To Have and to Hold (24 page)

“Still sure?” Joe smiles into her eyes.

“Still sure,” Josie smiles back. “Plenty of time for that later.”

         T
he party is in a huge loft in Tribeca, in a desperately trendy building that used to be an icehouse. The doorman wearily directs them up to the sixth floor, where they can hear the noise as soon as the elevator door opens.

The music’s thumping and the lights are so dim it’s difficult to make out the mass of people. It’s the kind of party Alice would hate, the kind of party that Joe adores. It makes him feel as if he’s regressed back to his twenties, with his whole life still ahead of him, as if anything is possible.

Everywhere they look there are people laughing, talking loudly above the din, dancing wildly as the music gets louder and louder. Joe and Josie push their way through to the makeshift bar and each do two tequila shots.

“I feel like I’m eighteen again,” Josie shouts into Joe’s ear after biting into the wedge of lime that he’s holding out for her.

“I know,” Joe shouts back. “Isn’t it great?”

“Wanna dance?” Josie raises an eyebrow, and Joe nods as she takes his hand and leads him over to the space that’s rapidly filling up with writhing bodies.

The music changes to salsa, and Josie laughs as she grabs Joe’s hand and tries to teach him how to salsa. He picks it up quickly, and the two of them dance together for a while, each enjoying the buzz from the tequila, the music, the very fact that they still find one another as exciting as they remembered, if not more so. That they are behaving like a couple of teenagers out on a first date.

Effectively this
is
a first date for Joe and Josie. Their affair in London was always conducted behind closed doors, for fear of someone seeing them. Joe was far too well known in London to risk being caught with Josie in a situation like this.

Here in New York Joe is feeling a freedom he never felt in London. He is truly exhilarated to be with Josie again, to be having great sex again, exciting sex, to experience the thrill of the extramarital fling. And in New York Joe still feels anonymous, safe. Can risk dancing groin to groin with Josie in public. Can risk throwing back tequila shots safe in the knowledge that home, or Josie’s home, is a cab ride away. Can risk looking deep into Josie’s eyes and stroking her hair as he leans forward and slides his tongue into her mouth as she gasps at the newness and familiarity of it all.

“
H
oney, I’m tired,” Gina shouts into George’s ear. “Can we go now?”

“Sure,” George smiles at his wife. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Gina and George wind their way through the crowd, when suddenly Gina stops. “Look!” she says excitedly, and then she freezes. George turns to look at her to see if she’s okay, then turns to see what she’s looking at, what has caused her to stand as still as a statue.

He turns and follows her stare and sees, just in front of them, Joe Chambers.

Joe Chambers passionately kissing someone who resembles Alice, but who very definitely is not Alice.

Gina had thought she was Alice, was about to throw her arms around her, until Joe pulled away and Gina saw she’d been fooled by the slim body and blond hair. The face is not Alice’s, and Gina stands there foolishly, not knowing what to do.

She wishes she’d never seen anything, wishes she could turn back the clock to just a minute ago, wishes she could have pushed past different people, taken a different route out, but as she stands there thinking these thoughts Joe, clearly sensing eyes on him, turns his head.

“Fuck,” he whispers as he sees Gina and George, takes in the shock in their eyes. “Oh, fuck.” The four of them stand there looking at each other, nobody knowing what to say, Josie not knowing what’s going on, until Gina finally clears her throat.

“Hello,” she says icily, nodding at Josie. “I’m Gina. Alice’s best friend. Oh, do you know Alice? She’s Joe’s wife.”

Josie merely looks at her. What can she say?

26

“
I
have to tell her.” Gina is pacing the floor of their living room, a crystal glass of single-malt whisky in hand, while George watches her miserably from his position in the wing chair next to the fireplace. “Bastard!” she hisses yet again.

“Honey, I don’t think you should tell her. All you’d be doing is hurting her.”

Gina stops pacing for a moment and looks at George in disbelief. “But she’s one of my closest friends, and isn’t it hurting her more to have him betray her like this?”

