Under My Skin (Shady Falls Series Book 2) (22 page)

              I stood, and walked across the room toward the large framed pictures hanging on the wall. I looked closer at the images and at first what appeared to be dreadfully dark and foreboding, was actually quite beautiful. They were images of flowers and nature all done in dark browns, grays, and blacks. It fit the feel of the room and Jake’s personality perfectly. Although some splashes of color in the monochromatic rooms would make his house pop. “Does it bother you?”

              “No, you know my mom. It’s how she shows she loves you. Besides, even if it did bother me, it wouldn’t matter. No tellin’ my momma what to do.” He smiled and the silence spread again. The quiet between us wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was full of so much more. There seemed to be so much that needed to be said, but neither of us knew where to start.

              I tried to relax and ignore the wild quivering in my chest and the hundreds of questions twirling around in my head. We were supposed to be talking, but it seemed neither of us knew where to start. Dwelling in the past didn’t help anyone but jumping into the present or the future was just too hard. We knew too much about one another. It wasn’t quite like getting to know someone new but it also wasn’t like we knew everything either.

              I fiddled with my hands in my lap, twisting my fingers and ringing my hands together over and over.

              “I make you nervous, don’t I?” he asked quietly. I looked up, his eyes were on my hands.

              “I just don’t know what to say to you,” I said honestly.

              Meeting my gaze, he smiled and moved a little closer to me. “Well, you did fine the other day. Maybe we could just talk about whatever. Past, present, future – we can focus on whatever we need.”

              “All right,” I sighed. Maybe our demons needed to be exercised before we could even think about what was happening now.

              “I told you what happened back then. If I would’ve told then. If I would’ve found the courage to talk to you and tell you it was all a misunderstanding, would it have mattered?” I needed to know this. I’d blamed myself for so long. Blamed myself for my misery and torment because I’d let the one beautiful and pure thing in my life go. Would it have mattered if I tried to talk to him or would it have made things worse?

              “Honestly, Mia. I don’t know. I was hurt and we were so young and inexperienced. I don’t know if it would’ve made a difference. When I look back I ask myself why you didn’t tell me, but I also ask myself why I didn’t ask. Why did I just assume the worst instead of believing in you? I don’t think it would’ve made a difference one way or another, if that helps.”

              My heart sank to my churning stomach. What the hell was all of this? Dinner alone? Talking? Was this just to make friends again? Was what happened in my classroom a mistake? “I …” I paused to gather myself. Hot tears were building in my eyes and the churning in my stomach had reached raging whirlpool levels. “I don’t think I understand.”

              “Mia, we were young. Too young actually. If we would’ve been together then, it would’ve ended, we both know that. It was better that we went our separate ways.”

              Struck speechless, I almost felt like I couldn’t breathe. “I have one question,” I whispered. “Back then, did you … You know. Did you really love me?”

              He sat there for what seemed like forever, unspeaking, and just stared at me. His scrutiny was hard to bear, making me turn my eyes back down to my hands, my knuckles turned white from how tightly I had them twisted together. The longer the time passed, the more my heart sank.

              “Look at me,” he whispered. His hands coming to mine and gently pulling my tangled fingers apart. Then he placed his finger under my chin, lifting my face until he met my eyes. With every fiber in me, I felt drawn to him. We had a connection that I didn’t have with anyone else. “I’m sorry for what happened back then. I didn’t stop to try to find out what was happenin’. I just reacted.”

              “It’s not like I made it a point to tell you, Jake. I coulda tried to talk to you. But I didn’t. You were right, we were just kids. We didn’t know any better.”

              “But I knew Gary was an idiot. I knew his reputation. I coulda gone to you after.”

              Suddenly I understood what he said. We wouldn’t have worked out back then, we
were
just kids. But what about now? We were so different in so many ways. We had our own lives and our own experiences that shaped us in different ways. We were both searching for something. We knew what we wanted, or at least we thought we knew.

              Silence washed over us again. He was probably trying to figure out how to tell me this was all a mistake and we should go back to basically being strangers. Part of me wanted to let him off the hook and leave. I could call a cab or walk home, it wasn’t far.

              Shifting, ready to flee, Jake’s hand slid from my face, down my throat, and to my shoulder where it stayed, stopping me from moving. Adjusting himself until he was right in front of me, I sat stone still waiting to see what he was going to say or do. I’d screwed up, but could he forgive this easily? “I do want to know one thing, why didn’t you ever come talk to me?” he asked.

