Uncle John’s True Crime (22 page)

• On average, it takes about 18 hours of unedited police footage to produce the 22 minutes of material that make up an episode.

•
COPS
has been filmed in Hong Kong, Great Britain, Russia... but never in Canada. Why not? “Canada has far less crime than we do in the States,” Langley told the
Ottawa Citizen
in 2008.

“I’M ON TV!”

• If you (like Uncle John) live in terror of
COPS
filming in your town on that one worst day of your life, when you’re drunk, half naked, and screaming in the middle of the street, fear not:
COPS
can’t show your face on TV without your consent. Every face shown on the program is the face of a person who has signed a release form.

• In the early years, getting suspects to sign the release forms wasn’t easy; many faces had to be digitally blurred as a result. But now that the show is famous, more than 90% of suspects sign them. “When they hear that we’re not a news camera, that we’re
COPS
, they generally exclaim, ‘Oh, that’s great! When will I be on?’” Langley says.

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The Ghent Altarpiece is a Dutch panel painting known as
Het Lam Gods
(“The Lamb of God”) that was completed in 1432. It weighs two tons, measures 14 feet by 11 feet, and has been stolen 13 times, the most of any famous piece of artwork.

40% of TV viewers polled believe police shows are “fairly accurate.” Only 14% of cops agreed
.

There are few things more pathetic than people pretending to be disabled—and few things more satisfying than catching them
.

F
UTBOL FAKERS

Their dream was to watch their country’s soccer team play in a World Cup game in Germany in 2006, but the admission price was more than the three Argentinians wanted to pay. Determined to see the match, they found a loophole: Discounted seats were being offered to disabled people. So they somehow got themselves three wheelchairs and rolled into the match against Holland, claiming a handicapped viewing spot near the field.

The ruse probably would have worked, too, if one of them hadn’t gotten so excited after a play that he jumped out of his chair with his arms raised in the air. “A person near us thought there was a miracle happening,” one of the fakers told reporters outside the stadium—which is where the three fans spent the second half of the game after security escorted them out (on foot).

PARALYMPIC FAKERS

The 2000 International Paralympics were a resounding success for Spain: The country won 107 medals overall, highlighted by the gold medal awarded to its developmentally disabled basketball team. A few months later, one of the players, Carlos Ribagorda, made the shocking admission that “of the 200 Spanish Paralympic athletes, at least 15 had no physical or mental handicap.” Ribagorda, a journalist for the Spanish magazine
Capital
, had joined the intellectually disabled basketball team to expose the corruption. In the two years Ribagorda played for the team, no one ever tested his I.Q. Not only that, says Ribagorda, the team was told to slow down their game so they wouldn’t attract suspicion.

A subsequent international investigation concluded that only two members of the basketball team were intellectually disabled. In addition, as Ribagorda had discovered, some members of Spain’s Paralympic track, tennis, and swimming teams were found to be only...
morally
handicapped.

Until 1819 in the United Kingdom, felling a tree illegally was punishable by hanging
.

LAWSUIT FAKER

In 2006 Las Vegas authorities suspected that wheelchair-bound Laura Lee Medley was taking them for a ride. After four separate lawsuits against four California cities over faulty handicapped access to public buildings, investigators smelled fraud. They tracked Medley to Las Vegas, where they arrested the 35-year-old woman, who was sitting in her wheelchair. Medley immediately began complaining of pain and begged for medical attention. Skeptical—but not wanting to doubt her if she really was in pain—police officers drove her to a nearby hospital. But moments after she was wheeled through the entrance, the “paralyzed” woman got up and started sprinting through the hospital corridors. She was quickly apprehended and cuffed. Medley was charged with four counts of fraud and resisting arrest.

BEAUTY PAGEANT FAKER

Dee Henderson was crowned Mrs. Minnesota International in a 1999 beauty pageant, thanks in part to the aerobic exercises she performed for the talent competition. Henderson owned and operated two businesses selling beauty pageant supplies,
and
was the director of three Midwest beauty pageants. Those are amazing accomplishments, especially considering the fact that at the same time, she was getting disability payments from the government. Henderson claimed she couldn’t work, couldn’t sit for more than 20 minutes at a time or lift anything heavier than her mail. She also had difficulty with “walking, kneeling, squatting, climbing, bending, reaching, and personal grooming.” The injuries, she said, stemmed from a 1995 car accident. From 1996 to 2003, Henderson received Social Security benefits totaling $190,000.

But her case unraveled when a video taken by a private investigator showed her doing activities such as snorkeling and carrying heavy luggage (not to mention the aerobics). More damning evidence: an email in which Henderson claimed she would “keep going and going and going and going” like the Energizer Bunny. She did keep going...to prison for 46 months.

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If I die, I forgive you. If I recover, we shall see.

—
Spanish proverb

McGruff the Crime Dog was named in a 1980 contest. Runner-up name: “Shurlocked Homes.”

A woman is found dead...a well-known celebrity is charged with murder...the whole world follows the trial. O. J. Simpson? Nope—Fatty Arbuckle. In the early 1920s, the Arbuckle trial was as big as the Simpson trial. Here’s the story
.

A
KNOCK AT THE DOOR

On the morning of Saturday, September 10, 1921, two men from the San Francisco sheriff’s office paid a visit to Roscoe “Fatty” Arbuckle, then Hollywood’s most famous comedian, at his home in Los Angeles. One of the men read from an official court summons: “You are hereby summoned to return immediately to San Francisco for questioning...you are charged with murder in the first degree.”

