Under My Skin (Shady Falls Series Book 2) (18 page)

              Mia strained away from me just enough for her eyes to meet mine. Her sadness was still apparent, but she seemed almost relieved, like she’d exorcised some of her demons. She didn’t look away from me as she squirmed against my body. I shouldn’t have had her so close. I shouldn’t have crossed that line. There was still so much that separated us. But for the first time in years I had Mia in my arms, and I wasn’t letting go. The more we stared into each other’s eyes, and the more she let me hold her, the more I wanted. I wanted to prove that love was real. I wanted to show her that a real man would never betray the woman he loved. I wanted to own her heart and her body, and to make up for lost time. But there was still a part of me who was afraid of the pain she’d caused me when she left.

              Lifting her back onto the table, I moved my body between her legs, our faces so close they almost touched. “You destroyed me back then,” I whispered, surprised at my own admission.

              She nodded, not saying a word, only acknowledging my confession. Her breaths came out in short bursts, but I could smell her sweetness. She ran the tip of her tongue across her full lips as she moistened them.

              I was lost in that single movement, and I took her mouth with mine, eating up her sweet whimper. Her scent, her smooth skin, her silky hair through my fingers, everything about her invaded my world. I couldn’t see straight, I couldn’t think straight. My head was dizzy with need, and I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I was floating away on a breeze. Goddamn, she tasted so good. I didn’t know if I’d ever get enough.

              I wanted to soak it up, go too fast, and make up for what we lost. But I forced myself to slow down. I stood between her legs, not touching her body, only my lips on hers, sucking and tasting what I’d missed out on for years.

              When she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me closer, I almost lost my shit. I pressed into her, feeling her breasts pressed tight against my hard chest. I felt every breath, every rise and fall of her chest, and every beat of her heart. I tried to calm myself between kisses, pulling my lips from hers. I smiled to myself as she tilted her neck to the side for me, inviting me in. I dove for the sensitive spot under her ear, smelling her skin and reveling in her little moans. I ached for her.

              Needing to get closer, I grabbed the backs of her knees, and I hauled her to the edge of the table, forcing her legs around my waist. I loved how she molded her body to me. She wasn’t fighting, just drawing me in. Letting me taste her sweet lips and skin.

              I wanted more, so much more. I slid my hands up her thighs, gripping her ass in both hands.
Holy hell, she was wearing a thong.
I kneaded the silky skin, pulling her closer; so close I could feel her heat through my clothes, warming me, setting me on fire.

              Mia’s full lips moved against mine, kissing me back. I nipped and nibbled, bit and sucked, and lost myself in her.

              Mia was always so responsive. I loved that the meek woman she’d become was nowhere to be seen, and I loved that I brought the audacious Mia out of hiding.

              Her hands pressed against my chest, gripping the material of my T-shirt, and pushing me away. Dread filled me as she pulled away. “Stop,” she gasped.

              There was no stopping this now. I’d tasted her, felt her in my arms again. I wanted her more now than ever. Why did she stop? I started to pull her back to me, but she slammed her hands into my chest, knocking sense back into my love-drunk brain. 

              I stumbled back, dazed, as my blood rushed through my body. The desperate need I had to bury myself deep inside her and lose myself was overwhelming. I’d almost lost complete control. I wanted to haul her home and finally have what I’d been missing for so long.

              It was like a dam broke in me. Everything I’d longed for was right in my grasp. But the tears in her eyes and the sadness on her face snapped me out of my lustful desire. I didn’t want to be the reason that look was in her eyes.

              “Mia,” I said, trying to get her back. She wanted me, I knew it, and I could feel it. Her body was screaming for me just as mine was for her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean …”

              She jumped off the table, tears in her eyes. “Please, don’t,” she begged. “I need you to leave.”

              I stood, staring at her in disbelief, trying to get my body back under control. Leave? Was she insane? I didn’t want to leave. But she didn’t give me a choice. She grabbed her bag and ran out of the classroom.

              I stood there staring at the empty doorway, promising myself this wasn’t over.

Chapter Sixteen

Mia

I ran down the hall. Tears streamed down my face as I burst through the double doors into the parking lot. The only cars left were mine and Jake’s.

              Oh, god. I’d let him touch me, kiss me and feel me. And I’d done the same to him. I could still feel him pressed against me, warming me and owning me. The ache of his absence filled my chest and arms. My body longed for his touch. I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted anything, but I couldn’t have him. Too much time has passed for there to be any real future between us.

              A million questions flooded my head. Why had he kissed me? What was I doing running away, again? What did it all mean?

              I started my car and pulled through the parking lot. My last glimpse of Jake was in my rearview mirror. He stood in the middle of the parking lot, staring at my car. God, I wanted to go back and take him in my arms again. I wanted to let myself have him, but there I was, running again.

***

“What do you mean you’re not comin’ to dinner?” my mother complained when I walked into the bar Thanksgiving morning. “You have to come.”

              “Momma, I can’t. Please understand.”

