To Love and Protect (4 page)

From that thought it was a short trip to Liz-land where he quickly got lost in the memory of their brief kiss. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had it so bad. There was definite chemistry between them.

Torn between what he wanted and what he knew was the right thing to do, he briefly considered withdrawing his offer to cook. He had a feeling if she showed up at his place that night, they weren’t going to get to dinner.

“This is so stupid,” Liz said as she brushed the tears from her cheeks.

“You will be back tomorrow, yes?” Sophia said as they walked toward the stairs.

“I know. It’s just that I’m here and I want to take her with me. I hate the thought of her spending another night here. She’s all alone.”

The teenager stared at her. “You love the baby?”

Liz sniffed, then nodded. “More than I can say.” Pain inside of her grew. “I keep telling myself it’s just for a few more hours. Then I can take her with me and we never have to be apart.”

At the front of the orphanage, Liz paused and looked up at the gray building.

“She’s okay here, isn’t she?” she asked desperately. “She won’t think I’ve abandoned her?”

Sophia’s big eyes remained solemn. “She will be here in the morning. Soon you take her to America and give her a good life. So many people come and take babies for a better life. Is right, yes?”

“I hope so.”

Sophia offered a slight smile, then waited with Liz for the cab she’d called. Liz had thought about going back to the hotel to freshen up, but suddenly she couldn’t wait to get to David’s place.

She handed Sophia a piece of paper with David’s address, which she got when she’d phoned him a while ago. The teenager gave it and other instructions to the cabdriver.

“The fare is set,” Sophia told her. “Don’t pay more.”

“Thank you. I’ll be back in the morning.”

Sophia waved and stepped back from the cab. Liz slid onto the cracked seat and slammed the door.

Twenty minutes later Liz stepped out in front of an old, elegant building. Panes of thick glass surrounded the double-door entry. Tall, narrow windows marched across each of the five stories. Small balconies dotted the facade.

Liz paid the taxi fare, then crossed to the front door. A panel there listed occupants with a button next to each name. Only one space was blank. She pushed the buzzer and waited.

“You made it,” David said, seconds later. “Come into the foyer and I’ll be right down.”

When the door buzzed, she stepped into the building.

The entryway was huge—open and at least three stories high. Two old-fashioned elevators stood on the left with a long wooden counter on the right. The arched ceiling was covered with blue and gold tiles.

After a couple of minutes she heard footsteps on the marble and turned to see David hurrying down the curved stairs. He crossed to her and took both her hands in his.

“You’ve been crying,” he said. “What happened?”

She sniffed. “I tried to repair my makeup on the drive over. I guess I didn’t do a very good job.”

“You look beautiful and the signs are subtle. I’m trained to notice. Everything okay?”

She wasn’t sure if he pulled her close or she stepped into his embrace, nor did she know if it mattered. One second he was holding her hands and the next she was in his arms.

She buried her face in his shoulder and did her best to hang on to her control. Deep breaths, she told herself, while she savored the heat of his body and the sense of safety and security that filled her.

“Liz?”

“I didn’t want to leave her. I know that’s completely silly. Natasha has lived in that orphanage since her mother abandoned her nearly four months ago. She’ll be fine. I only have to wait until tomorrow. But I don’t want to.”

She felt his lips brush the top of her head.

“You’re not silly in the least. You love her and you want to be with her. You’re also tired from your trip, and in a strange place. All of that is bound to throw you off.”

“You’re being sensible,” she said, holding on even tighter.

He’d discarded his suit jacket, so she could feel his firm muscles under the softness of his shirt.

“Sensible, charming and a great host. Come on upstairs and I’ll show you around.”

“Okay.”

Reluctantly she released him. Fortunately, David looped an arm around her and pulled her against his side for the walk to the elevator. When they stepped inside, he closed the doors and pushed the button for the fifth floor. The old mechanism ground to life.

When they stepped out on the top floor, Liz had an impression of marble floors and real wood molding before she was even ushered into David’s spacious apartment.

The ceilings were at least fifteen feet high. A large living room flowed into a dining area. To the left was the kitchen, to the right she caught a glimpse of a bedroom.

“Very nice,” she said as she took in the blue-patterned sofa and the carved and inlaid tables. “You decorate the place yourself?”

“Don’t be too impressed,” he said as he dropped his arm to his side. “I rent it furnished. The view is great, I’m close to work and the price is right. I can live with it being a little fussy.”

