Twelfth Night (14 page)

SIR TOBY
    There’s no remedy, sir, he will fight with

you
for’s oath
²⁷⁰
sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of

his
quarrel
²⁷¹
, and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking

of: therefore draw for the
supportance
of his vow. He
protests
²⁷²

he will not hurt you.

VIOLA
    Pray God defend me!
A little thing would
²⁷⁴

make me tell them how much I lack of a man.

FABIAN
    Give ground if you see him furious.

SIR TOBY
    Come, Sir Andrew, there’s no remedy. The gentleman

will, for his honour’s sake, have one bout with you. He cannot

by the
duello
²⁷⁹
avoid it. But he has promised me, as he is a

gentleman and a soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on, to’t.

SIR ANDREW
    Pray God he keep his oath!

VIOLA
    I do assure you, ’tis against my will.

ANTONIO
    Put
up
²⁸³
your sword. If this young gentleman

Have done offence, I take the fault on me.

If you offend him, I for him defy you.

SIR TOBY
    You, sir? Why, what are you?

ANTONIO
    One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more

Than you have heard him brag to you he will.

SIR TOBY
    Nay, if you be an
undertaker
, I am
for
²⁸⁹
you.

FABIAN
    O, good Sir Toby, hold! Here come the officers.

SIR TOBY
    I’ll be with you
anon.
²⁹¹

VIOLA
    Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.

SIR ANDREW
    Marry, will I, sir. And
for that
²⁹³
I promised you, I’ll be

as good as my word.
He
will bear you easily and
reins
²⁹⁴
well.

FIRST OFFICER
    This is the man; do thy office.

SECOND OFFICER
    Antonio, I arrest thee at the
suit
²⁹⁶
of Count

Orsino.

ANTONIO
    You do mistake me, sir.

FIRST OFFICER
    No, sir, no jot. I know your
favour
²⁹⁹
well,

Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.

Take him away: he knows I know him well.

ANTONIO
    I must obey.— This comes with seeking you.

But there’s no remedy, I shall
answer
³⁰³
it.

What will you do, now my necessity

Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me

Much more for what I cannot do for you

Than what befalls myself. You stand
amazed
³⁰⁷
;

But be of comfort.

SECOND OFFICER
    Come, sir, away.

ANTONIO
    I must entreat of you some of that money.

VIOLA
    What money, sir?

For the fair kindness you have showed me here,

And
part
³¹³
being prompted by your present trouble,

Out of my lean and low ability

I’ll lend you something. My
having
³¹⁵
is not much.

I’ll make division of my
present
³¹⁶
with you.

Hold, there’s half my
coffer.
³¹⁷

ANTONIO
    Will you
deny
³¹⁸
me now?

Is’t possible that my
deserts
³¹⁹
to you

Can
lack persuasion?
Do not
tempt
³²⁰
my misery,

Lest that it make me so
unsound
³²¹
a man

As to upbraid you with those kindnesses

That I have done for you.

VIOLA
    I know of none,

Nor know I you by voice or any feature.

I hate ingratitude more in a man

Than lying,
vainness
³²⁷
, babbling, drunkenness,

Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption

Inhabits our frail blood.

ANTONIO
    O heavens themselves!

SECOND OFFICER
    Come, sir, I pray you go.

ANTONIO
    Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here

I snatched one half out of the jaws of death,

Relieved him with such
sanctity
³³⁴
of love,

And to his
image
³³⁵
, which methought did promise

Most
venerable worth
³³⁶
, did I devotion.

FIRST OFFICER
    What’s that to us? The time goes by. Away!

ANTONIO
    But O, how vile an idol proves this god.

Thou hast, Sebastian, done good
feature
³³⁹
shame.

In nature there’s no blemish but the mind.

None can be called deformed but the
unkind.
³⁴¹

Virtue is beauty, but the beauteous evil

Are empty
trunks
o’erflourished
³⁴³
by the devil.

FIRST OFFICER
    The man grows mad. Away with him! Come,

come, sir.

ANTONIO
    Lead me on.

VIOLA
    Methinks his words do from such passion fly,

That he believes himself, so do not I.

Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,

That I, dear brother, be now ta’en for you!

