Trouble finding Blondie (21 page)

“Look, Philippe’s visit is a surprise to me. We do have unfinished conversation, and maybe he is here to finish it,” Simona said.

“Does this have anything to do with your relationship with him?”

“Yes, but not the way you are thinking. It’s more being ready to talk. I told him to take time.”

“Simona, do you love him?”

“The short answer is ‘yes.’ The elaborated version is I love many, in many different ways. The definition of love is a deep affection, an intense feeling. For me, it’s more of a spiritual connection.”

“Are you in love with him then?”

“I think the better question is 'Do you want to be with him?’”

“Well, which of those are you ready to answer?”

“I’m not sure if I want to be with anyone. I found happiness on my own. Yes, with many others in my life that now I can’t imagine without. I was honest in Paris. I need to process. I need to figure this out. I need to be alone.”

“What exactly are you saying? Are you leaving me again?”

“I never left you. You left me...”

“Oh, and now you don’t need me, so I should go?”

“No. Now I finally pieced my life and my heart together. It took me years, but I’m here. I created a life that I love. I have painful experiences, but I don’t have pain inflicted upon me.”

“And that’s what I represent?”

Simona’s silence was an affirmation to Andre’s words. She wanted to make it better, but she needed to stay true and honest. He knew he deserved it, even earned that position. But it didn’t make it any easier or less painful.

“Andre, love is not just the infatuation, the attraction, even addiction. Love is long term passion, but with character and integrity. I’ll take trust over infatuation.”

“And you don’t trust me because trust is earned.”

“What is it that you want from a relationship?”

“I guess something very different than before. I never had anyone like you. I never had someone who believed in me. With you, I always wanted to be the better version of me. I grew not inches, but feet. The amount of adversity we went through and survived made our relationship stand on pillars that can withstand anything.”

“I need to feel safe. You took that away from me. And I had to dig really deep to find it again. I found it for Francois. I take safety before love now. Without feeling safe, I will never feel loved again.”

“I get that. And I can give you that. I just need a chance to prove it to you. I deserve one more chance, and you know it. We deserve another chance.”

“I hear what you are saying, but I’m not even convinced if I want a partner.”

“I want that chance.”

“If I do, it has to be someone who is honest, talks, shows empathy. Someone who is going to let me be my true self with him, who believes in growing, supporting each other into our best possible selves.”

“Blondie, we did all that! That’s what we are all about. We are like one. We are meant to be together because we understand each other, even without talking.”

“Hmm. Yes and no. The honesty, the empathy, the caring, the sticking it out when it gets tough...”

“Ok, I deserve that one. And I’m not going to just dismiss that on my immaturity. I fucked up. I even deserved my punishment. But I’m deeply sorry. I learned my lessons, and I’m willing to spend the rest of my life proving it to you...”

“Right or wrong?” Simona was trying to lighten up the serious mood.

“It depends on your verdict.”

“Haha. I’ll have to get back to you on that one.”

The rest of the walk was in silence. They held hands, watched the sea, felt the sand, and
 
ignored the rest of the world, deeply lost in their thoughts.
 

Back at the hotel, everyone was getting ready, packing extra clothes, getting excited. Simona thought Francois was ready for his first nap, but the boys got him all wild and laughing. They taught him to fall down on the cushion, crossing his hands on his chest and saying ‘uff.’ Simona and Andre walked in as Cori and Arye were falling down with Francois in the middle, copying each other, busting out laughing. Philippe was on the phone, and Patrick was laughing hysterically. The atmosphere was contagious. Simona and Andre couldn’t resist laughing with them.

The car was ready downstairs. Francois passed out from laughing exhaustion in the meantime, and the boys were ready to go to their first Real Madrid game. Andre kissed sleeping Francois. The knot in his stomach was turning into anxiety. He walked over to Simona and hugged her.

“Blondie, do I have to worry?”

“Leaving me here with Philippe?”

“That too.”

“Andre, don’t be silly. That’s the least of your worries.”

“Is it?”

“Seriously. I had a couple of years to do it, but I would wait until I shipped you off for a few hours? Come on.”

“It’s not the physical part. With you it’s never the physical. Your disciplined mind can control that. It’s what you call the ‘soul to soul’ connection.”

“Yes, that I have...”

“And the safety, before love...”

“That, he earned…” Simona smiled in an agreement, which was like a stab for Andre.

“So, let me ask you again. Blondie, do I need to be worried?”

“Not today. Today is an honest day.”

Andre wasn’t sure if he got the answer he wanted, but he hugged and kissed Simona as if he never wanted to leave. He probably wouldn’t until the knock on the door.

12

"I'M READY... ATTRAVERSIAMO."

BARCELONA IS A sun-kissed, seaside city with endless culture and fabulous architecture. It feels a bit surreal, which may be an appropriate description since Salvator Dali lived there, and Antoni Gaudi designed several buildings. Just those two names should be enough for the visual effect of some incredible, crazy combinations. The complexity of architectural treasures over 2000 years, mingled with vibrant colors and sleek modern designs all in one city, makes Barcelona simply one of the most captivating cities. Simona, being a history lover, loved nothing more than strolling the cobblestone lanes. Philippe came prepared with his orthopedic walking shoes, knowing it was going to be an all day affair. He had gotten used to Simona’s walks by now. He never walked the streets of Paris as he had much as since he met her. He joked that thanks to his extensive knowledge, he tells the cab drivers which way to go now.

Another catch for Simona was the creative cuisine. Great masters of molecular gastronomy made homes in Barcelona creating remarkable delicacies. Anything from tapas bars, seafood taverns, all the way to avant-garde Japanese restaurants.

Francois fell asleep for his second nap. Perfect timing for a late lunch in one of the panoramic terrace tapas bar.

“You look so Barcelona.”

