To Love and Protect (5 page)

“I would never do that. I think you’re great.”

Now it was his turn to be embarrassed. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. That she was sitting here, talking to him.

Silence stretched between them and he desperately tried to think of something to say. Anything. He wanted to compliment her, to make her feel special, to let her know that she was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. But the words got tangled up in his throat.

She tilted her head. “We could have lunch together sometime.”

Relief nearly made him giddy. Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of that? “Great idea. I’d like that a lot.”

“Good. We’ll do that.” She glanced at her watch and sighed. “I’m due back on the floor. But I’ll see you soon?”

“Sure. You can bet on it.”

She rose and then held out her hand. “By the way, I’m Nancy Allen. A nurse on the maternity floor.”

He already knew that, but didn’t admit it. He didn’t want her to think he was some creepy guy who’d been spying on her.

He stood and took her hand in his. Her skin was soft and warm and he felt a flicker of desire shoot through him.

“Everett Baker,” he said. “I’m an accountant here at Children’s Connection.”

“A man with a head for business. I like that.”

He smiled because speaking was physically impossible.

“I’ll see you around, Everett,” she said as she pulled her hand free and headed for the door.

He watched her go, then slowly sank back into his chair. His head spun with possibilities. Nancy had talked to him. She seemed to like him. This was turning out to be the best day ever!

Liz sat in a rocking chair and held baby Natasha close to her chest. She breathed in the scent of powder and baby skin and did her best to get lost in the moment. Staring into the infant’s big, blue eyes relaxed her and made her believe anything was possible. Even her brain had finally slowed down from nearly fifteen hours of whirling and considering and worrying.

She shouldn’t have slept with David. Not that she was sorry; the experience had been amazing. But things had gotten weird afterward and she’d wanted to duck out and he’d let her and when she’d gotten back to her hotel room she’d started to miss him and regret bolting at the first sign of fear, but what else was she supposed to do when—

Stop!

She gave herself the command as forcefully as she could, then had to smile. So much for her brain slowing down. Between wanting to see David again, knowing it was best that she didn’t, and worrying about Natasha, she’d barely slept.

“But I’m here with you now,” she told her soon-to-be daughter. “And that’s the best part of my world.”

Sophia walked into the nursery. The teen wore her dark hair pulled back, and there were shadows under her eyes as if she, too, hadn’t been sleeping.

“Morning,” Liz said with a smile. “Are you all right?”

“Fine.” She touched the little girl’s cheek. “She remembers you from yesterday.”

“I hope so. She’s awake, but quiet.”

“She is a good baby. Some cry all the day, but not her.”

“They told me you’ve spent a lot of time with her,” Liz said.

“Her and others. I like to be with the babies.” Sophia’s mouth tightened.

From what? Liz didn’t know what she was thinking, nor was she sure she should ask. “Sophia, how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

She looked younger. “Do you have family around here?”

“No. In the country. A long train ride away.” She touched the blanket around the baby. “She likes to be held after she eats and she likes being in the sun. She likes singing.”

“You’ve been very good to her.” Liz grimaced. “You’re going to miss her.”

Sophia shrugged. “There are many babies in Moscow. Babies with no family. Others will come to take her place. They will be alone and sad. Last month twins were here. They left for America. Natasha will have a better life there, yes?”

“Yes.”

Liz was determined to make that happen.

“Then it is all right.”

The teenager smiled and turned away, but not before Liz saw the tears in her eyes. Her heart tightened in empathy. How horrible to bond with these babies and then watch them be taken away by someone else. Was the promise of a better life enough?

Liz couldn’t help thinking about Sophia. Where she lived and what she did when she wasn’t helping at the orphanage. Did she really have a family as she said, or was the young girl completely alone?

Liz spent much of the day with Natasha. While the baby slept, she attended a workshop run by Maggie Sullivan. The social worker explained the rest of the adoption process and what Liz and the other adoptive parents could expect for the remainder of their stay in Moscow.

Shortly after four, Liz collected the baby’s few belongings and tucked them into a diaper bag. This was it. Her first night as a parent. She settled the bag over her shoulder, then picked up Natasha and headed for the stairs.

Two other sets of parents stood there with their babies. Liz glanced around for Sophia, but the teenager had disappeared after lunch and hadn’t returned.

One of the babies started to cry. The husband patted its back. The wife glanced at Liz.

“This is really it,” the woman said, looking both excited and scared. “I don’t know if I should do the happy dance or throw up.”

“I’m thinking of both,” Liz admitted.

“Sounds like a plan!”

