Total Control (22 page)

***

“Holy shit! This is your car?” I said as he walked me up to a silver Corvette.

“Yeah, you like it?” He opened the door for me.

“
Hell, yes!” I got in and checked it out. It was kickass.

Sean took me on an awesome two hour tour. I loved it.
The city was beautiful, but I couldn’t live there. Too much traffic, smog, and people. On our way back to the hotel, he pointed out the apartment building he lived in. It was quite upscale and expensive looking.

“Are you a spoiled rich kid?” I asked.

He chuckled. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. Does it make you think less of me?”

“No, not less, but maybe differently.” I wondered why he worked in a hotel elevator.

“Why?” He seemed bothered by that.

“Not different in a bad way. It makes me wonder why you do what you do.”

“The hotel is close to home, it’s stress free work, I meet a lot of different people, I have free access to the gym, my co-workers are good friends, I can use the pool anytime, and I needed something to do all summer.” He laughed.

“I like that. Okay, I don’t think differently of you
, either.” I smiled at him and he pulled back into the hotel parking garage. “Thank you so much. That was awesome.”

“You’re welcome. Want some ice cream?” He was such a kid.

“I’m still full,” I answered. He frowned at me. “What the hell, yes, I want some ice cream.”

We stopped at a little ice cream shop in the hotel and got twist cones. We licked them all the way up to the room. I was tired and hoped Sean wouldn’t mind if I just wanted to check my emails and watch a movie.

“Sounds perfect, actually,” he said.

I went into the bathroom and got ready for bed. When I came out, Sean went in. I noticed he’d fluffed th
e pillows on the bed like he had the night before. He’d turned the TV on and the list of available movies was up on the screen. I crawled into my spot and opened my laptop. I hoped to see a response from Ethan when I opened my email. No such luck.
He may not respond at all.
When I’d finished my email with “Good luck,” it didn’t really scream “Get back to me ASAP.”
Since I check in tomorrow morning, I have to face the very real possibility that I won’t know anything for over a week.
I sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Sean asked
as he hopped up on the bed.

“Ethan hasn’t answered me. I’m not going to be able to talk to him for
ten days or so.”

“I’m sorry, Gia. I know that sucks for you right now, but you’ll be al
l right. Don’t let it ruin your concentration on your treatment.” He put his arm around my shoulders.

I leaned my head against him. “I won’t.” I logged off and put my computer to sleep. “What are you watching tonight?” I giggled.

“I take it you’re gonna fall asleep on me again?” He squeezed my shoulder.

“I’m
worn out. I’ll try to stay awake, though.”

“It’s okay, you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow. It’s the first day of the rest of your life!” He was excited.

“Do you have to work in the morning?”

“Nope, but if you want alone time with the girls
, I can leave early.”

“No. I like having you around. I need you in the morning.”

“I’ll be here, then. How about a romantic comedy?”

“You’re kind of a girl when it comes to movies. What’s up with that?” Most guys would’ve wanted some action packed thriller.

“I like what I like, what can I say?” He shrugged his shoulders. I liked that he was comfortable with who he was, and he didn’t try to pretend he was someone else.

“
I like you, and who you are.” I hugged him. “Thanks for being here.”

“I like you, too, Gia. I hope to keep in touch through the treatment and beyond. The more positive supporters we have in our lives, the better. We can be that for each other
.”

We decided to watch
Grown Ups
. I didn’t want romantic so much as comedy, and
Grown Ups
had some of my favorite comedians. I watched most of it before I dozed off. I dreamt about Ethan. He came to California to tell me how much he still loved me. I told him how sorry I was and that he was the one man who could give me what I needed to be happy. When I looked into his eyes I felt completely adored, and when he kissed me I knew I was.

I awoke before Sean. I started coffee and took a shower. I was nervous, but excited. I wished my dream was real, but I knew it was my fault that Ethan wasn’t
there with me. I wondered if he’d answer his phone that morning, knowing that it was his last chance to talk to me for a while. I had butterflies as I contemplated whether or not to make the call.

“Good morning!” Jo and Dana were both at the bathroom door, grinning. I smiled at them.

“Good morning,” I said. “Look at you two, all showered and dressed already. I didn’t figure you’d be up yet.”

“We wanted to make sure we had plenty of time with you this morning since we’ve been out late the last two nights without you.” Jo felt guilty.

“That was my choice,” I said. “Plus, I had great company.” I glanced over at Sean, who had just woke up. He looked at us, smiled, and rubbed his eyes.

“I’m done in here if you want to shower,” I told him.

The girls and I gathered up our belongings, which were strung throughout the living area, and packed them. They asked me about Sean and I assured them that we were just friends. He was pro-Ethan and too young for me, anyway. I felt that we had a lot in common and although we flirted and teased, it was innocent. I didn’t tell them about the dream I’d had in the tub, they’d have analyzed it and I didn’t want to go there.

“Do you two mind if he comes to breakfast with us?” I asked.

“Whatever you want, Sweetie,” Dana answered.

We went to breakfast in the hotel. The girls asked Sean a million personal questions, but he was a good sport and entertained them with his answers. I was relieved
to have the focus off me for a while. I still hadn’t decided on whether or not to call Ethan. Sean insisted on buying, which the girls had a fit over, but he wasn’t backing down, so they caved.

Sean held my hand as he walked with us to the limo. I wished he could come with me and hold my hand through the next thirty days. He knew so much about the process, and he had a way of making me feel easier about it. He told the girls good-bye and then he faced me, putting his hands on my shoulders.

