To Have and to Hold (19 page)

“He’s the new features editor at that men’s magazine I’ve been writing for.”

“And?”

“And we had a business lunch about three weeks ago.”

“And that’s it? You’re questioning your relationship because of a business lunch?”

“Well, no. I mean, yes, that’s where we met, and Alice, I swear to God I felt something unlike anything I’ve felt before.”

“Em, I’m sure I’ve heard you say this before. In fact, I’m sure I heard you say this about Harry when you first met.”

“No, Alice. This was different. I know it sounds crazy, but if there is such a thing as a soul mate then I think he might be it. I just had this unbelievable reaction when we looked at one another, and we were in the restaurant for hours, just talking about everything.”

“I suppose you felt as if you’d known each other all your lives?” Alice can’t keep the cynicism out of her voice. She loves Emily but she knows her better than anyone, and knows this isn’t the first time she’s felt like this, and probably won’t be the last. And more to the point, she likes Harry, and she doesn’t want Emily to screw up what could be, what probably is, a wonderful relationship, and certainly the best relationship Alice has ever seen her in.

“Alice!” Emily is hurt.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. So go on. You were talking about everything.”

“Well, yes. And I did feel as if I’d known him for years.” Even as she talks her eyes start to sparkle, her voice becomes more animated. “He is just amazing. And
gorgeous,
Ali! I swear, he looks exactly like Ben Affleck.”

“But I think Harry’s pretty gorgeous too.”

“No, Colin is gorgeous.”

Alice starts to laugh. “He’s gorgeous and his name’s
Colin
?”

Emily bristles. “What’s wrong with Colin?”

“Nothing, nothing. I just didn’t expect someone who looks exactly like Ben Affleck to be called something as, well, as ordinary as Colin.”

“Well, he’s gorgeous, and funny, and incredibly bright, and well, just amazing really.”

“So that’s it? You had lunch?”

“Yes. And then a few days later I went to a preview and he was there and we spent the whole night talking.”

“Just talking?”

“God, yes. We were in a restaurant. But, Alice, I swear there was this amazing chemistry between us.”

“But you promise you didn’t do anything?”

“No. I mean, he kissed me good-bye, but no tongues or anything. Just a peck on the lips. But the
lips,
Alice! Don’t you think that means he likes me?”

“Emily,” Alice says sternly, “I’m not getting into this with you. I’m not playing the game of he said this so that must mean he likes me, or he looked at me that way which must mean he thought about me all week. It’s not fair to Harry.”

“But, Alice, you’re my best friend,” Emily groans. “I haven’t told a soul and I’ve been dying to tell someone.”

“No, Emily. I love you but I don’t want to see you make a terrible mistake. I’ll always support you, whatever you do, but please don’t put me in a position where I have to support infidelity.”

“But I told you, we haven’t done anything.”

“Yet.”

There’s a long silence while Emily digests what Alice has said. “Okay,” she says finally. “I do understand. And you’re right, it’s not fair to Harry, which is what I feel so terrible about. And anyway, I did find out that Colin’s in a five-year relationship . . .”

“A
what
?” Alice shouts.

“Relax! Relax! Apparently he’s really unhappy and he’s tried to leave loads of times . . .”

Alice shakes her head in dismay. “Emily, you’re old enough to know better. Someone’s going to get very hurt, and not just Harry.”

“You’re right, you’re right. The point is that probably nothing will happen and it’s just that it’s made me remember what it’s like to be single again and to have that excitement.”

“And that’s okay,” Alice says. “It’s okay to miss being single, just as long as you don’t do anything about it.”

“I know, you’re right. You’re right. While we’re here I swear to you I’m going to do everything I can to give Harry my best shot, and as long as I’m with Harry I won’t do anything with Colin, okay?”

“Not even lunch?”

“But nothing happened at lunch!” Emily protests. “And he’s my features editor, I have to meet him.”

“You can meet him, but not for lunch. Just meet him in the office where there are other people around. If you decide that Harry’s not going to work out and you and Harry split up then you can do whatever you want, although I have to tell you, a five-year relationship, unhappy or not, doesn’t look good.”

“But apparently his girlfriend is a real bitch.”

“
Emily!
Joe and I have been married for five years. Imagine, that could be me you’re talking about. Five years is a long time. Marriage or not, it’s a serious commitment, and Harry or no Harry, I would think very carefully before pursuing this.”

“Okay. You’re right. If I promise to stop thinking about him, will you start being nicer to me?”

