Turn Towards the Sun: Book Three- Forever in Bloom (The Sunflower Trilogy) (4 page)

“Oh, honey,” Cassie says as she strokes my hair.

I lay against her, comforted by her arms around me. She doesn’t need to tell me that she will always be here when I need her. I know.

She pulls me up by the arm and waits for Enzo to rise, before leading me to the kitchen where Chris is cooking soup. “We made you some tea,” Cassie offers.

Chris looks up and smiles sweetly, but shifts his eyes away quickly. I’m sure he doesn’t know what to say or how to treat me.

“I’m just going to go lay down if that’s okay with everyone,” I say.

“Of course it is,” Cassie says. “Enzo, why don’t you go with her and I’ll bring you both some tea in a few minutes. Then when lunch is ready, I’ll let you know.”

I nod and start the walk back to our bedroom, Enzo following closely behind me.

“Why don’t we take a shower, amore? Would you like that?”

I nod again, happy to get the hospital and all that has happened to me off my body. It’s a small step, but I’ll take it. Enzo enters the bathroom and starts the shower while I peel out of my clothes. My body feels shaky and almost unable to support itself. I wonder how long it will take before I feel normal again. Will I ever?

When I enter the bathroom, Enzo is already naked and waiting for me. He kindly averts his eyes while I dispose of the remnants of my morning. When I’m ready, he walks me into the shower and sits me down on the bench. Water jets shoot soothing, hot water down my entire body, helping to release some of the tension.

“I’ll take care of you, my love. I always will,” Enzo whispers to me as he takes the shampoo bottle and gently starts to wash my hair. I lean back against him, letting the hot water from the shower wash my sorrow down the drain. Enzo carefully washes every part of me, treating me as though I might break. I already know his protectiveness will go into overdrive and I don’t blame him. We’re both wondering what went wrong. How did I get sick? What can I do to make sure it doesn’t happen again? I know Enzo is trying so hard to be strong for me.

I twist my head to look at him. The expression on his face is so loving and serene. God, I love this man. “Enzo…” I start, but stop, completely at a loss for words.

“You don’t have to say anything to me, bella. I know everything that is in your heart right now. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”

I nod my head and lean back against him again. We sit silently, Enzo’s arms wrapped around me, letting the hot water wash over us.

STANDING IN OUR bedroom, I look out over the backyard just as the sun starts to come up. I tore myself away from Ava finally, after diligently watching her to make sure her every need was met. I failed her once. I won’t do it again.

Sheets ruffle in the darkness as she shifts, not quite awake yet. It’s these early morning hours while she rests that I can grieve. It’s important to me to maintain strength in front of her. After all, she endured the worst of the situation. Just how it all happened remains a mystery to me. Ava is a strong, healthy woman, yet somehow our baby died.

Tears build at the back of my eyes. The pain in my heart is overwhelming and I allow it to rise to the surface, quietly, so as not to wake my sleeping princess. Glancing back at her, I clench my fists to hold down the sob that climbs to the top of my throat. I wonder if she’s going to recover emotionally. I have no doubt her body with heal, but will her heart? Will mine?

Running my hands through my hair, I think back to what everyone has said to me to try and ease the loss. The worst thing, though I know it’s somehow meant to be comforting, is that there must have been a reason. Well I for one would like to know what that is. Sofia said God needed another angel. That one doesn’t work for me. I needed that angel.
We
needed that angel. Why did God take ours? He has more than enough.

My breath catches and I turn back to ensure I haven’t woken Ava. She lies peacefully in bed, a serene expression on her face, appearing as though her heart hasn’t been ripped from her chest. I wipe away a few tears as I watch her sleep before turning back to the window. That woman saved my life. I owe her the world. This was the one thing I couldn’t protect her from and it fucking kills me.

I know one thing for sure. I will do anything in my power to bring her happiness. Till the day I die, my every breath will be solely for this purpose.

I OPEN MY eyes, sensing that Enzo is not beside me. Rolling over, I wince slightly from the soreness I still feel all over. I see him standing across the room in front of the French doors that lead to the backyard. The sun is just coming up and sadness hits me as I catch a glimpse of Enzo’s tear drenched face. His silent tears confirm the hurt he feels. I want him to have his space to grieve so I stay silent and motionless, even though pain sears my heart every time I hear his soft sobs. I lay quietly, feeling every ounce of his pain, before I hear his body shift back towards me. I close my eyes and pretend to just be waking. I know it’s important to him to be strong in front of me.

“Buon giorno, angelo mio,” Enzo says softly. Climbing back into bed, he strokes my hair and kisses my forehead.

“Angelo? Does that mean angel?” I ask.

He smiles. “Brava. You are an angel, Ava. A beautiful angel sent just for me.”

A broken angel
,
perhaps
. I smile in return, knowing it will only upset him if I say anything negative about myself.

“How do you feel this morning, amore?” he asks.

“Physically I feel fine. A bit weak and tired, but better than before,” I say.