George shrugs. “For all you know they may have an arrangement. Maybe she knows. Maybe she suspects but doesn’t want to know. I mean, come on, Gina, look at Joe. I very much doubt this is the first time he’s had an affair.”

Gina sighs and sits down, shaking her head. “I just feel so awful. I just keep thinking of Alice stuck in Highfield all by herself, thinking her husband’s working hard when he’s probably out having all these affairs. It’s horrible for her.” She looks up at George. “You know if you ever did that to me I’d kick you out immediately.”

George nods with a smile. “Yes, honey. I know you’d kick me out immediately, which is why I would never do something like that.”

“I hope that’s not the only reason why.”

George opens his arms. “Come here and give me a kiss.”

Gina walks over and puts her arms around him, laying her head on his chest. “Oh, George,” she says sadly. “What are we going to do?”

“Nothing,” he says. “It’s not our place to do anything.”

“Are you sure?” Gina says. “Because if you’re sure, I won’t say anything.”

“Trust me.” George strokes Gina’s hair. “I’m sure.”

“
W
ill she tell her, do you think?” Josie turns to Joe in the cab, notes his distracted expression, but Joe just shrugs and looks out of the window.

He looks calm. Distracted but calm, even though his mind is racing. How could he have been so careless? How stupid was he to have kissed Josie in a public place? And worst of all, this was his first affair in months, and hell, this doesn’t even count, Josie being an affair of old.

God, if he had known he was going to get caught, he would have got up to far worse than this. Of all the bloody bad luck, to have got caught in his first affair since they’d moved. A whole year, for God’s sake.

And to have been caught by Alice’s friend. Gina wouldn’t look at him at all, just introduced herself in that icy voice then stalked off. Shit. Is she going to tell her? Oh God, please don’t let her tell Alice. Should he maybe phone Gina, try to explain, come up with some plausible reason why he was kissing a woman in a downtown loft while his wife was fast asleep in the country? Yes. That’s exactly what he’ll do. Say he was drunk, say he was with friends and this woman made a pass at him.

Joe looks at his watch. Too late now to phone. And anyway, Gina’s hardly going to call Alice in the early hours of the morning. He’ll call first thing tomorrow, make sure he comes up with a plausible enough story. Joe exhales loudly and starts to relax.

“Joe, are you okay?” Joe turns to look at Josie, and he nods.

“I’m sorry, Josie. It was just a shock. Look, I think I should just drop you off and go back to my apartment. Do you mind? I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Josie says brightly, her heart sinking to her knees. “And don’t worry about calling tomorrow, I’m actually off to a luncheon party in Purchase. I won’t be around much.”

“Thanks.” Joe smiles at her, then takes her hand and kisses it. “That’s what I love about you. You always understand.”

Josie just smiles, then turns her head to look out of the window so he doesn’t see the pain in her eyes.

“
G
ina? It’s Joe.”

“Hello, Joe.” Her voice is still cold. She prods George, who is lying next to her reading the
Times,
and raises an eyebrow. George lowers the paper to listen to the conversation.

“Gina, I need to explain.”

“I think it was perfectly clear actually. And anyway, you don’t need to explain anything to me.”

“But I do, Gina. It wasn’t what you think.”

“It doesn’t matter what I think. It’s none of my business. What you get up to when your wife isn’t around is none of my business, Joe.”

“Gina, I don’t get up to anything when Alice isn’t around.”

“Really? That’s not what it looked like to me.”

“And that’s exactly why I’m phoning you. To explain. Because I know what it looked like and I know what it wasn’t.”

“Okay. Shoot. What wasn’t it?”

“It wasn’t what you think.”

“Oh? And what do I think?”

“You think I’m a bastard and you think I’m cheating on Alice.”

“I’m glad that you were the one to say that and not me.”

“Gina, I swear to God I love Alice. I love Alice more than anything, and I would never do anything to hurt her.”

“So what exactly do you call what you were doing last night?” George is shaking his head furiously at Gina, but she’s turned her back on him. George sighs and picks up the paper again, flicking to the back of the Style section to see if he knows anyone who got married this week.

