UN-RELATED (UN-RELATED SERIES) (4 page)

I had no idea what was wrong with me, and other than Kellan, I had no one to ask. I didn’t feel comfortable telling Kellan what was wrong with me…especially since I didn’t know what was wrong. I knew I needed to talk to someone, but I really didn’t have anyone else. My stomach really hurt now, pain coming in waves. I wadded up some toilet paper and stuck them back in my old underwear, not wanting to get my new underwear dirty. Then I slipped back into my old raggedy jeans and sat down on the closed lid of the toilet. I sat there for a while, not sure what to do. I wanted Kellan, but I was too embarrassed to tell him what was wrong.

I must have been in there for a long time because Kellan finally came knocking on the bathroom door, “Hey, what are you doing in there? You’ve been in there for almost 30 minutes. Are you okay?”

The second I heard his voice, I started to cry. “I’m okay…” I sniffled.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Noth…nothing,” I sobbed.

“Open the door…you’re scaring me, now,” he ordered.

“I’m fine,” I said, trying to stop the tears.

“Abby, open the door, NOW!” he shouted.

“Is she alright?” I heard Brianna ask him.

“I don’t know. She won’t open the door.” He yelled at me again, “Abby, open the door, now…please.”

“We have a key. I’ll go get it. Maybe I should talk to her,” Brianna said.

“Yeah, maybe,” he said, staring at the closed door.

I knew Brianna was going to come in and I was certain I didn’t want to talk to her, so I quietly unlocked the door and opened it. Kellan forced it open the rest of the way and stepped inside the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” he asked when he saw my ashen face.

I looked up at Brianna and wanted her to leave. I closed the door behind him and said, “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. Are you mad at me because I’m leaving? I swear I’m not leaving you and I’ll call and write…”

“It’s not that,” I said, looking down. I needed to know what was wrong with me, but I was afraid to tell him…I didn’t know how to tell him, explain…”

“Then, what?” he asked

“I um, I think…I’m sick…or something.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“My um, my stomach hurts.”

“And?” he said, getting impatient with me.

“I’m…”

“You’re what?” he asked.

“I’m…” I couldn’t look at him, “I’m…bleeding.”

“Where?” he asked, looking me over.

I couldn’t say anything. When he asked me again where I was bleeding, I finally looked up at him and I started to shake.

“What’s wrong? Where are you bleed…? Oh, okay, I get it.”

“You get what?” I asked, wanting in on this big secret that he seemed to understand, but left me clueless.

“Maybe I should get Brianna for you,” he said nervously.

“NO! Am I sick?” I asked.

“Sick? No Abby, you’re not sick. Is this your first period?” he asked, looking away from me.

“Period?” I asked, having no clue.

“Yeah, is it your first one?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, God! I may have been able to buy you bras, but I can’t explain this…”

“Explain what?” I asked, irritated now.

“
Nancy really pisses me off!” he shouted, and slammed his hand on the bathroom sink. He stopped shouting when he saw me starting to cry again. “I’m sorry. I’m not mad at you, just Nancy. She should have explained all of this to you. How the hell did she expect you to learn about…? She takes you out of health class, you have no friends and she’s never around…that Bitch!”

“Kellan!” I snapped. I had heard Nancy and Joe swear at us for years, and I hated it when Kellan swore. He was nothing like them, and I didn’t want to hear him use those words. “I’m sorry. Look, I’m going to go get Brianna…or her mother…for you.”

“No, I don’t want…just tell me. Am I going to be okay?” I asked.

He touched my cheek and said, “Yeah, you’re fine. It’s just…it’s normal…for girls…oh, I can’t explain this to you. Trust me, it’ll be better if Brianna or her mother explains…”

“Kellan, please, you’re my only friend. Please don’t ask a stranger to tell me what’s wrong with me,” I pleaded.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Abby. It’s just your period…”

“Period?” I asked again.

“Oh, God. Every month now…you’ll…bleed, like this.” He looked away.
             

