Unconditional (2 page)

I walk to Dannii’s pretty slowly, still thinking about Dad and Anya. When I get there her mother’s already out and she ushers me in with a wide smile. Her eyes look slightly glazed, which means she’s been drinking already, and no doubt Dean is already here.

‘Do you want a drink?’

‘Coke is fine.’ She ignores me and thrusts a beer into my hand and I follow her through to her room. She’s got the best room, it’s practically her own little apartment with her own bathroom and everything. Dean is lounging on the bed, rolling what I doubt is just tobacco, and there’s another guy on the sofa in front of Dannii’s plasma. I’d love my own plasma.

‘Hey, babe,’ Dean says in his usual drawl, not looking up from what he’s doing. I perch on the edge of the bed, not wanting to go and sit next to the other boy, who hasn’t
even turned round to acknowledge me.

‘Hi. How was work?’ Dean works at the local pool hall, which is where Dannii met him, after noticing him staring down her top every time she bent over the table. That’s still pretty much his favourite past time. As I pull off my jacket I notice him look at my own outfit, lingering on my boosted cleavage. He wolf whistles, and Dannii elbows him in annoyance, but I can tell by her face she’s not really that bothered. I can’t work out what she sees in Dean at all. He’s good-looking, I guess, and all over her when he’s not stoned, but any trace of a personality has been hidden deep.

‘You do look great, babe,’ she tells me, winking. ‘I told you to get those jeans didn’t I?’ She high-fives me and I laugh, blushing. If I’m honest, the compliments are nice. I’m so used to fading into the background next to Dannii; being the clever one while she’s the pretty one, that they don’t tend to come my way very often.

‘See, Joe, I told you she was a hottie,’ Dean says to the boy on the sofa, who turns around to look at us with a bored expression on his face. His eyes sweep over me and I think I see a flicker of approval, but then his face shuts down and goes blank.

‘Yeah,’ he nods, as if he doesn’t think so at all, and turns back to the TV, taking a swig of his beer. I flush, in embarrassment this time. How rude, I mouth silently to Dannii, who shrugs.

‘That’s Joe, Dean’s friend. Joe, this is my best girl friend, Ashley.’ She says it in a mock formal tone, and the boy turns around again, regarding me with that blank expression. His eyes, though unreadable, are strangely intense. As I look at him fully, I feel a tightening in my belly as I realise just how gorgeous he is. He has dark blonde hair cut close to his head, not in one of the stupid floppy styles
most boys seem to favour, and almost amber coloured eyes with lashes Dannii would have to stick on to achieve. A full lush mouth too, which is my favourite part on a boy. I gulp. From what I can see of him over the sofa, his arms in his white tee are tanned and muscular. He hasn’t got that gangly look most guys in their late teens seem to have. He must work out. A lot.

‘Hi,’ he says at last, almost amused as if he’s caught me checking him out. I smile shyly and go to say ‘hi’ back, but he’s already turned around again. I put my head down feeling almost rejected. Dannii sticks her tongue out at the back of his head.

‘Ignore him, he’s always moody,’ she says, and I wonder how many times she’s met him. I’ve never heard her mention him, though to be fair I tend to zone out any time she starts talking about anything to do with Dean.

Dean blows a heavy cloud of smoke into the air and the unmistakable smell of weed fills the room. I turn my face away, not wanting it to make me cough, especially in front of Joe, which is stupid, because he’s not even looking at me. I feel uncomfortable now and wish I hadn’t bothered coming round, but I can’t leave so quickly without offending Dannii and besides, what else would I do?

‘My dad phoned today,’ I tell Dannii. ‘He’s split up with Anya. I’m going to see him at the weekend.’

‘Your dad’s hot,’ Dannii says and I sigh. There’s no point in talking to her about it now, not when she’s had a beer. She takes a drag of Dean’s joint and then offers it to me, grinning. She always does this, even though she knows I’ll say no. The one time I tried it I had a coughing fit and then felt sick for an hour. I shake my head at her and shoot her an annoyed look, which she pretends not to see, then takes another drag before passing it back to Dean. She lies back on the bed and entwines her arm through mine, squeezing
my bicep.

‘You okay?’ she murmurs and I nod, unable to stay annoyed at her. We can always read each other’s moods, we’ve been friends for so long.

‘You want some of this, Joe?’ Dean asks his friend, who looks over and shakes his head with a touch of contempt.

‘Nah, man.’

