Uncle John’s True Crime (18 page)

LIVING ON THE LAM

The wounded outlaws headed for the woods to regroup. For the next week, the gang members sneaked through several tiny Minnesota towns. But they were lost; they couldn’t find their way around without their guide, Bill Stiles. As the days went by, the gang—slowed by their injuries—grew increasingly tired and hungry. It got so bad that their exhausted horses had to be abandoned. All the while, posses of angry
Minnesotans—regular folk and lawmen alike—were hunting them down. As a last resort, the members of the James-Younger gang decided to split up. The James bothers stole two horses from a farm and headed for Dakota Territory, while Charlie Pitts and the wounded Younger brothers went west, eventually hiding near Madelia, Minnesota.

Sing Sing was the first prison to use fingerprinting for identification purposes, in 1903
.

Time was running out for the Youngers and Pitts. The posses were hot on their trail, and just outside Madelia, bareley 50 miles from Northfield, the search party closed in on them. Shots rang out. Pitts was killed. The Youngers thought better of trying to run again, and surrendered. The Youngers were each arrested and tried on four counts, including murder, attempted murder, and robbery. To avoid execution, the brothers pleaded guilty to the crimes. (At the time, Minnesota law would not allow a death sentence for people who pleaded guilty.) All three Youngers were sentenced to life in prison.

THE ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES

But the James brothers escaped from Minnesota. They kidnapped a doctor to treat their wounds, released him, and then Jesse and Frank traveled to their home state of Missouri. There, they formed a new gang and continued on with their lives of crime. But there was a huge price on their heads, and they knew it. Lawmen all over the Midwest were looking for them. The governor of Missouri even offered a $10,000 reward for their capture. (Back then, that amount would set someone up for life.) In 1881 James was shot and killed by the youngest member of the gang, Bob Ford. Frank later turned himself in. He was tried but acquitted for his crimes.

NORTHFIELD’S LEGACY

Today, the memory of the raid lives on in Minnesota. The First National Bank of Northfield has been restored as a museum, and each September the town’s citizens celebrate the “Defeat of Jesse James Day.” Festivities include a reenactment of the raid, a parade, and a graveside memorial service at the burial sites of J. L. Heywood and Nicolas Gustafson.

Final Irony:
The bank job that marked the end of the James-Younger game only netted the boys $26.70.

*
*
*

“A thief believes everybody steals.”—
Edgar Watson Howe

The insanity defense was used in court as early as the 13th century
.

Here’s are some of our favorite emergency-call stories. Believe it or not, they’re all real
.

N
INE-ONE-YAWN

In August 2004, an unidentified person called 911 in Millersville, Maryland, and was asked the nature of their emergency. The caller explained the situation, and the dispatcher responded...by snoring. It was the middle of the night and the dispatcher had fallen asleep. For the next two minutes the caller tried to wake up the dispatcher but couldn’t. Police captain Kim Bowman told reporters that, luckily, the call wasn’t a
dire
emergency and nothing bad had come of it (but added that the department was implementing a program to teach employees how to stay awake during the night shift).

IT’S A
LOVE
EMERGENCY

In July 2006, a sheriff’s deputy in Aloha, Oregon, responded to a noise complaint at the home of Lorna Jeanne Dudash. He spoke with the woman for just a moment and then left. A short time later Ms. Dudash called 911—and asked if that “cutie-pie” officer could return. “He’s the cutest cop I’ve seen in a long time. I just want to know his name,” she said. The confused dispatcher asked again what her emergency was and Dudash responded, “Honey, I’m just going to be honest with you, I’m 45 years old and I’d just like to meet him again.” So the dispatcher sent the officer to Dudash’s home—and he promptly arrested her for abuse of the emergency-dispatch system. She faces several thousand dollars in fines and up to a year in prison.

GIMME A NINE...GIMME A ONE
...

In 1999 a 911 dispatcher in Fayetteville, Arkansas, received a call, but there was nobody on the line—all she could hear was a football game in the background. She hung up and called the number back, but nobody answered. A short time later it happened again, and again there was nobody on the line. A few minutes later it happened again...and again...and again. Dispatchers were called 35 times before police finally traced the call...to a football fan who had his cell phone set to speed-dial
911. It was in his pocket and had been going off every time he stood up to cheer.