Two cars pulled up to the curb. As Liz waited to get into the second station wagon for the drive back to the hotel, she looked at the other parents. None of the women with babies in their arms was a single mother like her.

“It’s just you and me, kid,” she whispered to Natasha, who blinked at her. “We’ll be fine.”

She didn’t actually believe the words, but she felt better for saying them. On the short ride to the hotel, she tried to convince herself that everything would be fine.

Once they arrived, she had to unfasten the car seat. Maggie had put it in and now Liz had to deal with the confusing buckles. Natasha began to whimper, then cry. Liz wasn’t sure if the baby was complaining about the wait or wet or hungry. Suddenly she couldn’t remember the last time she’d fed Natasha. Had it been at two or at four?

The information was in the diaper bag, but that wasn’t good enough. As she struggled to lift both car seat and baby from the vehicle while holding on to her purse and the diaper bag, the doubts set in. Natasha’s cries increased in both intensity and volume.

“Hush,” Liz said as she staggered toward the hotel. “It’s okay, honey. You’re okay. I’m right here.”

The news didn’t seem to impress the baby who only cried more.

Her purse started to slip, the diaper bag dropped off her shoulder and hit her forearm with a bone-crushing thud. She couldn’t do everything and open the hotel door at the same time. This was impossible. All of it. She’d been in charge of Natasha for less than thirty minutes and she was already a failure.

Just then the door opened and someone reached for the car seat.

“Looks like you need a couple of extra hands.”

Her heart froze in her chest, her mouth dropped open and she stared unbelievingly into David Logan’s handsome, smiling face.

“W
hat are you doing here?” Liz asked, as surprised as she was delighted.

“You’d told me you were bringing Natasha back to the hotel and I thought you might like some moral support.” He held the car seat in one hand and kept the door open with another. “Apparently you just need a pack animal.”

She stepped into the hotel foyer and told herself that the need to blink compulsively was because something was in her eye—not because of emotion—but she knew she was lying. Sure, men could be thoughtful, but no one had ever done anything so wonderful as to show up just when she needed him most. Especially after what had happened the previous night.

“But we…” she began, then glanced around, aware of the other couples with their children.

Maggie walked toward her. “You came in the second car. Did everything go all right?” She smiled. “It must have. You’re here.”

“Barely,” Liz admitted. “I’m already frazzled.”

“You’ll be fine. You have my room number in case you have questions or need moral support.”

Liz nodded. “If all the parents have your room number, you’re not going to get a lot of sleep.”

“An occupational hazard.” Maggie glanced at David. “You seem to have things covered.”

David grinned. “I’m here to offer muscle, not baby support. I barely know which end to change.”

“Liz,” Maggie said with a laugh, “the man needs a quick course in the basics.”

Liz figured she did, as well, but instead of saying that, she thanked the social worker and headed to the elevator.

“If you don’t mind being my pack animal for just a little longer,” she said, motioning to the car seat.

“Not at all. She’s cute.”

Liz glanced at Natasha. The baby had quieted and now stared all around. Her big blue eyes widened when they stepped into the elevator.

They rode up to Liz’s floor, then David followed her to her room. Liz used the old-fashioned key, then swung the door open, motioning for him to enter.

The room was bright and large, with big south-facing windows and a small alcove perfect for the crib that had been placed there. Stacks of diapers sat on the desk, along with baby wipes and cans of formula. A single hot plate and a pot gave her a place to heat bottles.

“You came prepared,” David said as he carefully set the car seat in a chair in the corner.

Liz set down her purse and the diaper bag. “I can’t take credit for the crib or the hot plate. Children’s Connection provides those to adoptive parents. They also gave me diapers and the formula. It’s what she’s been used to eating, so her stomach won’t get upset. I have some stuff I brought from the States. I’ll mix in a little each time I feed her so she gets used to it gradually. Oh, and there’s also baby food. Europeans generally start babies on solids sooner than we do. Of course, in France, six-year-olds have wine with dinner, so there are a lot of cultural differences that—” She shrugged off her sweater and sighed. “I’m babbling.”

“You’re nervous.”

She nodded, then raised her gaze to his face. “I can’t help it. Last night was great but weird. I don’t usually—”

“Me, either,” he said, stepping close and putting his hands on her upper arms. “It happened and then we both had second thoughts.”

“Hence the bolting,” she murmured. “Talk about not exactly mature.”

“I’m okay with what we did and how we reacted. Can you be?”

She could, mostly because she liked the feel of his fingers on her arm, and how close he was standing. She liked the heat they generated, even now, and the way he smiled at her.

