Trouble finding Blondie (14 page)

“Philippe, are you in love with her?”

“I love her.”

“Why did you help me then?”

“Because she loves you. You have a son together, and it was the right thing to do.”

“Do you always do the right thing?”

“I try. But with her, there is no other way. She holds herself to such a high standard that you really have no other choice but to measure up.”

“You mean man up?”

“Haha, I guess that, too. Maybe that’s the secret. Maybe that’s what men feel around her, to step up to their best potential, higher than they believed before. I never thought of it that way. You are onto something, Andre.”

“Did it ever happen?”

“The deal? Yes, the deal happened, and I was officially told she was pregnant.”

“That’s not what I was asking, but ok. Were you furious with her?”

“Surprisingly, not at all. I had a full report about her the night of the Four Seasons already. I knew everything about her, except the pregnancy wasn’t in the file. And neither were you.”

“So, she told you at that meeting?”

“Yes, we were discussing schedule and book tours, and she announced with her typical nonchalant attitude that she may not be available in those months due to her due date. Everyone was checking her out, until she finally stood up and opened her jacket to reveal a little bump on her otherwise perfectly curved, tight dress.”
“Did she apologize to you?”

“No, but I did ask for an apology. She said she already apologized with a hug and a kiss. I said, no, no, no, and she got me again. She asked, ‘What was the feeling you were getting when I hugged you?’, and I said, ‘Hm, I’m sorry’. She just smiled. It was pointless. I felt like I couldn’t stand to be checkmated twice, so I continued, ‘You have absolutely no remorse for your shameless trick?’

She said, ’Now, you are just being stubborn, asking for more. You are like a kid, throwing a tantrum. You hate that you were outsmarted, humiliated, and left speechless. Defeat is not easy, but I had you for a very smart man, and smart men know when to close the deal.’

Andre started laughing, “So, you were outplayed three times then?”

“Yes, my friend. And good for her. She was right. I was asking for it. I got checkmated for the third time.”

“Well, it sounds like perfect foreplay to me.”

“It was. I was hooked! And she never let up. She has been driving me crazy ever since.”

“So, back to my original question. Did you?”

“We all went to dinner after that. Our eyes were constantly on each other. Finally we ended up on the terrace for a moment alone. She said, ‘You are a player. Do you want to play?’

‘So are you. What are we playing, Mrs. Andree?’

‘I will play. But I have to warn you, I’ll never cross the line.’

‘Never? You never crossed the line before?’
‘Never.’

‘I don’t believe you. You like the play too much.’

‘You should. It will never happen.’

“Then she smiled, kissed me again, thanked me for the deal, and walked away. She has always been very professional on all our business ventures, even now she still calls me Mr. Bouchard. But I came to know the other side of her, and I love that side even more. Soon, I started making excuses to spend more time with her, until one day she finally said, ‘Philippe, I’m here of my free will. There is no other place I’d rather be than with you. Can we cut the bullshit?’

It also became clear that the only position available was ‘friend.’ And I was trilled because that was something new to me, and she was really good at it. On my own, I assumed the role of a ‘protector’, not only in business, but in general. That one drove everyone nuts. Her, me, all our friends, her men…"

“About that… I get the whole radiating sex you all talk about, but from a male point of view, who wants to sleep with a pregnant woman when she is carrying someone else’s child?”

“Look, before Simona, I would have had the same reaction. It was not only a turn off, it was completely off limits, almost gross. The discomfort of the physical part, and also the psychological, like you say, someone else’s territory.”
“So, what was different with her?”
“It’s hard to describe. She was Sunshine in heels; sexy shorts; sexy, tight dresses; bright colors; summer chiffon flowing; bikini; lingerie walking around the house; easy breezy, I LOVE HOW I LOOK, AND I CAN’T GET ENOUGH OF IT.”

“I missed all that, and I will never get that back.”
 

Philippe noticed that he went a little over the edge with Andre, but maybe he needed to hear it, to realize what he missed and learn the lesson.

“Well, with all that, I called my obstetrician friend who has a great private practice, and asked him his opinion. He told me to come over to see him. He said I either need a shrink, or he could fix me.”

“What the hell did he do to you?”

“Well, you don’t understand. I slept with models, had two at the same time, even went for an erotic massage. It was all nice, but all I was dreaming about was Simona and her pregnant belly. I thought it was the sexiest thing ever. I was worried I was developing some weird fetish. So, Lucas thought that sitting for a few hours in his waiting room would make me or break me.”

“Well, did it? Did you want to sleep with all the belly women?”

“That’s just it. Not at all. But I was hooked. I started talking to them. They were so open, sharing information, showing me dark lines, stretch marks, swollen ankles, telling me about cravings, no sex, or horny.”

“Who did you say you were?”

“A researcher. And I wasn’t even lying. You would be surprised what women are willing to share, from breaking the silence, to finally killing the perfect picture from all the commercials about pregnancies and everyone pretending how it’s all one blissful experience. I also got the other side of the story from some of the husbands.”

“How long did you stay?”

“That is the funny part. Every time the nurse opened the door, she had a different expression on. It went from ‘okaaaay crazy, to just a smile, to holy shit, he is really nuts, to are you fucking kidding me, dude?’”

“That is brave, my friend.”

“Finally Lucas came out and asked me if he should call the ambulance, or if I was ok to drive.”

Andre started laughing, “So did you become an expert?”

“Not only that. It was the best thing I have ever done. For too many different reasons to mention them all, but first I had a whooooole new appreciation for pregnant women in general. A huge and a very different outlook on how Simona made it look easy. How she deserves so much more attention, to so many things she doesn’t ask for, and I also gained a new idea for a business which is going to benefit many and make money.”

