Uncle John’s Legendary Lost Bathroom Reader (39 page)

SHOE TIME

Q:
How
and why did people start shining their shoes?

A:
“A high polish on shoes is a tradition passed down from the Spanish caballero (gentleman on horseback), whose shiny boots served notice that he rode his own horse and didn’t walk along dusty roads with lesser men.” (From
Do Elephants Swim?
, compiled by Robert M. Jones)

NIPPED IN THE BUD

Q:
Why do men have nipples?

A:
“Males actually have the anatomical equipment in place to provide milk, but it lies dormant unless stimulated by estrogen, the female hormone. Might men have suckled babies in the distant past? No one knows.” (From
Why Do Men Have Nipples
, by Katherine Dunn)

PRUNY SKIN

Q:
Why does your skin get wrinkled when you soak for a long time in water?

Peeping Tom’s delight: There are 6,500 windows in the Empire State Building.

A:
Normally, skin is water-resistant because of a “protective barrier of keratin,” a protein made by the epidermis to keep moisture, bacteria, and other unwanted stuff out. But if skin is immersed in water for a long time, moisture gets through and “the cells in the epidermal layer...absorb water and swell. The enlarged cells cause the skin to pucker and wrinkle.”

Luckily, they don’t stay that way. “Several minutes after toweling off, the water in the skin cells evaporates, and the cells return to their normal shape and size. Otherwise, we would all be walking around looking like the California raisins.” (From
The Book of Totally Useless Information
, by Don Voorhees)

EGGS-ACTLY!

Q:
Why don’t people ever eat turkey eggs?

A:
“They don’t taste good. More precisely, they don’t have as much water in them as chicken eggs. The next time you eat a couple of chicken eggs, think about how wet they are. But a turkey egg, if exposed to high heat, turns rubbery.” (From
Why Things Are, Volume II
, by Joel Achenbach)

HALF-WIT?

Q: Is
the old saying true that “we only use 10% of our brains?”

A:
“No—you use every part of your brain. Not every area at the same time, of course; they all do different things at different times. At any given moment, only about 5% of your brain cells are actually firing—that is, working. So in one sense this is actually true. But as far as we know, there are no parts that never do
any
thing.” (From
Know It All!
, by Ed Zotti)

EAT LIKE A BIRD

Q:
How do birds find worms underground?

A:
“When a bird stands on the ground near a worm that is crawling underneath, it can feel the earth’s vibrations with its very sensitive feet. It will also cock its head to put into operation the low-frequency apparatus of its ears. Then, when it zeroes in on the victim, it pierces the earth with a sudden stab of its beak, grabs the worm, and pulls it out.” (From
How Do Flies Walk Upside Down?
, by Martin M. Goldwyn)

The biggest state? Alaska is bigger than Texas and California
combined
.

It’s scary what behavior experts can predict about us. All it takes is a few studies...and they know more about what we’ll to do in a situation than we do. Following are the results from a few of those studies, including some from The Book of You by Bernard Asbell. Here’s lookin’ at you, kid!

O
N NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION...

A
variety of factors affect the way we silently communicate with each other
.

• For instance, one study shows that if you’ve been told that a person you’re about to meet has a lot in common with you, you’ll actually position yourself physically closer to that person than if you’ve been informed you’re “opposites.”

• According to another study, your nationality plays a role in how “touchy-feely” you are. For instance, over an hour long coffee break in a cafe...

—American friends will touch each other in conversation about twice.

—British friends generally won’t touch each other at all.

—By comparison, the French can’t keep their hands off each other; they average about 110 touches an hour.

—But Puerto Ricans were the most tactile in the study, with about 180 “touches” in the same period.

• Something else to remember, next time you find yourself chatting with someone you don’t know: According to Asbell...

—“If you’re a man, the farther you sit from the other person, (within a range of 2-10 feet), the more willing you are to talk intimately about yourself.”

—“If you’re a woman, the closer you sit together (within a range of 240 feet) the more willing you are to tell intimate details about yourself.”

—“Within that range of 2-10 feet (whether you’re a man or a woman), you’ll talk with a stranger longer and volunteer the most about intimate topics at a distance of 5 feet.”

There are no photographs of Abe Lincoln smiling.

ON GIVING & LIVING...

• Want long life? A recent study of about 2,700 individuals found lower death rates among those who volunteered their time to a favorite charity or cause.

• Another interesting study in behavior had students watch a movie on Mother Teresa. The film depicted her administering to the needy and sick, bringing comfort and solace. Immediately following the film, researchers found in the students, a significant increase in immunoglobulin, an antibody that helps the body fight respiratory infections.

ON ROMANCE & DATING...

• The most common thing we all do when we want to be romantic is say “I love you” to our partner. Sweet...but not as effective as you might think. When people were asked “How you’d want your lover to treat you to romance” in a study, the most common answer was “lying around in front of a fire.”

• Other choices included: “Taking a shower together” and “Walking on the beach.” Ironically, hearing “I love you” came in twelfth.

Other people-watching facts:

• If you’re a man and you get anxious about dating, chances are that male friendships are also cause for anxiety.

• First-date anxiety for a guy almost never centers around sex. It’s usually worry about what to talk about, how to behave, and what to expect.

• First dates are tough for everyone, but if you’re a guy, you’re probably going to be a lot more uptight about the situation than the woman is.

• If it’s any consolation, however, the chances are that if you’re a man—even if you’re uptight about an encounter—you probably like your body more than your date does hers. Studies show that men are generally more likely to see their bodies as attractive to women than woman are to see their bodies as attractive to men.

