Torn (29 page)

No one could love her like him. Quan felt the same. Mo was the forbidden fruit he'd been chasing for years. He knew from the beginning that they weren't meant to be. Their relationship wasn't supposed to last this long. The band had stopped playing and packed their bags a long time ago but here they were trying to defy the odds once again.

Deep within her heart, Mo could feel his love for her fading. Things would never be the same. How could they be? But then he quickened his pace, causing her stomach to contract.

Each and every thrust sent sparks of fire throughout her body.

Arching her back, Mo begged for more. Hurt and abandon-ment were just around the corner. One more stroke and they would be there.

Drawn to the sincerity of pain, Mo's torso began to convulse. Quan was cumming, too. They felt so good in each other's arms. Coming down from their orgasmic high, Mo and Quan lay side by side breathing heavily. What would happen now? She wasn't his and he wasn't sure if he necessarily want- ed her to be. Holding her chest, Mo tried to cease the heartache she felt inside from exploding onto her cheeks.
This
has to stop. I can't keep doing this
, she told herself. Sensing her agony, Quan pulled her close. She lay on top of him.

He couldn't pretend that he didn't want to try again. Being with Mo felt so dramatic at times. He loved how when he talked, she smiled. He loved how when he looked in her eyes, he saw himself. She was his favorite and he was hers. He wasn't the best, but he was all she knew. As Mo's face rested on his chest, she felt at peace.

So here they were, faking it again. They knew that bliss wouldn't last. Their own selfish needs would soon resurface and they'd be fighting again. Mo and Quan would never see eye to eye. They knew that this should end. Love was no longer love, it had become a game. A game of who could hold on the longest. Neither of them wanted to be the one to let go.

They said it was the end but yet there they were, doing it again.

14

Charge it 2 the Game

It had only been two weeks and things between Mo and
Quan were already a mess.
The two were trying their best to make good of a fucked up situation, but the task wasn't easy by a long shot. She had trouble dealing with the fact he had a baby with another woman, and he couldn't get over her revenge fuck with West. Sparking up conversations just to fill the void between them had become a trick they'd each used just to kill time.

It was like neither of them knew how to act around each other anymore. Thinking a night out together would solve their problems, Mo made plans for them to have dinner at the ultra-exclusive restaurant Dolce, but like always, Quan was being inconsiderate and late. He'd been gone all day and hadn't bothered to pick up the phone or answer any of her calls.

Mo had already told herself that she wasn't going to go through the same drama with Quan again.

She wasn't gonna stress herself out, so she sat on the edge of the bed dressed in nothing but a black lace panty and bra set. Massaging lotion into her legs, she listened intently as Billie Holiday's "
My Man
" serenaded her ears. The right jazz song always caused Mo to ponder her life and where it was heading, and at that moment Billie's words were hitting home.

An hour passed by and she lay on the bed reading Toni Morrison's
Jazz
when Quan decided to make his grand entrance. She tried not to pounce on him, but couldn't help it. The feeling was too natural.

"Where have you been?"

"Why?"

"What you mean why? 'Cause we have reservations, that's why!" she snapped.

"I'm not doing this with you right now. We're gettin' ready to go chill and have a good time. I don't really feel like arguing, boo."

"I don't feel like arguing, either, so just answer the question. Where were you?"

"Well, since you need to be on a need to fuckin' know basis on everything, I did a job wit some niggas I know," Quan shot, aggravated.

"What kind of job?"

"Some shit I wasn't supposed to do."

"Here we go with this bullshit again. When is enough gon' be enough for you? When you get locked up?! I'm tired of having this conversation wit you, Quan!"

"And I'm tired of hearing yo' muthafuckin' mouth! Quit being a fuckin' nag!"

"Oh I'm a nag 'cause I don't wanna see you go to jail? Well fuck it! I don't care! Do what you wanna do, but when you get locked up, don't come cryin' to me, 'cause I ain't bailing yo' ass out! As a matter of fact, I'm tellin' everything!" "Get fucked up if you want to! Now if I get locked up I'ma kick yo' fuckin' ass for burning bread on me like that!"

"Whateva Quan, are we still going out or what?" she replied with her hands on her hips.

"I don't know man, my head hurt now." He took a seat on the edge of the bed.

Mo could only shake her head and laugh. She was so tired of Quan and his bullshit.

"Can you please turn that music off?" Mo rolled her eyes and did as she was asked.

"How about we just chill at the crib tonight?" he suggested, but immediately felt bad. Mo's facial expression turned from one of anger and frustration to disappointment in matter of seconds. He could tell she was hurt.

"It's whateva. I don't even care anymore." She threw up her hands in defeat.

"Come here, man."

"Nah, Quan."

"Man, come here."

Doing as she was asked, Mo walked over to him and stood in between his legs. Holding her close, Quan placed his hands on her hips. With his face resting on her stomach, Quan sat in silence before speaking. He had to collect his thoughts. He had to make her see that he would never do anything to jeop-ardize their future together.

"I'm sorry, a'ight. I just get tired of hearing you say the same ole thing over and over again. I'm not a kid, Mo. I know what I'm doing."

"I know that, Quan. I just don't wanna see anything bad happen to you."

"Ain't nothing bad gon' happen to me as long as you're by my side." He looked up into her eyes.

"I'm not God. I can't protect you," she responded, rubbing his head.

"But you can love me," Quan replied, placing sensual kisses on her stomach.

"I already do, and too much, if you ask me."

"You could never love me too much."

"Whateva." Mo was still upset. "When are we gettin' married?"

"When you start planning the wedding. I mean damn, Mo, we've only been back together two weeks."

