Turn Towards the Sun: Book Three- Forever in Bloom (The Sunflower Trilogy) (2 page)

I need to try and stay calm. If I panic, Enzo will too. I take a deep breath to try and calm my shaking body. Walking out into the bedroom, I attempt a smile, but Enzo is not buying it.

“Ava, what happened in there?”

“I would just like to see the doctor now.”

“Don’t keep things from me.”

I sigh. “I feel awful and I want to see the doctor. Can we go now?”

“Yes, of course.”

Enzo takes my arm and helps me walk to the car, keeping his eyes locked on mine. I feel so weak my legs are shaking and without him by my side, I’m sure I would just topple over. Enzo’s mouth presses into a tight line across his face as he helps me into the passenger’s side.

“I hope we didn’t wait too long to see the doctor,” Enzo says.

“Me too,” I say softly, not wanting him to worry even more. Inside, I’m completely freaking out. Spotting is the last thing a pregnant woman wants to see.

Enzo pulls out of the driveway onto the street, driving faster than what I think is safe, but I say nothing. I pull out my phone and text Cass to tell her what is happening. As we drive, a sharp pain shoots through my abdomen causing me to suck in my breath sharply.

“What is it, amore? What is happening to you?” Enzo asks, alarmed.

I shake my head. “I don’t know, but it fucking hurts,” I say, barely able to speak through the pain. I grip the sides of my seat, trying to calm the stabbing sensation coursing through my body.

“I’ll get us there soon, Ava,” Enzo says. I’ve never heard his voice sound so panicked. At this point, I can’t remain calm. In spite of my efforts, I burst into tears.

Enzo rubs my hand as he continues to drive. “I’m here, amore. Just hold my hand.”

Quicker than what seems reasonable, we pull into the parking lot of the hospital and come to a stop in front of the emergency room doors. Enzo cuts the engine and helps me out of the car. He is doing his best to stay cool, but I know from his face that he is equally freaked out. We walk up to the nurse and Enzo explains what is happening while I stand, bent over in pain.

“Come right this way,” the nurse says. The concerned look on her face doesn’t get by me.

She leads us to a room where I get into a gown and climb into the hospital bed. I start to shake violently, and while the nurse tries to check my vitals, my body attempts to throw up several times to no avail.

“Mrs. Milano, you have a very high temperature and you’re dehydrated. I’ve called the doctor down to check you and the baby. He’ll be here in a few minutes,” the nurse says, tenderly.

“I want Dr. Warner,” I whisper to Enzo.

He squeezes my hand. “I just called and she’s coming.”

I lie in the bed, sweaty and feverish. I finally stopped trying to throw up, but oh man, my head hurts. I am miserable. It doesn’t help that I feel like I’m getting my period which is not a comforting feeling.

A large man enters the room wearing a lab coat. “I’m Dr. Martinez. I’m here to help until Dr. Warner arrives,” he says as he studies my chart.

Enzo shakes his hand and tells him what is happening. “She’s pregnant.”

“How many weeks?”

“Ten.”

“Is there any spotting, bleeding, or pain?” the doctor asks.

I don’t want to answer this question, but I know I have to. I nod my head hoping Enzo doesn’t notice.

“Which ones and for how long?” he asks again.

“I’ve been in pain for hours and I noticed some spotting this morning.”

“Spotting? What does this mean?” Enzo asks.

“There is a little bit of blood, but we need to stay calm for now,” I answer, softly.

“Blood? Is something wrong with our baby?” he asks again, his voice raising several octaves. I can’t even look at him.

The doctor looks up from his charts. “We just need to check everything first.”

Enzo stares at me. “Amore, why didn’t you tell me this?”

I fight back tears again as I answer. “I didn’t want to worry you even more.”

Enzo leans in and kisses my forehead. “It would be impossible for me to worry more.”

The doctor takes my temperature again, and starts to push gently on my stomach, which hurts every time he does it. I wince with pain each time he touches me.

“Do you have an appendix?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Taken out when I was twenty.”

I notice the concerned look on his face and immediately fear washes over me.

“What is going on, doctor?” Enzo asks.

