Tragic Desires (23 page)

“So what happened?”

“All of our intel had this dude at home and in bed. His schedule was pristine. He never deviated from it. We watched him for weeks. We went in and the thing about these guys is they pretty much revere their male kids. Especially their firstborn, so they always keep them safe. That night my job was to take out the Iraqi official.”

“As in kill him?”

“Yeah. It’s what I was trained to do. I know it sounds abhorrent, but these guys are evil, Gemini. They don’t think twice about killing thousands of innocent people.

“
I go into his bedroom and do what I’m trained to do. But we always require confirmation of our kills—photos and DNA. When I pull off the covers and roll him over, it’s a kid in there with a bunch of pillows stacked around him to make him look like an adult. He’s maybe ten years old. It was his son. The guy put his son in his bed to protect himself. My guys on the outside kept calling me on my headset, telling me to get the hell out, but I froze. I couldn’t believe I took out a kid. And it cost me. Big. My radio kept buzzing with the guys, screaming at me to move because the house was coming to life, but I was paralyzed by then, and subsequently caught by the enemy. They put me in a box for weeks and did their usual torture routine. I’m not even sure how long I was there. The government does its song and dance of saying they have no knowledge of this activity. I’m the fuck-up. I should’ve ID’d the figure in the bed before I fired the shot and I didn’t. That was my fatal error. My training allows me to retreat into my mind and eventually my men come and get me the hell out of there. They did it without the knowledge of our commanding officer. They found out where I was and busted me out. Ended up killing an assload of people too … and not just guilty ones. Innocent people lost their lives because of my negligence. I made a grave error and I’ll never forget that.

“When
I get back to base, I’m a total wreck. And then I was court-martialed and dishonorably discharged from the Special Forces. Of course, I was given strict instructions not to ever speak of this incident. You’re the first person I’ve ever told. My family all but disowned me because my dad is ex-military and the story that was publicly told made me look like I went on an AWOL killing spree. The select people who knew the truth were the ones who helped me with the business. I’m sworn to uphold this secrecy indefinitely. I knew that’s how it all worked going into it, so I have no legal recourse.”

“So w
hat I don’t get is why are you so hard on yourself?”

Oh, she’s so innocent, she doesn’t even realize.

“Because in everything I did before that day, I did it with the knowledge that it was for the good of the cause … for the fight against terrorism. To get the bad guys. To stop all this shit. But I fucked up. I didn’t do my job. I didn’t follow procedure. I left out one important detail. I didn’t look at who I was supposed to kill and I killed a kid, Gemini. And then, because of that negligence, many other innocent people died in my rescue. I can never change that. And those men who helped me, they’re paying the price now too. Many lost their status with the military, like I did. All because they stuck by my side. That’s a tough thing to live with.”

“It must be.”
By some miracle, I feel her tenderness through her eyes. But the moment is shattered by my ringing phone. The last thing I want to do is answer it.

My hand shakes as I push the button. “Wolfe.”

“Hey, boss. You ready for us?” It’s Huff and I want to tell him to go away and come back in the morning, but I force the necessary words past my lips. “Yeah. Room 324.”

“We’re on the way.”

I want to hurl my phone across the room and watch it break apart. Gemini stands and puts her hand on my arm.

“It’s okay, Drex.”

“This is anything
but
okay. Promise me something, Gem. Promise me you’ll act like you don’t know anything. Okay? My men can’t know
anything
about this.”

“I won’t say a word. You have my promise.”

“Thank you. They’ll ask if I’ve talked with you about Nick. You can say what you want on that. One other thing—we ran a search on Nick’s identity and it came up fairly blank. Like yours did when we checked it, right after we first found you. There really wasn’t anything there. He never belonged to any clubs in high school, there was no information on his family, no church affiliations, not a damn thing. So either he had a false identity, was working undercover, or he was also in the witness protection program. We quickly threw out the third one and I have my doubts about the second. So that leaves us with the first.”

She stares at me and nods.

“Please believe me when I tell you I’m looking out for you, Gemini. If nothing else, believe that. No matter what.”

“I do, Drex. I trust you.”