Half of all Americans—142 million people—tuned in to watch the O.J. Simpson verdict
.

PIZZA ’N’ NUTS

In May 2005, 86-year-old Dorothy Densmore of Charlotte, North Carolina, called 911 and complained to the dispatcher that she had called a nearby pizza shop, and they had refused to deliver a pizza to her. The dispatcher advised Densmore that calling 911 for non-emergencies was a crime and hung up on her. Densmore called back, and kept calling back. She called more than 20 times. An officer was finally sent out to her home to arrest her...but not before being kicked, punched, and bitten on the hand by Densmore. (She had also complained to the dispatcher that someone in the pizza parlor had called her a “crazy old coot.”)

GAS LEAK

Officers in Janesville, Wisconsin, responded to a 911 call about a domestic disturbance after a husband and wife got into an argument. When they arrived at the couple’s home, the wife explained to the officers that the argument had started after the husband had “inappropriately passed gas” while they were tucking their son into bed. (The man was not charged with a crime.)

*
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*

“Murderers and Mafia mobsters have been employed by Italy’s state telephone company to run a call center from prison. Telecom Italia has opened a new directory assistance service inside the notorious Rebibbia prison, which is Rome’s largest jail, with 1,600 inmates. Twenty-six prisoners in the program work from 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. and are paid the equivalent of 20 cents for every call they answer. ‘It is good because people do not know who we are, so we do not feel like we are in a ghetto anymore,’ said a man serving 13 years for murder. There are plans to open another call center at Poggioreale prison in Naples. Although inmates have access to a nationwide database of phone numbers, they are unable to dial out.”

—
Sydney Morning Herald

Every year, more than 20,000 art thefts are reported in Italy
.

It’s difficult for Westerners to understand the Yakuza, often referred to as the Japanese Mafia. We were confused ourselves, so we sent Uncle John on a covert mission to Tokyo to infiltrate the Yakuza. He returned with some great info...but he also had a lot of tattoos and only nine fingers. Now he’s kind of menacing
.

Y
A-WHAT-A?

Did you see the movie
Kill Bill
? The “Crazy 88s” depicted in the film were a fearsome Japanese Yakuza gang...which were summarily dismembered by Uma Thurman’s character. In real life, Thurman wouldn’t have stood a chance against the Yakuza. With their full-body tattoos, expensive sunglasses, flashy black suits, and slicked-back hair, Yakuza gang members are highly trained outlaws—as organized as they are criminal. Taking a page from the Yakuza’s book, we’ve carefully organized this two-part article into tidy little sections.

ORIGIN

• Dating back to the 1600s, the “official” Yakuza history describes the crime syndicate’s ancestors as if they were “Robin Hoods,” descended from the
machi-yokko
(servants of the town) who protected villagers from out-of-control rogue samurai.

• Another theory: The original Yakuza were rogue samurai. Whether they began as heroes or villains, the Yakuza are proud to be outcasts—a fact reflected in their name:
ya
means 8,
ku
means 9, and
sa
means 3, which add up to 20—a losing hand in the card game
hana-fuda
(flower cards). The Yakuza are the “bad hands” or “losers” of society, an image they embrace.

STRUCTURE

• The Yakuza is not a single entity, but rather a collection of separate gangs, much like the Mafia, but with a much more intricate hierarchy. Within the crime syndicate are several powerful “families”; the most powerful is the Yamaguchi-Gumi family, with about 45,000 members. In all, there are 2,500 families and more than 110,000 Yakuza, making it the largest criminal organization in the world.

• Yakuza activity is not limited to Japan; they have a presence in other Asian countries, as well as in Europe, Mexico, and the United States. Hawaii has an especially large Yakuza presence (members cover their tattoos and pose as tourists). The Yakuza own casinos in Las Vegas, operate construction companies in Chicago and London, and produce movies in Hollywood and Hong Kong.

2008 newspaper study: 36% of recent Atlanta Police Academy graduates have a criminal record
.