She fingered the crystal beads hanging from the base of a lamp shade. “Are you more an antler-and-gun-rack kind of guy?”

“No, but I’m not into brocade, either.” He walked toward the kitchen. “How about a drink? Wine? Vodka?”

She set down her purse and followed him. “Wine would be great. So where did this building come from? What did it used to be?”

“Some rich guy’s house about a hundred years ago. It was converted to apartments after the revolution. It’s been modernized two or three times. The electrical’s okay, but the plumbing makes me swear every morning.”

The kitchen was also large, done in green-and-cream tile with dark wood and glass cabinets. The appliances were relatively new, the countertops aging, the view to die for.

She took the glass of white wine David offered and sipped.

“Better?” he asked.

“I think it may take a couple of glasses for me to get perky.” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not being very good company.”

“Would you rather take a rain check?”

She looked at him, taking in his strong features—his wide, dark eyes, his firm mouth. He had a stubborn jaw and the posture of a man used to getting his way.

“I’d rather stay,” she told him honestly. “Can you stand it?”

“You’re not a hardship.”

Suddenly tension crackled. She welcomed it not only because it was a distraction but because it was such a part of her relationship with David.

“What am I, then?” she asked.

His expression tightened. “Don’t go there.”

“Why not?”

“Because we both know what will happen.”

She
did
know. She’d known from the first time she’d met him. Circumstances had prevented them from acting on what they’d both wanted, but that didn’t change what should have been.

“What am I?” she asked again.

“A fantasy.”

“I’m not sure I can live up to that.”

“Want to try?”

She smiled. “Oh, yeah.”

L
iz had enough time to think that she hadn’t been with a man in forever and to worry that she’d forgotten what she was supposed to do before David moved close and took the wineglass from her hand. He set it on the counter, then cupped her face in his hands and pressed his mouth to hers.

At the first brush of his lips, she knew it didn’t matter what she remembered and what she forgot. With David she would be working on instinct. Heat flared between them, passion exploded and all she could feel was a desperate need to be as naked as possible right now.

As he moved his mouth against hers, she rubbed her hands up and down his chest. His hard muscles made her want to whimper. This was a man who kept himself in terrific shape, and she had a feeling that would translate to the bedroom.

He continued to kiss her lightly, to hold her face, as if prolonging the moment. Then he slid one hand into her hair and licked her lower lip. She felt the tingles all the way down to her thighs and places in between. She parted for him, catching her breath in anticipation of his tongue stroking hers, of the way he would taste and tease and—

He plunged inside of her and fantasy became reality. She might not have seriously kissed the man in five years, but she remembered everything about their being together. Their bodies still seemed made for each other, with hers fitting perfectly against his. She moved her hands from his chest to his back so she could step right against him.

Need pulsed through her, blood rushed in her veins and her body wept with delight. She was both on fire and desperate for more of his warmth.

He released her jaw and dropped his hand to her hip, then around to her rear. When he traced the curve, she arched forward, bringing her belly in contact with his erection. Her insides clenched when she felt his arousal.

“Liz,” he breathed, and began to kiss along her jaw then her neck.

Her head dropped back to give him more room. Shivers rippled through her as he nibbled on the soft skin by her ear, then licked where he’d nibbled. Her breasts ached, her nipples were impossibly hard. She was on fire and hungry.

When he put his hands on her rib cage, she caught her breath. He began to move higher, toward her breasts, and it was all she could do not to beg.

He closed over her curves. Air rushed from her lungs and her knees threatened to buckle. Things only got better when he began to lightly stroke her nipples. He returned his mouth to hers and she opened for him instantly.

They kissed deeply, the movements of their tongues matching the gentle, erotic stroking of his fingers. It was too much. It would never be enough. She wanted him in a way she’d never wanted a man before.

He raised his head. She felt the movement and opened her eyes, only to find him looking at her. Passion darkened his irises to the color of midnight. Need tightened his mouth and hollowed his cheeks. He looked like a man in serious pain.

“We’re moving way too fast,” he murmured.

His words were so at odds with his expression that she nearly laughed. However she had enough rational thought left to realize he was giving her a chance to pull back without having to worry about hurting his feelings.

Ever the gentleman, she thought, wondering how it all would have been different if they’d met under other circumstances and he hadn’t been leaving the country five years ago.

