Trouble finding Blondie (13 page)

“So, he goes ‘Excuse me! I was running for two blocks, and I still couldn’t catch up with you.’ She finally turns around and his jaw drops.”

“I really had no clue. I was in shock. Not good shock, bad shock,” Philippe was confessing.

“No, no. The way Simona described you was ‘He looked like he just saw his grandmother naked.’” The laughter was getting hysterical. Jacques was clearly in his element.

“‘So, Mr. Bouchard, you have been following me. Are you stalking me, too?’

‘No, actually, I’m coming for a business brunch here.’

‘Hmm, so what can I do for you? What is so urgent that you are out of breath?’ She handed him a water bottle that she already gotten from a well trained valet staff.

‘Well, you disappeared last night without saying good bye. I didn’t have a chance to congratulate you.’

‘Congratulate me on my book deal that didn’t happen yet?’

‘No, on your baby.’

“Ok, people. Cardinal rule for every man, and thanks to all the pioneer morons that have paved the way for us. Don’t ever do that until you have a 110% confirmation of a pregnancy state.”

“To my defense, she had tights, shorts to be exact, and a tight work out top on, with a visible bump.” Philippe was beginning to feel embarrassed.
 

“Again, people, don’t EVER do it. Even if she looks like she swallowed a watermelon.”

Everyone was still laughing when Andre said, ”But she was pregnant…”

“Yes, but here comes the best part of the story. She later told us ‘I was brainstorming what I could say to deny it and confuse him some more’.”

“So, what did she say?”

“‘On my baby?’

‘Well, you either finished that whole jar of caviar last night, or you are visibly pregnant. I’m assuming it’s a happy occasion. Congratulations are in order, no?’

Simona looked at him dead serious, ’Mr. Rich, do you have kids?’

‘No, why?’

‘Well, if you did, you would know pregnant women can’t eat raw fish. Especially caviar.’

‘I don’t understand…’

Then she piled on, ’Or are you mocking my swollen glands, a side effect to my treatment?’

“And there it was, ladies and gentlemen. The scary look of seeing his naked grandmother, AGAIN.”

“Leave my grandmother out of it, idiot.” Philippe was beginning to get annoyed. Public embarrassment was a feeling he was not used to. “Yes, it was a dumbfounded look. But she was freakishly calm and serious.”

“What the hell did you do?” Naomi asked.

“I didn’t do anything. She said ‘No worries. I don’t kiss and tell’.”

“And that’s how you left it?”
“I guess you didn’t get the picture, Manon. Did you miss the part about my shocked face of seeing my grandmother naked?”

Everyone was laughing, and Philippe finally relaxed. “All you assholes are working in the vineyard tomorrow. And buying me lunch today.”

“Finish the story already,” was coming from every direction.

“The story is long, but in a nutshell, I was tricked, outsmarted, and fooled. But my emotions were real. After my initial shock, I couldn’t even take my foot out of my mouth to make amends. I can honestly say that I never felt that way. I stood there speechless, checkmated with no moves left. Somehow, she managed to bring my humility out. I was ashamed, humiliated, embarrassed. I wasn’t even trying to hide it. And she felt it, too. She walked over, gave me a hug, and kissed me on my cheek for the first time. It was an honest, genuine moment… of Simona and Philippe. Then we immediately went back to Sassy Red and Arrogant Rich. Half an hour later, she comes to the restaurant where I’m having a meeting with three other men. She has jean shorts on with little straps, a shirt that says “Chez Chic”, and high heels. Her hair is still wet from the shower; she smells like lavender shampoo, but most of all, she is the sexiest creature you ever saw. And yes, there were zero signs of pregnancy. She was walking around the buffet, smiling and talking to Ales, who at that time I assumed to be her partner. She was getting attention from everywhere, including my table. I was there with a father-son combo and their lawyer. They were all staring at her.

