Trading Paint (Racing on the Edge) (73 page)

Why?

Because that’s the heart of NASCAR racing, always would be. The biggest event was the Daytona 500 but to me, winning at a track that most of the pure bread NASCAR guys called home; that meant something to me. I could do this. Here I was a dirt track racer, showing these asphalt guys a thing or two about talent.

“Not bad from a dirt track racer from Washington, fuck yeah!” I pumped my fist out the window doing a burnout on the grass and then the front stretch in front of the section where my family was. This was for them.

Reaching for the checkered flag, I could see the grandstands and everyone was on their feet cheering.

Stopping on pit road several times, other drivers, officials, crewmembers from other teams, everyone clapped for me. A few said “congratulations” where others just smiled widely.

Tate stopped me and stuck his head in the car. “I’m so
proud
of you kid!” his hand reached to slap my helmet.

His words held meaning and more implication than he probably understood. A lump formed in my throat, impeding my speech. I simply nodded with a heartfelt smile, trying to control tears from streaming down my face. Once I pulled my car into victory lane, the battle over the tears was harder. My Nana was there jumping up and down, at seventy-two she was jumping. Grandpa
Casten
who only smiled when he had a flask in his hand, was clapping. My parents were hugging one another, smiling. Sway, Emma, and Alley, who had Lane, were jumping around with Nana.

My entire family was there waiting. Never in all the races
I’d
ever won, had
all
my family been there to witness it.

Taking my time to remove my helmet, I detached the hoses connected to me and fought the tears back with a smile.

To most, the emotion swelling to the surface could have gone unnoticed, except to my family.

They knew.

I hadn’t cried for as long as I could remember, not since Spencer smacked me in the junk with a tire iron when I was fourteen. But now—I was losing the battle, one word could have probably set me off. I prayed my dad wouldn’t say anything until I was more controlled. Hearing anything he had to say would have probably sent me over the edge.

Inhaling a deep breath, I ran a towel across my face before placing a hat on. My head fell back against the seat, closing my eyes briefly—I took a deep breath.

“You fucking earned this one!” Kyle stuck his head inside, handing me a beer. “I’ve never met another driver with the skill you have to handle that beast. Great job bud,”

Looking at the fans gathered my eyes focused on Sway’s.

I winked and then hoisted myself from the car. My heart was racing as I took it all in. Everyone was screaming my name, champagne was bursting,
Pepsi
and beer was sprayed. If you have never had the opportunity to have
Pepsi
sprayed in your eyes, you’re not missing anything. That shit burns.

Provoking the crowd, I beat on the roof of the car before launching myself at my team.

Spencer caught me in his steel embrace. “Way to turn it around for us Bro!” he pulled back to look at me reverentially. “I can’t even tell you how proud I am of you.”

Oh, fuck.
Thank god for the fucking Pepsi already in my eyes. At least now, I could blame it on the soda. “Thanks dude,” I said humbly.

The broadcasters were right there pulling at me for interviews but I needed someone.

I motioned with my hand for her to come over but she didn’t so I yelled, “Get over here, Sway!”

Her eyes lit up in a way I’d never seen before, wrapping her arms around my waist.

“I’m so proud of you.” She whispered searching my eyes.

For a moment, it seemed as though she could feel everything I was feeling in that moment. My feelings and thoughts were revealed, naked and unprotected for her to judge. Once again, she had power over me. But the girl, the one I grew to love, filled the cracks like bear grease smoothing the imperfections.

No matter how many times I heard the words “
I’m proud of you
” tonight, with each person it was worth something different. I can’t explain
why
but each one of them, Spencer, Tate, Kyle, they were
all
proud of me. With Spencer, it meant that he didn’t mind that he was forced to give up being with his family every weekend to help his little brother race. Tate, well he gave me a chance at this dream, for him to be proud of me, well that meant he wasn’t disappointed at the decision to help.

Now Kyle, the trust between a crew chief and driver is essential. For him to be proud of me, meant I wasn’t just another asshole driver he had to put up with, we respected each other.

When Sway said it, the world stopped, everything stood still. The significance that held was beyond words.

So I settled on, “Thank you for being here. It means everything to me.” Without reserve, I placed my lips to hers. Now wasn’t the time,
later
.

Later, I would show her exactly what she meant to me.

“Jameson Riley, you heard go from Kyle and you did. Tell us what you did there at the end to catch Darrin.”

“You know, we had an unbelievable car throughout the entire race. The car wasn’t as good on the long runs so we lucked out with the green white checker. We had some problems with pit stops but we had a fast car to make up for it
...
It’s
pretty awesome to win here on Memorial Day weekend. All my family is here
...
even my Nana was able to make it.” I paused trying to remember to thank my sponsors. “I need to thank my sponsor Simplex
...
all the people that support us, my dad for giving me a chance.”

“Let’s get him over here.” Dad made his way through the crowd toward us.

“Jimi, what do you think of your son here?” He shoved the microphone in his face.

“I knew he had it in him.” Dad smiled. I don’t think I’d seen him smile that wide since Lane was born. “We’re very proud of him.” he reached for me.

Pulling him into a tight embrace, he whispered in my ear, “I mean that, I do.” He choked. “
Nothing
in the world can come close to seeing you live this dream of yours.”

Your whole life, you look to your parents for approval. Even when you’re young, so much as taking our first steps, we’re seeking approval. Having and wanting are complete opposites and to me, having is prominence without knowing.

