Touch Me There (14 page)

Barer may be better.

Try shaving (e.g., landing-strip style) or giving the vulval area a close trim, perhaps working in the actual process of hair removal as a part of foreplay. This will create a much different, “smoother” reaction when fooling around, and it can lead to stimulation even when she is simply walking around (less hair means her clothes will rub against her groin more intimately, adding a whole new element to fore- play). Plus, shaving will help women who have issues with pubic hair or genital cleanliness feel more comfortable during sex.

“You likey?”

Ask for feedback to help you adjust your speed and pressure so that she’s getting the most out of your adoration of her.

Plant a seed.

Start a conversation ahead of time about the nonclitoral parts of her genitals. For example, ask, “Have you ever had your vaginal lips played with?” or, “Do you like pressure against your cervix during thrusting?” or, “What gets you off down there besides your clitoris?” Many people are ignorant about the erogenous potential of even their own various body parts. Having been taught that only certain areas pro- duce specific results, they tune out a potential hot spot’s erotic qualities, becoming dismissive when sex play doesn’t involve the stars of the show. As we’ve seen on many hit television series, like Cheers and Will and Grace, it is often the support- ing cast, and not the main characters, that make the show worth tuning in to time and time again. So planting the seed for sexploration possibilities can help your lover become more receptive and open-minded about what it is you’re striving for when stimulating her in a certain way, and may let her know that she could be in for a surprisingly rousing reaction. Talking to your partner not only invites you both to learn more about each other’s sexual likes and dislikes, but it can also challenge your expectations under the sheets. If a person doesn’t expect to get turned on by a certain move, this thought could in and of itself foil your boudoir efforts. So go ahead and counter such self-fulfilling prophecies!

Mons Pubis

The
mons pubis,
a.k.a.
mons veneris,
is the fatty pad of tissue covering her pubic bone in the area where she sports pubic hair (if she hasn’t shaved). All too often ignored, this area, full of nerve endings, can be an erogenous zone if manipulated properly. Rubbing and stroking the mons can indirectly stimulate her clitoris. This is especially effective if you’re

holding her and manually stimulating her from behind. Also, take a few moments during sex play to simply cup and hold the mons. Like a guy who finds comfort in holding his genitals, often unconsciously, having her mons area gently held can provide her with a calming, reassuring feeling. Using fingers to apply pressure on the mons area during intimacy can also enhance her orgasm; in particular, circular massaging motions can kick things up a notch.

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EXERCISE 4.1:
Ahhhhhh!

With one hand firmly resting on either her mons or over her entire vulva, place your other hand over her heart or one breast. (It may be easiest to do this while holding her from behind.) Using visualization, inhale energy from her chest area, and then exhale it onto her genital area. Imagine your hands and body acting as conductors as you draw energy from her heart and send it to her vulva. The deliberate use of breath, in turn, will add pas- sionate energy to the firm touch that you use on her vulva. After doing these actions for a while, tap on the mons area to create another wave of energy.

U-Spot

Depending on the source, the U-spot refers to either the urethral sponge or the
urethral opening,
the protrusion between a woman’s clitoris and vaginal opening that expels urine (see Figure 4.1 on page 49). Since we covered the urethral sponge in our discussion of the G-spot, here we’re going to focus exclusively on the urethral opening’s erogenous potential. Because it is filled with nerve endings, the urethral opening can be a hot spot in some women when gently stimulated either before, during, or af- ter orgasm; however, many women find such stimulation unpleasant or uncomfortable, or they feel nothing at all. Some women find the U-spot more sensitive when their bladder is nearly full.

For women who are into this erogenous zone, the urethral opening becomes a raised nub when stimulated, possibly changing position slightly due to preorgasmic muscle contractions. An orgasm brought about by stimulation of the U-spot (what some people call a uterine orgasm) tends to be quieter than other types, but when the area is stimulated along with

the G-spot, the resulting orgasm can be mind-blowing, often resulting in female ejaculation. To arouse this area, use lubricant, and circle, rub, or press the U-spot with your fingers or a sex toy, making sure to gauge whether or not what you are doing feels good to your lover.

Labia Majora and Labia Minora

A woman’s labia consist of two parts. The
outer lips
(
labia majora
) are the rounded pads of fatty tissue that lie on either side of the vaginal en- trance. Covered with pubic hair, they also contain sebaceous glands and sweat glands, which produce an odorous perspiration that is a natural pheromone of sorts. The
inner lips
(
labia minora
) are thin folds of skin, usually a bit damp, that lie between the outer lips and the vaginal en- trance, extending forward to meet at the front of the clitoris and form the clitoral hood.