Liz thought about her options. She’d never jumped into bed with a guy like this before. In her world, she liked things to move much more slowly. She could count her lovers on the fingers of one hand and still have room for more. Rationally, she knew she should stop this right now. It made sense. Despite the attraction, they barely knew each other.

He started to step away. Instinctively she grabbed him to hold him in place.

“Don’t stop,” she whispered.

Fire flared in his eyes, but he didn’t move. Not even when she rubbed her belly against his hardness.

“Are you sure?” he asked, his voice low and strained.

She smiled and reached for the buttons of her long-sleeved blouse. “Absolutely.”

She never got the chance to unfasten even one. Not right then. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her even closer. His mouth claimed hers in a deep, passionate kiss that had her heart racing into hyper-drive.

His hands were everywhere. He touched her back, her arms, her shoulders, her breasts. He broke the kiss long enough to bend down and suck her right nipple through the layers of her blouse and bra. The wetness, the friction, the heat all made her cling to him.

“More,” she breathed.

Then they were moving. Kissing and walking and bumping into the table, the door frame, the small cabinet in the hallway. Liz had a brief impression of space and a massive bed as they entered the bedroom, then he was pulling her blouse from her pants and working on the buttons.

This time he managed to complete the task. As he pulled off the garment, he kissed her neck, her collarbone, her shoulder, then he slipped lower and licked the valley between her breasts.

Goose bumps broke out on her skin. She reached her arms back and unfastened her bra, then straightened her arms so it fell to the floor. He groaned and lowered his head to her breasts.

The first stroke of his tongue on her bare skin had her catching her breath. The second made her moan. When he took her tight nipple into his mouth and sucked, it was all she could do not to scream.

She clung to him, unable to do anything but lose herself in the moment. Her body swelled in anticipation and she suddenly wanted to be on the bed, with him inside of her.

Apparently he could read her mind. He pulled back and went to work on her pants.

“I can do that,” she told him with a strangled laugh. “Why don’t you take care of yourself?”

Less than a minute later they were both naked.

He was so beautiful, she thought as she studied the muscles in his chest, his flat stomach and his jutting arousal. She itched to draw him, to capture the moment forever. But there were more pressing needs, namely the throbbing wetness between her thighs.

They moved to the bed in synchronized movements, as if they’d done this a thousand times before. As if they’d practiced and loved until they’d gotten all the kinks worked out. She slid across the mattress while he settled next to her. She reached for him as he moved closer.

He stroked her breasts, her belly, then lower, between her thighs where she was so wet and hot, he groaned. He kissed her mouth as he explored her secrets. In less than five seconds he found that one point of pleasure and began to tease it. In less than two minutes she was tense and panting.

She could feel her release building and forced herself to open her eyes.

“Be in me,” she whispered.

He raised his head and stared back at her, then nodded. After pulling a condom out of his nightstand drawer, he slipped on the protection then moved between her thighs.

She guided him inside.

He was large enough to stretch her and fill her until she gasped. In and out, over and over. They found the perfect rhythm in a matter of seconds and then both of them were breathing hard, barely holding on.

She grabbed his hips and pulled him in deeper, needing all of him, wanting the—

Her orgasm caught her off guard. One second she’d been reaching and the next she couldn’t do anything but feel the endless ripples and contractions as her body surrendered. David caught his breath, then groaned. He pumped harder and faster, making her climax go on and on until he shuddered and was still.

Second thoughts took less than two minutes to intrude. As soon as David withdrew and rolled over to lie next to her, Liz had a bad feeling that she’d just made a huge mistake.

She barely knew the man and she’d gone to bed with him? What was up with that? She felt exposed, vulnerable and raw.

Telling herself she’d simply reacted to jet lag, emotional circumstances and a ghost from her past didn’t help.

“You okay?” he asked.

She turned to look at him and saw the concern in his dark eyes. Telling the truth never crossed her mind. “Sure. Great. You?”

“Fine.”

An awkward silence collected. Liz sat up and glanced around. “I should probably, um, get dressed.”

What she wanted to do was leave, but she wasn’t sure how to say that without it coming out wrong.

She collected her clothes, then stepped into them. He pulled on boxers, then put on jeans and a sweatshirt. When they were finished, they stared at each other in the gathering twilight.

“I should go start dinner,” he said.

Liz swallowed. “I’m not that hungry. It was a long day and I’m still kind of out of it from all the time changes.”

He continued to stare at her but didn’t speak.

