Too Much To Bear: BBW Shifter Romance (Shifters of Spellholm Forest - The Bears) (8 page)

His lips were firm against hers, his tongue sliding out to plunder her mouth. He wanted to claim his mate right now, and she so wanted him to. This battle was already lost; something had changed while they were in the forest. Jenny wondered if it was something Mother Hart had put in their tea. And found she didn't care.

"Wait. Stop," Jenny said pulling back from him.

He took a deep ragged breath. "I'm sorry, Jenny. I guess you want your explanation first."

"No. That can wait. I can't." She slid out of the truck, and took him by the hand to walk across the fields.

He soon saw why. Tucked into the corner of the field was an old shepherd’s shack mostly unused, except for hay in the winter. The roof was sound and it was private enough, even if a little dirty. It suited the things she wanted him to do to her.

The door was a little hard to open, but Beck soon dealt with it, luckily, he didn't pull it off its hinges in his hurry. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her inside, and before she had a chance to look around he lifted her, wrapping her legs around his waist. Then he pressed her back against the wooden walls and kissed her again, holding nothing back. As his lips plundered hers, he moved, his knees bending so that he rubbed against her mound. In seconds her clit throbbed, her sex aching to be filled by him. Never had she been so desperate, or so afraid.

This was her first time, and she wondered if he would be able to control himself. Or if he would tear her inside if he entered her roughly. Should she tell him, or did he know she was a virgin? He would soon find out, because he slid one hand down between them, and drew it along her slit, the feeling delicious against the fabric of her panties.

"God, you're so wet," he said against her mouth. "I want to fuck you, Jenny, so hard you won't know what day it is."

She wanted to speak, to tell him right then that she was innocent of anything to do with sex. Then he pushed her panties aside, and slipped one finger inside her. Nothing she had ever experienced could compare to the feel of something inside her sex for the first time. And his fingers seemed especially skilled. His thumb pressed against her sensitive little nub, while he hooked his finger to slide along her inner walls. She found herself humping against him, wanting more. In slid a second finger, and she felt a fullness, was this what it would feel like to have his cock inside her. How big was he anyway?

She whimpered, and felt her orgasm coming like a runaway train. He pushed deeper, and that was when he found out she was a virgin.

Her voice filled her ears, she cried out, a sharp stinging sensation travelling from her sex to register as pain in her brain.

"Damn," he cursed, pulling away from her. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry," she said, the pain passing.

He stood back, looking at her. She couldn't read his face; only felt the shame of being so naive at her age. Avoiding him, she straightened her clothes, wanting to get out of here, but dreading the drive back to the farm. She could walk, but it would take forever.

"Jenny. I'm sorry. It was a bit of a shock, that's all. It's been a long time since I've been with a woman that doesn't know exactly what she wants and how she wants it."

"I was never interested in boys, not after..."

"I hurt you?"

"No, after you. I had the biggest crush on you, I kidded myself I got over you, but I know now I never did."

"Jenny, I'm sorry about what happened. It was because you had a crush on me I treated you so badly."

"I understand, it can't be easy having the plain frumpy girl drooling after you all the time."

"Don't. Don't say that, it's not the reason I treated you so badly. I felt things for you too."

"Then why?"

"Because I thought I was sparing you the pain of wanting something you could never have to keep. Sure, I could have fucked you, but it didn't seem right. You were better than that."

"Wait. You expect me to believe you were so vile to me to save my feelings?"

"That just about sums it up."

It sounded even more ridiculous when put into words. But he’d been young, and in his mixed up juvenile way thought he was doing her a favour.

“You embarrassed me in front of the whole school, for my own good?” She emphasised the last words, making him cringe.

“Let me explain properly, please.”

She folded her arms, effectively putting a barrier between them. It didn’t take a body language expert to tell him he had better make this good, or they would be back to square one, or maybe on no squares at all looking at her face. He wanted to hold her, to comfort her with his body; instead, he tried to put his thoughts into words that would make sense. That would finally make her understand.

How do you make someone understand why they would humiliate them for their own good? To explain why he waited for her to stand up on a stage in front so many people, in a role she had fought for, and rehearsed so hard to perfect. Looking back it was the worst, most stupid thing to do, but he never did the sensible thing, not until now.

She had changed him, without even trying. All he could hope for was that the mating bond between them was strong enough to get them through this. Because he was sure she would need his support when she found out the truth about what she would be.

"Go ahead, you always seem to have all the answers," she said mockingly, the hurt clear on her face.

"OK. I'll try to explain it from the beginning, but please let me tell you the whole story."

"I'm an enraptured audience," she said, making him wince at the reference to audience.

He took a deep breath, and tried to put his thoughts into careful words. Something he had never done before. Never once in his past had he worried about hurting another person. A brash, speak first, think later kind of guy. That was Beck. It was how he had earned the reputation of Beck Black Bear in his family.

"It was tough growing up being the youngest." Jenny rolled her eyes, but he carried on. "Once my eldest brother changed, I became obsessed with the idea I would be something different. That's when I started searching the forest for the old woman, wanted to know if she was real. It was about a year later I found her, by accident I stumbled across her cottage. At first I thought it was deserted, but then she appeared.”

He paused, trying to gauge if she had calmed down at all, he didn’t think so. However, he knew he had to carry on.

"The question that had been burning in my mind didn't seem so important at that moment. Instead, a picture of you came into my brain. I'd been teasing you earlier, about your hair or something. Remember when you used to have it styled in those pigtails. I hated it; I always preferred it when your hair was down. It flows loose around your shoulders like sunshine."

He took a quick look at her, and hoped he saw her face soften a little. "I remember," she said.

"So instead of asking her what I would be, I asked what my mate would be."