She nodded.

“Good.” He gave her a smile. “I thought I’d stay for a while and offer moral support. Just as a friend,” he added, holding up both hands in a gesture of surrender. “This isn’t a subtle attempt to get you back into bed.”

She was two parts relieved and one part disappointed. “If it was, it wouldn’t be considered subtle.” She glanced at the baby and sighed. “I would love some moral support. I’m terrified. Having an official of the U.S. government around will make me feel a lot better.”

“I’d better stay in an unofficial capacity.”

“Why?”

“Less paperwork.”

Liz laughed. David joined in. Then he was holding her and she rested her head against his shoulder as she relaxed into him.

“You’ll be fine,” he murmured, stroking her back.

“Is that a promise?”

“Sure. You’re motivated enough to get through the adoption process. You’re intelligent, caring and determined. Why wouldn’t you make a good life with Natasha?”

“Gee, when you put it like that, I’m tempted to believe you.”

“You should. I’m telling the truth.”

Natasha began fussing in her car seat. Liz stepped back from David and hurried to release her.

“How’s my girl?” she asked as she cuddled her close.

The baby stared up at her, opened her mouth and began to cry.

“Not a good sign,” Liz said. “I wonder if she’s hungry.”

“When did you feed her last?”

“Two,” she said, suddenly remembering. Okay, maybe she wasn’t a complete maternal failure. “She’s going to be hungry. I need to prepare a bottle.”

“You keep holding her and I’ll take care of the bottle.”

Liz stared at him. “You can do that?”

“If you talk me through it.”

She explained what to do and watched as he performed the steps. While the bottle heated, he sat next to her on the bed and stroked the baby’s cheek.

While Liz appreciated the company, she couldn’t help wondering why he bothered. Having an infant around didn’t exactly make the situation romantic. This wasn’t his child, she wasn’t his girlfriend, and yet David showed no signs of wanting to be anywhere else.

“I take it there’s no significant person in your life right now,” she said as he rose to test the temperature of the formula.

He glanced at her over his shoulder. “Last night wouldn’t have happened if I’d been seeing anyone else.”

“Oh.” Right. Good point. “But the baby thing doesn’t scare you?”

He grinned. “It would if you left the two of us alone. In fact, I would pass on scared and go right to panic.”

“A big strong guy like you?”

“In a heartbeat.” He moved the car seat to the bed and motioned to the now empty chair. “Have a seat.”

She got comfortable, settled the still unhappy Natasha in her arms and offered her the bottle. The baby’s mouth clamped over the nipple immediately.

“They told me she was a good eater,” Liz said as she watched her daughter drink. “I have some cereal to give her later.”

He glanced at the stack of diapers. “Having Children’s Connection provide those must have made packing easier.”

“It did. I heard horror stories of parents traveling halfway around the world to pick up a child while only being allowed to bring one suitcase. And they had to bring all the baby supplies. At least this way I had room for some clothes for Natasha and toys.”

She looked at him. Having someone else around made her feel so much better than being alone, but she knew she didn’t have the right to keep him with her indefinitely.

“David, you don’t have to stay.”

“Are you throwing me out or giving me an excuse to leave?”

“Giving you an excuse.”

“And if I want to hang around?”

Her heart fluttered. “I’d be delighted.”

Shortly before midnight David stretched out on the bed and pulled Liz close. They were both still dressed and lying on top of the covers—their concession to keeping things on a “friends only” basis.

Not that clothing made a damn bit of difference, he thought humorously. He wanted her just as much dressed as he had naked. Knowing how she would look and feel and taste only intensified his desire. Not that he planned to act on it. Not again.

So he settled for the weight of her head on his shoulder and the heat of her hand on his chest. He ignored the throbbing hardness between his legs and the scent of her body. With luck, she was dealing with her own desire for him, but based on how she kept getting up and checking on the sleeping baby, he figured he was the only one in pain.

“You need to sleep,” he told her. “You’ll be exhausted tomorrow.”

“I can’t. I need to make sure she’s all right. Plus you’re awake. Don’t you have to be alert to save the world?”

“I have a staff to help me out.”

She snuggled closer. “Must be nice. So tell me about your work. What do you do, really?”

He considered the question. “I take care of problems. Some are straightforward, others are more complicated. The Russians are very proud, and like most people, they don’t like foreigners interfering.”

She raised her head and looked at him. “You told me pretty much nothing.”

“But it sounded good.”

“You’re one of ‘the Logans.’ Were you ever pressured to go into the family business?”

“Dad was hopeful,” he said with a chuckle. “But computers were never my thing.”