She folded her arms over her chest. “I had a good time. I mean, you were great and we obviously do well in bed. It’s just…”

“Too fast?” he asked.

She nodded. “Sort of. I guess we got carried away.”

It was more than that. Fear lurked in the back of her mind, roaming through her thoughts like a great beast. She knew she wanted to run away because if she stayed, she risked connecting, and she didn’t want that. She didn’t want to fall in love. She knew what came next. Love meant death—and she had a child to live for.

“Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her into the hallway. “I’ll drive you home.”

They didn’t speak in the car. Liz was torn between apologizing, saying it might be best if they never saw each other again and asking if he was free the next evening. She was tired, confused and still tingling from their lovemaking. Had anything ever made less sense?

When David parked in front of the hotel, she reached for the door handle. “You don’t have to get out,” she told him.

“Are you all right?” he asked.

She smiled slightly. “I will be.”

He studied her face. “I shouldn’t have pushed things.”

“You didn’t. I was practically begging. We were both—” She swallowed. “I guess it was just chemistry. It happens. Good night.”

She stepped out of the car.

David watched her until she entered the hotel, then he pulled back onto the street. He couldn’t regret what they’d done, even if he wished things had ended differently. Liz was special.

But maybe this was for the best, he thought. There was no point in continuing a relationship that was destined to end eventually. Why risk falling for her when he knew she would walk away as soon as she learned that he wasn’t anything she thought he was? That he was one of the broken ones who seemed to fit in on the outside, but was never a part of the world. Falling in love wasn’t an option. Not now, not ever.

Everett Baker paid for his lunch then stepped out of line and into the seating area of the Portland General Hospital cafeteria. It was close to one and most of the tables were filled with staff members or families of patients.

He saw a group of doctors by the east window, a large family next to the door, and over by the south window sat four nurses.

He told himself not to look, then found himself staring as the women laughed. Nancy Allen laughed loudest of all. Her mouth opened wide, her short brown hair swayed, and when she leaned toward one of her friends and said something he couldn’t hear, the laughter erupted again.

His chest tightened at the sound. He wished that he could walk over and pull up a chair. That the women would greet him like an old friend, while Nancy gave him that special smile she had. He wanted to nestle his tray next to hers, gaze into her hazel eyes and have her tell him how much she’d missed him.

None of that was ever going to happen, he told himself. Nancy Allen didn’t know he was alive.

Everett turned away and found a small empty table against the far wall. He set down his lunch tray, then pulled a paperback book out of his back pocket. He would read while he ate, the way he always did. Alone. Wanting things to be different but not knowing how to change them.

He flipped to the right page and began reading. At the same time he picked up his sandwich and took a bite. But the familiar routine didn’t comfort him, nor could he concentrate when he kept hearing laughter from across the room.

He stole another look at Nancy. She was sure pretty. About his height, but slender and feminine. Sometimes, when he allowed himself to fantasize about her, he thought that they would look good together. That she was the kind of woman to make a man walk taller, prouder. With her, he knew he could feel…special.

Nancy looked up and caught his gaze. Everett turned away and quickly focused on his book. He didn’t want her to know that he liked her, thought of her. He didn’t want her feeling sorry for him.

He tried to bury himself in his book, but the words all blurred and his sandwich tasted dry.

He wished he was different. He wished he was like the doctors he saw around the hospital, the ones who always seemed to know the right things to say to the women they met. He’d tried to come up with a few lines, but they’d all sounded stupid. Honestly, he was much better with numbers than with people. But if things were different…

“Hi.”

Startled, Everett dropped his book as he looked up. Nancy Allen stood by his table.

“Uh, hi.”

She smiled and indicated to the empty chair across from his. “May I?”

“Um, sure.”

She sat down and looked at him. “Do you work at the hospital or at Children’s Connection next door? I’ve seen you around here.”

He stared at her, at the way her hazel eyes were bright with humor, at her full mouth and the way it curved, at the shine of her hair as she moved her head. God, she was so beautiful. Perfect. And she’d just asked him a question.

“Wh-what?”

She smiled and leaned close. “Okay, so here’s the thing. You’re supposed to tell me that you’ve noticed me, too, or I’m going to feel really stupid.”

“Oh. Sorry. Sure. Of course I’ve noticed you.”

Color stained her cheeks. She ducked her head, then smiled at him from under her lashes. “I’m glad. Because coming over here and talking to you has pretty much taken all the courage I have, and if you’d blown me off…”