“Every month?” I asked, not looking forward to that.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Something about being able to have babies…or something. I don’t know. I didn’t pay that close attention in health class. But, I know you’ll have it…every month from now on…until you’re like 50 or 60 and it stops again.”

“Why?” I pressed, confused.

“I told you, it has to do with being a woman. Now you can get pregnant…or something like that…I don’t know, Abby. I’m not an expert on this. I’m a guy, we don’t have periods.”

I sat down on the toilet seat and said, “So, what do I do?”

“Nothing…it’ll stop on its own in a few days, I guess.”

“I mean about…I mean, now? What do I do about it, now?”

“What?”

“It’s…gross!” I said, feeling uncomfortable wearing bloody panties and wadded up toilet paper.

“Oh, um…I guess you need some…tampons…or something. Oh, Abby, please just let me get Brianna for you…please?” he begged. “She’ll give you what you need and then we’ll stop and buy whatever she says on the way home, okay?” he asked.

I knew he was almost as embarrassed as I was. And, I knew I couldn’t stay in the bathroom until the bleeding stopped, so I finally nodded okay.

He walked out of the bathroom and was gone for a few minutes. I paced the confines of the bathroom, waiting for help from the one person I really didn’t like. Finally, I heard a soft knock on the bathroom door.

“Hi. Can I come in?” Brianna asked softly.

“Yeah, I guess so.” I was so embarrassed, but I knew I needed help, so I stood back.              “Um, actually, why don’t we go to my bathroom, okay? Follow me.”

I followed quietly behind her, looking down as I passed by Kellan, still mortified. She took me into her pretty sunshine yellow bathroom and told me to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. I did as she asked and sighed, waiting for words of wisdom from the girl who was stealing the only friend I had, the only person in the world I loved.

She opened the cupboard under the sink and rummaged around for a few minutes, “I was sure I had some pads down here. I could have sworn I didn’t use them all.”

“Pads?” I asked, finding my voice.

“Yeah, maxi pads. I use tampons now, but I think you’ll be more comfortable using pads to start. A-ha, I found them.” She pulled a box out from under the sink and walked over to me. “This should do it. You can take them with you. I don’t use these anymore.”

“You don’t have…periods anymore?” I asked.
             

“Oh yeah, all girls do. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s your first one, so you may not even have another one for a few months. Or, you may not be so lucky. But, once they’re regular, you’ll have a period about every 28 days and it’ll last about five days.”

“Why?”

“It’s Mother Nature’s curse on us girls,” she giggled.

I wasn’t amused.

“Look, I know you don’t like me, and I know you think I’m trying to steal Kellan from you, but I’m not. I love him. I’m not
making
him go to Yale. He got in because he’s so smart and he deserved it. I’m just following him. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but my Daddy bought my way in. I’m not as smart as Kellan, but I want to go…with him. We’ll come back and visit…a lot, I promise. My dad will fly us back all the time. I don’t want to keep him from you, really. I just want to be with him, too. Okay? Can we be friends, now? You’ll always be his little sister, he won’t forget about you. He loves you too much.”             

“But I’m not really his sister.”

“In his eyes, you are. He couldn’t love you more if you were blood related. I promise I won’t ever stand in the way of your relationship with Kellan, okay?”

She was being so nice…she was nice. She was pretty and sweet, just the kind of girl Kellan deserved…but I still hated her. I couldn’t help it. I tried to like her, and even though she helped me with my current problem, and promised not to keep Kellan from me, I couldn’t find it in my heart to forgive her. But, I loved Kellan, and I wasn’t going to hurt him by being mean to his girlfriend, so I said, “Okay. And, thank you for the pads.”

“You’re welcome. If you have any other questions…you know, girl stuff, you can always ask me.”

“I’m okay now, thanks.”