“Oh, Emily,” Alice laughs despite her exasperation. “You know I love you even though I don’t always understand you.” She looks at her watch. “Come on. Do you still want to go and look at those bags?”

         H
arry groans and half opens one eye. He has been in a deep, deep sleep, lost in a dream about pulling up endless weeds in his garden that had grown and morphed into a huge country field.

“Come on, lazybones.” Emily is sitting on the edge of the bed, shaking him as she leans over to kiss his cheek. “Time to get up and get ready for dinner.”

“Oh God,” Harry mumbles. “I feel like I’ve been drugged. I think I’m just going to stay here and go to sleep.”

“And leave me as gooseberry? I don’t think so. Come on.” Emily drags the duvet off him as Harry buries his head in the pillow. “Come and have a shower with me?”

Harry smiles. “A shower with you?” He flings his legs over the side of the bed. “Now why didn’t you say that before?”

20

J
oe hurries into the Gramercy Tavern, is greeted with a warm smile by the hostess, and weaves his way through the tables until he reaches Alice, Emily, and Harry.

He leans down to give first Alice a kiss, then Emily, finally extending a hand to shake Harry’s warmly as he scrapes the chair back and sits down.

“Harry, good to see you again.”

“Good to be here, Joe.”

“Good journey over?”

“Great actually.”

“Did you fly BA?”

“No. United. The deal was too good to pass up.”

“So how’s life back in rainy old London?”

Emily rolls her eyes. “Raining. And how’s life here in fabulous New York?”

“Fabulous,” Joe echoes with a smile.

“No, really.” Emily pushes. “Do you love it as much as Alice?”

“I’m not sure anyone could love it quite as much as my darling wife.” He smiles affectionately at Alice. “But all in all I’d say it was a pretty good move.” He turns and signals the waiter to come over, ordering a spicy Bloody Mary before turning back to the table.

“So what do you miss most about London?” Emily continues.

Joe stops to think. “I miss being able to jump on a plane and hop over to Europe for the weekend.”

“But,” Alice interjects, “we do have the Caribbean, which isn’t exactly bad.”

“True, but it’s not quite the same thing.”

Emily nods. “I’m afraid I have to agree with Joe there. Sorry, but you can’t compare the Caribbean to Europe. Anyway. Go on.”

“So Europe. And obviously I miss my friends. I miss how familiar everything is in London. I’m very comfortable in New York, but I don’t know the people in the corner shops the way I do in London. I miss the television.”

“You have to be joking!” Emily exclaims as a waiter silently drops a menu into her hands. “America has much better television. What about
Frasier
? And
West Wing
? All the best TV’s from here.”

Joe shakes his head. “No. You think that because only the best of the best gets picked up by Britain. You wouldn’t believe the amount of crap that’s on here.”

“Don’t you get hours and hours of those made-for-television dramas starring the Bionic Woman?” Harry grins as Alice starts to laugh.

“I can’t believe you just said that! Twice last week I was flicking and both times I passed films starring Lindsay Wagner!” splutters Alice.

“And was she coping with cancer or a dying husband?”

“I didn’t watch for long enough, but there was definitely some kind of major tragedy going on. Lots of hankies and worried expressions during phone calls. Actually I had the thing on mute as I was on the phone, but more to the point”—Alice peers at Harry—“how come you know so much about dramas starring the Bionic Woman?”

“It’s a little-known secret, but I lived in San Diego for a couple of years when I was a teenager.”

“I didn’t know that!” Emily is shocked.

“How come?” Alice is curious.

Harry shrugs. “My dad’s American, and they wanted to make a go of it over here so they dragged me over when I was thirteen, but it didn’t work out. We went back to England when I was fifteen, and”—he shrugs again—“we’ve been there ever since.”

“I was going to say you don’t have a trace of American accent.”

“Wasn’t here long enough.”

“But,” Alice muses, “it does explain those perfect teeth.”

“Why, thank you.” Harry bares his teeth in a rictus. “I bet you say that to all the boys.”

         B
y ten o’clock Emily looks like a zombie. Harry, having managed to have a nap in the afternoon, is slightly more alert, but the fact that it is three o’clock in the morning English time, combined with the fact that the pair of them are well into their thirties, does not bode well, and Harry has to practically carry Emily out of the restaurant.

“We’re supposed to be going to a party,” Joe whispers miserably to Alice as he heads to the corner to look for a cab.