Her comment eases me a bit, but I’m still worried that her suspicions will flare at some point. A knock on the door stems any further discussion. I give her one final glance and she nods as I move to open the door.

After the men file in
to the room, we make our final arrangements for the morning. Our departure time from the hotel will be at 9 a.m. The storage facility office doesn’t open until then. While Gemini, Huff, and I go there, the other two teams will go to two different storage facilities as decoys. Once we check out the facility where we think Michelle Sheridan may have hidden the file, we’ll get out of here. The pilot will be on standby for wheels up all day long. Once we have everything set for tomorrow, the men depart and we’re finally alone again.

“How are you feeling?” Gemini asks.

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that question?”

“No, because I’m not the one
who had a huge piece of metal removed from my chest.”

Oh. I wasn’t even thinking about my physical condition.
Funny how you forget these things.

“I’m fine.
Just a bit sore. What about you?”

“Um, is this you trying to avoid me, Drex?”

“No, this is Drex asking a legitimate question. How’s your head feeling?”

“
Really good. I’m taking fewer pills. I know what the doctor said, but now I feel like I don’t need it as much. I’m not quitting cold turkey and I haven’t had those awful withdrawals like I did that one time.”

“Shit, Gemini. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to bother you with it. I’ve been doing it for the last five days.”

“And you’re down to how many a day?”

“I break them in half now, so I take a half four times a day.”

“And you’re good?”

“Yeah.” She beams. Literally.

“That other medication he put you on must be working.”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m up to my maintenance dose. Drex, I’m so excited about it all. You know, we were in the middle of a very important conversation when the guys interrupted us. Are you planning on walking away from that?”

“Can we get ready for bed and talk about it then?”

“As long as you promise not to avoid the subject,” she says.

That’s exactly what I want to do, but now I know she won’t let me.

“I promise.”

As we ready for bed,
I watch her strip off her clothes. “You didn’t bring any pajamas?” I ask.

“Um, I suppose
I could wear a T-shirt.” She looks at me uneasily. We’ve always slept naked so I know I’ve surprised her.

“That would be best.”

“Okay. What’s wrong, Drex? Are we suddenly strangers, because if we are, I need to get my own room.”

Shit! What am I doing?
“Do you want your own room?”

“No, damn it. What’s going on with you?”

“I don’t know. This whole thing … how you know about me now. I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want you to feel you had to stay if …”

Her fingers are on my
cheeks. “Hush. You told me the truth about yourself. You’re human, Drex. You made a mistake. Human error. Was it bad? Yes. It was. I won’t sugarcoat that. Did it ruin people’s lives? Yes. It was a costly error. But are you going to torture yourself forever because of it? You have to forgive yourself.”

“Gemini, you can’t mend my broken soul.”

“Who said I was trying to? I can’t mend anything on you. Just as you can’t mend anything on me. When someone is broken, they have to find the means within themselves to get fixed. Either by their own hand or by getting outside help. And part of that fix for you is forgiveness. You need to find a way to forgive yourself.”

She seems so wise for so
meone so young. “I’m sorry for acting strange. Part of this is guilt for telling you. This oath I took … you’re the only one I’ve ever told what really happened. And I didn’t even tell you all the details. For the past few years, I’ve pushed it back in my mind and haven’t really faced the truth of it all. The bad part is, as far as my family is concerned, I’m trash. And I want to tell my dad it’s not true. That the awful stuff he heard about me isn’t what happened. And the sorrow in my mom’s eyes … Jesus, they nearly bled it was that rough. Bringing it all up made me remember that day and I keep thinking you’ll feel like they did.”

“I don’t. And I won’t. I don’t want you to tell me the rest. I’ve heard enough and I have my opinions. Do you want to hear them?”

“Yeah. I do. Because I know you’ll be honest.”