“I’m not sure yet, her fever is very high, indicating an infection of some sort. Obviously, it’s not appendicitis. We’re going to draw some blood and run a few tests.”

“When will we know if the baby is okay?” I ask.

“After we get some test results back, Mrs. Milano.”

A nurse comes in and draws my blood for the tests. As each moment passes, the pain in my lower body intensifies and I simply can’t be brave about it. I do nothing to hold back the tears that run freely down my face. Enzo rubs my arm, whispering sweet words to me in Italian. It’s driving me crazy that all the nurses fuss about me yet no one utters a word.

Thirty minutes later, Dr. Warner comes in and rushes to my side. She feels my forehead and reads my chart. Dr. Martinez motions for her and they talk in the corner. Enzo paces back and forth, running his hands through his hair.

Dr. Warner comes back to my side. “How long have you felt this way, Ava?”

“This bad? Just last night after I went to bed. I felt tired all day, but that’s all. Why?”

She looks down at my chart again without answering, and then finally looks up at me. “Ava, dear, I’m going to take a look and see how you’re doing okay?”

I feel a tidal wave of tears building behind my eyes. I don’t like the way everyone is talking to me at all. I watch the doctor go to the end of my bed and lift my blankets. I wriggle out of my panties so she can examine me. As I lay my head back against the pillow, I pray that nothing is wrong with my sweet little baby. Enzo holds my hand so hard it almost hurts.

Dr. Warner looks up at me. “Ava, you’re spotting a bit. I’m going to run some additional tests to find out how the baby is doing.” She smiles at me like a mother comforting a child.

Enzo looks at me and I can tell that he is just as scared as I am. The doctor turns to leave the room and I lie back waiting for more news.
Please let it be anything but the baby.

Enzo becomes more and more agitated while he waits for the doctor to return, pacing and running his hands through his hair repeatedly. “How do you feel now, amore?”

“I feel like shit, Enzo, and I’m worried about all the secrecy. I don’t like it at all.”

“I don’t either.”

Dr. Warner comes back in the room with an unpleasant look on her face. She walks to the side of the bed, and takes my hand in hers. She motions for Enzo to come closer.

Without hearing a word, I immediately start crying again. I know it’s bad news. I know.

“Ava…Enzo,” she pauses.

“Would you just tell us what the hell is going on?” Enzo yells.

She frowns. “I’m very sorry, but the baby… the baby is gone.”

I gasp. “What?! No! No! It’s not true! Tell her it’s not true, Enzo!” Tears stream down my face in utter disbelief.” You’re wrong!” I shake my head, trying to make her words go away. “Please, God, no…” I cry out.

I stare at my husband who looks shocked to the point of speechlessness, before I bury my head in my hands and sob.
Oh my God, my baby.
I’ve never felt anything more painful in my life.

“How? Why?” It’s all I can say, in between sobs. “I want my baby back. I want my baby…” I feel Enzo’s hand holding mine, but I can hardly catch my breath.

The doctor rubs my back. I look up to see Enzo wipe tears from his eyes. He still hasn’t said a word.

“Ava, it’s not your fault or anything you did. It happens with fevers like this and we don’t know how long it’s been gone.” The doctor tries to comfort me.

“No…oh, please,” I wail. “Don’t let it be true,” I cry.

“Doctor,” Enzo finally speaks, his voice cracking with emotion. “I want to be alone with my wife.”

“Of course. I’ll check on you in a few minutes.”

The doctor walks out and Enzo climbs in the hospital bed with me. Wrapping me in his arms, we cry together.

“I’m sorry, Enzo,” I whisper against his chest. “I’m so sorry I lost our baby.”

“Ava.” He pulls my chin up so my eyes meet his. “It’s not your fault. Something…bad happened.”

“Maybe it’s because I drank too much in Vegas, or I didn’t eat well enough. Or maybe I work too much. You’re always telling me I work too hard. It’s my fault I got sick. I didn’t do it right.” I can’t stop crying. How did this happen? What did I do wrong?

“Bella, please, don’t blame yourself. The doctor said—”

“It is my fault, Enzo!”

