Trouble finding Blondie (25 page)

“Hey, did you guys sleep in?” It was an innocent question from Arye, but it brought Andre back to his fury.

“I had no sleep. And I have no appetite either.”

The air and everyone around the table suddenly froze from his energy and tone. Simona was ignoring it, eating her toast, sipping her coffee. That irritated Andre even more, and the storm was inevitable.

“Are you planning on playing this game all day? Is ignoring me your new tactic? Are you not going to talk to me? I asked you some questions. I want answers!”

“Andre, calm down. Everyone is staring at us,” Patrick said, looking around the restaurant anxiously.

“I don’t give a shit, Patrick. Where the hell have you been, Simo?”

Simona was concentrating on her breathing, scanning the table for reactions. Her primary focus and concern was Francois who didn’t notice anything thanks to Cori’s entertainment. Arye was in full alert, and Partrick was looking around as usual, worried about how they looked in public.

“I’m done. I’m sick of being treated this way. I made miracles happen, but I’m not going to beg or play a fool. Are you going to say anything at all?”

“Are you finished? I wasn’t going to interrupt you.”

“No, I’m not finished. But go ahead!”

“Do the two of you want to take it somewhere else?”

“Patrick, we are really different than you. We really don’t care what people think or say. If you are not comfortable with that, you are welcome to leave. And as far as you go, Andre, I’m willing to listen, hear you out, even take your anger. You know we can debate or argue our points for hours. But I’m not going to be yelled at, cursed at, or be belittled! I maxed out that tank with Patrick.”

Simona turned towards her ex-husband with a smile, “No offense, all forgiven.”

“None taken,” Patrick smiled, knowing he deserved that one.

“I swore that as God is my witness, I will never allow anyone to do that to me again. So, if you need to cool off, go for a swim. And if you’re ready to talk without yelling and shouting, let’s go talk.”

Andre stood there, looking at his son, Patrick, and the boys with overwhelming calm.

“Please excuse us.”

Arye looked at his mother with admiration. Cori held Francois who was bouncing on his legs, trying to peek out at his mom.

“Thanks, boys, for watching him. Don’t let him get dirty. He needs to take a nap soon. Take the stroller. Here’s the key.”

Simona was walking up the stairs when Andre stopped at their floor.

“Where are you going?”

“Philippe’s room. It’s bigger. With no interruptions.”

Andre followed Simona into the suite. When the door closed, he shocked her and himself, too. He grabbed Simona and hugged her.

“I was so scared. I have never been this scared.”

“I’m really sorry. I hate myself for your despair.”

“I couldn’t tell who I was scared for more. I can’t imagine anything happening to you or Francois.”

“Andre, I’m completely at fault for this. I hope you believe that I would never intentionally put you through this.”

“I believe you...”

“Why were you back so early? You didn’t want to go for a drink or see Madrid at night? ”

“No. I was so obsessed with going back that I may have ruined it for them.”

“No. They had a great time. They are still beaming about it.”

Andre let go of Simona and walked away, pacing around nervously.

“Is this where you slept?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“You walked away from me. I’m not a Japanese or Arabic wife to follow a man. You walk away, I’ll walk the other way!”

“Are you nuts? I was pissed off. I tortured myself with jealousy. Yes, I admit it. I can’t take it!”

“I know. I get that. But you walking away with your back towards me and expecting me to follow you is never going to happen. You did it again on the beach, taking my child on top of it.”

“He is mine, too. And you took him from me first.”

“And why? Why did I take him from you? Because you walked away. Every time it gets tough, hard, or simply confusing for you, you find yourself a muse and walk away. What did you call it? ‘A clean slate?’”

“What the hell are you talking about? Are we back to the past? The past that I apologized for? The past you forgave me for?”

“No, we are simply following your pattern. Before, you would find a new muse, new excitement, instead of working and putting energy into fixing or cherishing what you already had. Now, you said you were a changed man. Your maturity is telling you that replacing doesn’t fix anything, doesn’t give you the satisfaction you are craving. It’s simply an illusion, continuing the chase where there will never be the sweet prize of happiness or contentment.”

“Twisted, but somehow a compliment for my growth I suppose. What am I doing wrong now?”

“When it gets hard, you simply run for the exit. Same pattern, different version.”

“I’m human, you know? I have feelings, I was angry doesn’t even do it justice. I was furious!”

“And I told you I deserved your anger. Even your jealousy. But shutting me out or walking away is not going to fix any of it.”

“I just needed time and space.”

“I understand. But you need to be able to say it and make it clear that you need time or space,
 
that you will be back. I gave you time and space.”

“No, you put me in the recurring nightmare of losing you and Francois this morning.”

“I’m sorry. I needed to nurse him, and you were lying across the whole bed.”

“You nursed him?”

Simona’s light bulb went off. Her knees buckled. She sat down. Andre realized that she was feeling remorse so he tried to control his anger.

“How much did you drink?”

“Two glasses. Oh my God!”

“Listen. You had enough food. You digested most of it...”

“I’m really sorry. I have never made this mistake.”

Andre was still mad, but looking at Simona’s anguish and self torture, he didn’t have the heart to add anything. He sat down next to her and grabbed her chin. “He is fine. It’s fine.”

“My boobs were so full...”

“I read somewhere that in some countries doctors actually tell women to have a beer or some wine. It relaxes them and increases milk production.”

“Ok, stop it! This is so unlike me. I don’t make mistakes like these. I told you I needed to process.”

“What happened yesterday?”

“Nothing happened. We had a great sightseeing day and a fancy dinner with a stroller.”