“Oh, shit. I forgot. But they’re in no state to go anywhere other than bed.”

“Look, we’ll give them the keys and they can let themselves in, and you and I can go.”

“But that’s so rude.”

“Far ruder to have accepted an invitation and then simply not show up.”

“Oh, come on, Joe. You know what these parties are like. There’ll be a million people there, there’s no way they’ll notice whether we’re there or not.”

“That’s not the point,” Joe says sternly. “Alice, I know you forgot but you said we’d go, and I want you to come with me. We barely see one another anymore, you’re always in the bloody country, and the least you can do is spend time with me when you actually manage to make it into Manhattan.”

Alice is not happy. The very last thing she wants to do is go to a superficial party filled with superficial people, but Joe is right. Although she probably didn’t spend that much more time with Joe when they lived in London, over there it was his choice: She didn’t see him because he was always working, or traveling, or canceling her at the eleventh hour.

Now she barely sees him because she is too busy, too wrapped up in her life outside of the city, and this shift of balance in their relationship makes her uncomfortable, guilty.

Which is why she agrees to accompany Joe to the party tonight.

         T
he minute the cab stops outside the Hudson Alice knows she’s not going to have a good time. She can already see the place is jam-packed with beautiful people, the music’s loud, and she’d forgotten how much she hates parties.

Joe walks in ahead of her and immediately runs into people he knows, leaning down to kiss the women, shaking the men’s hands as Alice stands behind him with a false smile, waiting to be introduced.

“Ted, Kerry, this is my wife, Alice.”

“Hi, how are you?” They all shake hands, Kerry with a smile that is just as false as Alice’s. A tall skinny redhead, she looks Alice up and down appraisingly, deciding that yes, Alice will pass.

“We’ve all been waiting to meet you,” Kerry shouts into her ear above the din. “For a while we thought maybe Joe was delusional.”

“What do you mean?” Alice shouts back into her ear.

“I mean he kept saying he was married but no one ever saw you. We decided he must have been making you up.”

Alice smiles. “Oh no.” She extends an arm. “Feel this. Real flesh and blood. So how do you know Joe?”

“Oh, around and about. When you start doing the scene, you find you see the same people over and over. Joe’s just become a familiar face I guess.”

“The scene?”

“You know. The parties. The benefits. Just
stuff.
”

Alice doesn’t know. And more to the point, she didn’t know Joe was doing “the scene” enough to have become a familiar face. How did he fit it in? Most of the time, when Alice is in the country and they speak late at night, he’s about to go to bed. At least that’s what he says.

Alice sighs as she feels a familiar tightening of her chest, a familiar feeling that all is not so well in her world after all. She looks up at Joe, who does seem to know an awful lot of people here, and her mind races. Has he been lying? Why would he lie? Is he up to no good? Am I being oversensitive?

The thought that wins out is this: So what if he goes out to parties when I’m in the country? I can’t expect him to go to bed every night at nine o’clock. And just because he’s going to parties without me doesn’t mean he’s having an affair, for God’s sake. As Kerry just said, he talks about his wife, so clearly he’s not pretending to be single.

I am being oversensitive, Alice decides as she slips her arm through Joe’s and smiles up at him, vowing not to let her imagination run away with her again.

“
G
ood morning. You’re up early.” Alice leans against the doorjamb to tie the laces of her tennis shoes as Snoop leaps up and down at her heels.

Harry peers over the top of the
New York Times.
“I’ve been up since five. Bloody jet lag. But more to the point, you’re up early too. What time did you get in last night?”

“Not too late. Just after midnight.”

“And how was the party?”

Alice shrugs. The party had ended up being like a million other parties she’d been to since she got here, all of which she hated.

Packed with skinny people in designer clothes, all repeating the same conversations: gossiping about people they had in common (none of whom Alice knew), or the women trying to befriend her by asking where she got her hair done or whose lipstick she is wearing. The men stand together, rather like the teenage discos Alice remembers from her teenage years, and talk markets, property, and sports.

“The party was fine. Fun. If you like that sort of thing.”

“And
do
you like that sort of thing?”

“To be honest I would have been much happier in bed.”

“We were definitely much happier in bed.”

“Ooh. Too much information, thank you.”

Harry grins. “That’s not what I meant, thank you. So where are you off to at the crack of dawn in your exercise gear? Working off last night’s supper at the gym, I take it?”

“You have to be joking. Didn’t Emily tell you I’m allergic to gyms? Snoop and I are actually off for our morning walk in Central Park. Want to come too?”