“Haha. What does that mean? Hot, colorful mess?”

“Something like that,” Philippe smiled.
 

“I love this city. I totally see why people get wowed or fall in love here.”

“Once again, I have never seen this much of the city until my half marathon with you.”

“OMG, stop exaggerating. How much did we walk?”

“10 kilometers.”

“Yeah, right.”

“We walked for three hours. A normal person walks 4 km in an hour. We were walking hills and most of it at slow pace, so let’s say 3. That’s about right.”

“Who cares? It was mesmerizing. I’ll never have enough of this architecture and history.”

“I love that about you. You taught me that. To live with appreciation for every moment with all your senses.”

“I taught you that? No, you always lived fully present.”

“Maybe present but you enjoy life with all your senses: smell, taste, vision. You touch everything. You talk to strangers. Your hunger is not only for food but also new discoveries. Your life will never be boring because of your childish curiosity for life.”

“Amen. Cheers to that.”

They ordered several tapas and some good house wine. The view was beautiful and the moment didn’t need any comments. They were enjoying each other’s company, talking about buildings, people. The time was flying by. They were used to Marcello watching their phones. Neither bothered to check or look until Philippe asked the waiter for a check and the time. It was 4 PM. The Madrid expedition was on their way to the stadium.

“You should call your men.”

“Why? What’s going on?”

“Just call to check on them.”

The minute Simona took her phone out, Francois woke up. Despite noticing she had seven missed calls and messages, she picked him up first to enjoy those few minutes when he was in his half asleep, cuddly, precious state. She wanted to eat him, but kissed him instead. Philippe was enjoying watching them, confirming his theory how she does everything being fully present in the moment. Pascal calls it ‘attentive curiosity to the details of life’, Naomi calls it ‘living with zest.’ Philippe calls it ‘Simona.’

“Hey, boys. What’s going on?”

“Mom, Philippe outdid himself. We landed, the driver took us around Madrid, we had paella for lunch in some cellar wine tasting place, and now…” Simona could hear them bickering over the phone, Arye wanted to continue, and Cori wanted to say something.

“Sorry, mom. Cori is being a pain in the ass.”

“Come on, can you take turns on the speaker?”

“Mom, we are on our way to the stadium. We are going to have dinner at the VIP lounge and go see the players in their locker room.”

“What? Are you serious? Those are some serious hook ups.”

“Yeah, can I talk to Philippe?”

Simona handed the phone to Philippe. She saw the whole process of validation, satisfaction, and being happy with himself written all over his face. She was proud of her sons because they didn’t take it for granted and showed gratitude. And when he said ‘mother raised you well, boys’, like any parent, it was not only music to her ears, but a sense of relief. All the dreadful discipline wasn’t a waste after all. Philippe was talking to Patrick, and Simona went to change Francois in the meantime.

❖ ❖ ❖

Simona looked at Philippe with inquisitorial look, “It’s confession time. Extravagance like this is either out of guilt or a special occasion. Which is it then?”
 

“Haha. Neither. Not guilty of anything.”

“That would be a first. Ok then, what are you after, Monsieur?”

“I already got what I wanted.”

“Sightseeing in Barcelona and tapas with a view?”

“No. A day with you.”

“Stop the rhymes. I’m going to start believing you are a romantic after all.”

“Always. Hopeless.”

Simona leaned over, kissed Philippe, and thanked him for lunch.

“That’s another thing I love about you,” he said. “You never forget to say thank you.”

“Enough with the compliments. What do you want?”

“Coffee.”

“You are on a stroller duty. I have to call Andre…”

Simona knew that Andre was not in the best place. She wanted to put him at ease, to be able to enjoy the trip. Soccer wasn’t Andre’s thing, but to experience something like that in style is hard for anyone not to enjoy. She briefly told him about their day and asked him about the dynamics of the foursome. She was so full of excitement that it carried over to him, and he was finally able to relax.

Simona and Philippe walked for a couple more hours, admiring the hidden jewels of the city. By the time they came back to the hotel, it was past 6 PM.
 

“Our reservation is for 8:30 PM.”

“What reservation? We can’t go out. I’m not leaving Francois with some babysitter.”

“I wouldn’t either. We are taking him with us.”

“Where are we going?”

“You are going to like it. It’s called Abac.”

Simona googled the restaurant and started to read the reviews on the trip-advisor.

“Of course we can’t just have some simple dinner. It has to be a famous chef with two Michelin stars.”

“Now that is a total coincidence. I was looking for outside seating where we could park the stroller.”

“You are killing me. How fancy is it?”

“Madame easy maintenance, anything will do.”

“Anything? That’s great because I was planning on having dinner on our terrace in my bathrobe.”

“Bathrobe it is. You are on. I dare you!”

“You are simply awful. That also means you get to give Francois a bath because I have to shower.”

Philippe pretended to be terribly inconvenienced, but in reality he couldn’t be happier. Francois was the only human being that he has seen being born, one day old, one month old, and every month after. His fascination with human anatomy grew every day. Philippe never even held a baby prior to Francois, was generally annoyed by children, and had no intentions of ever having them. Francois came as a hurricane into his life, and like a storm of that caliber, he brought lightening, thunder, and a huge mess. A mess that Philippe could handle but not process emotionally. The miracle out of that storm wasn’t just Simona’s survival, but it was his bond to a newborn. He went from a man that never held a baby to simply a human who couldn’t get enough of the miracle. He would stare at him for hours, and when Simona fell asleep, he would take the mattress out of his crib, put it down on the carpet, and lie next to him. He read books, became an expert on newborns, toddlers, and had extensive medical knowledge on every development stage. He was the man that fell asleep with the baby on his chest many times. Simona had many pictures to prove it. She called it her blackmail folder that one day she would use to destroy his tough guy image.