The father goes ‘Now son, that is a real boat. I would park her in my harbor any time.’ The son declares ‘I think I’m in love.’ And I’m thinking to myself, what the hell is it about her that she can produce this kind of energy? So I asked them.
 

‘She is not young enough to be your wife or old enough to be yours. So what is it that you both admire about this woman?’

‘She is ravishing. She has a halo and genuine happiness around her. That usually translates into kindness and honesty,’ said the father.

‘No father,’ the son continues. ‘You are missing her biggest asset. This woman is so sure of herself, in a good way, that she would build you up. All she wants in return is great sex.’

I had an urge to punch them both, but I kept my line of questioning. ‘Do you think she is pregnant?’

‘What? Why would you say that?’ The son seemed shocked.
 

‘Well, all the halo and happiness. Isn’t that what pregnant women generate?’

‘Philippe, clearly, you have never been around pregnant women.’

‘Yeah Philippe, let us give you some pointers. Between my father and I, we had four, is it?, pregnant women to deal with.’

‘Pregnant is tired, bloated, bitchy, complaining…’

‘You forgot the swollen feet and definitely no sex.’

‘Yeah. And definitely no ten inch heels when pregnant either.’

‘Ok, ok. I may not have been around pregnant women, but I have published many books about this subject. So where did the ‘blissfully happy’ come from then?’ I kept pressing.
 

‘It came from someone’s imagination!’ The father finally exclaimed.

‘Or maybe when they are eight months pregnant, talking to the baby, imagining how she or he is going to look like,’ The son added.

‘Since when did people like you two in the publishing business become this cynical?”

‘Philippe this is a whole new side of you. I didn’t know you could still be an innocent virgin at anything.’

‘Funny. How about you? Do you have an opinion on this subject?’

The fourth person at the table was their Jewish lawyer who rarely spoke or had an opinion about anything else other than the law business, contracts and finances.

‘Don’t even ask him. Elazar is afraid of his wife, no matter what state she is in.’

‘Can we please stop talking about this nonsense and focus on why we came here?’ Elazar said.

‘Thank you, Elazar. Enough distractions. Why did you call me here, gentlemen?’ I asked.

‘Well, we heard you were in town.’

‘Let’s cut the bullshit. You know very well I went to Murdoch’s party last night.’

‘Yes. Apparently you have some big fish to fry.’

‘Hm. I think the hype is bigger than the coming storm.’

‘And I think you are downplaying it. We know there is a bidding war going on.’

‘Well, then you know more than I do. The meeting didn’t happen yet.’

‘We would like a piece of the pie.’

‘I got that picture. But it’s not my pie to cut.’

The minute I finished that sentence, I had Simona in full view. She smiled and nodded. The father got up, leaned over to me and said, ‘Not your Honey Jar either. I guess we all have our wishful thinking. Keep us posted.’ And that was that,” Philippe concluded.

“Philippe is right. I didn’t meet Simona until the end of the summer. Maybe even fall. She was visibly pregnant by then, but she was…hmm, incredibly sexy,” Jacques said.

“Yes, I have to give her that. She was at her most sexy when pregnant!”

“Manon, how many drinks did you have?”

“I’m pregnant. Pregnant women can’t drink.” Manon was showing her rare funny side, and everyone was laughing.

“Even Olivier wanted to sleep with her.”

“It’s true. She almost made me switch camps. It was a close call.”

Andre was getting uncomfortable with all this familiarity about his woman from total strangers.

“Forget Oli. Maurice was in a torture chamber around her. I have never seen Maurice smiling so much.”

“You are all assholes. But I’m going to give you that she was radiant and sexy,” Maurice confirmed.

“Let me settle it for all you chauvinistic pigs. She had happiness pouring out of her and her sexuality came from a deep sensuality of her soul. She was inspirational. Hervé composed the best work in a long time, Pascal wrote two scripts, I changed characters and the ending to my book. She brought the best out of all of us. It was like an endless summer.”