“Here’s what I think. You we
re under pressure to kill this guy. So you sneak in and you’re alone in his house. You have to rely on the intelligence you’ve received to make a split-second decision. You can’t ask your buddy next to you to help confirm if this is the right guy, because there isn’t anyone there. So you take the shot. Then, your heart’s pounding and you finally realize it’s a kid. That’s why you froze, right? If you were some dude who didn’t give a shit, you would’ve been able to bolt without a second glance. But you
did
care. In fact, you cared
so
much you got caught.
That
was the worst error, because it caused problems for the people who helped you. But it was an honest reaction. So, you end up getting fucked by the government and this thing you call plausible deniability. And it’s killed you and I’m terribly sorry, Drex.

“
But you have to forgive yourself. And as far as your parents go, tell them. They’re strong. They can keep your secret. Enough time has passed now, so tell them. Tell them they can’t breathe a word of it to anyone or you’ll be killed. Make something up, but make your point strong enough that they believe you. But Drex, they have a right to know their son is a good man. And not the fucked-up piece of shit that they’ve been led to believe he is.”

Then her arms are around me. “This is just
me hugging you. I’m not trying to fix you. Understand?”

“You really are something, you know?”

“Yeah. I do.” I know she’s smirking.

“So what about you?” I ask. We’re still hugging. I don’t want to let her go. “Are you
okay for tomorrow?”

“As good as I’ll ever be.”

I lean away a bit so I can look at her. “You sure? This could be the big day. We could find that file and our crazy chase could be over.”

“Nah, it’s too easy. I think she’s leaving breadcrumbs.
And now with this info about Nick, I really don’t know what to think anymore. If there weren’t people trying to kill me, I think I’d give it up.”

“
Oh babe, there’s no giving up on this now. If the guys are right, there’s entirely too much at stake here to give up. This could mean a possible change in the war on terrorism. Come on, let’s get some sleep. We’re wiped and morning will be here soon.”

As we climb into bed, she scoots close to me and says, “Thank you for everything, Drex. You’ve gone way beyond by doing this and I’m sorry I doubted you, even for a minute. And I’m sorry for what happened to you. If you ever need to talk, you know I’m here.”

“Thanks.” I hold her hand and fall asleep fast, thoughts of opening up to my parents swirling in my head.

D
rex crashes hard
. When he falls asleep, there’s no preamble. It’s awake, then out. This night was so strange with his confession. My heart aches for him and I want to soothe his anguish, but it’s not possible and I realize that. The release must come from within. He has to forgive himself. I pray he does, or it has the potential to destroy him.

As I drink in the sight of him, it’s a fight not to brush the hair off his forehead and massage
away the lines that have formed between his eyes. He’s achingly beautiful to watch. His chest moves with each breath and his slightly parted lips form a tiny triangle where they come together. Just looking at him makes my desire spark.

This is the first time since we’ve been together that he
sleeps in a T-shirt. He robs me of my magnificent view of his body and my teeth grind in frustration. This craving for him makes sleep elusive. I slip my hand in my panties and discover exactly how soaked I am for him. How can he do this to me?

To hell with it.
Sexual frustration be damned. I pull the covers off and I think he’ll stir, but he doesn’t. So I slide down and stroke him. Then I take him in my mouth and move my head up and down, licking and sucking, swirling my tongue around the crown of his dick. I hear him groan as his hands bury themselves in my hair.

“Gemini, oh babe, what are you doing?”

I stop and look at him. “What does it look like?”

“You
never wake me up like this, you naughty girl.”

Hmm, naughty girl.
I like that. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“Stop. As much as I love to fuck your mouth, I’d much rather have you.
”

Since I don’t want to disappoint, I crawl up next to him
. “Take off that damn shirt.”

I love to watch his muscles tighten and flex when he moves.
It’s such a lovely treat.

“Now you.” I’d forgotten I had on a shirt myself. I rip
it off.

“Panties?” I follow his eyes as they move downward.

“Gone,” I say as I discard them. And then the man lunges, but it’s followed by a wince.

“Fuck.
This damn incision.”

“Lay back
. Let me do the pleasuring tonight.”

He sits back and I straddle him. My lips a
re on his and his tongue takes me apart, bit by bit, until I’m a panting, quivering heap.

“How do you do that with just a kiss?” I ask.

