Twelve Across (23 page)

"I'm not sure, " she answered quietly. "Did you feel anything . sitting there in the theater? "

"

" It was interesting. The kids were pretty good.

But did I kel envious? No: '

"Did you get the urge to jump up there? "

"God, no: ' " You didn't miss being on center stage? "

"I didn't miss being on stage period. I was very hap ps to be sitting in the dark: ' She breathed a tiny sigh of relief. ;

"I heard that, " Garrick chided, narrowing one eye. "Youj were worried:

'

"I dort t want you to miss anything about that life, " she' said a little evasively, then added, "What about the' woman? "

"What about her? "

"Do you think that somehow, maybe subconsciously, you wanted to impress her? "

He shook his head. "No. She was pretty and all, but not like you: '

"But she s a thespian: '

"Good word, but it has no relevance: '

"Sure, it does. She s involved in the same kind of life you came from. A person like that might not go gaga over trapping, but she would about acting, particularly big-time ' acting: '

"What I used to do was small time compared to the people who do Chekov or Williams or-even more so Shakespeare No, I wasn't trying to impress her"

"Maybe you just got tired of the waiting: ' tn hat do you mean? "

Lqah searched for an example to illustrate her point. The only one was the most obvious, and since it fillied so much of her thoughts, she went with it.

"There are times, " she began quietly, "when I just want this baby to be born-one way or the other. It's the waiting and worrying and not knowing that's so bad. Even if the worst happens, at least I'll know, so I can go on with my life: '

"Lqah.. : '

"I'm sorry, but it's the only thing I can think of, and it makes my point. I would assume that for you, it must be nearly as bad wandering around Concord, waiting for someone to recognize you, worrying about what will hap Twelve qi when someone does. Maybe you wanted to get it over q qq,rlth. Maybe one part of you wanted that woman to know '" trho you were: ' He opened his mouth to protest, then clamped it shut and qqrvas silent for a minute. "Maybe: '

"How did you feel when the truth came out? "

His tawny brows knit as he tried to verbalize his thoughts. "Weird. A little proud, but a little like an imposter, too. I felt distanced...

like she was talking about someone else qntirely when she started bombarding me with questions. I felt like I was playing a game, letting her believe I was Greg Reynolds, superstar, when I knew that I wasn't: '

"Did she bring back memories of how the fans used to "Yes and no. She went all wide-eyed and high-voiced like a typical fan, but I didn't like it the way I used to. To tell you the truth, it was disgusting. Up to that point, she d seemed dignified: He gave a lopsided grin. " I have to admit that I felt damn good walking away from her. "

"Do you think she was offended? "

"Lord, I hope so, " he answered without remorse. "With luck, shell dismiss me as a fraud. If she starts blabbing about who I am, things might get a little hairy. "

"She doesn't know your real name : ' He scowled. "No, but she knows I'm studying Latin. It would ri t be hard for her to track me down. Maybe I'll cut the next class or two and stay here with you : '

"Chicken: ' " Nuh-uh: He covered her hand with his and began a gentle massage. "I do want to be here with you. It's getting close: ' " Three weeks: '

"How do you feel? "

"Tired: '

"Emotionally? "

"Tired. I meant what I said before. The waiting's getting to me: '

"Everything s been fine so Far. "

"It was the other two times, too: ' " you've never had a ceasarean section before. It'll minimize stress on the baby during delivery. "

"I hope: ' He squeezed her hand. "It will. Things will work out Eine, love.

You'll see. A month from now; we 11 have a squirming little thing on our hands: '" That's just what I told myself eight months into two other pregnancies; '

"But this time is different. That's my baby you're carrying : ' She sighed, then smileqd sadly: "Which is precisely why I want it so badly.

"

Tq qx't' weqc vws an uneventful one for Leah, but, then, she d known it would be. Aside from when she was eating or using the bathroom, she remained in bed. She didn't do much reading because she couldn't seem to concentrate.

She didn't do much weaving because, with the bulk of the loom and that of her stomach, she couldn't get comfortable. She listened to music, which was fine for a time, particularly since Garrick kept her supplied with new tapes that they both enjoyqed. Susan came to visit often, usually-and deliberately Leah suspected, to keep an eye on her-while Garrick was in school.