“That’s not what I meant. You said it was unfinished business. Did you finish it?”

“Yes, we closed one chapter.”

“What does that mean? Opening a new one?”

“Yes, brand new…”

“How about ‘
us’,
Blondie? Are we opening or closing?”
“I think both needs to happen. What kind… we have to decide yet.”

“I have already decided.”

“Have you? Is your recent behavior an indication of your decision? Every time you get angry, upset, disappointed, even hurt - and even rightfully so - are you going to show me your back and walk away? Or are you going to stay and do whatever it takes?”

“Maybe I walked away, but I came right back.”

“Sorry, Andre, that’s not good enough for me. That’s a character flaw I can’t take another chance on...”

“Are you saying I’m not allowed to make mistakes? I’m not allowed to simply be human?”

“Mistakes, fuck ups, outbursts, even blow ups, yes. Me wondering if I can find you when we need you, wondering if you will protect us from the world or if you catch me when I fall, no! I rather not have the wishful thinking of protective arms than looking at someone’s back, walking away.”

“That’s not completely fair. I had to force myself on this trip. And you are still pushing me away.”

“I’m not trying to push you away. I was honest about needing space. You said you went through an amazing transformation these past 18 months. You think I stayed the same?”

“No. I’m not stupid. That doesn’t mean we can’t start over though.”

“It actually means we would have to start over. All the way to ‘nice to meet you’!”
“I’m ready.”

“I’m not. We are leaving for Paris on Tuesday afternoon. I’m flying to the U.S. on Friday.”

“And I’m not invited...”

“I’m not taking Francois. Would you like to stay with him?”

“Is that a trick question? I told you I’m never going to be without him.”
“Fine. Reni is going to help you, to give you a break.”

Simona raised her hand before he could protest.
 

“It’s going to be your call, how much or how little you are going to need her. She is still paid, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’m flying to see Jada in Las Vegas, then Ales and Geoffrey in New York. I don’t have my ticket yet, but it’s going to be a week or so.”

“Is Philippe going with you?”

It was so irrational, said with so much fear, that Simona walked over to Andre with pure compassion and wrapped her toned, skinny arms around his broad shoulders.

“I have never lied to you. I have never betrayed you. I have never given you a reason not to trust me. So when I say I need to be alone, I need space to process, I really mean it.”

“I know. I think I’m finally getting the ‘karma is a bitch,’ Blondie. You love someone so much that the thought of losing them, or someone else having them, is paralyzing. Remember a long time ago you told me, 'Hurt women do crazy things?’ It’s not just women. I feel like I’m ‘losing it.’”

Simona sat down on his lap, wrapped her legs around him, and kissed him until he was calm and took over, but with demand and urgency. Taking her clothes off, rushing, breathing heavily, kissing her with authority. It wasn’t a candle light love making. It was full on make up sex. He was channelling all his anger, jealousy, taking Simona’s body with so much possessiveness that she had a hard time catching her breath, except for the ecstasy screams, with rapturous delight.

“You are mine?”

“Hmm?”

“That’s what you said, ‘You are mine!’”

“No, I didn’t! How would you know? You couldn’t hear anything through all that noise. I’m sure you scared the housekeeping ladies to death.”

“Considering this room’s status is ‘vacant’, we may have security on the way, too.”

“In that case, I don’t know you.”

Andre was getting dressed while Simona was walking into the shower.

“Listen. Today is my last day with the boys. They will have camp all day until we leave. I want to do something fun. Where can we go?”

“Ok, mission: fun. I’ll get on it.”

Simona peeked outside the bathroom, watching Andre googling on his phone. She was trying to figure out her feelings…

Am I blinded by the lovemaking? Do I still love him, or is it just the attraction? Do I want him as my partner? Can I even do it? Can I be with someone every day? Do I want the whole ‘family’ thing again? I got lost the first time. Am I wiser and stronger to do it differently now? I don’t need him. Question is, do I want him? Is love enough?

It wasn’t the time to process or ask any of these questions. Simona snapped out of her analyzing. By the time she hopped out of the shower, Andre had a whole day planned. They met the boys downstairs and altered the itinerary a little bit. Patrick insisted on the Picasso museum, Arye wanted to see the Olympic stadium, and Cori was all about the biggest aquarium in the world. Simona suggested doing the historical center first before it got hot, then cool off at the aquarium. She wanted to go see the Basilica of Santa Maria del Mar which was close to the Picasso museum. Andre’s plan had a big finish. The Tibidabo mountain. It was a perfect end to the day with spectacular views, overlooking Barcelona and the surrounding coastline of Catalonia.

The unexpected highlight was the Torre de Collserola, a communication tower built for the 1992
 
Barcelona Olympics. The observation deck is 1,837 ft above sea level and offers panoramic views of Barcelona. The day had something for everyone, and it could’t have been any better. Everyone was pleasantly tired, looking forward to jumping into the hotel pool.

14

"CAN'T GIVE YOU UP..."

PARIS WAS... BACK to reality. Andre figured it would make no sense to have any talks or plans until Simona came back. He hated it. He wasn’t used to being in this position, but it wasn’t the first time that he had to give up his ‘upper hand.’ He decided to fly out together with Simona on Friday. He needed to go get some clothes and personal things from Prague which meant leaving Francois with Reni for the weekend. He booked his ticket to Prague around the same time so that they could share the ride to the airport, and he could send her off with a hug. They were flying out of different terminals but considering the two hour check-in on overseas flights, it would give him enough time to walk over to his terminal.