“I guess having all those brothers and sisters helped, too. Less pressure than if you’d been the only one.”

“Exactly. But I am the best looking of the bunch.”

“I’ll bet.”

She smiled, then rested her head on his shoulder again. “I’m sorry about last night. Afterward. It was awkward.”

“Agreed.”

He’d been torn between never letting her out of his bed and the need to run for his life.

“Neither of us expected that to happen,” he said. “I really had planned to cook you dinner.”

“I know. But we’re sort of combustible when we’re together.”

Even now, although he didn’t mention that to her.

“I always thought that if we’d had more time and some privacy, we would have become lovers five years ago,” she said.

He nodded. In a matter of hours she’d come to matter to him more than anyone ever had.

“I wanted you to come to Moscow with me,” he admitted. “Which was crazy. So I didn’t ask.”

“I would have come,” she told him. “I offered, remember?”

He nodded. “But your life would have been different.”

“Yeah. I wouldn’t have had the success, but I would have had you.”

“If we’d made it work.”

“We would have,” she said with a confidence he envied.

She spoke without knowing the truth about him. About who he was. Liz judged him based on what she’d seen so far, but if she knew about his past—about what he’d had to overcome—she would change her mind. Not that he would blame her.

“Here we are now,” she said. “In a hotel room with a baby.”

“Most people just want a room with a bathroom.”

She chuckled. “Be serious.”

“I am.”

He was—about a lot of things. “Go to sleep,” he whispered. “I’ll watch over you and Natasha.”

That he could offer. Standing guard. Keeping her safe until she left for home.

Later that night a phone rang in a small Moscow apartment. The man who answered sat in the dark, his cigarette glowing as he inhaled.

“Da,”
Vladimir Kosanisky said when he picked up the phone.

“We’re ready.”

The American whom Kosanisky knew as the Stork sounded as if he were in the next room instead of half a world away.

Kosanisky stared at his cigarette. “The money has been transferred?”

“I just did it. You’ll pick up the baby?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Good. The couple waiting has paid top dollar for their kid. We don’t want to disappoint them.”

“No, we don’t want that,” Kosanisky agreed. “I’ll confirm the deposit in the morning, then pick up the baby. The travel arrangements are all made. She should be to you in less than twenty-four hours.”

He gave the flight information. The Stork repeated it back, then hung up.

Kosanisky replaced the receiver and dragged on his cigarette. Stolen babies were much more profitable than importing portable stereos.

The doctor patted Natasha’s tummy. “She’s in excellent health,” he said in a thick, Russian accent. “Good responses, alert.” He reached for the chart and flipped it open. “Blood work is fine. She’s young enough that you’ll avoid many of the developmental problems orphan children can have.”

Maggie gave Liz a knowing look. The social worker had tried to calm Liz’s fears about the medical exam, but Liz had still been nervous. She didn’t want anything to interfere with her ability to take the baby home with her.

While the doctor signed the medical certificates, Liz dressed Natasha in her shirt and jumper. The little girl was awake and happy, giggling as Liz tickled her feet.

“You were such a good girl,” Liz whispered as she pulled the baby into her arms. “See. The doctor wasn’t all that scary. He said you’re healthy and that’s a good thing.”

Maggie collected the signed certificates and ushered Liz and Natasha out into the hallway of the orphanage.

“You’re the last of the parents today,” Maggie said. “So far everything is progressing well for all of you. I’m so pleased.”

“Are there usually problems?” Liz asked as they walked back toward the nursery.

“There can be. A difficult medical condition can slow things down. Sometimes a medical problem can facilitate an adoption, but not all prospective parents want to take on that kind of burden. Then there’s all the paperwork, the court hearing, that kind of thing. But I predict smooth sailing for you and little Natasha.”

Liz hoped so. She was still fighting jet lag and now she had a night of sleeplessness to add to her stress. Not that the baby had given her a second of trouble. Instead, she’d kept herself awake, worrying and checking on the child. David had stayed with her until dawn and while she’d managed to doze in his arms, she didn’t feel at all rested.

Still, thinking about David and how sweet he’d been made her feel all bubbly inside. She wasn’t sure why he’d bothered, but she was more grateful than she could say.

“So what’s the next step?” she asked.

“Paperwork,” Maggie said with a laugh. “Lots and lots of paperwork. I’ve been over it twice and I’ll go over it again. In your case, Natasha was simply left on the steps of the orphanage. There’s no letter from her parents giving her up, so we have documentation from the orphanage saying she was unconditionally abandoned.”