Arbuckle, thinking the men were pulling a practical joke, let out a laugh. “And who do you suppose I killed?”

“Virginia Rappé.”

Arbuckle instantly knew that this was no joke. He’d just returned from a trip to San Francisco, where he’d thrown a party over the Labor Day weekend to celebrate his new $3 million movie contract—then the largest in Hollywood history—with Paramount Pictures. A 26-year-old bit actress named Virginia Rappé had fallen ill at the party, presumably from drinking too much bootleg booze. Arbuckle had seen to it that the woman received medical attention before he returned to L.A., but now Rappé was dead—and Arbuckle had somehow been implicated in her death. Whatever doubts he may still have had about the summons vanished the following morning as he read the three-inch headlines in the
Los Angeles Examiner
:

The autopsy report showed that Rappé died from acute peritonitis, an inflammation of the abdominal lining brought on by a ruptured bladder. Why was Arbuckle a suspect in the death? Because Maude “Bambina” Delmont, another woman at the party, had filed a statement with San Francisco police claiming that she had seen Arbuckle drag Rappé into his
bedroom against her will and assault her. As she later explained to newspaper reporters,

Average cost per inmate in a state prison: $22,650 per year, or $62.05 a day
.

The 265-pound comedian had supposedly burst Rappés’ bladder with his weight during the assault. And because the injury had gone untreated, it developed into a massive abdominal infection, killing Rappé.

Pressing Charges

After Delmont’s statement was filed, San Francisco District Attorney Matthew Brady had ordered Arbuckle’s arrest and had issued a public statement to the press:

FALSE WITNESS

Brady’s case was based almost entirely on Delmont’s police statement. And the case certainly
appeared
substantial—at least until Brady looked into Maude Delmont’s background after she gave her statement. Then he discovered a police record containing more than 50 counts of bigamy, fraud, racketeering, extortion, and other crimes (including one outstanding bigamy warrant, which Brady would later use to his advantage).

WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

Brady later learned from other guests at the party that a very drunk Maude Delmont had actually been locked in a bathroom with Lowell Sherman, another party guest, during the entire time that she claimed to have witnessed Arbuckle with Rappé. She could not have seen any of the things she claimed to have seen—and if that were not bad enough, Brady later discovered that on Wednesday, September 7, Delmont had dashed
off the following telegram to two different friends as Virginia Rappé lay dying at the St. Francis Hotel:

Monticello, Thomas Jefferson’s home, has a hidden billiards room. (Billiards were illegal in Virginia.)

BLIND AMBITION

District Attorney Brady had no case—there wasn’t a shred of physical evidence to indicate that Arbuckle had committed any crime against Rappé; his only “witness” was a woman with a long criminal record; and the telegrams demonstrated clearly that Delmont’s police statement was part of an attempt to blackmail Arbuckle. Despite all this, Brady decided to bring the case to trial. Why? One theory: Brady, whom acquaintances described as a “self-serving, arrogant, ruthless man with blind ambition and a quick temper,” was gearing up to run for governor of California. He probably figured that winning a murder conviction against Hollywood’s biggest comedian would score points with the public.

JUDGE NOT

Still, the case could not have gone to trial if the police judge, Sylvain Lazarus, had dismissed the case due to lack of evidence. But Judge Lazarus refused to throw it out, citing the “larger issues” surrounding the case:

The judge suspected Arbuckle was innocent, the district attorney knew Arbuckle was innocent, and yet the case still went to trial.

Would Arbuckle be sent up the river?
Turn to
page 228
to find out
.

Uncle John presents these true stories of extreme overreactions to serve as a reminder: Always keep your cool
.

T
HE ANNOYED:
George Furedi

SITUATION:
A local church’s public address system was keeping Furedi awake at night.

FREAK-OUT:
Furedi drove his SUV to the church and slammed into the front of it. He was arrested a short time later for malicious mischief, driving while intoxicated, and numerous hit-and-run charges (he rammed into several cars on the way). How did the cops find Furedi? They ran a check on his license plate. (He left his truck wedged in the church doors.)

THE ANNOYED:
Chris Baugh

SITUATION:
Someone vandalized the building Baugh was renovating. He was convinced that local skateboarders were responsible.

FREAK-OUT:
There was a community skate park not far from Baugh’s building site. Seeking retribution, Baugh drove a bulldozer to the park and demolished ramps, rails, and fences. Police charged Baugh with second-degree criminal mischief. (No charges were ever filed against the skateboarders—Baugh didn’t have any proof that they were responsible for vandalizing his building.)

THE ANNOYED:
Charles Booher

SITUATION:
An Internet company swamped Booher’s computer with e-mails and Internet pop-up ads for male enhancement.

FREAK-OUT:
Booher, who’d battled testicular cancer, contacted Doug Mackay, one of the people whose name appeared on one of the ads, and asked him to stop sending them. When they continued to arrive, Booher barraged Mackay’s company with e-mails and phone calls for the next three months, threatening to torture and kill him and his employees. Mackay called the FBI; they placed Booher under arrest. He faces five years in prison and a $250,000 fine. “I blew my cool,” he says.

In Jack the Ripper’s day, many blamed the growing crime rate on violence in the theaters
.