To Say Goodbye (26 page)

Her breath quickened as tears stung her eyes. His words spun in her head, and they made sense. They did. But then they didn’t. Back and forth, that’s where she’d been for the past few months. She’d wrestled with right and wrong. She’d worried about what made sense, what was right. She hadn’t listened to her heart.

Now, her heart tugged her toward him, pulling her out of her head, out of her questions.

Instead of answering him, instead of arguing, instead of trying to rationalize what she should do, she finally did what she’d been wanting to do.

She listened to her heart.

She stepped forward, bridging the small gap between them. She threw her arms around his neck, her arm brushing against his stubble. She leaned up on her tiptoes, pulling his head toward her, taking his lips in her mouth, and kissing him like she’d been wanting. She kissed him like she was starved for him, like she had a month to make up for—which she did.

Soon, he took the lead, just the way she liked it. His strong hands were folding into her hair, his lips moving ravenously on hers. His tongue found hers and moved expertly, sending heat through her entire body.

She slowly crept backward, leading him through the hallway. Her mind threatened to stop her, to tell her she shouldn’t, not in the bed where she and Tim...

But he stopped her first. He pulled back, all smiles, his voice raspy. “Listen, I want to. God I want to. But I have something to show you first.”

She winked playfully. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. So let’s... God... okay... let me get my breath. But later, oh later, I’m picking up right here.” He nuzzled her face with his nose, kissing her cheek gently.

Calmed momentarily by their break, she got to thinking
. It didn’t matter,
she thought. But she just wanted to know.

“Have you talked to Stella?”

“No, why?”

“No reason.”

Her smile widened. This was genuine. This was about the two of them. This wasn’t about guilt or duty or doing the right thing. This was about Jackson’s heart needing her just as she needed him. Why had it taken her so long to realize it?

It was okay, though. These things took time.

Time didn’t push the past away or make the future less certain. It did, however, offer clarity. It softened emotions, allowing the truth to shine through.

“You ready?” he asked.

“I am now.”

When Mike finally arrived with her Chinese, she didn’t even care that it was fifteen minutes late and a bit cold. It didn’t matter anymore.

All that mattered was their lives were heading in the right direction—together.

After putting the Chinese food in the fridge for later, she let Jackson take her hand and lead her out of the house.

_______________

“I don’t get it.” Sophia gazed at the Lanzel property, which was about two miles from her current house. The familiar redbrick house had belonged to the elderly couple since she’d moved here. It was a quaint house, a 1950s style charmer. Jackson had stopped his truck in front of it, but she wasn’t getting it. Had he gone mad?

“This past month, I’ve been thinking. About us, about you, about where I wanted my life to go. I just realized we were both going about this whole thing wrong. We were trying to meld the lives we had into one solid future. But maybe what we both need is a fresh start. I’m not suggesting we forget the past, and I don’t want to pressure you. But I want this to be a turning point for both of us. I want us to start carving out a new path. Life hasn’t gone as planned for either of us. I lost Logan, got divorced, and lost my best friend. You lost your husband and best friend all in one go. It’s time, though, Sophia. I think together we can find a new way, a new happiness.”

“I think you’re right. But why are we here?”

“I want to start fresh. So I bought it.”

“Wait... you what?”

“Yep. The Lanzels are retiring to Florida. I pulled some strings, scraped together a down payment, and made an offer. They accepted yesterday. This is mine.”

“That’s so great,” she exclaimed, smiling genuinely for him. This was a big step.

“Yeah. And the appeal is happening soon. So if all goes well, maybe I’ll be able to let Logan help decorate his room.”

“He’s going to love it. I’m so happy for you.”

“That’s the thing, Soph.”

She turned to him, sort of knowing where this was going but wanting to hear the words officially.

“I don’t want to pressure you, and it’s okay if you’re not ready. I know your house is full of memories, good memories. But I want you to know, whenever you’re ready, if you’re ready, this place belongs to you, too.”

She caught what he was saying. He didn’t have to elaborate.

She stared at the brick walls, gazed at the rockers on the front porch. She squeezed Jackson’s hand.