“Gia, don’t doubt for one second that you’re worth what you’re about to receive. Everything you’ve been through has led you to this moment. Please make the most of it, learn all that you can about yourself. Discover who you are again so you can live your life. I’m a phone call away, so don’t hesitate to call me when you can. I’m here for you and I’m on your side!” He hugged me long and hard.

“Thank you, Sean. You’re making this so much easier by being
here. Thank you.” I didn’t know what else to say. I was so grateful for his unconditional friendship.

***

We were met with smiles when we walked into the facility. I told the lady at the desk who I was and she welcomed me. She said someone would be there in five minutes to get me, so I’d better say my good-byes quickly. I turned to Jo and Dana and immediately got teary-eyed. We huddled together and tears streamed silently as they gave me a pep talk and told me how much they loved me. I watched them drive away. I felt alone.

Chapter 14

Ethan

I could smell Gia when I awoke on her si
de of the bed. I loved the mornings when I’d awaken before her and watched her sleep. I dragged myself to the shower. I had a slight headache, probably from the beer and lack of dinner the night before. I made some breakfast and headed for the meeting.

“I thought you were going to come over and pick my brain about something yesterday
,” Rose said when I got there.
Shit, I forgot about that.
I didn’t want to tell her about Gia and me.

“Sorry, Rose, things got crazy and I had to put it off.”

“Don’t put it off too long,” she said, “or you may lose sight of it.” I wondered how she always knew when something was up.

I was disassociated as Rose ran the meeting. I tried to concentrate on what was going on in front of me, but it was no match for what was
going on inside of me. One minute I wanted to call Gia and beg her to forgive me for overreacting, and the next minute I pictured her making out with a random guy in a club and I wanted to punish her by ignoring her indefinitely.
What was wrong with me? What was I going to do?
I had no idea. I did know, however, that I wasn’t ready to talk to her, nor was I ready to give her up. If I had to face either of those options head on, I’d most likely have a very bad reaction. I had to just let it be at the moment.

After the meeting, Trey caught up with me.

“What’s on your agenda?” he asked. “We could get some lunch.” He wanted to talk about Gia, but I couldn’t.

“I’ve got some stuff to do, I’ll catch ya later.” I could tell by the look on his face that he wasn’t gonna let me off the hook for long. I hurried out before anyone else got to me. When I got back home, I locked the door, shut the blinds, and crawled back in bed
, right to Gia’s side. There was no other scent in the world like hers. It did so many things to me, but mostly, it made me feel close to her. I fell asleep with her.

I woke to my phone ringing
. It was Shane. He was ready to meet the girls for the concert. I’d forgotten all about it and didn’t want to go. I hated to do that to him after he’d stepped up and helped me so much last night, so I agreed to meet them soon. After all, what else was I gonna do, sleep all day? I freshened up and headed to the arena.

“Hi, Ethan
. I thought maybe you were gonna stand me up,” Lisa said in her cute southern accent. It made me smile.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” I told her. “How’s the band?”

“Really good, you only missed two songs.” She had to talk loudly so I could hear her.

I leaned down toward her ear and asked if she wanted something to drink. She nodded and motioned that she’d come with me. She grabbed my hand as we made our way through the crowd. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I knew I’d hugged her a little too long last night, and that probably gave her a sign I hadn’t intended to give
her. When we reached the outer circle, I got into the bar line. It wasn’t quite as loud over there, so I took the opportunity to be honest with her.

“Lisa,” I said as I released her hand, “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression last night, but I’m going through a tough time right now, and I can’t be anything more than a pal to watch a concert with today.”

“Oh.” I could tell her feelings were hurt. “Well, if that’s what it is, then okay. I can watch a concert with a pal. Can pals dance with each other?” She was sweet about it.

“Sure.” I didn’t want to dance, but I didn’t want to be a total dick.

We got four beers and rejoined Shane and Victoria. They were having a great time and I felt bad for Lisa. I reached my hand out to her and we danced the next two songs. I wasn’t a great dancer, but she didn’t seem to mind. She laughed as I tried to twirl her in the wrong direction.

“Do you want me to lead?”
she teased.

A slow song started and she raised her eyebrows, asking me if I’d keep dancing. I smiled, nodded, and put one arm around her waist. She laid her head against my chest and we were very close all of a sudden. We danced slowly and I laid my cheek against the top of
her head. Her hair was soft and I didn’t like the feelings that I was having. I knew I was in dangerous territory of allowing something to happen that I really didn’t want to happen. I picked my head back up and stood tall for the remainder of the song.

Shane got the next round and I could feel myself relaxing a little.
The girls went to the bathroom, and when they came back, it felt like Lisa was being a little more aggressive. She stood so that she was touching me, not just next to me like she had been. When she talked to me, she stood on her tip-toes until I leaned down, and then she talked right in my ear, even letting her lips touch my ear and neck a couple of times. I didn’t respond to it, I just acted like I hadn’t noticed. I was glad when the concert ended.

“Do you guys want to join us for a cook-out at the campground?” Victoria asked.

Shane nodded excitedly, but I had to put an end to it. “You go ahead. I’ve got some work to do. I’m sorry, Lisa, but thanks for the fun afternoon.”

“C’mon,” Lisa said
. “I’m sure you can get away for an hour or two.” She smiled a smile that I was all too familiar with, but I didn’t want to be that guy anymore.