“What can I get you? Some coffee? A cornetto?”

“Coffee’s good. I’ll try and eat a little later. Are you going to work today?”

“Maybe later. Checca wants to stop by if you’re feeling up to it. Also, your parents called a few times while you were sleeping last night. I promised when you woke, you would call.”

“Okay, I’ll do that after coffee. Checca is always welcome here, but I’ll probably cry again as soon as I see her. I want to spend some time with Cass too.” I run my fingers through Enzo’s gorgeous black hair. “Thank you for staying with me. It’s very comforting.”

“It’s very comforting for me too.” He leans in and kisses my cheek. “I spoke with your parents for a long time last night,” he says. “Your mother cried and your father was emotional as well. I assured them that you are healthy and will recover fully.”

“Is that true?” I ask, my eyes welling with tears again.

“Yes, Ava, it’s true. You have to believe it too.”

“I’m trying.”

“You just need to rest for as long as necessary. Checca is prepared to work alone and I will help her where I can. I don’t want you stressed out worrying about the hotel. Your health is more important than anything else.”

I nod my head. This is one time I won’t fight him. I have zero interest in La Bellissima right now. In fact, I don’t even plan to leave this house anytime soon. I don’t want to see anyone but the people closest to me.

My attention turns to the door at the sound of a small knock. Enzo calls out and Cassie enters. She’s still wearing her pajamas and looks as sweet as any porcelain doll I’ve ever seen. My lips turn up in a smile at her presence.

Enzo hops up out of bed. “I’ll get some coffee and let you two chat,” he says, before kissing me sweetly on my cheek.

Cassie walks towards me and climbs in the bed next to me. I can tell from her awkwardness that she is uncomfortable, something Cassie rarely is. “I don’t know what to say,” she states.

“There is nothing to say. Words are not helpful,” I say. “But your company is. I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” she says, and sinks down in the sheets next to me. She grabs my hand and links her fingers through mine. “How is Enzo?”

“Pretending he is tough. His heart is broken, Cass.”

“Not completely, he still has you and that’s important.”

I shrug. “I feel like…” My words are halted as Enzo arrives with a tray of coffee for us.

“Amore, I brought the cornetto and some fruit in case you get hungry,” Enzo says, setting the tray down on the nightstand.

I nod. “Thank you. I’ll try to eat.”

I see an exchange of glances between Cassie and Enzo and know that he wants her to get me to eat. He hates it when I don’t. Food is the very last thing on my mind though. To make him happy, I lift my coffee cup and slurp the hot liquid down my throat. It feels good and distracts my mind for a few brief moments. Enzo smiles and leaves the room again.

“What were you going to say, Ava?” Cassie asks.

“I was saying that I feel like a failure. This is the one thing I could do for Enzo; the one thing I could give him that he can’t get for himself and I failed.”

Cassie rubs my hand. “You didn’t fail, Ava. I can’t begin to say I understand how you feel, but you didn’t do anything wrong. You have to believe that.”

“So why can a crack head whore on the street knock out a kid every nine months and I can’t? Can you explain that to me? Something is
wrong
with me, Cass.” My voice trembles with anger.

“You got sick, Ava. It could happen to anyone,” Cassie replies. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“How do you know?” I ask defiantly.

Cassie cocks her head at me, an exasperated expression on her face. “Listen, I know you’re hurt right now, but I’m going to point out a few things to you. Look around, sister. You have a very blessed existence. I must have missed the day God was handing out the perfect life blessing. I’m not saying you shouldn’t feel sad or hurt right now. I’m just saying that there is no reason that you won’t have the baby, or babies, that you want. You need to think about that.”

I nod my head and take another sip of my coffee. Leaning over the breakfast tray, I lift the cornetto to my lips and take a bite, chewing slowly as I ponder Cassie’s words. She smiles and lays her head down across my lap, her blond curls splaying out around us. I run my fingers through her soft hair and feel a rush of gratefulness wash over me. As sad as I am, I am blessed in many other ways. Somehow, I need to dig down deep and find the strength to pull myself back up. The sooner I get better the sooner I can try to have a baby again.

“You’re absolutely right, Cass. It’s just hard to accept that this happened to me,” I say, dragging my fingers through her curls.

She looks up with her big eyes and smiles at me. “You’re my best friend. I love you like my own sister. I wouldn’t say any of this to you if I didn’t think I needed to. Enzo loves you. I love you. In fact, everyone that meets you loves you. You’re an incredible person and one day, when everything is right, you’re going to be an amazing mother. I just know it.”

“I guess you’re right. I just wanted it to be right now.”

“I know. But you have no idea what’s around the corner.”

I finally let a smile, albeit a weak one, cross my lips. “Especially with Prince Charming around.”

“Right.” She pops upright. “Keep eating or the prince will have my ass,” she cackles and I laugh too, so happy to hear that joyous sound of hers.

“Was that your job? Distract me enough to get me to put down some food?” I ask.