For some reason, I feel pleased that he didn’t accept it.

‘Go fetch some more beer then,’ Dean says. .Joe sighs and gets up, going into the kitchen. I look at Dannii.

‘What’s his problem?’

‘He’s got to stay out of trouble,’ Dean answers for her, assuming I’m referring to Joe saying no to the weed rather than his rudeness. ‘He’s on probation, he’s not long out of juvy.’

Young offenders jail? I had assumed he was about nineteen, same as Dean, but he must be mine and Dannii’s age then. He looks older than seventeen, especially with that build. As he had walked past into the kitchen I couldn’t help noticing his arms matched the rest of him; he’s built like an action movie star. Probably from working out in jail, I realise. I don’t suppose there’s much else to do.

‘What did he do wrong?’

‘Dunno.’ Dannii answers me this time. ‘Fighting, I think.’

She goes to say something else then stops as Joe comes back in and tosses a four pack of beer on the bed after removing one for himself.

‘Ash is okay, it’ll take her an hour to drink that one,’ Dannii quips, and Joe looks at me. Those intense amber coloured eyes linger on my body, then my face, but dart away as soon as he catches my eye. I can’t work out if he approves of what he sees or not, and as he stalks back off to resume his seat on the sofa I tell myself I don’t care. He’s
clearly bad news.

‘Joe lives on the Estate,’ Dannii says, referring to the roughest part of town, ‘near Rianne.’ Rianne is our friend, who dropped out of school last year after getting pregnant. She was closer to Dannii than me, but ever since she left school I’ve seen more of her.

‘I might go see her at the weekend,’ I tell Dannii. ‘Why don’t you come? She always asks after you.’

Dannii pulls a face. ‘Urgh, babies,’ is all she says. I sometimes get the impression Dannii looks down on her for being silly enough to get pregnant and then as if that wasn’t dumb enough, actually keeping it.

Joe has turned to face us again and is glaring at Dannii. At first I think it’s her comment about Rianne’s baby, until he snaps at her.

‘I live with my aunt. She’s a good woman,’ he says, as if angry that Dannii has revealed where he lives and wants to make it sound better. He shoots me a look I can’t fathom before getting up and pulling his jacket on.

‘You going, mate?’ Dean asks, surprised. Joe nods.

‘Yeah, I’m pretty tired. See you all later,’ he throws over his shoulder, and is gone without even looking at me. I feel irritated and deflated at the same time.

‘Well, he’s talkative,’ I say sarcastically to no one in particular. Dannii looks at me slyly.

‘Do you like him?’

‘Not at all. I’ve never met a guy so rude; he must really think he’s something,’ I snap at her, but she rolls her eyes and I know she’s not convinced. The truth is, Joe has affected me somehow; I want to see him again and yet at the same time can’t think of anything worse. Although I doubt he would be interested as he clearly wasn’t impressed, skinny jeans or not. He’s probably into girls that wear skin-tight clothes, have piercings and swear a lot.
And are most definitely not virgins.

‘He’s not that bad,’ Dean chimes in. ‘He’s just had a rough time, and he’s actually a pretty good guy. Big heart, you know?’

Me and Dannii look at Dean in complete shock that he’s actually tried to say something intelligent, and he goes red and resumes puffing on his joint.

‘Bless, I think they might have a bit of a ‘bromance’ on the go,’ Dannii quips and I laugh, but I’m thinking over Dean’s comment and wondering what Joe’s story is. I can’t help it; there’s something intriguing about him, something that has grabbed my attention even more than the unfathomable amber eyes and the mouth that was just made for kissing. I bet he would be a good kisser. Better than Bradley, at any rate.

The next hour or so drags completely, and I end up on the sofa by myself watching music videos while Dannii and Dean giggle and probably grope each other on the bed. I let enough time pass that it doesn’t look like I’m being rude, and then announce I’m tired. Dannii insists they walk me home.

‘It’s dark out there, babe, your mum will go mad.’

So we walk back, the three of us, with Dannii in the middle holding both our arms and giggling from too much beer, while Dean slopes along with a serene, stoned smile.

‘What are you two up to now?’ I ask, wondering if I should invite them in. Dannii snuggles up closer to her boyfriend.