She didn't do mucrq work of the official puzzle-making variety because she d declared herself on a temporary leave of absence. But she found herself working on that private puzzle, the one involving words that related to what she d fondlqy come to think of as the life and times of Garrick and It was a whimsical endeavor and it helped keep her q.

(q,rrick's week wasn't quite as uneventful. He went back school without missing a class, and though he was edgy quring the first two days, he saw no sign of the young qvoman from the theater. On the third day, just when he was qeginning to relax again, she accosted him as he was leavq his class.

"I have to talk to you for a minute, Mr. Reynolds, " she ilfdidquickly and a little nervously as she fell into step beqtlde him. "I was serious about what I said the other day. It iwould mean the world to all of us if you would agree to apeak: ' q fqie kept walking at the same even pace. " I have nothing #o say "

"But you do. you've had experiences we've only dreamed of having : '

"I'm not who you think I am: ' " You are. After we talked the other day, I went to the library and pored through the microfilms. The last anyone heard from or saw of Greg Reynolds was shortly before an automobile accident. The accident was reported in the papers Greg Reynolds survived it, then disappeared. With your face and body, it would be too much of a coincidence to think that you're not him: ' He sliced her a glance, but she went on, clearly proud of herself.

"I researched further. Greg Reynolds s real name is Garrick Rodenhiser.

That's the name you've enrolled under here: ' Garrick stopped then. "I'm a private citizen, Miss. " Schumacqer. Liza Schumacher. "

"I don't give talks, Miss. Schumacher "Liza. We could keep it to a small group, if That's what you'd prefer. "

"I'd prefer, " he said quietly, almost be:qeeqhingly, "to have my privacy respected: ' " we'd pay you-"

"No, thanks: He started off again.

"An hour. A half hour. That's all we'd ask ' But he simply shook his head and kept going. Fortunately she didn't follow.

Again he told Lqah about the encounter. Again she explored his feelings about it. "Are you sure you don't want to do it!"

"Speak? Are you kidding? "

"She s right, in a way. You have had the kind of experience that many of them want. It's not unusual for representatives of different careers to talk to groups of students: '

IN hose side are you on, Leah? "

"Yours. You know that: '

Thrusting his legs from the bed, he landed on his feet and stalked off to the window. "Well, I don't want to speak before students or any other group.

For one thing, I don't think much of the kind of experience I had. For another, I don't relish the idea of confessing my sins to an audience: '

"There was apositive side to what you did: '

"Mmm. Somewhere. I can't seem to see it, though. I suppose I could make up a good story..

"Garrick.."

He continued to stare out the window.

"Why-really-won't you speak? "

He was silent for several more minutes, but he knew that I. eah suspected the truth. It remained to be seen whether he had the courage to confirm it. ' Ah, hell, " he muttered at last. '" The truth of it is that deep down inside, I'm afraid I'll like the feeling of power that when you've got an audience in your thrall-the rapt , the adulation, the applause. If I do it once, I may want o it again, and if I do it a second time, a third could folqq ; and by that time I could be hooked on how wonderful"

"You are wonderful : ' tie bent his head and smiled, then turned and retraced his q to the bed. Stretching out on his stomach before Lqah, ne grabbed her hand and pressed it to his lips. you're the only one I want to be3r saying that, because you're the only one who knows the real me.

I've never talked to anyone the : way I have to you. You're better than an analyst any day"

Leah wasn't sure if she liked the idea of being an analyst, because knowing another person's thoughts meant knowq ' ing his fears, and Garrick still had many. She thought he d made progress since he'd been in Concord, and perhaps, to some extent, he had-but he still didn't trust himself. And that frightened her. She knew that she d need his strength in the coming weeks and she didn't want anything to dilute it.

"I'll settle for being your soul mate, " she said, and offered her lips for a kiss.

THE SUDDEN SNOWSTORM THAT HIT during the first week of December did nothing for Lqah's peace of mind. True, Garrick's classes were canceled, so he stayed home with her. But she had visions of going into premature labor while they were snowbound, in which case everything they d gone through might have been in vain.