“Ava, stop it. Please. Your heart is broken, so is mine, but it’s no one’s fault. Vegas was long before you were pregnant and you have taken excellent care of yourself. We’ll get through this. We will. And we can try again.”

“You don’t know that. You don’t know that we can have a baby. Maybe this was it.”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions. We need to talk to the doctor and understand why it happened and go from there.”

“I can’t take it. I can’t go through this again. I was so happy.” I bury my face in his chest. “What if this is it? What if something is wrong with me?”

“Ava, nothing is wrong with you. Look at me.” He holds my face in his hands. “I love you, no matter what. Even if we can’t have babies, we’ll still have each other. That matters most.”

I look up to search his eyes, but can barely see them through my cloudy tears. “You’re just trying to make me feel better. I know how important a family is to you.”

“Ava, listen to me.
You
are my family.” I sniff and Enzo reaches over to the small table beside the bed and, grabbing a tissue, he sweetly wipes my nose.

“I love you so much. I want to give you babies, lots of them. I don’t know how this happened,” I say.

“Neither of us knows, so we’ll get the facts and we’ll find out what we can do going forward. But it doesn’t matter. I need you as much as I need air. My heart beats when yours does. It always will. We’ll figure out what our future is together.” He kisses my mouth softly, as fresh tears roll from his eyes. “I love you, Ava.”

I reach up and wipe the tears from his cheeks. “I can’t stand it when you cry.”

“I could say the same to you,” he says, gazing into my eyes. “Ava, I need you to get well. As much as this hurts, I can’t stand the thought of something happening to you. I can’t lose you.”

“I’ll never leave you, Enzo. You know that.”

“You could leave me accidently. If you weren’t well. My parents…” his voice trails off and I realize with renewed sadness how scared he is to lose someone he loves again.

“Baby, look at me,” I say, stroking his cheek. Enzo’s beautiful blue eyes meet mine and my heart feels as though it will burst. I cannot stand to see this man hurt. “I’ll get better. I promise.”

Enzo nods his head and brushes away my tears. “Shall I get the doctor?”

“Okay.”

Enzo walks into the hallway and returns with Dr. Warner, who walks to my bedside. I listen as she explains I contracted some sort of viral infection that likely caused my pregnancy to terminate. I try to believe her when she tells me I didn’t do anything wrong, and unfortunately, these things sometimes happen in the first trimester. I desperately hope she’s right when she says there is no reason I can’t get pregnant again and have a perfectly healthy pregnancy.

Enzo holds my hand in his the entire time the doctor talks, nodding his head and giving me reassuring looks.

“We’d like you to stay so we can monitor your fever. Also, we can expect that eventually your body will react to the loss of the baby,” Dr. Warner explains.

I nod. I know all about this part. I remember when my friend Sara back in Denver went through it.

“You are absolutely sure that the baby is gone, doctor?” Enzo asks.

“Yes, the blood test revealed the sharp drop in hormone levels that would indicate the—”

“Please.” I raise my hands. “Please don’t say it again. I can’t take it.”

She nods her head. “I understand. It’s a tough thing to go through. I’ve been there myself. I’m being a hundred percent honest with you though, this is not your fault. Either of you.” She smiles.

I do my best to return her smile, even though I feel like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest. I’ve never felt anything like this in my life and I never want to feel it again.

“How long do we need to wait before we can try again?” Enzo asks, and then looks at me.

“We need to wait at least six weeks. After we have a checkup, we’ll discuss. I’m sure it won’t be a problem. Now, try to get some rest. I’ll be back in a few hours to check on you.”

“You won’t leave me?” I ask Enzo.

“Of course not. I’m going to call Cassandra so she knows we’re not coming home and Checca so she doesn’t expect us at the hotel later.”

“Can you do that later, please? Right now, I just need you. I need you to hold me and make me believe everything is going to be okay.”

Enzo takes his jacket off and climbs back in my bed with me, holding me as tight as he can. He kisses the top of my head. “I’ll hold you as long as it takes, forever if that’s what you need. I live for your happiness, Ava.”

“I know.” I let my tears flow once again.

It just might take forever for my broken heart to heal.