Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader (68 page)

First words typed on a “practical” typewriter: “C. LATHAM SHOLES, SEPTEMBER 1867.”

R2-D2.
Lucas got the name R2-D2 while filming
American Graffiti.
During a sound-mixing session for the film, editor Walter Murch asked him for R2, D2 (Reel 2, Dialogue 2) of the film. Lucas liked the name so much that he made a note of it, and eventually found the right character for it.

C-3P0.
This droid’s name was inspired by a robot character in Alex Raymond’s science-fiction novel,
Iron Men of Mongo.
Raymond’s robot was a polite, copper-colored, robot who was shaped like a man and who worked as a servant. Lucas intended that C-3P0 and R2-D2 be a space-age Laurel and Hardy team.

SPECIAL EFFECTS

• The spaceship battles were inspired by World War II films. Before filming of the special effects began, Lucas watched dozens of war movies like
Battle of Britain
and
The Bridges of Toko-Ri
, taping his favorite air battle scenes as he went along. Later he edited them down to a 10 minute black-and-white film, and gave it to the special effects team—which re-shot the scenes using X-wing and TIE fighter models.

• None of the spaceship models ever moved an inch during filming of the flight sequences. The motion was an optical illusion created by moving the cameras around motionless models. The models were so detailed that one of them even had Playboy pinups in its cockpit.

MISCELLANEOUS FACTS

• The executives at 20th Century-Fox hated the film the first time they saw it. Some of the company’s board of directors fell asleep during the first screening; others didn’t understand the film at all. One executive’s wife even suggested that C-3PO be given a moving mouth, because no one would understand how he could talk without moving his lips.

• The underwater monster in the trash compactor was one of Lucas’s biggest disappointments in the film. He had planned to have an elaborate “alien jellyfish” in the scene, but the monster created by the special-effects department was so poorly constructed that it reminded him of “a big, wide, brown turd.” Result: The monster was filmed underwater during most of the scene—so that moviegoers wouldn’t see it.

Some names rejected for Disney’s seven dwarfs: Gaspy, Doleful, Awful, Gabby, and Helpful.

More random questions...and answers from America’s trivia experts.

H
IC!

Q:
What are hiccups...and why do we have them?

A:
“Hiccups...involve an involuntary contraction of the diaphragm, the muscle separating the abdomen and chest. When the diaphragm contracts, the vocal chords close quickly, which is what makes the funny ‘hiccuping’ sound.” Hiccups seem to be induced by many different factors. No one’s sure
why
people hiccup, but in some circumstances, hiccups are predictable: for example, eating or drinking too fast, nervousness, pregnancy, or alcoholism.

“Most of the time hiccups...stop in a few minutes whether you do anything about them or not....There was, however, one case of hiccups listed in the
Guinness Book of World Records
that lasted for 60 years. Charles Osborne of Anthon, Iowa, started hiccuping in 1922 after slaughtering a hog, and he must have hiccuped at least 430 million times. He said he was able to live a fairly normal life, during which he had two wives and eight children. He did have some difficulty keeping his false teeth in his mouth.” (From
Why Doesn’t My Funny Bone Make Me Laugh?
, by Alan Xanakis, M.D.)

BIRD POOP

Q:
What’s the black dot in the middle of bird droppings?

A:
“The black dot is fecal matter. The white stuff is urine. They come out together, at the same time, out of the same orifice. The white stuff, which is slightly sticky, clings to the black stuff.” (From
Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise, and Other Imponderables
, by David Feldman)

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON

Q:
Is there really such a thing as a blue moon?

A:
Yes, occasionally it
looks
blue “because of dust conditions in the atmosphere. The most famous widely observed blue moon of recent times occurred on September 26, 1950, owing to dust raised by Canadian forest fires.” (From
The Book of Answers
, by Barbara Berliner)

Number, in feet, of a Slinky if stretched out flat: 87.

A BIRD ON THE WIRE

Q:
Why don’t birds get electrocuted when they perch on electric wires?