SIR TOBY
    Come hither, knight. Come hither, Fabian. We’ll

whisper o’er a couplet or two of most
sage
³⁵²

saws.
³⁵³

VIOLA
    He named Sebastian. I my brother know

Yet living in my
glass
³⁵⁵
, even such and so

In
favour
was my brother, and he
went
³⁵⁶

Still
in this fashion, colour,
ornament
³⁵⁷
,

For him I imitate. O, if it
prove
³⁵⁸
,

Tempests are kind and salt waves fresh in love.

SIR TOBY
    A very
dishonest
paltry boy, and more
a coward
³⁶⁰

than a hare. His dishonesty appears in leaving his friend

here in necessity and denying him. And for his cowardship,

ask Fabian.

FABIAN
    A coward, a most devout coward,
religious
³⁶⁴
in it.

SIR ANDREW
    
’Slid
³⁶⁵
, I’ll after him again and beat him.

SIR TOBY
    Do, cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.

SIR ANDREW
    An I do not—

FABIAN
    Come, let’s see the
event.
³⁶⁸

SIR TOBY
    I dare lay any money ’twill be nothing
yet.
³⁶⁹

FESTE
    Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

SEBASTIAN
    Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow.

Let me be clear of thee.

FESTE
    Well
held out
⁴
, i’faith! No, I do not know you, nor I

am not sent to you by my lady, to bid you come speak with

her, nor your name is not Master Cesario, nor this is not my

nose neither. Nothing that is so is so.

SEBASTIAN
    I prithee
vent
⁸
thy folly somewhere else. Thou

know’st not me.

FESTE
    Vent my folly! He has heard that word
of
¹⁰
some great

man and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid

this great
lubber
the world will prove a
cockney.
¹²
I prithee

now
ungird
thy
strangeness
¹³
and tell me what I shall vent to

my lady. Shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

SEBASTIAN
    I prithee, foolish
Greek
¹⁵
, depart

from me. There’s money for thee. If you
tarry
¹⁶
longer, I shall

give
worse payment.
¹⁷

FESTE
    By my troth, thou hast an
open
¹⁸
hand. These wise

men that give fools money get themselves a good
report
¹⁹
—

after
fourteen years’ purchase.
²⁰

Enter Andrew, Toby and Fabian

SIR ANDREW
    Now, sir, have I met you again?

There’s for you.

SEBASTIAN
    Why, there’s for thee, and there, and

there. Are all the people mad?

SIR TOBY
    Hold, sir, or I’ll throw your dagger o’er the house.

FESTE
    This will I tell my lady
straight.
I would not be
in
²⁶

some of your coats for twopence.

SIR TOBY
    Come on, sir,
hold.
²⁸

SIR ANDREW
    Nay, let him alone. I’ll go another way to work with

him. I’ll have an
action of battery
³⁰
against him, if there be

any law in Illyria. Though I struck him first, yet it’s no

matter for that.

SEBASTIAN
    Let go thy hand.

SIR TOBY
    Come, sir, I will not let you go. Come, my young

soldier, put up your
iron.
You are well
fleshed.
³⁵
Come on.

SEBASTIAN
    I will be free from thee. What wouldst thou now? If

thou darest tempt me further, draw thy sword.

SIR TOBY
    What, what? Nay, then I must have an ounce or two

of this
malapert
³⁹
blood from you.

OLIVIA
    Hold, Toby. On thy life I charge thee, hold!

SIR TOBY
    Madam!

OLIVIA
    Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch,

Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves,

Where manners ne’er were preached! Out of my sight!—

Be not offended, dear Cesario.—

Rudesby
⁴⁶
, be gone!

      I prithee, gentle
friend
⁴⁶
,

Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway

In this
uncivil
and unjust
extent
⁴⁸

Against thy peace. Go with me to my house,

And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks

This ruffian hath
botched up
⁵¹
, that thou thereby

Mayst smile at this. Thou shalt not choose but go.

Do not deny.
Beshrew
⁵³
his soul for me,

He
started
one poor
heart
⁵⁴
of mine in thee.

SEBASTIAN
    What
relish
⁵⁵
is in this? How runs the stream?

Or
⁵⁶
I am mad, or else this is a dream.

Let
fancy
still my sense in
Lethe
⁵⁷
steep.

If it be thus to dream,
still
⁵⁸
let me sleep!

OLIVIA
    Nay, come, I prithee.
Would thou’dst
⁵⁹
be ruled by me!

SEBASTIAN
    Madam, I will.

OLIVIA
    O, say so, and so be!