Thank goodness:
“Things are more like they are now than they ever have been.”—
President Gerald Ford

One bucket of water can make enough fog to cover 105 square miles in 50 feet of fog.

Colors have a lot more impact on our daily lives than you might think. Here are some things researchers have found out about people and color
.

BLUE

• Blue has a tranquilizing effect. Bridges are often painted blue to discourage suicide attempts. And according to one report: “When schoolroom walls were changed from orange and white to blue, students’ blood pressure levels dropped and their behavior and learning comprehension soared.”

• Researchers say blue is the #1 color for women’s sweaters, because women think men like it. (They’re right; it’s U.S. men’s favorite color.)

RED

• Red is a stimulant that can cause “restlessness and insomnia” if it’s used in bedrooms.

• According to marketing studies, red makes people oblivious to how much time is passing. That’s why it’s “the color of choice for bars and casinos.”

• Women tend to prefer blue-toned reds, while men like yellowish reds. Businesses keep this in mind. For example: the Ford Mustang, which is targeted to men, is orange-red (called “Arrest-me” red at Ford); the Probe, targeted to women, is offered in more blue-red shades.

GREEN

• Because it reminds people of fields and foliage, green makes us feel secure. Researchers say it’s a good color for bedrooms; and green kitchens reportedly make cooks more creative.

• Studies show that “people working in green environments get less stomachaches than people in areas where other colors predominate.”

YELLOW

• It’s the color most likely to stop traffic...or sell a house.

• But yellow also represents “caution or temporariness—so car rental agencies and taxis use it, but not banks.”

• Too much yellow makes people anxious. “Babies cry more and temperamental people explode more in yellow rooms.”

America’s favorite colors: #1 is blue. Then red, green, white, pink, purple, and orange.

Porcine words of wisdom from one of America’s favorite pigs
.

DIET TIPS

“Never eat anything at one sitting that you can’t lift.”

“Always use one of the new—and far more reliable—elastic measuring tapes to check on your waistline.”

ARTICHOKES

“These things are just plain annoying...after all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual ‘food’ out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps. Have the shrimp cocktail instead.”

PERFUME

“Perfume is a subject dear to my heart. I have so many favourites: Arome de Grenouille, Okéfénokée, Eau Contraire, Fume de Ma Tante, Blast du Past, Kermes, Je suis Swell, and Attention S’il Vous Plait, to name but a few.”

TIPPING

“There are several ways of calculating the tip after a meal. I find that the best is to divide the bill by the height of the waiter. Thus, a bill of $12.00 brought by a six foot waiter calls for a $2.00 tip.”

TRAVEL TIPS

“If you’re traveling alone, beware of seatmates who, by way of starting a conversation, make remarks like, ‘I just have to talk to someone—my teeth are spying on me’ or ‘Did you know that squirrels are the devil’s oven mitts?’”

“Public telephones in Europe are like our pinball machines. They are primarily a form of entertainment and a test of skill rather than a means of communication.”

HOTELS

“Generally speaking, the length and grandness of a hotel’s name are an exact opposite reflection of its quality. Thus the Hotel Central will prove to be a clean, pleasant place in a good part of town, and the Hotel Royal Majestic-Fantastic will be a fleabag next to a topless bowling alley.”

HATS

“Someone you like is wearing an ugly hat, and she asks you to give her your honest opinion of it: ‘What a lovely chapeau! But if I may make one teensy suggestion? If it blows off, don’t chase it.’”

Pigs killed off the dodo bird.

These days, it seems that people will sue each other over practically anything. Here are a few real-life examples of unusual legal battles
.

T
HE PLAINTIFF:
Frank Zaffere, a 44-year-old Chicago lawyer

THE DEFENDANT:
Maria Dillon, his 21-year-old ex-fiance

THE LAWSUIT:
In June 1992—about two months before they were supposed to get married—Dillon broke off the engagement. Zaffere responded by suing her for $40,310.48 to cover his “lost courting expenses.” In a letter sent to Dillon, he wrote, “I am still willing to marry you on the conditions herein below set forth: 1) We proceed with our marriage within 45 days of the date of this letter; 2) You confirm [that you]...will forever be faithful to me; 3) You promise...that you will never lie to me again about anything.” He closed with: “Please feel free to call me if you have any questions or would like to discuss any of the matters discussed herein. Sincerely, Frank.”

“He’s trying to...make me say, ‘OK Frank, I’ll marry you,’” said Dillon. “But...I can’t imagine telling my children as a bedtime story that Mommy and Daddy got married because of a lawsuit.”

THE VERDICT:
The case was dismissed.

THE PLAINTIFF:
27-year-old Scott Abrams

THE DEFENDANTS:
The owners and managers of his apartment building

THE LAWSUIT:
During an electrical storm in 1991, Abrams was sitting on the ledge of the apartment-building roof with his feet in a puddle of water. He was hit by lightning and suffered a cardiac arrest; fortunately, he was revived by a rescue squad. But in 1993 he filed a $2 million lawsuit charging the defendants with negligence. His reason: “They should have provided signs and brighter paint.”

THE VERDICT:
Pending.

Talk-talk: Americans make more than 350 billion phone calls a year.

THE PLAINTIFF:
Ronald Askew, a 50-year-old banker from Santa Ana, California

THE DEFENDANT:
His ex-wife, Bonnette

THE LAWSUIT:
In 1991, after more than a decade of marriage, Bonnette admitted to her husband that although she loved him, she’d never really found him sexually attractive. He sued her for fraud, saying he “wouldn’t have married her had he known her feelings.”