The next hour was spent doing interviews, the hat dance, and kissing Sway a few more times.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Lane either when he told me, sternly I might add. “Mama told you no.”

“She’s not my mother though.” I told him standing next to the car. He was perched on the roof, grinning like a crazed three-year who had just had
Pepsi
.

“You still listen,” he shrugged.

“No, I don’t.”

He sighed and looked down at my car we were standing next to before rolling his eyes. “
Ne’na
says you listen to girls.”

“Oh I listen to
a
girl all right, just not you mother. She doesn’t like me.”

“I know.” He seemed to think for a moment and then sighed again. “Can I sit in the car now?”

“You lose focus quickly, don’t you?”

“So do you.” Lane grinned widely. “Now hand me that
weehd
thing.”

“The steering wheel?”

“Ugh, that’s what I said,” he added with another eye roll.

I handed him the steering wheel chuckling that this three year old was so damn entertaining to me.

“Does she know your plan?” Spencer asked as we leaned against the bar. It took us half the night to get here, but finally after all the media, most of my team and family made it out to downtown Charlotte for a scheduled appearance, at the Howl at the Moon bar. The appearance took on a life of its own though with the win.

Turning toward him, I spoke quietly, giving my words a solemnity appropriate to the occasion.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.”

He laughed tilting his beer my direction. “That’s bullshit.”

I honestly believe there comes a point when everything changes for you. You cross a bridge and you can’t go back. I’ve crossed a few bridges. The night I won the Triple Crown, the night I won the Chili Bowl Midget Nationals or my first cup win. Those moments changed the direction I was heading in as I crossed over—my life changed.

Tonight wasn’t any different. I knew if I acted upon what I was feeling, there was no going back. Did that stop me? No—hell no, that gritty side had taken over and I saw what I wanted, tempting me with each breath she took.

Somewhere between these blurred lines of our relationship, was a trust. A trust that I didn’t have with anyone but
her
and I knew right then, this
could
work.

“What are you doing?” Spencer asked when I left him standing by the bar.

“Going to talk to her,”

“In front of everyone?”

“I said I was going to talk to her,” I smiled over my shoulder. “
not
rape her.”

Approaching her from behind, I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her against my chest.

She jumped, her shoulder bumping my jaw.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry.” She sounded genuinely penitent. It wasn’t necessary.

Kissing her cheek, I smiled rubbing my jaw, slowly and suggestively. “It’s all right honey.” Whispering slowly in her ear, I heard the distinct hitch of her breath as mine blew across her neck. “You didn’t hurt me.”

She didn’t say anything, just gaped at me with wide eyes. 

I gave up any pretence of making a
wise
decision tonight. I had to have her in some way. The need was pulling me beneath the surface I had tried to stay above for so long, consuming and confusing.

My name being sternly intoned broke my reverie. Glancing around the room, I noticed Darrin and his cousin, Kevin, step inside the bar.

“I’ll be right back.” I told Sway.

Darrin, obviously waiting for me, turned around when I approached him. “You lost?” I asked. “Last time I checked, this was an appearance set up by
my
sponsor.”

“Anyone can come into the bar, Jameson.” Darrin retorted sharply. From the corner of my eye, I knew who was standing next to him, but I refused to look her direction, refused to even
acknowledge
her presence.

“You should leave.” I warned with ominously to him and Chelsea. I was so sick of his shit that I wanted to hit him right then. My fists clenched instinctively, anticipating he’d make a scene. I couldn’t believe either of them showed up here.

“You act as though the world fucking revolves around your arrogant ass.” Darrin stepped closer to me. “Just because your dad provided the ride doesn’t mean you’re hot shit, Jameson.”

Remaining
somewhat
collected, I leaned back against the bar again, trying to appear as though I could give a rat’s ass to what he thought of me.

“Darrin,” I spoke slowly shaking my head, I kept my tone even and controlled giving it a more baleful hint. “Just because my father owns the team I race for, doesn’t mean I can’t drive.” My chin came up arrogantly. “Who won tonight?”

“By three tenths of an inch, hardly a win,” he snorted.

 I chuckled with intent.

“Any way you want to look at it Darrin, I won.” Motioning to the bartender, I ordered another beer. “How’s second place feel?”

He stepped closer, fisting his hands in my shirt.

“Listen you little shit,” I saw Spencer appear beside me. “Stay out of my way on the track or you’ll regret it.” He spat.

There are a few things I
do not
like—besides substances on my skin. That includes someone shoving me and someone threatening me.

Within a second, I had a broken beer bottle pressed to his throat, his nose bleeding from where I just punched him. “Don’t.
Ever.
Threaten. Me.
Again!”

I hated this asshole and for him to come in here and threaten me, on a night I was celebrating with the people who made this all possible for me, made me fucking livid.

Spencer and Kyle had me slammed against the wall. They knew I was moments away from destroying this entire bar to get my point across with this motherfucker.

“Calm down!” Spencer growled in my ear, his fists that were clenching my shirt tightened. “I mean it Jameson. Don’t do this here.”

“Get him out of here.” I barked at the security guards surrounding me. I’m sure my enraged manic glare was enough for them cause they moved pretty fucking quickly after that.

31. Equalize – Jameson

Equalize – Cars that run at superspeedways are required to run tires with an inner liner. This is a tire within a tire. When the inner liner loses air pressure and that pressure becomes the same as the outer tire, it’s to be equalized and a vibration is created.