They weren't truly snowbound, as it happened. Nor did she go into premature labor. Day by day though, she felt the baby move lower, and though Gregory had made arrangements to do the section on the fifteenth of December, she wondered if Garrick's monster would wait that long.

zob It was harder to see Garrick off to class now. She was phyqically uncomfortable and emotionally strung out. Only when he was with her could she begin to relax, knowing that he d take over if something happened. But she did send him off. She felt he needed it, in more respects than the obvious one of taking his mind off the baby and her.

On the eleventh of December she wished she d been more selfish.

GARQTICK LEFR CI. Ass and walked to his car, but he d barely qaeached for the door, when a loud call echoed across the parking lot. , "Mr.

Reynoldst"

His grip tightened on the handle. Only one perqon would call him that, and the last thing he wanted to do was to talk with her now. He wanted to be home with Leah.

"Mr. Reynolds! Waitl Please!"

He opened the door and fleetingly contemplated jumping inside, slamming down the locks and wheeling off. But he wasn't a coward. Not anymore.

Propping one arm above the window, he turned his head toward the young woman approaching. "Yes, Miss. Schumacher7"

Breathing hard from the run, she skidded to a halt by his side. "Thank you for waiting... I wanted to get here earlier :.. my class ran late: '

"I'm running late myself. Was there something you wanted? " His breath was a white cloud in the cold air, though not quite large enough for him to vanish into as he wished he could do.

"Since you didn't feel comfortable speaking, I had another idea: She darted a quick glance behind her. To Garrick's dismay, a young man was trotting up to join them. " Darryl's with the town newspaper. I thought-we thought-that it would be super to have an article. : '

Garrick frowned. "I thought you said this would be our secret:'

"I did. But then I started thinking:' She was slowly catching her breath. " It diddt seem fair to be selfish "About what? "

"About knowing who you are. It seemed unfair that I should keep everything to myself-"

"Unfair-to you? "

"No, no. To the people around here who would find your story interesting: '

Garrick studied her steadily. "What about me7 What about what's fair and unfair where l,m concerned? "

If anything, she grew bolder. "you're a star, Mr. Reynolds doesn't that bring with it certain responsibilities? "

"I'm not a star anymore, " he stated unequivocably and with an odd kind of pride. "I'm a private citizen. I have many responsibilities, but as far as I can see, none of them have to do with you, or your fellow students, or your professors , or your friends: He cocked his head toward the reporter' Is he your boyfriend? "

She exchanged an awkward look with Darryl. "Weve gone out a few times, but that doesn't have anything ' Are you lovers? " '"That's not " Is she good? " Garrick asked Darryl.

Liza went red in the face. "That's none of your business. I don't see what my private life has to do with-"

"My private life? " Garriqck finished. "Nothing, Miss. Schumacher. My questions are as much an invasion of your privacy as anything you-or Darryl-would ask me. I've already told you that I'm not interested in appearing publicly That goes for big talks, small talks, newspaper articles and whatever else ydu come up with: ' he'd been speaking, Lizas expression had gone "from embarrassment to dismay: In the silent minute that qollowed, it moved to anger. " The papers I read were right, " ghe decided, abandoning all pretense of deference. " You are arrogant : '

"Not really, " Garrick said, surprised by the feeling of peace that was settling over him. "I'm simply trying to explain my feelings: And not only to her. Suddenly things were falling into place. His vision of who he was and what he wanted in life was becoming crystal clear.

Liza drew herself straighter. "I think you're a has-been. You disappeared from the acting scene. I think it was because you couldn't land any good parts after Pagen. I think You re afraid to stand before a group, knowing that: ' She was tall, but Garrick was taller. Setting his shoulders back, he took a deep bzeath. "You know something, Miss.

Schumacher? I don't care what you think. The fact of the matter is that I'm not afraid to stand before anyone.q'm simply... not... interested. I chose to give up acting because it did nothing good for my life. You could offer me top billing in your next production and I'd refuse. You could offer to let me direct and I'd refuse. You could offer me headlines in the paper and I'd refuse. I live quietly now. I have a life that is much richer than anything I've known before If you d like to do an article, I'd be happy to tell you about trapping, or studying Latin, or whittling chess sets As for acting, it's not me anymore. I've been away Erom it for nearly five years now, and I don't miss it: '