              “Mia, I don’t understand. So unless you’re gonna explain it to me …” She waited for me to explain or relent, I didn’t know which.

              What could I do? I couldn’t be around him. I kissed him. Threw myself at him and then I ran away. What must he think?

              “Mia, I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but I need you here today.”

              Sighing because I knew she was right, I held my breath wishing yesterday hadn’t ever happened, but I couldn’t do that either. I loved feeling him again. I wanted Jake’s warm, strong arms wrapped around me, and his mouth devouring me to my very soul. I wanted more, but I had to stop it before he did. Before he realized how much of a mistake it was or how much of a disappointment I could be. Before he pushed me away for good.

              “All right, momma. I’ll be there. But I’m not stayin’ long.”

              “What’s gotten into you?” Toni asked when I walked back into our house. She was wearing a formfitting black dress with matching heels.

              “What do you mean? Nothin’s gotten into me. What’s gotten into you? Usually I have to force you into a dress.”

              She just shook her head, and ignored my comment. “Bull shit, Mia. What the hell’s goin’ on with you? You’ve been holed up in your room since last light. You didn’t come to the gym with me and you refused to come out with us for a drink. So spill, what the hell’s wrong with you?”

              “Nothin’, I swear.”

              “You know,” she mused. “When you say, ‘I swear’ I know you’re lyin’. You might be able to convince others that you’re fine, but I’m not just anyone. We’ve been friends too long. Now, unless you want me to guess or start callin’ people, spill.”

              I sighed in frustration, looking down and covering my face with my hands. “I kissed Jake,” I mumbled.

              She sat there in silence for what seemed to be forever. Glancing up to see her face, I met her amused eyes. But I was shocked when she finally spoke. “It’s about damn time. When did this happen?”

              “What do you mean, it’s about time? He’s hated me for seven years now.”

              “Mia, you know damn well he didn’t hate you. He was hurt.”

              “Well, it doesn’t matter. It’s not like anything changed.”

              “Did you tell him what happened?”

              “Toni, that’s ancient history. Just because he knows the truth, doesn’t mean he’s gonna suddenly forgive me. And even if he does forgive, it doesn’t mean anything more. Too many years, too much has happened to both of us to just go back. We’re different people now.”

              “Maybe you don’t try to go back. Maybe you go forward. You get to know each other now and see if you can even be friends. The basis of our little group was always a fundamental friendship. You, me, Cade, and Jake, we were friends, real friends. You and Jake found more in each other at some point, but you were still friends first.”

              Friends? Could I ever just be friends with him? I considered Toni’s words, and knew she was right. We were all friends. Inseparable, loyal, and pure friends. Could I find that with him again? Could I settle for that? After being wrapped in his arms and feeling his body again, I wasn’t sure what I could settle for. Was I even willing to try?

              “Look,” she continued, “just be friends, get to know him again. You may like who he is now, but you may not. We’ve all grown up and we aren’t the same people we were back then.”

              Nodding, I agreed. “Maybe. I would love to be friends with him again.”

              Toni smiled deviously. “Well, how the hell did you end up kissing Jake anyway?” She wasn’t usually one for girl-talk and she never gossiped. But since she was in love, she probably thought everyone else should be in love too.

              “After the carnival yesterday. You all left, but Jake stayed back and helped me carry a few things to my room.” I paused. “Somethin’ came over me and I found myself tellin’ him about my parents’ divorce and explainin’ what happened. How one thing led to another until there was such a chasm between us that I didn’t think it could ever be crossed. Then one thing did lead to another and I found myself in his arms.” I sighed, a small smile crossing my face. “I miss him so much. No one has ever made me feel the way Jake does. Not one other man has ever made me happy. But Jake has that power and it pisses me off.” Tears built in my eyes and escaped. I never needed to be brave with Toni. I could always be vulnerable because she always built me back up. “I just don’t think I can be around him anymore. If I found out it was all just a mistake to him, I don’t think I’d survive it.”

              Toni wrapped her arms around my shoulders, leaned in, and hugged me tight. “Mia, you were never a mistake to Jake. Give it time, maybe things will work out. You can’t avoid him, it’s Thanksgiving and all of our families are just across the parking lot at the bar. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but your mom and my dad have been spendin’ a lot of time together. I think somethin’s up.”

              “I had a feelin’ somethin’ was goin’ on. My mom’s been real evasive lately.” I sighed. “But what if Jake doesn’t want me there? I ran out on him again, Toni. After he kissed me, I ran away.”

              “You can’t change the past, Mia. If he doesn’t forgive, then maybe you can finally move on once and for all,” she said firmly. “Come with me.” she said. “Jules was pickin’ up his mom and meetin’ me at the bar.”

              “I don’t know,” I said. I didn’t know if I was ready to see Jake. What if he thought that kiss was a mistake? What if he didn’t want talk to me? But then again, it was a holiday. I couldn’t make it all about whatever the hell happened with Jake. There was definitely something going on with my mom and I was pretty sure there was going to be some kind of announcement today. I had to go, I promised her I’d be there.

