Twelfth Night (16 page)

ORSINO
    Belong you to the lady Olivia, friends?

FESTE
    Ay, sir, we are some of her
trappings.
⁸

ORSINO
    I know thee well. How dost thou, my good fellow?

FESTE
    Truly, sir, the better
for
¹⁰
my foes and the worse for my

friends.

ORSINO
    Just the contrary, the better for thy friends.

FESTE
    No, sir, the worse.

ORSINO
    How can that be?

FESTE
    Marry, sir, they praise me and make an ass of me.

Now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes,

sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself, and by my friends I am

abused
:
so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four
¹⁸

negatives make your two affirmatives, why then, the worse

for my friends and the better for my foes.

ORSINO
    Why, this is excellent.

FESTE
    By my troth, sir, no,
though
²²
it please you to be one of

my
friends.
²³

ORSINO
    Thou shalt not be the worse for me.

There’s gold.

FESTE
    
But
²⁶
that it would be double-dealing, sir, I would you

could make it another.

ORSINO
    O, you give me ill counsel.

FESTE
    Put
your grace
in your pocket
²⁹
, sir, for this once, and

let your
flesh and blood
obey
it.
³⁰

ORSINO
    Well, I will be so much a sinner
to
³¹
be

a double-dealer. There’s another.

FESTE
    
Primo, secundo, tertio
, is a good
play
³³
, and the old

saying is, the
third pays for all.
The
triplex
³⁴
, sir, is a good

tripping
measure
, or the bells of
Saint Bennet
³⁵
, sir, may put

you in mind: one, two, three.

ORSINO
    You can fool no more money out of me at this

throw.
³⁸
If you will let your lady know I am here to speak with

her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty

further.

FESTE
    Marry, sir,
lullaby
⁴¹
to your bounty till I come again. I

go, sir. But I would not have you to think that my desire of

having is the sin of covetousness. But as you say, sir, let your

bounty take a nap, I will awake it anon.

VIOLA
    Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue me.

ORSINO
    That face of his I do remember well,

Yet, when I saw it last, it was besmeared

As black as
Vulcan
⁴⁸
in the smoke of war.

A
bawbling
⁴⁹
vessel was he captain of,

For
shallow
draught
and bulk
unprizeable
⁵⁰
,

With which such
scathful
grapple
⁵¹
did he make

With the most noble
bottom
⁵²
of our fleet,

That
very
envy
and the tongue of
loss
⁵³

Cried fame and honour on him. What’s the matter?

FIRST OFFICER
    Orsino, this is that Antonio

That took the
Phoenix
and her
fraught
from
Candy
⁵⁶
,

And this is he that did the
Tiger
⁵⁷
board

When your young nephew Titus lost his leg;

Here in the streets,
desperate
⁵⁹
of shame and state,

In private
brabble
⁶⁰
did we apprehend him.

VIOLA
    He did me kindness, sir, drew
on my side
⁶¹
,

But in conclusion
put strange speech upon me.
⁶²

I know not what ’twas
but distraction.
⁶³

ORSINO
    
Notable
⁶⁴
pirate! Thou salt-water thief!

What foolish boldness brought thee to their mercies,

Whom thou, in terms so
bloody
and so
dear
⁶⁶
,

Hast made thine enemies?

ANTONIO
    Orsino, noble sir,

Be pleased that I
⁶⁹
shake off these names you give me.

Antonio never yet was thief or pirate,

Though I confess, on
base
⁷¹
and ground enough,

Orsino’s enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither.

That most ingrateful boy there by your side

From the
rude
⁷⁴
sea’s enraged and foamy mouth

Did I redeem. A wreck past hope he was.

His life I gave him and did thereto add

My love, without
retention
⁷⁷
or restraint,

All his in dedication.
⁷⁸
For his sake

Did I expose myself — 
pure
⁷⁹
for his love —

Into the danger of this
adverse
⁸⁰
town,

Drew to defend him when he was beset,

Where being apprehended, his false cunning —

Not meaning to partake with me in danger —

Taught him to
face me out of his acquaintance
⁸⁴
,

And
grew a twenty years removèd thing
⁸⁵

While one would wink, denied me mine own purse,

Which I had
recommended
⁸⁷
to his use

Not half an hour before.

VIOLA
    How can this be?

ORSINO
    When came he to this town?

ANTONIO
    Today, my lord. And for three months before,

No interim, not a minute’s vacancy,

Both day and night did we keep company.

ORSINO
    Here comes the countess. Now heaven walks on earth.

But for
⁹⁵
thee, fellow — fellow, thy words are madness.

Three months this youth hath tended upon me.

But more of that anon. Take him aside.

OLIVIA
    What would my lord,
but that he may not have
⁹⁸
,

Wherein Olivia may seem serviceable?

Cesario, you do not keep promise with me.

VIOLA
    Madam?

ORSINO
    Gracious Olivia—

OLIVIA
    What do you say, Cesario? Good my
lord
¹⁰³
—

VIOLA
    My lord would speak, my duty hushes me.

