Tortured Beginning (12 page)

As soon, as these thoughts come across, I have a strange feeling. Almost upset with myself, a longing for him not to leave.
What the fuck, Jaylah. Get a hold of yourself. You don't want or need any man.
Now if my body and mind could agree with each other.

I open the fridge and grab a beer for myself. I twist off the top and take a long drink from it. I turn to see Trevan watching me. I lower the beer from my lips and smile at him.

He smiles back, "That was Jason. He is coming to get me. I hope your not upset that I can't stay. But I have to work in the morning."

I feel almost sad that he is leaving, already. I shake the thought from my mind, I don't like to do sleepovers. Only Nico has stayed on occasion and that was pushing it too.

"No. I understand."

He reaches me, takes the beer from my hands and puts it on the counter. He looks into my eyes and we stand like that for a bit, my hands on his shoulders.

"That was incredible," he says to me.

I give him my most wick smile, and kiss him hard on the lips. I start to feel my arousal building again, when I hear a car horn.

"Fuck," Trevan whispers.

We let go of each other and I follow him to the front door. I open it for him and step aside so he can leave. He grabs my ass and squeezes it as he passes me.

I watch him walk off the porch and down the path to Jason's car. He turns to me before he gets in the car.

"Make sure to lock up." I nod. "I will talk to you soon."

I wave, then step back into the house and lock the door. I set my alarm for the night and head upstairs.

I crawl into bed, and devour the scent of him on my bed. It was the fastest I've ever fallen asleep.

I haven't heard from Trevan for a couple of days. I was actually sad about it, but I needed to snap the fuck out of it. I busy my mind with all the baking we have to do. We had some special orders to do today, one of them being a baby shower.

Anne is getting the front of the house set up. So being by myself, I'm to much in my own head. That can be a dangerous thing for someone like me. I hear the door open behind and Amanda walk in.

"Good Morning," she says cheerfully.

"Morning."

She smiles at me and walks into the office to drop of her purse. I keep packaging up the order and try not to think. I'm not really paying attention to anything but my work, and the time seems to go by faster. When I have the last of it almost done, I hear someone coming into the back. I look in time to see Lynette.

I smile, "Hey."

"Hey? That's all you've got to say? I'm hurt."

I chuckle, "What do you want? A loud welcome?" I love that we can mess with each other and having her here is already lightning my mood. I raise my voice, "Hello, my wonderful and lovely Lynette."

"That's better. So, you never told me how the other night went with your stud muffin."

I inwardly sigh, not wanting to answer this question. I don't want to think about him, I was finally feeling normal.

"It was fine."

"Fine, that's it?"

"Yeah that's it. He dropped me off, and I went to bed."

I don't need to talk about it. Anne walks back and saves me from the rest of the conversation. She already heard all about it, knowing me so well, I couldn't hid it from her. Lynette knows me too, but she doesn't press me as hard as Anne, unless she has to.

I finish putting the order together and get ready to load up in my car. I offered to drop it off down the street to the Knight of Columbus Hall, for the shower.

"Hey can one of you help me load this up?"

"Okay, that's my que to lead. I will talk to you guys later," Lynette waves as she walks back up front.

"What's up with her?" I ask Anne. Since they are cousins, I'm assuming she knows.

"Nothing, really. Let's get this out to the car."

I have a feeling there is something going on and they aren't telling me. Anne didn't look at me when she answered.

I pull back into the parking lot behind the shop, and park my car. This is turning out to be a long day. I can't wait for it to be over. Luckily it's almost over.

I walk back in, through the back door into the kitchen. I drop off my stuff into the office and grab my apron. It's one of the more girly ones, with flowers on it. I usually wear the ones that aren't so feminine.

I head to the front, hoping that there isn't much left to do for the day. I feel like I worked a thousand hours, and really want to leave. I go behind the counter and help Amanda with her coffee order. I'm so focused on what making coffee that I didn't look around the cafe at all.

Anne comes up next to me and stands there smiling at me.

Finally I say, "What is your problem?"

"Seriously? Didn't you see who is here?"

I sigh heavily, "Please just tell me, I'm not in the mood."

"Wow. I guess not. Well your stud is at the table in front of the window. He came while you were gone and he has been waiting for you."

