Too Busy for Your Own Good (60 page)

Don't buy into their anger or snit
. Their game only works if you buy into it.

Do be pleasant
. You're contributing to a kinder, gentler society.

Do stick to your refusal
. They'll stop asking you when they learn they can't convince or guilt you into acquiescing.

Do let it go
. Shrug your shoulders, forget it, and get on with your life.

Spending less time with friends with whom you don't have great relationships with frees up time in your life to help you to get your “busy” under control. Maybe they're stuck in the past, and you've moved on mentally, spiritually, and relationally. Often this occurs when the relationship's pain outweighs the gain and you must face a hard truth: Would I be better off with or without this person in my life? There are many reasons why you should let a friendship go. Do you let it die a natural death by ignoring it or formally end it by having a final discussion? Yes, no, maybe, it depends.

This isn't something to take lightly, though. If and when you do decide to end a friendship, you must keep
your own counsel about it. It's important that you don't try to get a consensus from other friends. Instead, if you must talk to someone, talk to a professional or an impartial third party.

I have tried to break up gracefully with my friends whenever the need has arisen, but it is emotionally extremely difficult. Believe me, I've botched it as many times as not. But after the final good-bye and I'm relieved of the toxicity from the relationship, I wondered why I didn't do it sooner. And, yes, friends have dismissed me, as well. Did I ever find out why? Sometimes. Did it hurt? Yes, but the gain of my peace outweighed the pain of peace between us.

Finding your authentic self is a powerful way to get balance back in your life. Most of us are so busy running around putting out fires that we don't have time to get perspective on our life and goals. It starts with creating a master plan for your life that includes identifying your goals in the six areas of your life from your satisfaction wheel in
Chapter 1
. This is the beginning of a process that ends with you running your own life instead of it running you.

In a spiral-bound notebook, write each of the following six headings at the top of a page. Leave yourself room to write under the heading and halfway down each page write, “What I need to be, do, or have to accomplish this.”

Business and career
. What do you want your life's work to be or look like? How many hours a week? What location? What do you want your legacy to be?

Financial and investment
. How much money and savings do you need? How can you get that? What can you let go of?

Physical and appearance
. Your health is a pivotal point in balancing your life. How are you going to achieve this? What do you need?

Self-development and recreation
. How are you of service to the greater world? How can you recreate
you
in your balanced vision?

Relationships with people
. What does your chosen family look like? Who do you need to release, forgive? What rituals can you institute to be balanced?

Home and environment
. Is your home a sanctuary? What do you need to make the world around you more loving and beautiful?

Let this be a multipage essay you work on for the next two weeks. It is harder than you think to identify your deepest hopes, wishes, and dreams. Beware that this process takes time and honesty. Many of my students use my “imbalance detox” method to complete this exercise.

For the next two weeks when you're at home, limit your Internet activity to fifteen minutes a day, have no personal chats on the phone, watch no television, turn off the radio, don't read any magazines or newspapers, prepare and eat simple meals, do minimal laundry and housekeeping, shop only for groceries, attend no social activities, and accept no outside business engagements. On your outgoing voice mail, say, “I'm on a new project, please contact me on ___________ (date two weeks hence).”

Once you've articulated your big picture, you can break each major goal into yearly goals and tasks. From your yearly goals, you will have your monthly and weekly goals to achieve the kind of balance you want. Of course, all
along this process you need to constantly challenge your goals.