HIERARCHY

• Each family is made up of many smaller sub-gangs, or clans. At the head of each family is a
kumicho
, what Westerners might refer to as the “godfather.” There are several other subgroups of leadership, all the way to the
oyabun
, who are clan bosses. They each have a group of trusted men, who act as local bosses, and so on, down to the bottom rungs, the
kobun
(children).

• Once accepted, each kobun is assigned to an oyabun. The elder member instructs and watches over his apprentice, and is also responsible for his apprentice’s actions. This relationship is considered more sacred than that of father and son.

THE UPSIDE

• Acceptance by a community and free health care (not many criminal organizations have a dental plan). Those are great perks, but what
really
draws young men into the life are Japanese Yakuza movies—which thrived in the 1960s and ’70s. They glorified the outlaws and their fancy cars and black suits. The message is clear: To be Yakuza is to be a badass.

• The money can be quite good, too. Yakuza families earn around $60 billion annually, nearly 2 percent of Japan’s gross domestic product. But it can take a while for new recruits to start seeing big dividends. (In fact, they have to hand over all profits to their oyabuns.) However, recruits who show an aptitude for learning may receive a free education.

THE DOWNSIDE

• Beyond the obvious risks brought on by a life of crime, there are some other dangers involved, such as hepatitis. Japanese tattoo artists use a technique called
tebori
—attaching a small bundle of needles to a bamboo handle, which is dipped in ink and tapped into the skin by hand or with a small hammer. This method is notorious for spreading infections. In addition
, the ink inhibits the sweating out of toxins. These issues, combined with heavy drinking, lead to a high incidence of liver disease among Yakuza members. (Tattoos are also very expensive, costing upward of $10,000, not to mention the years of painful pinpricks.)

Ancient Aztecs guilty of public drunkenness had their heads shaved and their homes destroyed
.

• If an obun angers or embarrasses his oyabun, he is obligated to cut off the tip of his pinkie finger and present it to him gift-wrapped. A second offense requires the severing of the second joint of that finger, and so on. This punishment, called
yubizume
, comes from the traditional way of holding a Japanese sword—removing the pinkie and ring fingers progressively weakens a warrior’s grip. A family member knows that he must commit yubizume when his superior gives him a knife and a piece of string—the knife to cut off the finger, and the string to stop the bleeding. Of course, if a Yakuza
really
screws up, he is expected to commit suicide by way of
seppuku
—ritual disembowelment with a sword.

• Japan is a society of rigid social rules, and the Yakuza break many of them. Although at times the families have been beneficial to their communities, they remain outcasts. Because of this, tattoos and missing fingers are strictly taboo among Japanese citizens, and those who flaunt them are often shunned.

CODE OF CONDUCT

• In the ongoing attempt to keep public relations smooth, Yakuza codes of behavior are very important: Theft is frowned upon, as it harms the community. Although they smuggle and sell firearms, members seldom use them. And if a gang member kills someone, by Yakuza standards he should take the murder weapon to the police and confess to the crime.

• Harmony within the groups is also paramount to keeping order, requiring a few basic tenets: Never reveal any secrets of the organization, never harm wives or children, don’t use drugs, don’t withhold money from the gang, always obey your superior, and don’t ask the police for help. Above all else, loyalty to the family is the glue that holds the Yakuza together.

But that glue isn’t as strong as it once was, and the Yakuza are in a state of flux.

For that story, and for instructions on how to join the Yakuza (they accept applications), grip your sword and turn to
page 211
.

Good night: In the 1840s, French criminals couldn’t be arrested from sundown to sunup
.

How did New York City, a famous cigar girl, and Edgar Allan Poe combine to create one of the world’s first murder mystery stories? Read on
.

P
ROLOGUE

Anyone who enjoys murder mysteries owes a debt of gratitude to Edgar Allan Poe. Before there was a Sherlock Holmes or a Nancy Drew, before the word “detective” was even in common usage, Poe created the character of C. Auguste Dupin, an eccentric Parisian genius who solved murder cases that baffled the city’s police force. Dupin first appeared in April of 1841 in a short story called “The Murders in the Rue Morgue” and reappeared in two more stories after that. To create his detective stories, Poe did plenty of research on real crimes, including one of his century’s most notorious murder mysteries.