His eyes search mine and I feel like I’m collapsing beneath their stare. “Gemini, we never
just
kiss. We share ourselves with our mouths. Haven’t you figured that out yet? You could make me sign all my financial assets over to you because of that sweet mouth of yours.” And his hands wind up in my hair and he’s kissing me again. His erection is beneath me, hitting me right
there
, and I feel as though a nuclear blast rockets through me. My hips automatically find that rhythm that will add what I need, but he stills me.

“Not yet. Slow, babe.”

“I don’t want slow. I want now.”

“You always want now.”

He slides down the bed, carefully, and then tells me to slide up until I hover over his mouth. Oh yes, I like this. But not as much as his cock inside me.

He tease
s and I fidget, but his grip on my hips tightens. The scruff of his chin rubs me just so and I moan. Then he blows on me and I moan again. He’s not going to make me come; he’s only torturing me.

“Please, Drex. I need you.”

He holds me against him, unrelenting, and his tongue teases me more. Then his teeth nibble on me, and his lips suck my clit until I’m not sure how much more I can take.

“Drex, I
… I …”

He blow
s again and in between them, he asks, “What do you want, Gem? Tell me.”

“You.”

“My hand, my tongue, what?”

“No! Y
our dick.”

He pushes me back and then says, “Get on your hands and knees.” I waste no time in complying. The bed moves as he gets up and then he’s behind me. I can feel
him spreading me and his tip enters me ever so slowly. I want to scream in frustration.

“God, can you go any slower?” I finally say.

“Yeah. Or I can always stop,” he teases, as he incrementally moves into me.

I’m so full of need for him
, I don’t find him humorous. “If you stop, I’m going to hurt you.”

“Hmm.
Then how’s this?”

And he slams into me and quickens the pace to exactly what I need. He fills me to the breaking point, then retreats
. I want to scream once again, but now with that pleasure-pain I love so damn much.

“Oh
, Drex. Yes, that’s so good. Right there.”

“Here?”

“Yes! There.” He hits that perfect spot over and over until I’m in Eden-gasm.

“Ah, Gem, that’s so damn good,” he cries out as he climaxes.

When our heart rates have normalized, he says, “So my little sex princess, you’re absolutely not fond of slow, are you?”

“Depends. I was in bad shape and you teased me until I was about to go
up in flames. You can’t be funny at a time like that.”

“I’m sorry,
hon, but I couldn’t resist. You were very demanding.”

“Damn straight I was.”

“So what precipitated all this?”

“You. It’s all your fault.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You fell asleep and I was watching you look all kinds of sexy. Then I wanted to brush your hair off your face, like this,” and I reach over and do just that. “But I didn’t because I didn’t want to disturb you.” I watch him as
his lips vibrate with laughter.

“So you decided that instead of brushing my hair off my face, you’d suck my dick
? Because I certainly would never wake up to that.”

“Exactly. But I got pissed because tonight was the first time since we’ve been sleeping together that you wore a stupid T-shirt to bed and you stole something from me.”

“What did I steal from you?”

“This perfectly gorgeous view.”

My hand travels from his neck, down to his chest where I briefly stop to brush my fingers across his nipples and then on down to his abs. I watch him as my hand moves south, tripping lightly along the happy trail, and then landing on my final goal at last.

His hand locks onto my wrist and pulls it back to his mouth, where he places a chaste kiss on the back of it. “Hmm. Well, if I had known my girlfriend was so deprived, I never would’ve done such a terrible thing.”

“Don’t you ever do something so cruel again.”

“That and I won’t ever fuck you slowly again
, either, or you might hurt me.”

“Yep, that too!”

“Come over here.” He motions with his finger. “I’m more than glad you woke me up and please do that more often. And if fast and hard is what you want, that’s what you’ll get, babe. I can do fast and hard.”

“Good.
And thanks for relieving me. The land of Orgasmia was very enjoyable.”

Nine
o’clock arrives
and Huff, Drex, and I head to Storage and More on Sixth Avenue in Panama City. This is a lovely town and it hits me now why my mom liked it so much. The views of the water are amazing as we cross the bridge and head into town. The clear water of the Florida Gulf coast sparkles with the morning sun. Panama City isn’t huge, but it’s large enough to offer everything from nice restaurants and fancy hotels to casual beachfront dining.  The other teams are off on their own ventures. We’ll be in touch as soon as we find something.