“Wow, Noemi, spoken like a true artist.”

“Jacques, I love you. But that woman is way out of your league.”

“I love you, too, and you are right. But that doesn’t mean I don’t get the sunshine.”

“Holy crap, people. Stop talking. How is it 3:30 PM already?”

Olivier took care of the check. The rest were rushing out to the valet.
 

“How much trouble are we in, you think?” Andre was shocked by everyone’s rushing.

“Well, considering we have another 35 min drive, I’m feeling punishment.”

Andre wanted to drive. Philippe was glad and happily sat on the passenger side with Olivier and Rene in the back. Oli reached over and touched Andre for attention. “I hope all this talk doesn’t make you feel strange, but rather secure around us.”

“Thank you, Olivier. It’s a little strange, I have to admit.”

“You have to understand that we love her so much. We hope you deserve her and also know how lucky you are.”

“I think I took that for granted because she made me so secure and sure of her love.”

“Well, don’t screw it up.”

“I’ll try...”

“And Andre, I’m sorry you missed her pregnancy. They really didn’t exaggerate.”

“I’m sorry, too...”

7

"WE PLAY IN DIFFERENT LEAGUES, AND I DON'T KISS AND TELL."

“IT’S FOUR O’CLOCK. Time to get out of the house,”
 

“You know they will be here any minute, right?” Herve looked at Simona with inquiring look.

“But we won’t be here like the Stepford wives waiting for them with dinner. Let’s move it.”

“You really want to do the hike?”

“Absolutely.”

“Wait. Are we taking Francois? You realize it’s quite steep, right?”

“Ok Pascal, you can give me the topography lesson while I drive. Move!”

Hervé was laughing while Simona was strapping Francois in his car seat. He was quietly happy,
 
having just finished his long nap. He was fed and ready to go for an adventure.

“Are you nervous about Philippe and Andre?”

“Ha! I thought you were going to give me a topography lesson, Pascal. No, I’m not nervous. I trust Philippe. If anything, he would torture him for his own selfish pleasure.”
“What does that mean? You trust Philippe more than Andre?”

“Hervé, Philippe and I built trust on such a foundation that I can’t ever imagine losing or destroying it. We both feel very strong about loyalty, honesty, and trust.”

“And Andre?”

“Andre needs to earn my trust. A romantic partnership is always more complicated.”

“Sounds a little twisted. You trust another man more than your own, but given the circumstances, I think you are right.”

“Of course I’m right. Philippe has been there for me through thick and thin, and I’m not talking
 
only professionally. That’s a whole other story. He earned it. Andre messed up, and not just once. Trust has been broken. This is the fixing, earning time. I feel like he is the real thing, but I’m not an idiot. Let’s just leave it at that.” Both men were intrigued by Simona’s openness. She was always an honest straight shooter, but when it came to her personal life, she was guarded. Simona put Francois into the baby carrier backpack, making sure the canopy was covering him well. He had sun protection on, and a cute hat.

“Pascal, can you come help me put this on, please?”

“Forget it. You are not carrying him. One of us will.”

“If you think that I’m letting either of you Clumsies take my child, you are gravely mistaken.”
“We are not clumsy. What are you talking about?”

“Well ok then, professor, let’s see what shape you are in on this small hill.”

“Poetic, but she is right. We are out of shape, and we should start moving soon,” Herve said.

❖ ❖ ❖

“Madame Bonnet. Where is the welcoming committee?” Philippe shouted from the main entrance.

“They decided to walk to the ruins.”

“When did they leave? Do they have Francois?”

“Yes. They left maybe 20 min ago.”

“Alright, Andre, no shower for us. Change into some hiking stuff. Running shoes will do.”

Andre was feeling more like a shower and a siesta, but followed Philippe’s instructions, wondering where he gets his energy from. Philippe was driving. It was just the two of them again. Andre knew it may be their last chance alone, last chance to ask…