“It’s hard to follow all that, with your speed. Why are we rushing up the hill like this?”

“Because we need to catch our hikers at the top.”

“Why? I thought we are here just for the moral support, ‘honey, I’m home.’”

“No, Simona is carrying Francois in a backpack carrier, and if you don’t want her to either slip on the descent or kill her back, then we need to catch them.”

“What? How do you know that? Maybe Hervé or Pascal is carrying him.”

“Simona wouldn’t trust either of them. They are too clumsy and out of shape for her precious cargo.”

“Shit. Ok then. Philippe, you are impressively fit.”

“Thank you, but she still beats me up the hill.”

“Let’s finish the story. So, you got all that appreciation from sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women?”

“Well, for what they go through and how we take it for granted, yes. But I also realized, thank God, that I had no interest, or some weird fetish, about pregnant women. In that sense, it was a very fast cure. Almost the kind of ‘holy shit, what was I thinking?’ They really scared me shitless for the most part. I came home, took a shower, and called Simona to be ready in 30 min for a pick up. Then I drove her here. It was during the week, so it was unusual. I ran a hot tub for her, fixed dinner, and asked her how she does it and why she never complains, or asks for anything. First she didn’t know where I was going with it, so I told her where I went. We talked for hours. I massaged her feet almost the whole time. She massaged mine at the same time, that’s how I was getting it right. I told her about my business idea, and she loved it. We put together a business plan the next day, figured out what other experts or motivated people we would need. The whole process was just very exciting. That was the moment when we became, hmm, honest, raw, Simona and Philippe.”

Andre stopped and looked at Philippe in the same manner. Honest and raw. “How can I compete with you?”

“We play in different leagues, Andre. She doesn’t love me the same way. But for me… It’s one thing to get used to the idea of her with different men, which didn’t get any easier, I must confess. But I always had a secure ‘one of a kind’ position of being her best friend. Her protector and the man she would come to. With you in the picture, times are changing my friend.”

“About the men… Do you know how many?”

Philippe stopped and looked at Andre for a few seconds. “That’s a question for your woman. I don’t kiss and tell.”

“I figured. It was worth a shot though.”

Simona wasn’t the typical woman who would be pissed off or give them a hard time. The fact that they showed up was enough leverage. She was happy to see them. For a second, she was confused as to whose arms to run into. Philippe made it easy on her. He kissed her and started to take the backpack off her, talking to Francois. She opened her arms towards Andre who lifted her up in a twirl.

❖ ❖ ❖

Dinner was amazing. It was a feast not only for the palate but for the eyes, as well. The buffet was a mixture of pheasants, venison, roasted vegetables, fresh salads, and boiled young potatoes. Madame Bonnet didn’t forget to spoil Philippe with his favorite potatoes au gratin.

“What is that? That looks yummy.” Manon exclaimed.

“It’s Gratin Dauphinois,” Philippe said proudly.

“Gratin what?”

“Ok. For all you morons, it’s Madame Bonnet’s secret recipe for sliced potatoes, onions, and cheese, baked in the oven. And if you didn’t notice, it has my name on it, so hands off.”

Philippe didn’t even finish the sentence when everyone started digging into the dish. It was like a cock fight, with nothing left in the pan. Philippe was standing there with an empty plate, making sad faces, winning the sympathy card. The only person who was not willing to give him any potatoes back was Simona.

“What’s with you? Did you lose your heart on the hike? Give me my Dauphinois back.”

“Hell no. I’m starving.”

“No way. Hungry and selfish?”
“Ooooh, please. You and I both know Madame Bonnet has a whole other pan, only for you. You got all these suckers playing into your ‘poor me’ charade.”

“Philippe! Give me my potatoes back, you asshole.” Manon shouted.

“Ha. I got you all, suckers. And you…. You are simply awful.”

Simona was laughing with a full mouth of potatoes, sticking her tongue out. Madame Bonnet was smiling, like a mom smiling over her fighting children, bringing another Gratin Dauphinois baked to perfection.

“Ok, evil. Just to let you know, all we talked about today was you, behind your back,” Philippe desperately needed to level with Simona.

“How shocking and predictable.”

“Do you need the definition of the expression?”
 

“Well, what can I tell you? Whoever talks behind my back, I hope they check out my great ass.” Philippe was getting irritated about losing another battle, but everyone else was entertained.
 

“We talked about your sexy pregnant body.”

“Thank you, Naomi. That’s sweet.”

“Mainly we talked about how Maurice wanted to sleep with you.”

“You are such an idiot, Jacques.”

“No, no. Let me correct myself. We all wanted to sleep with you.”

“Naomi and I can attest to it. It’s true, they all confessed.”

“I’m flattered, Manon. Thank you. Madame Bonnet, this is what happens when you let children on the playground without supervision.”

The laughter in the house was contagious. Philippe was relaxed and in his element. His favorite house, great wine, people he loved. So why this uneasy feeling?
 

I’m going to lose her. I can’t lose her! I’m willing to share, but I can’t give her up! What are all these feelings? Why am I feeling this way? Am I insecure? NO, that’s not it. Abandonment issues? That’s it. That’s the feeling!
 

“And stop pretending like you don’t know. You were fully working it.”

“Working it? Like selling myself?” Simona asked playfully.

“Totally. Who wears heels and sexy dresses when pregnant?”

“Well, what can I tell you, Manon? It was the happiest time of my life. All the puzzle pieces were falling into places, and instead of my usual rehearsing tragedy syndrome, waiting for shit to happen, I decided to be in the moment and to fully enjoy it. My pregnancy was a shocking, but wonderful surprise. I treated it like a gift from God. Enjoyed every minute of it, and yes, every curve that went with it.”