“Okay. Then let’s go have some lunch,” she smiled. “Oh, I guess I should give you a minute. Um, the pads have tape on the bottom.” She opened the box and handed me a pad, showing me where to take off the paper and then said, “So, you just press it to your panties and change it whenever you need to. I should give you some panty liners too, for lighter days. I’ll get you some things, okay?”

“It’s okay.  Kellan said he would.”

“I don’t think he’ll know what to buy. I don’t mind, really.”

She was being nice again, and it made me feel worse about not liking her. But, I just couldn’t like the person who was stealing Kellan from me, even if she wasn’t the reason he was leaving. “Okay, whatever. Thanks.”

I cleaned myself up and we sat down to eat lunch. It was really good, even though I had no idea what I was eating. They had a lot of money, a maid, a cook and a few other people running around doing this or that. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at Kellan and I didn’t
want
to look at Brianna, so I spent the entire meal looking down at my food.

Brianna’s father and mother were very nice to me, asking me how I liked school, and what my plans were for the rest of the summer. “I don’t have any plans for the summer. I guess I just want to hang out with Kellan until…he leaves,” I said sadly.

I knew Kellan felt bad about leaving me, and I regretted the words the second they left my mouth. Things were quiet after that and finally it was time for us to go home.

Kellan and I walked home together, neither of us saying much of anything. I was still completely embarrassed about the whole bleeding thing and I knew he felt guilty for leaving me with the Filbert’s. The silence was deafening until we walked in the house and were met with glares from Nancy and Joe.

“Where the hell have you two been?” Nancy shouted.

“We were out. Where the hell have you been?” Kellan shouted, no longer afraid of them.

“That’s none of your business,” Joe shot back.

“I know where you were…Vegas. You were out spending
our money
gambling. Just like always.”

Nancy
looked at me and said, “New clothes? Where did you find the money for those…or did you steal them?” she accused.

“Abby wouldn’t steal a penny…she’s nothing like you! You steal every penny the state gives you for us. What are you going to do when they no longer pay you for me? Take in another foster kid?”

“Maybe we will. And, maybe that one will treat us with the respect we deserve.”

“Respect?” Kellan laughed.

“We give you brats a place to live, clothes, food…”

“You didn’t give us anything. When was the last time you bought groceries around here?  Abby’s clothes were threadbare, yet you seem to always have new shoes and clothes. You eat out all the time, leaving us here to fend for ourselves. I’m leaving soon, and so help me, I’m going to turn you both in for child neglect the second I turn 18. You won’t treat Abby like this anymore! I’m going to see to it!” Kellan shouted and headed to his room without another word.

“You’ll do no such thing, because if you do, we’ll make her life a living hell!” Nancy shouted.

“It already is…but it won’t be!” he said, glaring at her from down the hall, those blue eyes like black
daggers once again, daring her to argue with him.

She didn’t say anything; she just
stormed off to her room. Joe turned to me and said, “I don’t know why she wanted you.”

“She didn’t. She wanted the money, nothing more,” I said, once again finding my voice. “Why are you home so soon? Gamble it all away…again?” I snapped which brought me a hard slap to the cheek. 

They had abused us in many ways…but they had never been physical…until that moment. I stared up at him and he dared me with his eyes to yell for Kellan, and then he said it out loud; “Go ahead, call him. You can watch while I beat the hell out of him. He may be as tall as me now, but he’s still a kid. Trust me; he’s no match for me.”

I put my hand to my hot cheek and walked away. I slammed my door and threw myself on my bed. I’d had more than enough stress that day…but through it all, I knew, without a doubt that Kellan’s imminent departure was by far, worse than anything Nancy or Joe could do to me, and worse than the bleeding…which I still didn’t understand. I spent the rest of the night crying, knowing I was losing the only friend I had or ever would have. My heart was shattered, but I refused to let him know, so I kept my sobs to myself, crying into my pillow. It was soaking wet by morning, but I sat up in bed and told myself I needed to be strong and not make it any harder for Kellan. I was suddenly glad he was getting out. I was worried that Joe would make due on his promise, and I couldn’t bear it!