Transcendence (38 page)

In the field outside the cave is the strangest thing I have ever seen.

The source of the whirring sound seems to be giant, concentric circles—transparent and spinning in grey and blue streaks around and around. They are huge, towering at least three times my height, and the noise outside the cave is deafening. Inside of the sphere are flashes of red and gold that look like sparks from the fire, bright enough to hurt my eyes.

As I stand with my mouth open, the circles begin to spin slower and slower, and the red and gold flashes become more frequent and start to take shape. As the flashes take form, I can see the image of a man begin to appear in the center. He is tall and dressed in a long, completely white garment from his shoulders to part way down his legs. Beneath the white wrap, I see leggings that are the same design as those Beh was wearing when I first found her though the color is like the color of pine needles in spring.

When the filmy circles stop spinning, they simply disappear like the smoke from a fire, but there is no warmth. The only thing left in the field is the man, standing perfectly still with his arms extended slightly in front of his body. He is holding a strange, black, rectangular object in his hands.

Nothing less than sheer terror grips me.

Beh screams out and starts to run forward, but I am torn and don’t know how to react. Whatever is happening, it can’t be safe, and I want to keep her from going near the man, but Lah is in my arms, and I need to keep her safe as well. By the time I can shift Lah into one arm to try to grab for Beh, she is out of my reach, and I’m too stunned to chase after my mate.

She runs straight to the man and throws her arms around his body. I watch him as his arms encircle my mate, and he holds her close to him with the black rectangle held in one hand at her back. My breath catches in my chest and won’t come out. Immobilized by fear, I hold Lah closer to me and watch Beh as she takes a small step back, still holding the man’s hands, and begins to make sounds at him.

His mouth opens, and he makes more noises back at her.

Beh makes more sounds, and he makes more noise. They go back and forth until I feel like the pressure in my chest is going to cause my body to come apart. I realize I’m not breathing and force myself to take a breath, which comes out as a sob.

Beh looks over her shoulder at me and makes more sounds. I can hear the fear and pain in the noises she makes and force myself to take a few steps forward, unsure and still terrified. I have no idea what’s going on, but it is obvious this man knows my Beh.

His hands move up and cup her face, and I see tears begin to pour from her eyes. I need to go to her, but my feet don’t want to take me closer to the strange man, his bizarre clothes, or to the spot where the giant circle-thing has just been. I shift forward then retreat again before I force myself to take a step toward my mate. I want nothing more than to bring her back into the cave and defend my family from the stranger.

I move closer, and the man turns his head to look at me. He has lots of fluffy hair underneath his nose but no beard around his face, which makes him look very odd. His hair is dark—the same color as Beh’s, and when I step closer, I can see his eyes are also the same color as Beh’s, and his face is similar as well. He is also very old, and there are patches of grey in his hair. Still, the resemblance is unmistakable.

This man must be Beh’s father.

I swallow hard and hold Lah closer to me. She’s stirring in her sleep, and when I look down, her eyes flutter open then close again. It grips my heart, but I am so confused I don’t even know what to think: not about Lah, or Beh, the strange man who has suddenly appeared in the field outside our cave, or the intense noise that has so recently encompassed the whole area.

The man—Beh’s father, without a doubt—looks into my eyes while Beh continues to make noises. He glances over to her, and I take the opportunity to crouch down a little and try to come up behind her without him noticing. Father or not, I don’t trust him. I don’t know what he is doing here or how he appeared in the field near our cave. I want Beh with me—close to me, like Lah is. I want her arms around our daughter while I hold her.

I know Lah doesn’t have much time left.

I want us together.

We should be together when it happens.

Slowly, I approach Beh’s back and reach out to grab at her hand. Beh makes more sounds, and the man holds up a single finger, pointing it toward the sky as he shakes his head rapidly. I try to pull her back to me gently, but she resists.

“
Beh!”

Her head swivels toward me, and her father makes more sounds.

I hate, hate,
HATE
the sounds!

With a growl, I pull harshly at her arm, bringing her to my side as I start to back away. Even knowing this man has to be her father doesn’t matter; she is mine, and I don’t understand what is happening. I need her. Lah needs her.

The stranger begins to make his sounds much louder, and I roar back to silence him. Beh touches my cheek, and she makes soft, relaxing noises at me, but it does nothing to calm me. My heart is pounding, and my breath is quick. I want to pick her up and run back to the cave with her. I want to find my sharpest spear and guard the entrance, forcing this unknown away from my family.

I need to protect Beh and Lah.

“
Ehd,” Beh whispers softly as her hand runs over the side of my face. She leans close and touches my nose with hers. Another tear runs down her face. “Luffs.”

“
Luffs,” I repeat.

“
Luffs Lah,” Beh says, and her sounds are choked by her tears. She makes more sounds, and I hear Lah’s name-sound among them. Beh’s eyes look into mine, and her sadness cuts through my heart.

“
Lah…” I look down at the child in my arms. Her eyes are open again, but they are dull, and where they should be white, they are yellow. She stares up at me as her little chest hops up and down with labored breaths.

Beh removes her hand from my face and drops it to Lah. She slowly pulls the girl from my arms and looks into my eyes as she backs away from me. I stand there in the field, stunned. My body chills from my shoulders all the way down my torso and out my limbs. I don’t understand, but the feeling of dread is unmistakable.

Beh turns around and holds Lah in her outstretched arms. Her father reaches out and takes the baby carefully and gently in his arms. His eyes dart from the baby to his daughter and then to me.

More sounds.

I take a step forward, and a growl from my chest escapes. Beh holds her hand out toward me with her palm up.