              “I don’t know.” I sighed. “I guess, I just kinda lost faith. My world was fallin’ apart. My mom and dad were gettin’ a divorce. They made me believe everything was perfect, only to find out it wasn’t. If their love fell apart, what chance did anyone else have?

              “I’d made you so mad. I don’t know what I coulda or woulda been able to say. Besides, do you know how intimidating it was listenin’ to how other girls talked about you? You coulda had any of them. I didn’t think you’d want me when you coulda had any of them.”

              “Mia, are you kiddin’? I didn’t ever want any of them. I wanted you,” he said moving closer. “Don’t you know how beautiful you are? You were the only girl I wanted from the time we were twelve years old.” He let out a long sigh. He sounded so frustrated. Then he moved closer. “How about now?” he asked. “Have you found your faith? Or are you still jaded?” His whispered words washed over my face. His lips so close, but still so far.

              “I have faith in you,” I whispered.

              “We didn’t lose anything, Mia,” he whispered. “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get you outta my head or outta my heart. You’ve always been my girl.”

              “Every time I found myself in a bad situation, you were always there. Why?” I asked, refusing to meet his eyes. I needed to know if it was a mistake or by design.

              “Because I couldn’t leave you alone,” he whispered. “You were my girl, even if I thought I hated you. I wasn’t gonna let some asshole hurt you.”

              His words shocked me. They sent a swirling heat through my chest. He was always there for me. He always took care of me, even when he thought he hated me. He said I was his, in spite of the distance between us, I was his, but then my next question burst out of me before I could stop it.

              “Are you mine?” I asked, hesitantly. “I mean …” Tears built in my eyes, ready to spill over.

              He placed his finger over my lips, stopping me from talking. Smiling he took his other hand and smoothed it over my cheek, catching the lone tear that had escaped. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. His lips grazed across my hot skin. When he reached my ear, he breathed out, “I’ve always been yours.”

              His words made me brave, they filled me with a strength I hadn’t felt in years. Reaching out, I slid my hands around his neck and clutched his hair in my fingers. So much shorter than it was the last time I held him. So much shorter than even just weeks ago. I brought him towards me, my lips touching his for just a moment before, I pulled back and whispered, “I’ve wanted to do that for so long.”

Chapter Nineteen

Jake

I couldn’t tell her how much I cared for her even after all these years. I had cared for her deeply and for most of our teenage years, but I wasn’t ready to open up like that again. I wasn’t sure if I could give in to what my body wanted with her, at least not yet. My body wanted her, craved her, especially when she tightened her grip around my neck and pressed herself into me. Her tiny fingers pulled at the short hair at the nape of my neck as she tried to hold me where she wanted.

             
Ugh, she felt so damn good.

              Wrapping one arm around her waist, I held tight, running my other hand along her cheek, and lacing my fingers through her thick mane of curly hair.

              I pressed her mouth into mine, tasting her sweetness. My pulse swelled through my body, craving more. Every little squeeze and nibble was like lightning coursing through my veins. My hands tingled, and everywhere I touched made the raging inferno in my gut intensify.

              The longer we kissed, the more I desperately wanted her. I consumed Mia’s whimpers and shivers until my whole body ached for her. I had to touch her; my fingers yearned to touch every inch of her gorgeous body.

              My thumb rubbed circles in the small of her back, slowly inching the material up until I found bare skin. A shiver erupted through her as soon as my rough, calloused fingers made contact with her satiny soft skin.

              “Are you cold?” I asked, still caressing my hand over the small of her back. The need for her becoming almost impossible to ignore. But I knew I had to ignore the way my body screamed for her. We couldn’t let this go too far. We couldn’t let ourselves lose control.

              She hummed her response, pressing into me until I leaned into the back of the couch and she was splayed across my lap. Throwing one leg over mine, she sat in my lap, one leg on either side of my hips. She pushed her body into mine, and I wanted to rip the leggings off her so I could feel the bare skin on her thighs.

              She drove me crazy, her hips moving rhythmically into mine as we continued to devour each other’s moans.