She hadn’t thought about moving out of her home. She never considered it because it hadn’t made sense. It still didn’t quite feel right. She wasn’t ready to let go of all of it, of the entire dream. She wasn’t ready to let go of their belongings, of the life they’d built, not completely.

Baby steps, she told herself. Grief took its time. It wasn’t a logical road.

She was ready to see where this thing with Jackson could go, was ready to open her heart again.

But she wasn’t ready to move in with him, to let go of the past completely. Not just yet.

“I love you. I want a life with you. This is a big step, a huge one. I’m not quite ready, not yet. I want us to take some time to really date, to build a relationship sans guilt. But when I’m ready, and I know someday I will be, you’ll be the first to know.”

He smiled and nodded. “I thought you’d say that. I did. I just wanted you to know the offer is there. I can’t wait to make new memories with you, Sophia. I don’t care if they’re here or at your house or if they’re in a box. I just want you to be happy.”

“I am.”

“Okay, so you can let me know when you’re ready?”

“Yeah. But I think I know when.”

He furrowed his brow. “But I thought you said...”

“I said not quite yet, which is true. I need some time to take things in. We need some time to date, really date. But I think, as long as you don’t get sick of me, I think in about, oh, seven and a half months we’ll be ready to move in with you.”

“That’s great. But very specific.”

She smiled again, putting a hand on her stomach. “Well, might be a little less. I mean, we might want to get the nursery situated.”

He froze, a dumbstruck look on his face. “Wait, are you saying... what?”

“I’m pregnant.”

He sat, silent, his hand momentarily covering his smile as he sat in disbelief. “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

He reached across to grab her, to kiss her, to celebrate.

She let herself celebrate too. She hadn’t planned on this all happening so fast. But that was Jackson for you. Intense, to the point.

Passionate.

“This is amazing,” he whispered, pushing a piece of her bangs out of her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was still working on my heart, sorting everything out. I just... I didn’t want you to feel obligated.”

“Are you kidding? Are you blind?”

“Okay, Mr. Hot Shot. Not all of us are super egotistical. I just wanted to make sure if you wanted to be with me, it wasn’t out of moral obligation.”

“I’m with you out of love. And maybe a touch of carnal obligation.” He winked.

“So are you seriously okay if I don’t move in right away?”

“Hey. Seriously. Take all the time you need. We’ve got a lifetime.”

“Okay.”

“But one thing.”

“Yeah?”

“We can maybe, I don’t know, put sleepovers in the cards as possibilities?”

“Yeah, I think.”

“Okay. Deal.”

“Deal.”

They kissed again. “Sophia, I’m so happy. Seriously. I know this all happened so fast. But I’m glad it did.”

They took one last look at the house, the two of them taking in all of the twists and turns from the past hour. Then, he drove away.

He pulled back in front of her house. “So, where did we leave off?” he asked as they got out of the truck.

“Well, I believe we left off between ‘let’s be lovers again’ and ‘we’re having a baby.’”

“Well, what do you say we explore the middle a bit?”

“I’m game. But only if the middle involves eating some Chinese. I’m starving.”

She succumbed to him, body and heart, as they headed inside to reheat the Chinese takeout. She let herself feel the happiness she’d been afraid to feel. Suddenly, the future seemed more than survivable.

JACKSON

J
ackson was a bundle of nervous energy, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. He sipped on his third cup of coffee—perhaps this had something to do with his ceaseless pacing—and then jaunted to the back bedroom, just to eye up the furniture one more time.

He had made the executive decision to go with green, Logan’s favorite color. He hoped it wasn’t a mistake now.

He didn’t have time to think about it too much because the doorbell rang. Jackson covered the distance from the back bedroom to the front door in record time.

“Daddy!” Logan exclaimed when Jackson opened the door.

“Hey, buddy,” Jackson said, stooping down to give his son a hug.

Chloe stood on the doorstep, a few of Logan’s suitcases in hand.

“Here.” She practically flung the suitcases at Jackson. Logan ran past him, heading to check out the house.

“Do you want to come in?” Jackson offered civilly.