A:
Because they’re not grounded. “There must be a completed circuit in order for the current to go through its body. If the bird could stand with one leg on the wire, and one on the ground, the circuit would be completed. In all cases where a person has been electrocuted, part of the body touched the wire and another part touched an uninsulated object, such as the ground, or something touching the ground.” (From
How Do Flies Walk Upside Down?
, by Martin M. Goldwyn)

GRIN AND BEAR IT

Q:
Do bears really hibernate?

A:
Some bugs, reptiles, amphibians, and mammals do hibernate, but though the bear is known for it, it’s not a “true” hibernator. “It does gain fat and, when winter arrives, sleeps for long periods, but not continuously. At irregular intervals, it arouses and wanders about, but doesn’t eat much.” (From
Science Trivia
, by Charles Cazeau)

ABOUT FIBER

Q:
What is fiber, and why is it good for you?

A:
Fiber—the ‘roughage’ found in fruits, vegetables, grains and beans—helps food move through the body. It’s been credited with a long list of preventive health benefits, including lowering blood cholesterol levels and reducing the risk of colon cancer.

There are two types of fiber: Insoluble fiber is found mainly in whole grains and the outside, or skin, of seeds, fruits, and beans. Studies show that this fiber may help prevent colorectal cancer. It absorbs food like a sponge and moves it through the bowel, decreasing the amount of cancer-causing substances that come in contact with the bowel wall. Soluble fiber is found in fruits, vegetables, seeds, brown rice, barley, and oats. It may lower cholesterol by adhering to fatty acids and reducing the amount of fat absorbed into the bloodstream.

At any one time, there are 1,800 thunderstorms taking place somewhere in the world.

Just when you think you’ve heard it all...someone comes up with something like this. It’s from a little book called
It’s a Gas,
by Eugene Silverman, M.D., and Eric Rabkin, Ph.D. It’s required reading for BRI history buffs.

I
n all fairness to the farters of the world, the greatest of them all was not by his passing of gas also passing a judgment. His completely conscious control of his abilities was confirmed by numerous chemical examinations, including two in published form. This man, a hero at bottom, was a gentle and loving father, a noble and steadfast friend, a successful and generous businessman, and a great stage entertainer. This unique individual, a phenomenon among phenomena, this explosive personality and credit to our subject, was christened Joseph Pujol, but invented for himself the name by which all history knows him: Le Petomane!

THE ART OF THE FART

Le Petomane could fart as often and as frequently as he wished. His farts were odorless. As other people use their mouths, Le Petomane had learned to use his anus. Furthermore, by constricting or loosening his anus he could vary the pitch of the air he expelled and by controlling the force of abdominal contraction he could control its loudness. With these two fundamental tools, simple enough but rarely seen, Le Petomane contrived not only to imitate a variety of farts, but also to make music.

He headlined at the Moulin Rouge in Paris, the most famous nightclub in the world at that time, and brought in box office receipts more than twice as high as those of the angelic Sarah Bernhardt. He was one of the greatest comedians of the turn of the century. The manager of the Moulin Rouge kept nurses in the theater to tend to female customers whose uncontrolled laughter in tight corsets often caused them to pass out as Le Petomane passed gas. Here was not a court fool at all, but the toast of civilized society.

DISCOVERING HIS GIFT

As a boy, Joseph had had a frightening experience in the sea. Holding his breath and ducking under water, he suddenly felt a rush of cold water enter his bowels. He went to find his mother but was embarrassed to see water running out of himself. Although he recounted this in later years, apparently as a child he tried to keep his terrifying experience a secret.

Number of times the word “hell” is used on prime-time TV shows in an average week: 56.

Early in his married life he was called to military service and in the all-male atmosphere of the barracks he recounted for the first time his strange experience in the sea. When asked for a demonstration, he agreed to try again. On their next furlough, he and his unit went to the sea. He did succeed in taking water in and then letting it out. This might have been viewed as mere freakishness, but combined with Joseph’s gentleness and good humor, it struck the soldiers as a delightful feat.

Pujol, using a basin, practiced this art in private with water and, once able to control the intake and outflow by combined exertions of his anal and abdominal muscles, he soon began to practice with air as well. This, of course, was only for his own amusement and the occasional amusement of his fellow soldiers.