“I admit, you caught me kissing some bimbo, but you know what? I had no idea who she was, I was out with friends and we’d all had a bit too much to drink, and this girl just started coming on to me. I suppose I was lonely, I missed Alice, and I was flattered that this young girl was flirting with me. It was stupid, I know how stupid it was, and if it’s any consolation at all nothing else happened last night.” At least this last bit was true.

Gina sits silently, holding the phone to her ear. It sounds plausible enough, and he sounds sorry enough. Maybe it really was nothing. Maybe he’s not that much of a bastard.

“Gina? Are you there?”

“Yes. You know you don’t have to explain anything to me.” Her voice is softer; Joe knows she’s on her way to forgiving him.

“I know. But I needed to. I just felt sick afterward, not because I saw you, but at the thought of hurting Alice. Gina, I love Alice so much, I swear to you I wouldn’t ever hurt her.”

“I believe you,” Gina says with a sigh eventually. “Okay. Let’s try and put all this behind us.”

“Thank you, Gina. Really. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. You know, I still don’t approve, but I can understand how these things happen, and if it really was a one-time thing then I’m prepared to leave it at that.”

“It really was a one-off. In fact I’m going down to spend the day with Alice now.”

“Good. I know she misses you when you’re in town all the time. Send her my love. Tell her I’ll speak to her tomorrow.”

Joe puts the phone down with a huge sigh of relief. Thank God he managed to pull it off. Thank God Gina isn’t going to say anything to Alice. He picks up again and dials Alice. “Hi, sleepyhead.”

“Hi! And I’m no sleepyhead, thank you. I’ve been up for hours.”

“No surprise there. What have you been up to?”

“Reading mostly. And today I’m out pruning.”

“Sounds fascinating.”

“Oh, ha bloody ha.”

“How do you fancy lunch at the Homestead Inn?”

“You’re coming down?”

“Yup. I miss you. I thought we could go out and have a lovely lunch, and then maybe spend a leisurely afternoon in bed.”

“Sounds infinitely more exciting than pruning.”

“I’m so glad you think so.”

Alice smiles, thrilled her husband is actually coming down and actually wants to be here with her. “I’ll see you later,” she says. “Snoop and I are going for a walk.”

J
oe insists Alice change for the Homestead Inn—“Darling, filthy old Levi’s, a baseball cap, and gardening clogs aren’t exactly the done thing in Greenwich”—and frowns when she comes downstairs a few moments later in a pale pink cashmere twin set and black trousers.

“What’s the matter?” Alice says. “Isn’t this smart enough?”

“The clothes are perfect,” Joe says. “But what have you done to your hair?”

Alice laughs. “I’m going natural again. You’ve forgotten how curly my hair is naturally. Frankly I can’t be bothered to straighten it anymore. Don’t you think it’s better curly?”

Joe frowns. “Well, it’s certainly different. But you’ve got to get your roots done, darling. It looks terrible.”

“Ah. Well, I thought I might try growing out the blond actually.”

Joe shakes his head. “No, love. If you want me to be honest, you look far more beautiful with blond hair. Curly I can handle, just, but back to your natural mousy color? No. I don’t think so.”

Alice shrugs. She’s not willing to have an argument over something so petty, particularly when he’s come all this way just for the day and he’s treating her so nicely. “I probably won’t grow it out,” she lies. “I’d just forgotten what I looked like with natural hair and I just wanted to remember what my color was.”

“Just make sure you get an appointment this week,” Joe says. “Remember we’ve got that charity benefit. Maybe Carlo can fit you in that afternoon.”

“Maybe,” Alice says, knowing she won’t even bother phoning her hairdresser. She’s fed up with sitting at the hairdresser’s for hours every six weeks to get her highlights redone. She just can’t be bothered anymore, and her natural color isn’t so bad. Mousy, yes, but so much easier. “I’ll phone him tomorrow,” she says, to keep Joe happy, and he nods approvingly before whisking her off to lunch.

