Underground Secrets (The Underground #1) (23 page)

I try to fight back the laughter tickling the back of my throat and it’s easy to do because Blondie walks up and smack Wes’ ass.

“Wesley, what’s keeping you?” Blondie purrs in a peppy voice.

This is almost too comical to watch. Wes is a confident man any day of the week, but right now, he looks embarrassed. He turns to Blondie, “These are my friends Marlie and Gemma. Today is Marlie’s birthday.”

“Oh goody! I love birthdays!” she extends her hand to mine and I accept it.

Great, even her handshake is perfect.

“Hello,” I say, in a not so enthusiastic tone. She doesn’t even notice.

“Hi, I’m Kandi. Kandi with a K,” she says like it’s something special.

I roll my eyes and she still doesn’t seem to notice my rudeness. Oh fantastic, she’s dumb. This should be interesting. I am instantly happier.

“Hey there Kandi with a K. Why don’t you guys and join us for drinks?” Yeah, I’m going to have some fun.

They both sit and we start chatting. I keep eye contact with Kandi and ignore Wes completely. “What do you do for a living?” I ask, not the least bit expecting her to be a doctor.

She perks right up at the question, “An exotic dancer!” she exclaims with a giggle.

“Of course you are,” I say with a big, fat, wide, smile on my face.

“So, is Kandi your given name or your stage name then?”

She looks at me momentarily confused, like she doesn’t understand the question. So I re-ask it in a simpler way. “Did your parents name you Kandi with a K? Or is that the name you use when you dance?”

She understands the question this time around. “Oh, neither actually. My real name is Amber, but as a child my parents nicknamed me Candy because of my obsession with sweets. It stuck as I got older, but I wanted to be unique so I changed it to a K instead of a C and an I instead of a Y.”

“Wow! How fascinating!” I tell her enthusiastically. I look over at Gemma who seems to be really invested in our conversation. I look over at Wes and he’s staring at me smirking. Of course he is- motherfucker is always smirking at me.

She giggles at my fake excitement and I almost feel bad for this girl. She is clueless. She turns her attention back to Wes and skims her index along the ridge of his ear. “I still have an obsession with sweets don’t I Wesley?”

I watch as she moves in closer to Wes and licks his ear in the same fashion she did with her finger. I want to roll my eyes, gag, and rip her arm off and declare him mine all at the same time. But I can’t, because he isn’t mine. I try to keep my face as passive as I can but it doesn’t seem to work. Gemma grabs my clenched hand from beneath the table and removes the napkin I have been strangling. She isn’t the only one who appears to notice that Kandi’s ear fucking Wes with her tongue is bothering me. Wes sees it too. His smile becomes brighter, while staring right into my eyes and I watch as he grabs Kandi’s hand and brings it below the table, his eyes never leaving mine. I’m no genius, but I can assume that he didn’t place it on her knee. It’s obvious he is enjoying making me uncomfortable. It’s really pissing me off.

Kandi giggles some more and makes a small moan while her arm jerks up and down a little from below the table.

“Good lord,” Gemma mumbles to me.

Wes, on the other hand, is drinking his beer and acting like shit isn’t happening.

I. Cant. Take. It.

I get up and walk out, leaving Gemma and the two love birds behind. I get out the front door and lean against the building. I close my eyes and try to calm myself. I’m jealous. I can’t believe I am actually jealous of the fact that Kandi can put her hands all over him without any worries in the world. Me? I can’t even touch him without the fear of something horrific happening to him. It’s so messed up. I’m so messed up.

I hear the door swing open and I already know it’s him without having to open my eyes.

“What the hell do you want?” I open up my eyes and glare at him.

“You left abruptly.”

I left abruptly? This guy. This incredibly, mouth-watering, man, really knows how to piss me off. “Why do you care? Don’t you have a hand-job to get back to?”

“I do care, Marlie. It’s you who seems to not care. You push me away every chance you get.”

“Because I have to Wes! You don’t understand!” I am all worked up now and I’m screaming at him on the sidewalk in front of this bar. He grabs my arm and pulls me over to the alley between the bar and another building. His tone is low and I can tell he is using effort not to lose it.

“You’re right, Marlie, I don’t understand, because you won’t fucking tell me.”