OLIVIA
    If it be
aught
¹⁰⁵
to the old tune, my lord,

It is as
fat
and
fulsome
¹⁰⁶
to mine ear

As howling after music.

ORSINO
    Still so cruel?

OLIVIA
    Still so constant, lord.

ORSINO
    What, to perverseness? You
uncivil
¹¹⁰
lady,

To whose
ingrate
and
unauspicious
¹¹¹
altars

My soul the faithfull’st offerings hath breathed out

That e’er devotion
tendered!
¹¹³
What shall I do?

OLIVIA
    
Even what
it please my lord that shall
become
¹¹⁴
him.

ORSINO
    Why should I not, had I the heart to do it,

Like to th’
Egyptian thief
¹¹⁶
at point of death,

Kill what I love? — a savage jealousy

That sometimes
savours nobly.
¹¹⁸
But hear me this:

Since you to
non-regardance
¹¹⁹
cast my faith,

And
that
¹²⁰
I partly know the instrument

That
screws
¹²¹
me from my true place in your favour,

Live you the marble-breasted tyrant still.

But this your
minion
¹²³
, whom I know you love,

And whom, by heaven I swear, I
tender
¹²⁴
dearly,

Him will I tear out of that cruel eye,

Where he sits crownèd
in his master’s spite.
¹²⁶

Come, boy, with me. My thoughts are
ripe in mischief
¹²⁷
:

I’ll sacrifice the lamb that I do love,

To spite a raven’s heart within a dove.

VIOLA
    And I, most
jocund
,
apt
¹³⁰
and willingly,

To do you rest
¹³¹
, a thousand deaths would die.

OLIVIA
    Where goes Cesario?

VIOLA
    After him I love

More than I love these eyes, more than my life,

More, by all
mores
¹³⁵
, than e’er I shall love wife.

If I do feign, you witnesses above

Punish my life for
tainting of
¹³⁷
my love!

OLIVIA
    Ay me, detested! How am I
beguiled!
¹³⁸

VIOLA
    Who does beguile you? Who does do you wrong?

OLIVIA
    Hast thou forgot thyself? Is it so long?

Call forth the holy father.

ORSINO
    Come, away!

OLIVIA
    Whither, my lord? Cesario, husband, stay.

ORSINO
    Husband?

OLIVIA
    Ay, husband. Can he that deny?

ORSINO
    Her husband,
sirrah?
¹⁴⁶

VIOLA
    No, my lord, not I.

OLIVIA
    Alas, it is the
baseness
¹⁴⁸
of thy fear

That makes thee
strangle
thy
propriety
¹⁴⁹

Fear not, Cesario, take thy fortunes up.

Be
that
¹⁵¹
thou know’st thou art, and then thou art

As great as
that thou fear’st.
¹⁵²

O, welcome, father!

Father, I charge thee by thy reverence

Here to
unfold
¹⁵⁵
, though lately we intended

To keep in darkness what occasion now

Reveals before ’tis ripe, what thou dost know

Hath newly passed between this youth and me.

PRIEST
    A contract of eternal bond of love,

Confirmed by mutual
joinder
¹⁶⁰
of your hands,

Attested by the holy
close
¹⁶¹
of lips,

Strengthened by interchangement of your rings,

And all the ceremony of this
compact
¹⁶³

Sealed in my function
¹⁶⁴
, by my testimony.

Since when, my
watch
¹⁶⁵
hath told me, toward my grave

I have travelled but two hours.

ORSINO
    O thou dissembling cub! What wilt thou be

When time hath sowed a
grizzle
on thy
case?
¹⁶⁸

Or will not else thy
craft
¹⁶⁹
so quickly grow

That thine own
trip
¹⁷⁰
shall be thine overthrow?

Farewell, and take her; but direct thy feet

Where thou and I henceforth may never meet.

VIOLA
    My lord, I do
protest
¹⁷³
—

OLIVIA
    O, do not swear!

Hold little faith
¹⁷⁵
, though thou hast too much fear.

SIR ANDREW
    For the love of God, a surgeon! Send one
presently
¹⁷⁶

to Sir Toby.

OLIVIA
    What’s the matter?

SIR ANDREW
    
H’as broke
¹⁷⁹
my head across and has given Sir Toby

a bloody
coxcomb
¹⁸⁰
too. For the love of God, your help! I had

rather than forty pound I were at home.

OLIVIA
    Who has done this, Sir Andrew?

SIR ANDREW
    The count’s gentleman, one Cesario. We took him

for a coward, but he’s the very devil
incardinate.
¹⁸⁴

ORSINO
    My gentleman, Cesario?

SIR ANDREW
    
’Od’s lifelings
¹⁸⁶
, here he is! You broke my head for

nothing, and that that I did, I was set on to do’t by Sir Toby.

VIOLA
    Why do you speak to me? I never hurt you.

You drew your sword upon me without cause,

But I bespake you fair, and hurt you not.