              Sliding my fingers to her sides, I grasped her hips in my hands and pulled her as close as our clothes would allow. The skirt was hiked way above her thighs, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted to get her out of her clothes and into my bed. The need I felt was nothing like I’d felt in years. I felt like I was sixteen again. Like this was the first time I touched a girl, this girl. My body was ready to explode with desire, but I needed to slow this down. We were supposed to talk, not rip each other’s clothes off.

              “Jake,” she moaned. Practically begging into my mouth. “Please. I need you so much. I’ve missed you so much.”

              She’d missed me? I pulled back and looked into her eyes. The green was a starburst in the center of her iris, overpowering the light brown. I could always read her emotions by the color of her eyes. Desire shined bright in her gaze, luring me in. But I also saw something else. Sadness? Longing? Something more? I just wasn’t entirely sure what it meant.

              “We should talk, Mia.” I said the words but I didn’t mean them, not really. I wanted nothing more than to be deep inside her, feeling her quiver and quake as I made her body feel every pleasure I could. But we needed to talk. I didn’t just want sex, not with Mia. But I also didn’t know exactly what I did want from her. We were just getting to know each other again.

              She shook her head, her eyes telling me she had no intention on stopping this. A small smile played on her lips. Lifting the hem of my black T-shirt, she pulled it over my head. She ran the tips of her fingers over the ridges and planes of my chest and stomach. She traced each muscle all the way down to my hips, and back up again, her eyes following the burning trail her fingers made across my torso.

              I shivered as she fingered the lines of my newest tattoo. A tribal image with thick black lines that extended from my right pectoral up and over my shoulder and down my bicep. It was an image depicting strength. Something I needed at that moment. Especially when her fingers found the script on my rib cage.
‘It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up.’

              Her eyes came up and met mine, the vibrant green locking and staying as her fingers continued their exploration. She smiled. “Vince Lombardi,” she whispered. “I’ve always loved that quote.” And I knew it, we both loved it. We found it when we were kids and involved in sports, her gymnastics and my football and baseball. It spoke to both of us, drove us to be better and to never get knocked down. Over the years, it has come to mean more.

              The heat of her whispered words spread across my face as she leaned in and kissed my lips.

              I was ready to lose my shit. I needed to get my hands on her. I needed to feel her skin in my hands. Lifting the sides of her shirt I pulled it over her head, exposing her gorgeous full breasts straining beneath the pink lace of her bra and her smooth flat stomach.

              My eyes left hers, grazing down her exposed flesh as my hands kneaded and caressed her amazing body.
‘Love me for who I am’
was scrawled in a calligraphy type script across her russet skin just below her collar bone. The swirling characters spread to her shoulder where it met a small red and white stargazer lily. Her favorite flower.

              I had loved her for exactly who she was once. The only person in this world who knew Mia better back then was Toni. But misunderstandings and jealous adolescent minds destroyed the whole thing. We were too young for forever back then. Neither of us knew what was in front of us, it was doomed from the start. I didn’t know if there could be a second chance, but I sure as shit wanted to see what we could have, even if it wasn’t forever.

              Grazing my fingers across the words, I knew I had to stop this. She was the woman with whom I compared every other woman. Not one of them could live up to my memory of Mia. What if Mia couldn’t live up to the memories?

              “Mia, we should stop.” The words came out stiff and strained, but I meant what I said. I moved my fingers slowly over the swells of her perfect breasts and traced the line of her lace bra. Goosebumps erupting where my fingers traced.

              “I don’t want to stop, Jake,” she whispered as she moved her fingers low on my abdomen.

              A million things raced through my head, but none of those thoughts seemed to break through the unparalleled lust I had flowing through every inch of my body. I needed this woman more than I ever needed any other.

              Crushing my lips to hers, I massaged her breast through the thin material, while my other hand ran up her back and into her thick spiral curls. I loved her body, her hair, every part of her. I’d longed to have this woman in my arms again. She was so different from the girl I once knew but still very much the same. This Mia, this woman, was so much more than she used to be. She was just as beautiful, just as kind, but the years gave her a new found confidence and inner beauty that I loved.

              I moved my hand around her body to her back and pressed her chest to mine, loving the feel of her soft body pressed into my solid muscle. Massaging and caressing every part of her that I could reach, my mouth left hers and traveled down her throat.

              “I did love you for exactly who you were,” I mumbled to myself, but I swore she heard me when she sucked in a breath and her arms tightened around me, pulling my lips back to hers. She kissed me deep and long before releasing me enough for both of us to breathe.