“Fuck you!” I spit. He grinds his teeth and I don’t think I have ever seen him this mad before, or mad at all. It’s a bit scary and sexy. How can I want to punch and kiss him at the same time? Simple, I’m crazy.

“If you would just tell me what is going on with you, I promise I can help.” He inches closer to me and he is now mere inches from my face and I can feel his hot breathe just below my neckline.

“I can’t. You can’t. I told you when we first met that I have a fucked up past and fucked up present. You don’t want to be involved with me.”

He steps back and brings his arms to the back of his neck. He paces a little bit and then turns back towards me. “It’s too god damn late, Marlie. I’m already involved.”

“Really? Because I don’t think not speaking to me for fucking weeks justifies that!”

He scrubs his face with his hands and counts to three. “Damn it, Marlie. I didn’t just leave and forget about you. I needed to calm down. I have feelings for you. Real fucking feelings and it scares the hell out of me. I don’t date woman. I fuck them. My actually wanting to be with you and take my time with you, freaks me the fuck out, okay?”

“Feelings for me, huh? Is bringing that girl here tonight showing me you have feelings for me?” I can’t believe I’m even giving him a reaction about it. “Or how about when you were purposely throwing her in my face? Was that showing your feelings for me?”

He laughs. He actually laughs at me.

I slap him across the face.

I watch as he his head whips to the side and a red handprint quickly forms on his cheek. I clench my fist to try and help alleviate my stinging palm, but it doesn’t help much. He doesn’t look back at me and I take this moment to walk away, but I don’t get very far. I never do with him. He grabs my arms and pushes me against the wall gently and holds me there. I try to push him off, but his hold is too strong.

“Stop struggling and listen to me for one goddamn minute!”

I stop moving a look at him with as much hate as I can muster up. “Let go of me, Wes. Nothing you say will change my mind. I hate you.”

He looks pained the second those words hit his ears and I instantly regret the three words I just carelessly spit out at his face. I begin to apologize, but he starts to talk. “It was all for show. I did it on purpose.”

“What?”

“I was down this way when I saw you and Gemma walk into the bar earlier.”

My face falls. “And...”

“And I called up Kandi and asked her to join me. I knew how flirtatious she is and I asked her to come so I could try and get a reaction out of you.”

“You’re an asshole.” I am still pissed. Who the hell does that?

Regret plasters Wes’ face. “I know and I am so sorry, Marlie. I hurt you and I never wanted to do that. But damn it, I just wanted to make you feel for me like I do you.”

His words echo in my head and I’m left speechless. I just stare at him, trying to find words. I can’t.

He lets go of me and backs up, turning around so his back is too me. “I just wish you would tell me. Tell me why you won’t get close to me. Why you can’t be with me.”

Shit.

I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him? No, I can’t. But I want to so damn badly.

After a few silent moments, I get the courage to say what he has been wanting me to tell him. I’m going to tell him why men scare me. Why I am so afraid to make that step of more than friends. I have been put through hell and back and here I have this man who I trust and have feelings for as well, telling me he feels for me too.

So fuck it, if he wants to go down after I have warned him, then so be it. I am going to be selfish and I’m going to let him in.

SEVENTEEN

Wes

I
CAN’T BELIEVE
I
AM THROWING
myself out there for her and she has said nothing. My back is facing her when she finally does speak. She’s starts to talk about the one thing I have been asking to know about since the day I met her.

“When I was seventeen, I met a boy named Carter. He was the bad boy that everyone desired and was scared of at the same time. Everyone was right to feel that way. He wasn’t someone you took home to meet your parents. He was opposite in fact.”

She pauses and I hear her take a slow, shaky breath. I go to turn around to meet her eyes, but she stops me mid turn. “No. I can’t do this with you looking at me.” So I turn back around and stay as still as I can. I don’t want to ruin her telling me.