T
he storage office reeks of cigarette smoke. The guy behind the desk looks up as the little bell over the door tinkles; his face registers surprise as he takes in the intimidating sight of Drex and Huff. The placard on the desk reads John Stuben. Mid- to late thirties, mousy-brown, long greasy hair. His teeth look like they haven’t seen a toothbrush in ages. He also reeks of body odor. Between him and the cigarette smoke, I want to gag.

“Um, are you Mr.
Stuben?” I ask.

“That’s me. Just like the sign says.” H
e barely looks at me. He’s focused on Huff and Drex who have taken up positions behind me. If he didn’t stink so badly, I might feel sorry for him.

“My name is Gemini Sheridan. I believe my mother, Michelle Sheridan, may have had a unit rented in this facility. She died in a car accident several years ago and I’m trying to close out all her accounts. Can you check for me?”

“Um, yeah. Hang on.” He stabs at his computer’s keyboard. “Yeah, we have a unit rented to a Ms. Sheridan.” Then he gets up and goes to a file cabinet and pulls out a lease. His back is facing us as he thumbs through the file. “According to this file, only Ms. Sheridan is to have access to this unit.”

“Yes, I suppose that would be correct, but she was killed in 2009. I have a copy of her
death certificate here if you would like to see it. I am her only living relative—everything in her possession was willed to me. I also have a copy of her Last Will and Testament where that is stated.” Of course, I don’t really, but Drex had some fake ones procured that look real enough.

“Yeah, I’m gonna have to check those out.”

I quickly look at Drex and he gives me a slight nod. I rifle through my backpack for the papers and hand them to Mr. StinkGrease.

He looks at them and then at me. “
Have any ID?”

“Oh yeah. Sorry.” I pull out my driver’s license, making sure to give him the one that says I’m Gemini Sheridan.

“Thanks,” he says as he grabs it. He checks things out and says, “This is pretty unusual. I need to call my supervisor on this.”

Now Drex steps in. I’ve never seen him in action like this, other than when he pulled me out of my apartment. He gently
shifts me to the side as he leans over Mr. Stuben’s desk and gets right in his face.

“Ok
ay, let’s cut the bullshit here,
John
. You’re going to give Ms. Sheridan access to everything she asks for right now, without delay, or you’re going to have all kinds of issues on your hands.”

Stuben
screws up his face and says, “Who do you think you are, coming in here and demanding things like this?”

“What you need to worry about is what you’
re gonna do when cops swarm all over this place because of the phone call I make over your little drug operation you’ve got going on here. You know, Stuben, your little meth lab? So I suggest you give Ms. Sheridan the code to get into that fucking unit so she can remove her deceased mother’s belongings and we’ll be out of your greasy hair. If not, this whole place will be crumbling on your head in a matter of minutes. Now, what’s it gonna be?”

Stuben
snatches a piece of paper, scribbles on it, and hands it to me, his hand shaking. “Here. The first code is for the gate. The second will get you into the building her unit is in. I hope you have a key to the lock. It’s the second building on the right.”

Drex grabs the paper before I have a chance to and ushers me out. But then he stops. “By the way, I imagine Ms. Sheridan will be owed a refund for the months she won’t be needing this unit, since I’m sure her mother has paid for it well in advance.”

“Um, yes. She’s paid up until 2016.”

“Good. Make that check out to Gemini Sheridan. We’ll pick it up on the way out.”

When we get in the car, I ask, “How did you know?”

Drex shrugs and says, “I didn’t. It was a hunch.”

“Damn, you’re good.”

“Oh God,” Huff moans from the back seat. “Why’d you have to go and say that, Gemini? Now he’s gonna be prancing around like a fucking peacock.”

Drex swivels his head to look at Huff. “Since when have I ever pranced?” Huff groans as Drex parks next to the building containing my mom’s unit. I feel anxious.

“What if there’s nothing inside?” I ask as I grip Drex’s hand.