              Not giving me any more time to wallow, Toni grabbed my hand and pulled me from my bed. She shoved me toward the bathroom door. “Get a shower quick, and make sure you shave your hairy legs.”

              “Toni,” I complained, laughing as she slammed the door in my face.

              Showering and shaving in record time, I threw on a modest but flattering wrap dress. When I was finally ready, I walked out into the living room to find Toni standing there waiting for me.

              “Perfect,” Toni said, nodding her head. “Let’s go. I wanna know what your mom and my dad think they have goin’ on so I can torture my dad.” She seemed entirely too excited about whatever was happening.

              “If they have been dating, will you be okay with that?” I asked cautiously. I wasn’t aware of her dad dating anyone since her mother died.

              “It’s been years, Mia. How could I not be? He may have been dating, but if he’s as serious about your mom as I think, then it’s a good thing. They’ve both been alone for way too long.” She paused then asked, “Would it be okay with you?”

              “Hell, of course! Your dad’s awesome.”

              She smiled. “Good, then let’s go.”

***

Dottie Hanson stood from her spot and smiled at everyone. “I just wanted to let y’all know, I had little to do with this dinner. My extremely talented son made almost everything. He even kicked me outta the kitchen for messin’ with the turkey.”

              Everyone laughed and continued with their conversations through dinner. By the time dessert finally came around, my nerves were completely on edge. So many times I wanted to talk to Jake, but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t bring myself to have that conversation with him, especially with our families around.

              The food and conversation were great. Most of the day, I sat with my mom and Toni. We talked about everything we could think of, but just across the table, and right in my line of sight Jake sat. He mostly talked, but every now and again I caught his eye. I wished I knew what he was thinking. It would make it so much easier to talk to him if I could just read his mind and know if there was any real possibility for us. Then maybe I could stop my self-deprecation and finally be myself again. 

              At the end of the table, Mike Rizzo stood. One of the largest men I’d ever met, Mike was also one of the best. He took my mother’s hand in his and pulled her to stand with him. “Rosie and I have an announcement to make. Most of you probably don’t know, but we’ve been seein’ each other for a while now.” He looked between Toni and me as he spoke. “Toni, Mia, we’re real sorry we haven’t told you.” He smiled a humble smile. Keeping his eyes on us, he continued. “Girls, Rosie and I are gettin’ married.”

              Jumping from our seats at the same time, Toni went to her dad and hugged him while I wrapped my arms around my mom. The rest of the table erupted in clapping and cheers for the new couple.

              “Are y’all okay with this?” my mom asked looking between Toni and me.

              “I couldn’t be happier for you,” Toni said hugging my mom.

              “Me either,” I smiled, agreeing. Mike wrapped his large arms around all three of us and squeezed.

              “My girls,” he said with a smile.

              Talk about a small Christmas wedding started immediately after. Hugs and handshakes were exchanged all around. Everyone was so happy and before anyone departed a plan was set for a December twentieth wedding.

              All the while I observed Jake. He talked to our friends and family, but I also noticed him watching me. I felt bad for running out on him, again. I felt bad for not talking to him. I just hoped one day I’d find some bravery in my cowardice.              

***

Two days later I was amazed that I actually was leaving our house to go to the gym. Toni had convinced me that I needed to get back on my routine and stop avoiding Jake. That included going to the gym to work out. So instead of moving more furniture or working at the bar over my holiday break, I found myself driving to the gym to meet my extraordinarily pushy friend. My mind wandered, racing with all of the possibilities today could hold. What would he say? Could I finally get some nerve and just be honest with him? It was time to stop worrying and start living again. I was done with the self-doubt.

              I ran through every possible interaction I could dream up since Toni left with the order to meet her at the gym. I worked out possible conversations and arguments in my head. I planned what I’d say, what he could say; how I could convince him, how I could make him love me. I imagined him seeing me, coming to me and wrapping me in his arms and kissing me crazy. I daydreamed about him dragging me to his private room and making love to me because he couldn’t keep his hands off me anymore. I visualized arguments, anger, and sadness. I envisioned hugs, smiles, and love. Any possible reaction was conjured up in my mind, at least I hoped. The better prepared I was, the easier it would be to handle whatever came.

              One thing I felt good about was finally telling him the truth. Jen and Steve were right about one thing, telling Jake the truth, and letting him know I never wanted to betray him was worth it.

              My ringing phone jarred me out of my melancholy thoughts. Reaching over, I grabbed the phone, answering without even looking.

              “Mia?” Grant’s whiny voice came through the speaker. The piercing sound was like a jackhammer to the eardrum. I hadn’t heard from him for a while, and I didn’t want to talk to him. Especially now that I had my heart set on getting back into Jake’s life. Friendship or love, I just wanted to think about Jake; the memory of his smell, his arms wrapped around me, and his hands grasping me, pulling me into him.

              I hoped Grant had finally gotten the hint since Mike threatened him to leave me alone. Clearly, Grant hadn’t taken him seriously. It was going to be nice to have a protective father figure around. Especially since it was Mike.