              “I know you did,” she whispered into my mouth. “I loved you, too,” she admitted before taking control and kissing me again.

              Hearing her confession was almost more than I could handle. I wanted her more than anything back then, but I’d lost her. Having her here, now, was better than I could’ve imagined. The years seemed to melt away, making me feel like I was that seventeen-year-old kid again. If these feelings were real, maybe we could find what we couldn’t have all those years ago.

              Mia pulled away, sitting on my lap, looking down at me. The small smile stretching across her face made her so much more beautiful. There was heat and longing in her hazel eyes. I could find peace in her eyes.

              My eyes left hers, grazing down her body. I always loved how every part of her body contrasted mine. How our bodies recognized each other. We fit.

              “God, you’re so damn gorgeous,” I whispered.

              Smiling, she leaned in and kissed me again and I faltered, my heart jumping in my chest sending a warm current all over.
Fuck.
No matter how hard my head fought this, I knew what was happening. My heart wanted her, but my head said no way.

              Ignoring my conflicting emotions, I pulled her into me, grasping her hips in my hands, and standing in one motion. Whatever was gonna happen, wasn’t happening on this damn couch.

              Arms tightening around my neck, she squealed when I pulled her into me. “What’re you doin’?” she asked.

              “We’re goin’ to the bedroom.”

              “Think you’re gettin’ somethin’ from me? You’re pretty confident, aren’t ya?”

              “Not confidence,” I whispered, taking her mouth with mine. “I know a sure thing.” I gave her my biggest, cheesiest grin.

              “Oh really?” she asked. There was attitude in her tone, but her eyes lit up with challenge and amusement. The banter between Mia and me was always the most fun and real part of our relationship when we were kids. We could bicker and play around, but we could be serious and just be together.

              We moved as one, twisting and touching, pushing and pulling at each other’s clothes. We lay together, the lace of her panties and bra, and my boxers were the only things covering us. We were exposed to each other and nothing would separate us now. No past, no heartache, no pain. It was just us. Mia and Jake. Who we were meant to be.

              Mia didn’t say a word, she simply looped her arms around me and pulled me down on top of her, pressing her lips to mine. The scorching kiss completely undid me. Then we were nothing but a tangle of limbs, and a symphony of whimpers and moans. Touching and caressing every exposed inch of flesh we could reach. I couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe when her body was pressed against mine. Her beauty was unrivaled and I marveled at her.

              I kissed her lips, blazing a path down her throat and to the soft spot at the apex of her neck and shoulder, the place that used to drive her crazy.

              Our hearts raced as one. Trying to slow this down, I wanted to savor every shiver, every whimper, and every cry of pleasure escaping her beautiful mouth. I kissed, nipped, touched, and held her tight, but I didn’t go any further. I knew she was willing to do so much more, but there was no way I was going to fuck this up. I wanted this woman for more than just a short time. I wanted her for good.

              When had I decided she was it for me? And what the hell was I going to do about it?

              No woman, ever made me feel the way Mia made me feel. It sounded insane, but it was true. No woman ever had the kind of hold over me that Mia had.

              Moving to her side, I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her into me, feeling her warm body along the entire length of mine. She was so small but she fit me perfectly.

              “We need to stop, Mia,” I said, skimming my fingers up and down her tender skin. Her whole body shivered beneath my fingertips. Goosebumps covered her back and arms.

              “Why?” she asked quietly. The tone in her voice was unsure.

              Sitting up just a bit, I pressed my forehead to hers. “It’s not time for us to make love yet. Our time will come, but for now, let’s just lie together like this.” Her hot flesh pressed against mine, I moved back and pulled her even closer.

              I rolled to my back, bringing her with me. Her head laid on my chest while she ran her finger tips over the thick black lines of my tattoos. I felt her warmth seeping into my skin, warming parts of me that turned cold years ago. Her eyes stayed down, watching her fingers move on my skin.

              I moved my hand through her hair, twirling and combing my fingers through the thick locks.

              “We still need to talk, get to know each other. What are you doin’ tomorrow night?” I asked.

              “I don’t know. I don’t have any plans.”

              “Good. Don’t make plans. I’ll make dinner and this time we’ll talk. We’ll sit in the dining room and we’ll talk.”