Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape (21 page)

Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying is a growing problem for kids. In Chapter 13, we talked about the Internet being used to spread ugly stories about companies. Cyberbullying is the same, except for schoolchildren.

It spreads whispers and jeers online through web sites focused on crude insults. There was one example about Kylie, an eighth grader, that was titled “Kill Kylie Incorporated.” It began with “Kylie is queer because . . . ,” and readers could add their comments in a blog type of format. Kylie eventually changed schools because neither the school nor the parents knew how to put a stop to it.

Kids seem to be encouraged by the anonymity available online, and with a click of a mouse they can engage with a far broader audience. This excruciatingly public humiliation is spread farther and more quickly and can result in lasting emotional damage for the child. Many educators and state legislatures are creating new policies that deal with cyberbullying. So on a personal note, pay attention to what is happening to your kids, and take action when appropriate.

Here is the difficulty. Some teachers and schools are hesitant to approach the children and parents with these problems because they have been told before that it is not their business. Toxic People and children are not a good mix. A toxic situation will influence the behavior of that child forever, not to mention how this disrupts the learning environment.

Decontaminating— Your Personal Responsibility

Al asked me if I was interested in going to Manzanillo, Mexico, to fish for billfish and marlin. “Of course!,” I said, because one of my life dreams is to catch a big billfish. Traveling with six other couples was easy, as someone else made the arrangements. When we arrived, I unpacked all our fishing clothes, hats, sunscreen, and shoes. That evening we met in the lobby for dinner. It was a real shock when the lead planner said that there would be a three-day fishing tournament for the “boys,” and the “girls” would have one day to fish and that would be the following Wednesday. As I sit here finishing this chapter, it is Tuesday, the day before the girls go fishing, and I leave for Atlanta tomorrow morning. I will miss the fishing in Mexico. I’m not upset, though, because I refuse to be a Toxic Person. I choose to refocus my energy. Every day has been spent working out, self-indulging myself at the spa, writing, and enjoying the relaxing nonfishing time. There will be plenty of other times for me to fish. Being a pain in the rear is not in the cards.

How would you handle this situation if it happened to you?

Take personal responsibility for your life. I am so tired of people making excuses and resorting to finger-pointing. Look in the mirror right now. Are you happy with what you see? Are you satisfied with your personal and professional life? If you are, congratulations. You are part of the minority. If you are not satisfied, do something about it. Either way, I would recommend rereading this book and applying the ideas to your personal life as well as to your professional life. Perhaps you should get the CDs of this book and listen to them on your commute (see page 222 for information about my web site).

Y
ou have decided to be a survivor instead of a victim of Toxic People. Good for you. Hard work lies ahead, and your habits have to be changed. Use this chapter as a reminder of what you need to focus on to stabilize the changes you want in your life.

Leader Checklist

❏ Hire upbeat people. Training someone in the skill is easier than instilling a positive attitude.

❏ Immediately address employee issues. Otherwise, they will only get worse.

❏ Build relationships with everyone.

❏ Don’t become angry. Stay in control. It’s your job.

❏ Never show favoritism.

❏ Check the perception your people have of you at least annually.

❏ Handwrite notes of thanks and acknowledgment.

❏ Listen.

❏ Celebrate and allow people to have fun.

❏ Know people’s goals and help them achieve success.

❏ Train your people.

❏ Do your job well.

❏ Don’t waste time. Your company doesn’t pay you to make personal calls or to surf the Internet.

❏ Never gossip.

❏ Ask for help, especially when prioritizing your tasks.

❏ Volunteer, but don’t overwhelm yourself.

❏ Ask for training. If the company doesn’t give it to you, pay for it yourself.

❏ Remember “other duties as assigned,” and do them gratefully.

❏ Work well with everyone, and remember that a co-worker doesn’t have to be your best friend.

❏ If you don’t like your job or boss, leave. Find something you do like.

The real questions are: What will you change? How will you do it? To guarantee health, happiness, and wealth, use the following survivor checklist and Toxic People will never get in your way again!

❏ Read and listen to good information.

❏ Make first-rate choices.

❏ Be open to other people’s opinions and thoughts.

❏ Figure out what clogs your filter and change it.

❏ You don’t have to approve. You do have to accept.

❏ Don’t let the minority rule the majority. Speak up!

❏ Build relationships to build profits.

❏ Tell your face when you’re smiling inside.

❏ Give feedback. Use “liked best” and “next time.”

❏ Invest in yourself. Stop expecting others to take care of you.

❏ Be a role model every minute of every day.

❏ Take personal responsibility for everything.

❏ Take it. Leave it. Change it. What’s your plan?

❏ Choose to manage conflict well.

❏ Manage your money. Lead a simpler life.

❏ Everyone you touch is your customer.

❏ Take a good look at who you have become.

❏ Be flexible.

❏ Lighten up.

❏ Celebrate everything.

Check my web site at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com for additional tips and tools for managing your life and Toxic People. Your challenge is to apply these survival tactics to manage people who create perplexity, puzzlement, and pandemonium without using weapons or duct tape. Good luck!

Pledge

I, ___________________ [your name], promise that I will identify toxic behavior, use new skills in my approach, and never use excuses again. I have the strength and fortitude to continue to practice, even after I have failed. I am never the Toxic Person. I pledge to stay calm and keep my temper. I promise never to take a Toxic Person’s behavior personally or to seek retribution. I know how to keep my power by maintaining control. I create my own environment that nurtures my success. I am the master of my future, my stress level, and my own behavior.

M
arsha Petrie Sue is the Mohammed Ali of communications.

She can dance, look pretty, and she uses the entire ring.

Marsha also knows how and when to land a knockout punch. Her information combines charm school with live ammunition. She provides tactics for managing people, employees, and clients that create perplexity, puzzlement, and pandemonium at work and at home. “Let’s be honest,” she says, “some of the situations you encounter are toxic and you need to learn how to handle it or they’ll tear you apart.”

Marsha holds a masters degree in Business Administration from the University of Phoenix. She is the author of the award-winning book
The CEO of YOU: Leading Yourself to Success
(Communicating Results Press, 2nd ed., 2002).

Having enjoyed a successful career as an executive with Fortune 100 companies, Marsha is now president of Communicating Results, providing keynotes and presentations to associations and corporations. She is the recipient of the Women of Spirit Award from the American Red Cross and Morton’s, which was awarded in recognition of her continued volunteerism and community work.

Marsha and her husband Al live in Scottsdale, Arizona, and get away from the killer summer heat by retreating to their cabin in the Arizona White Mountains. They are birders and love hiking and fishing. In addition, Marsha enjoys photography and golf.

Marsha’s DVDs, CDs, and audio recordings are from her live presentations as well as studio recording sessions. Visit her web site at www.MarshaPetrieSue.com for additional resources and for booking information. To reach Marsha,

E-mail: [email protected]

Or call toll-free: 1-866-661-8756 or 480-661-8756