“I fell in love with him. Hard love. The kind of love that changes you. The kind that makes you do stupid, stupid, things. Our relationship lasted for over six years. It was great in the beginning or at least I thought it was. He opened me up to a whole new world. The kind you see in the movies. Ya’ know, the underground things that you don’t actually think happens in real life, but it does. And I loved it. Every single second of it. A part of me thought it was finally the thing I had been missing. I never felt like I had fit in and when Carter had introduced me to his life, his world, I craved it and felt whole. There were some things I couldn’t accept and Carter didn’t understand that. I wouldn’t say it tore us apart, but it definitely didn’t help. Eventually he succumbed to the really bad things and it took me a long time before I noticed. I was clueless and too in love with him to notice he was doing drugs. Heroin and cocaine. He had become distant and agitated. He became mean and that’s when I knew something was going on. I went to confront him about it at his place close to the warehouse he and his uncle operated together, and I caught him with another woman in his bed. I left and broke it off with him. But he wouldn’t let it go, he wouldn’t let me go.”

She stops speaking and I can hear her start to cry. I want to turn around and console her, but I don’t want her to stop talking either. I don’t know what to do. Screw it. I make the decision to turn around anyways and it tears me to see her face. She looks so sad, and I hate that anyone has caused her to be this way.

I move towards her and wrap my arms around her shoulders. She accepts and buries her head into my chest. She weeps silently into my heart for a few minutes before she pulls away and turns from me. I begin to tell her not to when she starts to finish telling me what had happened.

I have always known that it had something to do with her ex. I have had a file on her since I had first met her, but I had never opened it to the one page that would’ve have told me what she is telling me now. I had hoped and held out that she would tell me in her own time and now she is. I feel good about the choice I made.

“About three days later, after ignoring his calls and texts, Carter shows up high out of his mind on who knows what. He knocks on my door and sweet talks me into letting me in. At first, I guess it was okay. He was apologizing and begging me for my forgiveness. I loved him but would never be that girl that caved in just because he said sorry and promised things would be different. I told him sorry, but I couldn’t be with him anymore. That no matter what he did or said, I wouldn’t be able to ever get passed it. That’s when he had flipped a switch. Like Jekyll and Hide. He… he grabbed me and thr… threw me to the ground. He started wailing on me and wouldn’t let up. He picked me up and…”

Marlie grabs at her throat and closes her eyes, taking a moment to gather her words. “He picked me up, threw me against the wall and started to choke me. I thought I was going to die, Wes. I felt my life slipping away, but then he let go. I thought it couldn’t get much worse, but it did. He… oh god. I-”

“It’s okay Marlie; you don’t have to say anymore.” I honestly don’t think I want to hear anymore.

“Yes, I do, I have to finish.” She takes a few deep breathes and then continues.

“He grabbed a knife and stabbed me just below my hip on my upper thigh and then he… raped me.” She bows her head and becomes silent for a minute.

Never in a million years did I expect rape to come out of her mouth. She is such a strong and confident woman, and now, she seems off and distant. I fear that I might have pushed her back to the state where she used to be, after this monster attacked and broke her.

Yeah, I see it now, she’s broken.

She doesn’t look back up, but continues on. “I laid there for hours until Gemma came home and found me unconscious. She called the police and it was all kind of a blur after that. I had refused to talk to the cops and say anything about it. I just wanted to be left alone. Gemma was furious at me for wanting to let him get away with it. I didn’t see it that way. All I cared about was not having to repeat what had happened, but eventually she had convinced me that it was the right thing to do.”

She steps away from me and looks out to the street. “Carter was sent to prison. It took me a while to forgive myself. I had blamed myself for what he had done. Sometimes I still do. If I wouldn’t have put myself into his life and that world, none of it would have ever happened.”

“Don’t say that, Marlie. Don’t you ever say that. None of it is your fault. Now I understand. I understand why.”

“No, you don’t Wes. That’s only the beginning. When I first met you, yes, that was why I didn’t want to be anything more than friends. After spending time with you, you changed my mind. I developed feelings for you and it scared me too. For many reasons. But shortly after that day we spent together in Indiana, I got a phone call from the detective that had handled my case. She called to tell me Carter had been released early. I didn’t take the news so well. I know what kind of man Carter is. He’s dangerous and vindictive. I didn’t want to start something with you and have you pay for it in the end if Carter were to find out. He was supposed to stay in that prison for at least another year. I am sure his early release has something to do with his uncle, Olin, who is ten times the crazy Carter is.”