"What did she say?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

"Yes. I think it's best if I know everything now, Beck. Don't you? No secrets, no lies."

"A snow leopard."

"Wow."

He thought she would be upset, but she wasn't. Her face looked radiant.

"Pretty special, huh?" he ventured.

"Yes, very special. I have never heard of one, not around here."

"I know," he agreed.

"And that's when you decided I wasn't your mate."

He nodded. "Your family have been birds for as long as anyone can remember. Seagulls, owls, swans, you name it."

"You still didn't have to be so cruel. The way you treated me, covering all my words with the sound of pigs grunting."

He dragged his hand through his hair, shaking his head with regret. "All I could think of was the way you looked at me, and the way I had begun to see you. So good, and pure. Too good for me, and then Mother Hart's words pushed me into thinking I had to be cruel to be kind."

"There is never a reason to be that cruel."

"I get it. I really do. And I was such a fool. You cannot imagine how far I searched for my mate, every woman I saw, looking to see if they were the one. Never found her. Until I came back here. The shock of seeing you, and knowing you were here all along. When we went into the woods earlier, part of me wanted to find Mother Hart, and strangle her. However, I understand now, what she tells is open to interpretation. And I got it wrong, so wrong."

"Yes. You did."

"Will you forgive me?"

"I don't know if I have a choice."

"But if you did?"

"You hurt me Beck, more than anyone could ever know. When I found out you were my mate, I swore to make you suffer the same way you made me suffer. But I don't know if this stupid mate thing will let me. But I want you to know, if it did, if we weren't mates, then chances are I would never forgive you. I can't see how I would ever want to be with a man capable of being that cruel."

Beck gazed at the ground, his thoughts clouded by the shock of her words. "Please let me make it up to you. I will spend every day of my life trying to make you happy."

"That's not what I want Beck."

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't know. Except I want to go home."

They walked back to the truck. She couldn't get her head around the idea of being a snow leopard. Half excited, half terrified at the prospect, she didn't know whether to tell her parents, or leave it alone. It would be a hard thing for them to take in, and she remained unsure if this was genuinely how things would turn out. Did Mother Hart know things before they happened, or was it all make believe?

Only when she reached her coming of age in a few short days would she know for sure.

They drove back to the farm in silence, once there Beck parked the truck and wordlessly left her. Jenny watched him collect his motorcycle, his sadness palpable. She the urge to comfort him overwhelmed her; she wanted to tell him it was all OK between them. But how could she do that when she didn't know how she felt?

Damn she wished she could rekindle her feelings from earlier, when she had wanted him so badly. His hands on her body, how could she throw him off like that?

After the meeting Mother Hart today she should be able to understand how he became all twisted up inside. Finally, he had been truthful, telling her everything, when he could have told her a lie to make it easier on himself. He could easily have manipulated her and softened the truth of his actions.

Would it have been better if he had not told her his reasons? He could have said he was just a mean kid, instead, he had revealed his concern for her. In a bid to spare her heartbreak, he had crushed her.

"Beck."

He sat astride his motorcycle, helmet in hand. A fleeting expression of hope crossed his face, soon replaced by blank features. At this point Jenny became aware of how hard this was for him too. The shock of finding out she was his mate, of coming to terms with his past. If she shut him out now, if she pushed him away, then she would damage their relationship as much as he had. Could she leave behind the past forever and simply focus on the future they could have together, because she had no real future on her own. This bond would hold her fast and never let her be happy with another man.

She went to him, standing next to his motorcycle. Grasping the helmet, she took it from his hands, placing it on the handlebars of his bike. His eyes met her, registering her desire. "Jenny," he groaned, and then their lips met.

She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close. There was no holding back, their emotion raw and needy. His lips left hers to kiss her neck, his hand cupping her breast, a thumb rubbing across her nipple, making her whimper. She did not intend to stop him, the time for thought now over, action needed to take them past their fears and regrets.

Leaning forward she pressed her hand down on the bulge in his trousers, rubbing along the length of him. She wanted to see him naked again, to have him proud and erect before her, and to finally consummate their relationship. She might not love him, not yet, but it was close enough for her. In time, they would find each other, and learn to live together, for now they needed to make that bond they shared complete.

"Where?" he asked, and she needed no further explanation.

"My parents are in the house. But we can go to the feed store, we won't be disturbed."

He slid his leg back over his bike, standing tall before her. She looked down, smiling to herself at how uncomfortable he looked in his pants. Stripping him naked was the first thing she wanted to do. Then she would let him touch her, finger her, and then impale her with his thick length. Her sex ached in response to those sweet thoughts. He inhaled, he knew how much she wanted him, and it spurred him on. Grabbing her hand, he pulled her around the barn, and then they were fumbling with the lock on the feed sore door before spilling into the cool room.

There were old feedbags stacked on the floor, and he pushed her down onto them, his hands going to the button on her jeans. This time he was not taking his time, he wanted her naked in front of him before she had time to change her mind again. In response, her nervous hands tried to undo his belt, but failed miserably. Beck wrenched her jeans down and dragged them off her, then he stepped back and, while she watched, he dropped his pants, and then his boxers.

While she stared at his erect cock he pulled his shirt off, now completely naked in front of her, she admired his body, her mouth suddenly dry with nerves. There was no backing away from this, to do so would be cruel, he knew she was a virgin; she had to trust in him. Although the look in his eyes showed her it would be hard for him to hold back and take it slow. This bear had waited long enough to claim his mate.

Stood in only her panties and a shirt, unable to move from his penetrating stare, she watched his fingers as he reached out to her. The first button popped open, and his lips sought her heated flesh. Two more buttons on her shirt came apart; his lips chasing the fabric, making her arousal grow. The next buttons would leave her breasts exposed to his gaze, and hopefully his mouth.