During dessert Joe takes Alice’s hand then surprises her with a silver bracelet he’s picked up en route (thank God for Sunday shopping).

“It’s beautiful!” Alice smiles with delight. “But what’s it for?”

“Why does it have to be
for
anything?” Joe says, leaning forward and doing up the clasp for her. “It’s just because I love you.”

“Are you sure you’re not guilty of something?” Alice laughs, and Joe smiles even though he suddenly feels very cold.

“Guilty of what?” he says, trying to keep his voice as normal as possible. Surely Gina wouldn’t have told her, not after their conversation this morning.

Alice smiles and kisses him. “Guilty of being a lovely husband. Thank you. It’s beautiful. It’s been months since you’ve surprised me with a beautiful present. You used to do it all the time in London. I’d forgotten how much I’d missed it. Thank you.” Alice has also, rather conveniently, forgotten how she used to feel when Joe turned up with these presents, forgotten her suspicions of old, forgotten the fear that used to follow her around like a large black rain cloud.

Joe is more loving today than he has been in months. They come back home and do spend the afternoon in bed, laughing together as they make love, Joe experiencing a renewed vigor he thought had disappeared altogether when it came to Alice, helped largely by visions of Josie whenever he—frequently—closes his eyes.

“Wow!” Alice flops back on the pillow, exhausted, and smiles at Joe. “That was some afternoon.”

“It certainly was.” Joe leans over and kisses her on the lips, then climbs out of bed.

“Where are you going?”

“Shower. Then I have to make some business calls. I’m sorry, darling. Do you mind?”

Alice shrugs, then shakes her head. Of course she minds. But since when does a leopard ever change its—or his—spots?

J
oe makes sure his office door is closed then dials Josie’s number.

“Hi. It’s Joe.” His voice is soft, just a tone above whispering as he leaves a message on her machine. Alice is still upstairs in bed, but you could never be too careful. “Listen, I’m in the country, had to come down and be the dutiful husband, but I’m going out of my mind with boredom. I’m coming back up this afternoon and I can’t stop thinking about you. I have to see you. I’ll try you again later but I want to see you tonight.”

He switches his computer on then goes into his Hotmail account and writes Josie a long, explicit e-mail, telling her exactly what he plans to do to her this evening, then phones her again, putting the phone down when the machine picks up. Damn. Why doesn’t he have her mobile number? He wants to talk to her. He needs to talk to her.

J
osie sits at her kitchen table eating a dry toasted bagel and listens to Joe leaving the message. She wants to pick up the phone, talk to him, tell him she’ll be here, but she told him she was at a luncheon party, so she must pretend to be out. But all she wants to do is be with him, and even though she knows she needs to be unavailable to win him, she knows there’s only so much willpower she can muster. She won’t pick up the phone now, but she knows she’ll be there for him tonight. And tomorrow. And whenever he phones and says he wants her.

A
t ten o’clock Joe unbuttons the top button of Josie’s shirt and continues to unbutton as she slides her tongue into his mouth and he gasps. He strokes her soft skin, then slips a bra strap down, tracing his fingers along her collarbone and down to her breast.

Josie sighs as his head moves lower, kissing the path his fingers have just traced. She closes her eyes and sinks back on the bed as Joe moves lower. Thank you, God, she mouths silently, over his shoulder. Thank you for bringing him back to me.

A
t ten twenty-five Joe’s phone rings.

“Fuck!” he hisses, as he stops moving inside Josie.

“You left it on?” she whispers, her hands still clasping his back, wanting him to carry on. “Don’t stop,” she encourages, trying to ignore the persistent ring.

They wait, and eventually the phone stops. Joe is relieved to find he is still hard, and he starts moving inside Josie again as she gasps.

And the phone starts to ring again.

A
lice clasps the phone to her ear. He said he’d be at home, but there’s no reply. And his mobile is ringing. If he was asleep he would have turned it off, but it’s just ringing and ringing.

Fear clutches her heart, and nausea threatens to rise. She punches the number out again. And again. And again. And again.