Chloe snorted. “Fuck you.” She turned, sunglasses hiding her face, and stomped toward her car.

“Chloe,” he called after her. Despite everything, his heart panged a bit. He didn’t want it to be this way.

She stopped at her car, scowling at him.

“Chloe, I want things to be okay with us. It’s not good for Logan for us to be fighting.”

“You should have thought about that when you appealed.”

“My son needs me in his life.”

“Don’t count on it,” she said. “He better be on my doorstep in two weeks at exactly nine.”

With that, she slammed her car door and peeled out of his driveway.

He sighed, shaken from the encounter. Even Chloe’s foul mouth and attitude, however, couldn’t kill how happy he was.

Logan was back. His son was back.

Granted, it was shared custody. Every two weeks, Logan would flip back and forth between Chloe and Jackson. It wasn’t ideal. It was going to be tense until they all settled into a routine. But it would be okay. Logan had both of his parents in his life, which was what every child deserved.

“Logan, come check out your room. I started decorating it, but we can pick up some new stuff today.”

Logan raced back down the hall, and Jackson followed.

“Dinosaurs!” the boy shouted, heading to jump into his dinosaur-themed bed.

“Do you like it, buddy?”

“I love it. Do I get to sleep here?”

“Yep. It’s your room.”

“Cool.”

Jackson couldn’t think of any better word to describe what he was feeling.

Life was back on track.

_______________

“Hi, Logan,” Sophia said when she came in the front door the next night bearing pizza and ice cream.

“Hi. Want to see my dinosaur?” Logan asked, handing her his stuffed animal. Sophia smiled.

“Do you remember Sophia?” Jackson asked.

“Yep. The lady you like.”

Sophia and Jackson looked at each other and smiled.

Sophia had been worried about overwhelming Logan. She insisted she should stay away these two weeks, give him time alone with his son. But Jackson disagreed.

“Soph, you’re a part of his life now. You’re going to be having his brother or sister. We need to start building a relationship between you two.”

“Chloe isn’t going to like it.”

“Chloe doesn’t like anything.”

“I don’t want to tell him about the baby, though, not yet.”

“Deal. We’ll wait a little while. Plus, I should probably tell Chloe first.”

“That’s going to be a fun conversation.”

Jackson had grimaced, knowing she was right.

The appeal had been even uglier than he anticipated. Chloe’s lawyer pulled out all of the stops, from Jackson’s struggles with alcohol to his near breakdown after he returned from Iraq. He’d been forced to talk about things on the stand he didn’t want to talk about—he rarely broached the subject of his time in the army with anyone.

Sophia had sat beside him the entire time, holding his hand when he needed it, being a shoulder to cry on when he felt like it was hopeless. She never judged, never pushed him. She was exactly what he needed the entire time.

Sophia, Jackson, and Logan headed to the kitchen table to eat pizza and Henry sat under Logan’s seat hoping for a pizza crust—Logan quickly obliged. Logan animatedly talked to Sophia about his new room, the puppy he saw at the park yesterday, and his favorite cartoon. She smiled the entire time, a genuine smile. She was going to be an amazing mother, to both their unborn baby and his son.

Sitting at the table, Jackson felt like a new man. All of the heartaches he’d dealt with, first in Iraq, then with Chloe, then with the loss of Tim; they felt miles away. He looked around the table and he saw happiness, he saw his future. He saw everything he ever wanted.

The three spent the evening and several more that week doing what families do—going to the movies, watching television, walking to the park.

By the end of the two weeks, Logan was holding Sophia’s hand more than his. Henry was already Logan’s best friend, according to the boy—the two were inseparable. Jackson was more than okay with it. They were becoming a family, a family with baggage, but a family nonetheless.

_______________

On the weeks Logan wasn’t home, Jackson felt like there was a hole in his heart. The custody agreement was certainly better than what he’d had, but it would never be perfect.

Still, he made the best of the situation. He used the weeks without Logan as weeks to build his relationship with Sophia, to make new memories.

That first Saturday without Logan, he headed to Sophia’s house, handing her a box.