Labia vary from woman to woman in color and shape, with some women having more pronounced inner lips. (For this reason, some people take issue with the use of the terms “majora” and “minora,” which, in Latin, literally mean “larger” and “smaller.”) They may be gray, pale pink, or dark, ranging from thin and narrow to thick and fleshy—and they are often not symmetrical, which is counter to what many pornography maga- zines would have you believe. One side may be different from the other— for example, hanging lower—especially as the woman becomes aroused and the lips are engorged with blood. Both lips are extremely sensitive to touch, especially the inner ones, with some women finding this area even more erotic than their clitoris. When stimulated, the inner lips swell and grow puffy due to increased blood circulation, eventually opening for fur- ther arousal and possible vaginal penetration.

The vulval lips are a playground for sex moves. They can be stroked, kneaded, nibbled, caressed, fondled, teased, pushed, or licked. You can give them joint attention (for example, by pressing both lips together for a massage with your thumbs), or you can give them individual attention (for example, by using your fingertips to quickly circle up the inner labia to the clitoris and back down again). Other moves may include pressing the outer lips together with your index fingers and pulling them upward, cupping the labia with your hands and rubbing them together, or blowing

air onto them. (Note:
Do not
blow into the vagina, especially if a woman is pregnant, as this could cause an embolism—a blood clot in an artery— and lead to death.)

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EXERCISE 4.2:
Seventh-Heaven Stimulation

1. Stroke the area where her groin and thigh meet on one side, going as far as her mons pubis before stroking along the other side. Do this several times, slowly and sensually, so that she feels the energy mov- ing around her pelvis.
   
2. As if you have all the time in the world, trace the outer lips with your fingertips, lightly tickling them, absorbing what they feel like.
   
3. Massage and caress the outer lips with long, sweeping strokes, occa- sionally applying pressure to the area between the outer lips and thighs.
   
4. If she has pubic hair, pull it or twirl it in your fingers to indirectly stimulate the outer labia.
   
5. Mimic step 3, but this time using your tongue.
   
6. Work your way to the inner lips, starting at the vaginal opening. Use the tip of your tongue to make short, left-right motions moving up and down each lip, varying the pressure according to what feels good to her. Continue to do this, but without hitting the clitoris. See what reactions are provoked when you just focus on the lips.
   
7. With your hands, work other parts of her body—her nipples, her waist, the area where her buttocks and legs meet—as you lick her inner lips as if you were licking an ice cream cone. For “poetic em- phasis,” as you reach the top of the inner lips, give them a firm flick, much like the tongue motion you’d make when taking ice cream into your mouth.
   

P-Spot

Found in both sexes, the
perineum (P-spot)
is the soft tissue between the vaginal opening and the anus that is composed of spongy erectile tissue and nerve endings, and it is where many pelvic-floor muscles crisscross

each other (see Figure 4.1 on page 49). Connected to the pudendal nerve, it is a huge hot spot, especially in men, which is why it is given separate at- tention for males in Chapter 6. In tantric practice, the perineum is the area that houses, and releases, the energy of the root chakra, which, if allowed to uncoil along the length of the spine, provides wisdom and enlighten- ment. Referred to as Hui-Yin in acupressure, meaning the Gate of Life and Death, it is a point vital to sexual practice and reflexology, and it is related to female sexual desire. The point can be pressed for four seconds with the fingertips, released, and pressed again; do this up to forty times or for five minutes as a way to help enhance her orgasm, relieve pressure on her geni- tals and rectum, and create benefits for her reproductive system.

There are a number of ways the perineum can be stimulated in fe- males. A woman herself can pull it upward as she inhales, using the same pelvic-floor muscles she uses to stop her stream of urine. This strengthens and activates her vaginal opening, making penetration even more arous- ing. For some women, it feels good if you press the perineum with the heel of your hand, especially while stimulating other hot spots with your fin- gers. The perineum can also be stretched, helping to elongate the clitoris and maximize its orgasmic potential. This is because the action causes the clitoral hood to retract, allowing for more friction and increased sensitiv- ity. Yet another way to stimulate the perineum is to pinch it from both sides with your thumb and index finger.

For women who are skeptical about anal play, paying more attention to her perineum may help her to feel like she’s doing something almost anal and racy without violating any concerns she has about anal penetration.