“
No!”

I stop moving, but the growl continues.

More noises.

First from him, then from her.

His eyes grow sad, and his head bobs up and down.

A choking sob comes from my mate as she backs away from the man and grabs a hold of my upper arm tightly. Her shoulder pushes against my chest, trying to propel me backwards. I stand still, bracing myself against her as my eyes harden at the sight of this man with my daughter in his arms. She is sick—dying—and I don’t want her anywhere but with her mother and me.

He cradles Lah gently and uses his other hand to poke at the black rectangle thing he holds. A moment later, the humming, whirring sound begins again. Beh pushes hard against my chest again.

“
Ehd!”

I look into her eyes, and the pain and hurt are too much. I can no longer hold back the sob that has been caught in my throat. Beh wraps her arms tightly around my neck as she pushes me with her whole body, forcing me backwards. I look out over her shoulder as the blue-grey sphere forms and spins around Beh’s father and Lah. It moves faster and faster, the noise becoming painful to my ears again. I squeeze my eyes shut and cringe from it.

My mate grabs a hold of my shoulder and pushes me away roughly from the spinning thing. I feel as if my head is spinning just as fast, and through the noise and the confusion, I realize she has left Lah there, inside of the thing with her father.

“
Beh…Lah!” I look from her to the field where the flashes of red and gold now surround my daughter. I try to move toward it, but Beh holds tight to my arm, and an odd, prickly feeling covers my skin as I get closer. It makes the hairs on my arm stand up, and my head begins to pound. I hesitate, staring ahead as the image of the man holding my baby changes from outline to formless shape and then is gone.

The whirring sound doesn’t fade this time but simply stops.

“
Lah?” My eyes search Beh’s, and she moves her head back and forth as tears flow freely. I look from Beh to the bleak, empty field and back again.

Her body goes limp and weak, and I have to catch her in my arms to keep her from falling. Crouching slightly, I pull Beh up into my embrace and hold her to my chest, just as I had been holding our Lah only moments ago.

“
Lah!” I cry out louder. Beh tightens her arms around my neck, and she tucks her head against my shoulder and sobs.

Her cries drown out my own screams.

“
LAH!”

Finally, I realize our baby is gone.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

I sit, staring.

The snows have melted. The trees have new leaves, and the field outside the cave is empty.

Completely empty.

In my hands is one of the leather triangles Beh would wrap around Lah to keep her from getting too messy when she relieved herself. In my mind are all my memories of her—how she smelled after her mother cleaned the dust and dirt off of her face, the way she would roll right off of the furs to try to get wherever it was she wanted to go, and how she felt lying securely in my arms.

I should be hunting and gathering food, but I can’t do anything except sit on the ground and watch for some sign of my daughter.

There is none.

“
Ehd?”

I glance up toward the cave at my mate. She called to me before, but I didn’t move to go back inside. She walks over and holds out her hand to me. Our fingers wrap together, and I move up to my knees, glancing out over the empty field again as I do.

Empty.

Completely empty.

“
Lah?” I turn my eyes to Beh’s and see the dark blue color that had lived in our daughter’s eyes as well as the eyes of the man who took her away.

Beh makes soft sounds and runs her fingers though my hair. It’s getting long again, and I wonder if she will make me sit still long enough for her to cut it shorter. I nuzzle my head against her stomach with my eyes closed, just inhaling the scent of her skin for a while.

When I open my eyes again, I focus on the three small lines that grace Beh’s skin along her abdomen. They are marks left over from when she had Lah inside of her. I reach out with a single finger and stroke them slowly one at a time. When I look up again, Beh’s cheeks are wet.

I haven’t tried to put another baby in Beh since Lah disappeared from the field in front of me. I also haven’t eaten or slept much. Beh did drag me down to the lake once, but I refused to get into the water, and I didn’t try to catch any fish. I only sat on the rocks and waited for her to be ready to return to the cave.

As I continue to look at Beh, the feeling of sorrow and dread which have overwhelmed me since Lah disappeared seem to twist inside of me until they are replaced with shame. In my own grief, I haven’t been a good mate to Beh.

My nose runs over each of the little lines as thoughts of her stomach getting round fill my head. It is spring, and I should be hunting to provide for my mate. I should be collecting wood and replenishing the cache above the cave. I should be making a trap for large animals so I can replace the leather and furs that have become worn with age.

Looking up at Beh, I can see her sadness for Lah but also her worry for me—for us. I should be providing for Beh. I should be protecting her. I should be trying to give her another baby to help ease her pain of losing our first.

Lah is gone, but Beh is young and strong. I will put another baby in her, and I will have to make sure when I do that there is enough food and other supplies to keep Beh healthy while she carries and then nurses another child.

I stand and pick Beh up in my arms. She lets out a little squeal of surprise, which makes me smile. I remember when she has done that before and wait to see if she will make the
no
sound.

She doesn’t.

I carry her inside the cave and set her down. My hands cup her face, and I lean in to drag my nose across her jaw.

“
Khizz?”

Beh wraps her arms around my neck as our mouths touch. My penis hardens at her touch, and I would very much like to be inside her right away, but I remember how I refused to get in the water at the lake and how much Beh likes me to be clean. I break away, smiling at her and wiping the wetness from below her eyes.

Gathering the hide on a stick and some of the collection baskets, Beh and I go to the lake. She collects cattails, reeds, and mushrooms while I set traps for rabbits and fish. Before we leave, I immerse myself in the cool water and let her use soaproot to wash my hair. When she is done with her own hair, I sit behind her and use the wood carving to help her get rid of the snarls.