Transcendence (24 page)

Holding myself inside of her as deeply as I can, my arms wrap around her and clutch her tightly against my chest. I breathe heavily through my nose as I press my forehead against her shoulder. I can hear Beh breathing hard, too, and I feel her legs shaking against mine.

I pull back a little and roll us both to our sides, still holding her body against mine. I try to keep the correct angle to stay inside of her, but my softened penis slips out anyway. My warm breath covers her bare shoulder as I lay the side of my face on the back of her neck. I try to breathe deeply, but it takes some time before I can calm myself.

Her scent is slightly different now than it was before I mated with her. It is muskier, darker, and stronger than before. It makes me feel slightly dizzy to inhale the smell, and I wish I wasn’t so worn out. The scent makes me want her again, but I can barely move.

A sense of extreme satisfaction comes over me, both physically and mentally. I have completed mating with Beh, and now I will give her a baby.

Beh’s hands grip my forearm around her middle, and she pushes her back closer to my chest. One arm rises and wraps around my neck as she turns her head toward me. Her cheek is reddened, and I think it may be from the furs rubbing against her face as I thrust into her. I touch the red spot gently with my thumb, and Beh closes her eyes. I lay my forehead against her shoulder and close my eyes as well. With a deep breath, I feel my body relax with hers.

“
Ehd?”

My eyes open only a moment later to find Beh staring at me over her shoulder. There is a strange smile on her face as her hand strokes over my jaw. Her sounds are hushed as she utters them, her eyes intent on mine as she does. She repeats the same sounds, and though there is wetness in the corners of her eyes again, she does not appear upset.

“
Khzz, Beh?”

Her smile widens and she leans in to press her lips to mine. It is only a soft touch and brief, but her eyes stay on mine as we part, and the same sounds come from her mouth again, and I tilt my head to the side, listening to the three short sounds she utters in a row. She reaches up to the space between my eyes and rubs against the spot between my brows. My eyes close a little as she runs her fingertip over my temple and across my jaw.

My mate starts to move, and at first I dig my fingers into her hip to hold her in place, but Beh wriggles and rolls around in my arms until she is facing me. I loosen my grip just long enough to let her reposition herself before I hold her against my chest again.

Beh’s hand moves down from my cheek to my chest, and I can feel my pulse against her slim fingers. She presses the flat of her hand directly over my heart and looks back to my eyes. In the darkness of the cave, there is a light inside her eyes that makes my heart beat faster. I know the emotions I see there are also reflected in my own gaze though I have never felt this way before. Beh softly repeats the same three sounds, followed by my name-sound.

“
Beh…” I pull her close and run the end of my nose over hers. Beh takes a long, deep breath before she settles her head right next to where her hand is splayed across my chest and closes her eyes.

I know the heart beating below Beh’s palm belongs to her.

I can’t stop smiling.

Beh’s eyes are closed, but her fingers are making gentle circles through the sparse hair on my chest. Our breathing is finally back to a normal level, and though I can still feel my heart beating underneath her touch, it is not as frantic as it was. My muscles are relaxed, and I feel euphoric.

I run my hand through Beh’s hair, which is sweaty and tangled now, but makes her seem all the more beautiful because I’m the one who made her hair sweaty and tangled. I wonder if I should bring her the wood carving so she can pull the tangles out again.

Beh likes to have her hair smooth before she goes to sleep even though it’s all messed up again by morning. I touch my nose to her temple and decide to get it for her. Turning us both to the side, I lay Beh gently against the fur and touch the backs of my knuckles over her cheek.

I want her to know I will care for her.

Always.

Just to make the point, I climb out of the furs, shivering a little in the cold air, and tend to some of the things I should have done before taking my mate. I rebuild and bank the fire, make sure all the drying meat is turned over, and check the outside of the cave to verify there is nothing about that might be dangerous to her.

Cold wind comes from the north, and I run my hands up and down my arms as I quickly relieve myself into the ravine. There is a bright half-moon and many twinkling stars to show my way in the cold night, and I can see the shimmer of the light off my skin. When I’m finished, I see a dark smear of dried blood on my penis.

There is no pain, and I know I’m not injured. I feel fantastic except for the sudden sinking feeling in my stomach as I realize the blood is definitely not mine, and there is only one other place it could have originated.

There isn’t much blood, but I know immediately that I must have hurt Beh when I put my penis inside of her. I remember when she cried out at first, but she didn’t tell me to stop. I thought she had felt like I had and had cried out from the intensity of our joining. It never occurred to me that she might have felt pain.

I was careful and gentle. It should not have hurt her.

Clearly, it did.

Panicked, I rush back into the cave, crying out for her. Beh sits up straight in the furs and looks at me with her eyes wide. She makes a lot of sounds, which get louder as I reach for her legs and pull them apart. She tries to shove my hands away at first, but I need to know how badly she is injured. In the dim firelight, I can’t see any blood on her.

With a yell, Beh pushes my hands from her knees. When I look at her face, she stares at me with her brows knitted together and makes more noise. She doesn’t appear to be hurt at all. Her mouth-noises are soft and don’t include the
no
sound, and her face isn’t angry-looking.