I try not to smile to big and fail. "Damn," I whisper more to myself.

I look over to the window and our eyes meet. He smiles back at me and my knees get weak. What the fuck is that, I'm acting like a stupid girl. I look away for a second and catch the smirk on Anne's face.

"Shut up," I say to her in warning, pointing my finger at her.

She shakes her head and laughs at me. I grab a cup of coffee and go join Trevan at the table. I sit down across from and smile again.

"Hi. What are you doing her?"

"Well I wanted to see."

I'm not use to this, I haven't had a relationship like this in a very long time. I catch myself and I want to put up my walls. I almost feel like some of them have crumpled and I don't like it.

"Well now that you've seen me, what else can I do for you?"

He looks at me a little strange, "Well there was another reason I came."

"Okay."

He pulls a small glass blown bluejay out of his breast pocket of his suit jacket. My heart sinks, I want to run home, lock the doors and hid.

"Where did you get that?"

"Well it was on your end table, next to the couch. I found it when I was at your house and was going to ask you then. But, well... Well we got sidetracked. Is it yours?"

"No," I whisper.

I feel like the world is closing in around and I'm being swallowed up. Why can't Ben leave me alone, and how the hell did he get in my fucking house. I put my head in my hands, trying to calm myself. Trevan moves to the chair closest to me and grabs my hands. He puts his finger under my chin, to make me look at him.

"It means something to you, though. It's from Ben, isn't it?"

I only nod, not sure if I can answer. I only look into his eyes, feeling the warmth of his body and hands envelope me. I feel safe when he is around and I don't like the feeling. I never want to put my trust in another man, I won't let someone else do this to me.

"What does it mean?" Trevan asks, breaking me from my thoughts.

I shake my head, wanting to erase the memory this brings up. But knowing Trevan needs to know.

"Ben had a nickname for me, he even got a tattoo for it. He called me his Jay-Bird."

I look outside, not wanting to look him in the face. Remembering the good of Ben, only made all the rest of this worse for me. And I hate see the look of pity on people's faces. I don't want their fucking pity. I start getting angry and when Trevan tries to hold my hand, I rip it from his grasp.

"I'm sorry, Jaylah. I didn't want to upset you."

"Whatever, you didn't. Thanks for stopping by and showing it to me."

Trevan looks at me with an almost hurt look to his face. Again, whatever. I have to watch out for myself. Some how I have to get Ben to leave me the fuck alone. I will think of something.

I get up from the table and take the mugs with me. I see Trevan watching me from the corner of my eye. I walk to the counter, putting the mugs in the bin of dirty ones. As I turn towards the front, I see him leaving. My heart sinks.

"What was that all about?" Anne asks.

I look over to her, not knowing that she had come up front. She is watching Trevan get in his car and looking back to me.

"Nothing."

I walk away, so she can't ask me anymore questions. Before I make it into the back, I turn back to Anne.

"I'm leaving for the day, okay?"

She looks at me with a worried look, "Sure."

I walk to office, grab my things and out the back door. How the fuck did my life end up like this? My life has been a series of fucked-up-ness. I can't remember a time when I was truly happy, maybe high school. Before everything happened.

I pull into my driveway, not really remembering the short drive home. I get out of the car, not paying attention to anything. I want to get in the house, take a shower and crawl into bed. So when I hear someone behind, I drop my purse.

"Did you get my present?"

I turn around, to see Ben walking towards me. I look around to see if anyone is outside and there is a couple across the street sitting on the porch. I relax a little, hoping that means he won't try anything.

"Relax, Jay-Bird."

I cringe to hear him call me that. What once use to make my heart melt, now makes me sick.

"Don't call me that."

He gets closer to me, putting his hand on my arm. I automatically, pull away from him.

"Hey don't be like that. Can we please talk?"

"Ben we have nothing to talk about. You aren't supposed to be around me. Why can't you leave me alone?"

"I love you, that's why. We belong together, I realized that these past months. I can't live without you, Jay."

"You have been living without me. You need to find yourself someone else. I've moved on and you need to, too."

I see his eyes change, that pushed him over the edge. I look to see the couple still sitting there, watching the street. My mind is a total blank at what their names are and put my attention back to Ben.