‘He’s staying at mine. Aren’t you, babe?’ she says and Dean grins lasciviously. I hope she’s not sleeping with him already, but now is hardly the time to ask. It amazes me that her mum never seems to care. For as much as I know my mother worries I’m not rebelling as much as I should, I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t let me have a boy stay over
that I had only known a few months. One thing she has drummed into me is not to get pregnant as young as she did. Almost as if she regrets having me, though I’d never say that to her.

We reach the outside of my house and Mum appears on the porch as I’m hugging Dannii goodbye.

‘Hi, love. Hello, Dannii, and Dylan, is it?’

‘It’s Dean,’ Dannii corrects her, while Dean stands there staring at Mum with his tongue hanging out. I usher her in while Dannii elbows him again, looking genuinely pissed off this time.

‘Bye, guys,’ I call as she drags him back off down the street.

Mum looks tired, no doubt from painting all day, but before I can ask her if she’s okay she kisses me on the forehead and announces she’s off to bed. I go up myself, hanging black jeans and a sweater on the door for school tomorrow and then falling into bed. I pick up my novel, then discard it.

My last thought before I drift off to sleep is that there must surely be more to life than this, and the last face I see in my mind before all goes blank is Joe’s, curling his mouth and raising an eyebrow at me almost as if in challenge.

‘You look great,’ Dad enthuses, and I smile. I have my skinnies on again and my leather jacket, though with a less revealing top. I’m about to say thank you when I realise he isn’t looking at me at all, but straight past me at Mum who if there was any justice shouldn’t look great as she’s covered in paint and her hair’s all crazy, but the look suits her. Me, I’d just look a mess.

‘You don’t,’ Mum says to him, but she’s smiling. They stand in the hall giving each other goofy grins until I clear my throat loudly. This is not good.

Dad turns to me as if he’s only just remembered I’m the reason he’s actually here.

‘You ready, Princess? I thought we could go for a McDonalds?’

He really does still think I’m about twelve.

‘Sure. Bye, Mum.’ She kisses me on the cheek, but her eyes are on Dad.

As I get in the car, I notice in the sunlight that Dad looks older. Okay, I’ve not seen him for months but he looks years older; his face more lined and drawn and he’s lost weight. He’s only thirty-seven, but he looks older than that now, I think. He notices me looking at him and smiles sadly.

‘Belt up. Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve been over, but things will be different now.’

I bite back a retort, but can’t help thinking that it shouldn’t take him splitting up with Anya for him to bother making an effort.

‘What happened?’ I ask. No point beating around the bush. Dad drives off and doesn’t answer until we’ve turned onto the main road.

‘I think she’s met someone else.’ He says it in a matter of
fact way, like it’s all fine, but I know it’s not. He must be devastated. I always thought if something like this happened I would say he deserves it for leaving Mum, but now I just feel desperately sad for him.

‘I’m sorry.’

He just nods and pats my knee. It’s not enough, but I don’t know what else to say. Asking too many questions would just be insensitive, and anyway, what do I know about relationships?

We get to McDonalds and on a whim I order the nuggets, fries and doughnut I always had as a kid. It’s nice to just be here with Dad again. I find a booth in the corner and settle in while Dad comes over with the food. I’m really looking forward to my nuggets.

‘Have you thought about which university you want to go to?’ Dad asks. I nod and start to tell him I’m thinking Birmingham, but then realise he’s looking out of the window and not really listening. His face has gone all tight, and I bet he’s thinking about Anya. His next question though is definitely not about Anya.

‘How’s Keira? Your mum I mean. She looks as fantastic as ever, and I hear the design work is going well?’

I laugh. ‘You know Mum, she’s always got a million projects on at once, but yeah, I think things are pretty good for her.’ I don’t bother mentioning that we’re finally back on our feet after he left and forced Mum to sell the house.

‘Good, I’m really pleased for her.’ He looks it too, in fact it’s the most animated I’ve seen him since he picked me up, and again I can’t help thinking that this isn’t good. He seems more interested in her than me.

‘So you’ll be sticking around for a while then?’

‘Possibly. I have a meeting on Monday about a vacancy that may be coming up not too far away.’

Like Mum, he’s a designer, but of really boring stuff like
car parts and machines. Guy stuff. I know that’s sexist, but still.

‘It will be nice to be able to see more of you, Ash. I’ve missed so much of your life these past few years.’

‘You didn’t have to,’ I point out then feel immediately awful as he just looks devastated. I concentrate on my doughnut. ‘This is really good,’ I tell him even though it tastes like cardboard. I’m trying to think of something cheery to say but then Dad speaks first.