A STAR IS BORN

When he returned home, he resumed his life as a baker and father but added to it his newfound love of entertainment. He began to work part-time in music halls as an ordinary singer, as a trombone player, and soon as a quick-change artist with a different costume for each song. He added comic routines of his own writing to his singing and playing acts, and became quite popular locally.

At the same time, he began to turn his special ability into an act, learning to give farts as imitations. Soon his friends urged him to add this to his act but he was diffident about the propriety of such a thing. In order to give it a try, he rented a theater of his own. He was an almost instant success. He left the bakery in care of his family and went to a number of provincial capitals, and at each stop Le Petomane played to packed houses. Finally, in 1892, he blew into Paris.

HIS FART’S DESIRE

The Moulin Rouge was his aim—and he went right for it. The manager of the Moulin Rouge, one Oller, on hearing of Le Petomane’s specialty, was astounded at Pujol’s audacity but agreed to give him an audition. In Paris as in Marseilles, the act was an instant success.

Like to fish? You’re not alone: Fishermen spend $24 billion a year on their hobby.

HIS ACT

Le Petomane would begin by walking out dressed quite elegantly in silks and starched white linen, a thorough swell.

After his opening monologue Le Petomane leaned forward, hands on knees, turned his back to the audience, and began his imitations. “This one is a little girl,” he would say and emit a delicate, tiny fart. “This one is a mother-in-law,” he’d say, and there would be a slide. “This is a bride on her wedding night,” very demure indeed, “and this the morning after,” a long, loud one. Then he would do a dressmaker tearing two yards of calico, letting out a cracking, staccato fart that lasted at least ten seconds, and then cannonfire, thunder and so on. The public loved the act and the Moulin Rouge gave him an immediate contract. In a short time, he was their headliner.

A PATRON OF THE FARTS

His act grew with his popularity. Among other feats he could mix into the performance were tricks dependent upon inserting a rubber tube in his rectum (very decorously passed through his pocket). With this tube he could amiably chat away while at the same time smoking a cigarette. Sometimes he would insert a six-stop flute into the tube and accompany his own singing. A few simple nursery tunes he could play without recourse to the tube at all. And finally, he would almost always end his acts by blowing out a few of the gas-fired footlights. All that was left, before rising and bowing out, was to invite the audience to join him—and they did with gusto, their own convulsed abdomens insuring that many of the patrons could indeed participate in the group farting at the appropriate moment.

SPECIAL PERFORMANCES

The management of the Moulin Rouge wanted Le Petomane to submit to a medical examination so that his authenticity would be even more accepted, and this he did. For similar reasons of believability, Oller allowed Pujol to give private performances for all-male audiences at which he could perform wearing pants with an appropriate cut-out.

Before these events, and before his regular performances as well, he thoroughly washed himself by drawing water in and then shooting it out. In the smaller groups he would extinguish a candle at the distance of a foot and demonstrate his water jet over a range of four or five yards. These distances are also corroborated by medical observation.

Eighty percent of adults say they “believe in an afterlife”.

FARTING IN EUROPE

The Moulin Rouge, acting as Le Petomane’s agent, also encouraged him to travel abroad. In other European countries, and especially in Belgium, he was a star attraction. At his private performances in France, where no admission was charged, Pujol would finish by passing the hat. At one of these gatherings a man leaned forward and put a 20 louis gold piece in the hat and told him to keep it, that the show was worth it although he had had to travel from Brussels to see it. He had heard so much about Le Petomane but could not see him in Belgium because his own movements were so closely watched there. So he had come to Paris that night incognito to see and hear the great Le Petomane. He was King Leopold II of Belgium.

FINAL PASSING

The Medical Faculty at the Sorbonne offered Pujol 25,000 francs for the right to examine his body after his death. He was a vigorous man, a proud patriarch, and, knowing what such a sum could mean to his children and grandchildren, he accepted. But, despite the fact that he had distinguished himself by publicly displaying himself for so many years, he was held in such regard by those around him that, on his peaceful demise in 1945 at the age of 88, the family refused the offer. And so, having made flatulence a subject not for aggression but for pleasantry, Joseph Pujol, the greatest farter in history, came to his proper end.