If I hurt her, wouldn’t she be angry?

Grabbing my penis in my hand, I point to the blood on it. Beh sighs as she moves her head back and forth. She takes my hand and brings me over to the fire and the large pot she keeps near it. She dips one of the squares she made from her leggings into the water and uses it to clean both of us off. Her own calm demeanor seeps into me, and as she touches me, I feel my muscles surrender to her peace.

There really isn’t very much blood on me—just the one, small streak. I watch Beh clean herself and see there is a little bit more, but nothing significant, and Beh seems just fine when I examine her again to be sure. She doesn’t appear to be in pain or even discomfort. She smiles and touches my arm softly as she finishes washing and brings me back to our bed. She picks up the fur we were lying on and tosses it into the pile with the one I spilled semen on earlier.

Beh must not like the idea of sleeping on the furs when they get wet like that, and I wonder why. She does like to have everything a certain way, that is for sure, and I assume this is just one more thing she wants to keep clean.

She continues to make sounds as she plumps up the remaining furs and sits back down in the center of them. I crawl over her to lie down, and she lays her head on my shoulder and wraps her arm around my waist. After drawing a clean fur over the top of us, I hold her close to me and watch the entrance to the cave to make sure my mate is safe.

Beh quickly slips into slumber, but I do not. Though physically drained, my mind cannot seem to relax enough to doze off. I think about Beh and babies and if there will be enough food for three of us in the winter. I wonder when Beh will give birth to a baby if one just started growing inside of her.

I end up spending much of the night just watching my mate sleep.

My mate
.

There are no more questions in my mind; she really is my mate now.

When I look down at her, I wonder if there is a baby growing inside of her belly and if it will look like me, and I feel myself smile at the idea. I know I will have to do better—try harder—if I am to properly care for her and her children, but I don’t mind the idea at all.

I also know that sometimes you have to try to put a baby in your mate many times before one starts to grow. I’m not sure how many times, but I intend to try to put a baby in her as often as possible until I am positive there is one growing inside of her. Besides, it feels so good to put a baby in her. Just thinking about it makes me want to do it again, but Beh is asleep and I don’t want to wake her up. I will definitely try to put a baby in her again in the morning.

I take a long, deep breath and lean my head back into the furs. As my eyes close, I wonder if I can put more than one baby at a time in her, or if she has a baby inside of her already, if I can put another one there. I think one at a time is probably enough since we don’t have a tribe to help us with the baby. I think about the other mated couples in my tribe and remember clearly how they would come together even when the woman's belly was full of a child. I don’t remember a time when two babies were born at once.

I feel Beh’s steady breathing as she shifts a little in her sleep and mumbles some quiet sounds. They resemble the sound she made earlier, but most of her noises sound pretty similar. Only the
kiss
and
no
sound are different enough to notice. Most of the noises she makes just hurt my head, but I don’t mind so much. She’s my mate, she’s unusual, and she is mine.

Finally, after reliving each moment of mating with Beh, I fall asleep with my mate in my arms.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Lying on my stomach, I peek out from under my lashes and watch my mate as she pokes around at the dishes near the fire. She adds some of the grains we’ve collected along with ground nuts and antelope meat. Once all the ingredients are to her liking, she stirs it with one of the flat rib bones of the antelope.

I’m still smiling.

I haven’t stopped since last night.

Well, and early this morning.

As soon as Beh’s eyes fluttered open, I rolled her over and found my way inside of her again. She had winced a little when I first entered her. Still concerned I had hurt her the first time, I pulled back out immediately and tried to find out what was wrong. Beh used our hands to show me what I had forgotten.

Using her fingers to guide mine, Beh rubbed at her sensitive spot and opening again, and I noticed she was not as wet and slippery as she had been the night before. My thumb rubbed at the spot above her folds while my fingers prepared her opening for me. When I felt her get wet inside, I replaced my fingers with the head of my penis at first, and then the rest of it followed gently. She had felt so good that I filled her with semen quickly. Then she took my hand and held it against her. She bucked her hips against it as she moaned and cried out for me again.

I really, really like it when she makes
that
sound—the one where she growls out my name-sound and hums at me. From now on, I will make sure she makes that noise
before
I put a baby in her. When I put my penis inside of her, it feels too good to slow down. Besides, once I finish, I’m really tired, and all I want to do is lie down. If I make sure she feels good first, then she might let me sleep afterwards.

Although I know there are many things we should both do today to continue to prepare for winter, I’m finding it hard not to watch her move around the cave. It has been so long since there was someone else with me, and just seeing movement in my cave still seems strange. When I had a tribe, there was always movement around. During the time I was alone, seeing something move was more likely a cause for concern than not. It’s strange to adjust to seeing something move out of the corner of my eye without worrying what it might be.

Twisting my hips from side to side, I knock the fur away from my lower half, and I push myself onto my hand and knees. I jump up from the furs, yawn, stretch, and scratch my stomach. With light steps, I move over to the fire and capture Beh in my arms. I run my nose along her neck and then place my lips over the top of hers. Beh squeals and laughs as my fingers tickle up her sides but then pushes me away as I try to stick my fingers into whatever she is cooking.