and look for any spare toothbrushes.

As I stand in the hot shower, I do a quick review of everything that Wes confessed to me and how I feel about it all. Oddly enough, I feel… okay. His secret seems have eased me in a way. I am no longer wondering what he is hiding and I feel better now that I know. I truly do believe he won’t hurt me. I still haven’t told him everything about me and I feel like that will be coming to an end, soon. But I will hold it off as long as I can. It took me so long to tell Gemma what had really been going on with me. Telling Wes is something that will be even harder to do.

The one thing I can’t seem to get passed is the fact that Wes killed his father. Who does that? And why? He said he saved people by doing so, but I just don’t understand. I want him to tell me, but I don’t want to pry. If I pry, I might as well send him an invite to do the same to me. So I’ll keep my mouth shut and hope that he’ll tell me on his own, or maybe I can convince his cousin Jesse, who seems like a loose cannon anyway, to tell me.

I emerge from his bathroom fully dressed in Wes’ shirt and boxers and find Wes sitting on his bed, holding the gun I had found in his tie drawer.

I stop walking in-between the distance of his bathroom and his bed, and stare at the gun he has gripped tightly in his hand.

“How did you know?” I question, because I doubt it’s a coincidence he just magically grabbed the exact gun I found thirty minutes ago.

He arches a brow at me and then looks at his gun. “There was a tie sticking out.”

“Oh.” I say moving closer to him, slowly. “I was looking for a pair your boxers.”

I never take my eyes off the gun he has in his hand. I wouldn’t say I don’t trust him. God knows I probably shouldn’t, but this is all new to me with him and my stupid heart is taking the win over the battle of my brain who likes to scream “
Run
!” at me every chance it gets.

Guns make me nervous, but seeing him with one in his hand, doesn’t make me feel nervous. In fact, it only makes me feel excited. There is something about Wes and holding that gun, or the gun he used during the chase, that made his bad boy status even hotter. And let’s face it, I seem to have a weakness for the bad boys.

I move to the bed and sit next to him. I slowly take my eyes from the gun and rake my eyes up his body, starting with the V that peaks from the waist of his pants, up his bare tatted chest and then finally, to his eyes.

He watches me the entire time and his breathing becomes heavier, as does mine, but sex right now can’t happen. No matter how badly he or I may want it, we need to figure out the next move. My next move.

He grabs my hand and places the gun into my open palm and then closes my fingers around it. “I want to you to have this. It’ll give me a piece of mind when Jesse or I can’t be around to keep eye. I will be placing a few of my men from the company to watch and trail you two. I can’t always be around, because I have a business to run and so do you. So you having this gun, should give us both a little piece of mind. Do you know how to use one?”

“Yes,” I breathe. I don’t want the gun. I don’t want to have to have one, but he’s right, it makes me feel better knowing that I have it.

“Good. Now, I want to you to tell me more. Everything you can tell me about that piece of shit, his uncle, and his warehouse. I want to you to tell me about you and that car and how you learned to drive like that.”

I set the gun down on the night side table and get up. I turn and face Wes and narrow my eyes at him. “No,” I deadpan. “It was hard enough to talk about what he did to me, I don’t want to have to relive what went on there before then. And as far as the car thing goes, Carter taught me how to drive like that. That’s one of the many illegal things they do to make money. They race.”

Wes leans back on his elbows and I can tell he’s coming up with a plan. A plan to get me to talk. “Look, I get that it’s hard for you, but it’s going to be hard for me to help if I don’t know what and who I need to protect you from, if I don’t know shit about it or them. I’ll make a deal with you.”

My ears perk up at the word
deal
. In this kind of world that I am entering back into, that word never means anything good. You usually have to pick between two shitty options and neither one is more ideal than the other.

“And that would be?”

“I’ll tell you what you have been dying to ask me.”

I know exactly what he is referring to, but I want to play dumb first, so he doesn’t see how desperate I really am to know.

I walk around the room as if I’m casually looking at his things. “And that is?” I ask nonchalantly. I even shrug my shoulders for a special effect. But I think I might be over doing it.

“Nice try, Marlie. You know exactly what I am talking about. I see the cogs in your brain turning, trying to figure it out. You want to know why. Why we killed my father. I’ll tell you, but you have to tell me about it. About him and them.”