TTYL (23 page)

mad maddie:

hey, angela. r u home yet?

SnowAngel:

still at drama club. and why do you say “yet”?

mad maddie:

cuz it seems like u've been at drama club for an awfully long time.

mad maddie:

how's the schlanker?

SnowAngel:

BEN is superb, thanks for asking. he told me a funny story about something that happened at starbucks. wanna hear?

mad maddie:

the schlank-master goes to starbucks? i'd figure him for aurora or churchill grounds, one of those coffee joints where he could snap his fingers and wear a black beret.

SnowAngel:

*narrows eyes* do not make fun of the schlank-master—i mean BEN!!! do u wanna hear the story or not?

mad maddie:

by all means

SnowAngel:

he was sitting in starbucks reading the newspaper
when this frat boy came up and asked if he could look at the sports section. ben handed it to him and said, “sure, i don't read that section anyway.” then the frat boy snorted and said, “yeah, i kinda figured.”

mad maddie:

asshole

SnowAngel:

so ben stood up, took the paper out of the guy's hands, and said, “yr reading privileges have been revoked. sorry!”

mad maddie:

ha! that's awesome

SnowAngel:

i know. he is my hero.

mad maddie:

tits, man

SnowAngel:

please

SnowAngel:

hey, do u know what i just realized on the way home from school? HALLOWEEN IS LESS THAN A WEEK AWAY! what r we gonna do this year? r we gonna go trick-or-treating?

mad maddie:

hell, yeah. free candy!

SnowAngel:

u don't think we're too old?

mad maddie:

let's try this again: FREE CANDY!!!

SnowAngel:

well, what should we go as?

mad maddie:

let me think about it. do u care if i invite ian?

SnowAngel:

sure, if u think he'd wanna come. he has to come up with his own costume, tho. he can't glom onto us.

mad maddie:

i'll swing the idea by him and see what he says.

SnowAngel:

yay! i just had a convo with maddie and it was NORMAL!!!

zoegirl:

wh-hoo!

SnowAngel:

i know. i've been like trying really hard to be cool around her, but at school it's impossible cuz she's
always tagging after jana. *barf* but our text just now was totally fine. i'm so glad!

zoegirl:

that's awesome.

SnowAngel:

yup, and that's all i've got. bye!

zoegirl:

guess what?!! MOM AND DAD SAID I CAN GO TO CUMBERLAND ISLAND!!!

mad maddie:

r u yanking my chain?

zoegirl:

no, they really did! i almost had them sign a piece of paper swearing they wouldn't change their minds, but i thought that might be pushing it.

mad maddie:

zoe!!!

mad maddie:

how did this happen?!!

zoegirl:

remember how i told u my mom thought i needed to spend winter break doing something productive?

mad maddie:

your mom is such a type A

zoegirl:

yeah, cuz she has to be. that's how she gets everything done.

zoegirl:

anyway, i thought about it all day, how i could make our trip “productive,” and when i got home from school i called a park ranger.

zoegirl:

first i talked to him, and then i gave the phone to mom, and he must have been ultra-convincing, because now mom's all fired up about my going on an “environmentalist” adventure. she thinks i'll be able to use it in my college essays.

mad maddie:

do they know i'm bringing my mini-tv?

zoegirl:

i left that part out, as well as the part about the collapsible chaise lounges. the point is I CAN GO!!!

mad maddie:

wh-hoo! cumberland island, here we come!

zoegirl:

and in only four weeks!

mad maddie:

which means we have to kick into maximum planning mode, like what kinda food to bring and stuff like that. and we'll have to get our camping gear ready. u DO have a sleeping bag, right?

zoegirl:

i do

mad maddie:

a real one, not one with the little mermaid on it?

zoegirl:

a real one, don't worry.

mad maddie:

good, cuz angela's already borrowing my pops'.

zoegirl:

ha

mad maddie:

hey—i found a great website for u. it's called
jesus.com
.

zoegirl:

maddie…

mad maddie:

i'm not kidding. i feel bad that i've teased u so much, so i've started doing my own religious exploration.

zoegirl:

uh huh, right

mad maddie:

i'm serious. swear to god. just check it out and u'll see!

zoegirl:

o-k-a-a-a-a-ay. nice, mads. real nice.

mad maddie:

hi, zoe! *waves*

zoegirl:

Young women interested in bathing with Jesus can now have their dream come true?!!

mad maddie:

hee, hee

zoegirl:

Shower can be exchanged for bubble bath upon request?!!!

mad maddie:

i'd go for the bubble bath. definitely more romantic.

zoegirl:

you sent me to a porn site!!! WHY did i believe for a second that you were serious?

mad maddie:

i have no idea

mad maddie:

but it's not a porn site. it's a dating service. don't tell me u'd turn down a date with jesus.

zoegirl:

that guy is not jesus! that guy is a psycho!!!

mad maddie:

so u didn't take the compatibility quiz?

zoegirl:

omigosh, did YOU?

mad maddie:

u bet your bootie. it said, You scored in the lowest tenth percentile. You probably don't know what kind of woman Jesus is looking for.

zoegirl:

well, *that's* true.

mad maddie:

i took it for u too, since i knew u wouldn't have the balls. or the ovaries. whatevs.

mad maddie:

wanna hear your results?

zoegirl:

no!

mad maddie:

right on! here goes: You scored above average. Hopefully you don't live too far away. When you contact Jesus, please mention that you are quiz taker #1026747910-29730.

zoegirl:

oh. my. god.

mad maddie:

that's the spirit!

zoegirl:

i don't believe you, maddie.

mad maddie:

did u see the part about how he gets to take a picture of u in the bubble bath and post it on his website? IF u go out with him, that is.

zoegirl:

crap

zoegirl:

he's gonna track us both down and murder us.

mad maddie:

or at least wash our feet. i sent jana a text about the site, and she thought it was hilarious.

zoegirl:

wait a minute—u and jana have started texting?

mad maddie:

u say it like i've started using heroin.

mad maddie:

i text lots of ppl, zoe

mad maddie:

jana especially liked the endorsements section, where he gives his lubricant rec in 12 tasty flavors.

zoegirl:

yes, well, that's enough fun and games for me for today.

mad maddie:

ur not gonna contact jesus, then? this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!!!