"I know that, but I told you a long time ago we could go down to city hall and have the Justice of the Peace do it."

"And I told you I'm not doing that. We either gon' do it right or not do it at all."

"Okay, I'll start looking for a wedding planner tomorrow." For the past month, Sherry had been everything that Quan needed her to be. Without notice she had became his confidant, lover and friend. She cooked his meals, massaged his back, fucked him in every position imaginable and never nagged him or complained while doing so. Sherry enjoyed Quan's company and loved the fact that she was the one he was spending his nights with and not Mo. Finally she was wifey.

The time Sherry spent with Quan was everything she had always imagined it to be. She treasured waking up to his smooth honey-colored face. She cherished his breathing in her ear, loved the touch of his butterscotch skin and savored the taste of his sweet caramel kisses. Sherry was so grateful to finally have her man and thanked God every day for the blessing of him, but without warning, everything changed and Quan stopped coming around.

Two weeks passed since she was last blessed with his presence, and the only phone call she received from him was one in the middle of the week concerning their son. What made it so bad was that he didn't even ask how she was doing.

Confused by his sudden change in demeanor, Sherry became distraught with fear. Her stomach felt as if it had caved in and the room was spinning.
What if he went back to Mo?
she thought.
Naw, he wouldn't do that. He said he would never go back to that bitch.

So this left her with wondering what happened. Where did she go wrong and why wasn't she good enough? In Sherry's mind, as she replayed the past month's events, she had done everything right. Every move she made had been calculated and cunning. She listened carefully to Quan's every word and chose her own wisely. She hadn't been too needy or clingy.

She gave him just enough attention to show him how much she cared. But what had all of that gotten her? Nothing but a bunch of "what ifs" and "whys." She tried to block the thought of him playing her again out of her head, but the feeling seemed to be embedded in her soul. Sherry knew it all too well. Continuously, she would tell herself that if it were anyone else, she could cut all her ties and walk away, but it wasn't anyone else. It was Quan and he was a part of her life. He was her son's father and there was no way she was letting him go without a fight.

Whenever he looked lovingly in her eyes, everything in life became clear. Sherry couldn't imagine life on earth without Quan. Somehow, some way, he completed her. Nobody understood how he made her feel. Every time she saw him, she fell in love all over again. He was all she ever wanted. He was the first man to ever make her feel special. Around him she felt safe and secure.

Quan was the first man to ever tell her "I love you" and genuinely mean it. Every day with him was like no other. But she was tired of the lonely nights and stolen moments. She wanted to give her love to him freely and abundantly. Sherry was tired of being in a relationship all by herself. She was tired of keeping her true feelings bottled up inside. It didn't make any sense that when she contacted him, her phone calls went unanswered or denied.

Hearing the sound of his keys unlocking the door, Sherry beamed a bright smile. She could breathe again. Quan had come back and all of her fears were instantly put to rest.

"What's up, ma?"

"I'm happy to see you."

"That's what's up," Quan said, plopping down on the couch, donned in a sky blue jacket, white tee, dark jeans and Tims. Brown aviator glasses covered his eyes and a rose gold chain hung from his neck. The scent of his cologne filled the entire room. Sherry was high off one whiff.

"Yeah, you haven't been over all week. Lil' Quan has been calling for you."

"Where my son at anyway?"

"In the room taking a nap," she answered, straddling his lap.

"Oh," Quan responded awkwardly.

"So what's good? Why haven't I seen you?"

"I'm here now, ain't I?"

"Yeah."

"Well that's all that matters."

"I missed you," she purred, eying him hungrily.

"Is that right?"

"Yep."

"Well quit beatin' around the bush and show me then." Knowing exactly what he wanted, Sherry stood up and slipped her curvaceous body in between his legs. On her knees, she quickly unbuckled his belt, unzipped his jeans and pulled out his dick. It was as hard as a rock and begging to be pleased. Mo would never be able to satisfy him the way Sherry could.

Why he stayed with her so long she would never understand. She would never be able to do the things she did for him. Mo couldn't be everything he needed, and in Sherry's heart, what he needed was her. After taking him into her warm, watery mouth and letting her tongue and jaw work its magic, Quan came long and hard. Sherry savored the taste and swallowed every drop.

"You know I love you, right?" she questioned, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"I hear you talkin'." Quan buckled up his belt, not paying her much attention.

"You hear me talkin'? Since when I tell you I love you and you don't say nothing back?"

"You cool. You know I got love for you."

"Got love for me?" Sherry asked as she gulped down the lump in her throat. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I mean ... I love you, but I'm not in love with you. You know that."

Paralyzed by the sting of his words, Sherry gazed at Quan, speechless. Once again he had ripped her heart from her chest and left her for dead. But this time she was too hurt to cry or scream. This time she wasn't gonna act a fool. It wasn't like this feeling was new to her. She just felt so stupid.
Why do I keep playin' myself for this nigga?
she thought.

"Where you going?" she asked as he reached the door.

"I gotta make moves, ma. I'ma holla at you."

"So you just gon' come over here, get your dick sucked and leave?" she quipped with an attitude.

Quan took his hand off the knob, turned around and said "Charge it to the game, ma."

"You really don't give a fuck about me, do you?" Sherry scoffed, shaking her head.

"Where is all this coming from? You too into yo' feelings for me! Yeah, I care about you! You're the mother of my son!"

"But that's all I am, ain't it? Just the mother of your son and a bitch you fuck on the side. I ain't got time for that. I deserve more. But what I want to know is, why do you keep fuckin' wit me if you know this ain't going nowhere? Why you gotta keep doing me like this?"