“I’d love to. Hang on, I’ll get my shoes.”

“Bring a jacket too. It’s supposed to be cold today.”

Harry glances out the window. “But look at that sky. It’s a perfect blue and the sun’s shining.”

“Doesn’t mean a thing. The sun’s always shining here, but it’s deceptive. I’m telling you, bring a jacket.”

“Okay, okay. The lady knows best.”

“Good. Now that’s what I like to hear. Take this too.” Alice grabs two woolen hats from the bench just inside the door, flings one to Harry, and pulls the other down tight over her ears.

“I don’t think it will suit me.” Harry raises an eyebrow as Alice makes a face at him.

“I think you’ll find you’ll be thanking me later. Come on. Snoop needs to pee.”

“
J
esus,” Harry hisses as they step out the door. “It’s freezing.”

Alice laughs. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“Are you always this smug?” Harry frowns.

“Are you always this much of a wimp?”

“Point taken. So how far’s the park? Are we nearly there?”

“God, you
are
a wimp. Come on, let’s jog. It’ll warm you up.”

“
I
’m impressed.” They reach the park and Alice slows down to unwind her scarf. “You’re fitter than you look.”

“And you’re just as fit as you look. Anyway, what do you mean I’m fitter than I look? There isn’t an ounce of fat on me.”

“I know. All that gardening and carpentry must keep you fit.”

Harry raises an eyebrow. “You remember?”

“Of course. You think I invited you down to the country just because I like you?” Alice laughs.

“Damn. I knew there was a catch. So will I be building bookshelves? Or planting bulbs?”

Alice turns to him. “Aha! I knew you weren’t as good as I thought, or you’d know that it’s far too late to plant bulbs.”

“Actually I knew that. I was just testing you.” Harry grins and holds out a hand for Snoop’s leash. “So let’s see how your training’s been coming along. Got any treats?”

“Of course!” Alice reaches a gloved hand into her pocket and passes a bag of treats to Harry. “You trained me well.”

“And hopefully you’ve passed it on to the lovely Snoop. Snoop? Sit!” Snoop obediently sits down and looks at Harry expectantly.

“Good boy!” Harry slips a treat into his mouth and pats him on the head.

“Down!” Snoop slides down to the ground, still looking at Harry, as Harry looks impressed and gives him another treat.

“Stay!” Harry turns and walks away for a few yards, turns around, and sees Snoop in exactly the same spot, lying there immobile. “Alice Chambers, I am very, very impressed.”

“Watch this,” Alice grins. “Shake hands, Snoop.” She laughs as Snoop obediently raises his right paw and places it in her hand. “And the other hand.” Snoop puts his paw down and raises the other one, and Alice swears he’s smiling as he does it.

Harry walks back and makes a big fuss of Snoop. “Good boy!” he says, ruffling his fur. “What a good boy! And what a good girl!” He turns to Alice and uses exactly the same tone of voice, proffering a treat to her lips as she grimaces in disgust, then starts laughing, pushing his hand away.

“Good girl, Alice!” Harry continues, laughing as he tries to push the treat in her mouth. “Who’s a good girl!” Snoop starts barking, wanting to join in the game as Alice shrieks, laughing as she tries to get away from the revolting-smelling treat in Harry’s hand.

“Get off!” she shouts, still laughing. “Leave me alone. Yeuch. That’s disgusting!” Harry finally gives the treat to Snoop.

“But you’ve trained him well. Seriously. I am impressed.”

“Of course. What do you think I do in the country all day? Watch television?”

Harry shrugs. “Only, I assumed, the made-for-TV dramas.”

“Ha-ha.”

They carry on walking in silence for a while, down to the water, where they sit on a bench to watch the ducks.

“Aren’t they supposed to fly south for winter?” Harry says after a few minutes.

“I thought so too. I think these are the ones who couldn’t afford the holiday.”

“Hmm.” Harry nods. “Couldn’t they have gone EasyJet?”

“I’m not sure they cover America.”

Harry smiles and turns to Alice. “You know, you’ve changed so much.”

“I have? But you hardly know me. How can you tell?”

“You’re just glowing, Alice. I mean, you’re right, I don’t know you well at all even though I feel like I do because Emily has always talked about you so much. I felt like I knew you before I even met you, but I remember being surprised when we met because even though I liked you, you seemed so, God, I probably shouldn’t say this, but you just didn’t seem happy.”

“Really? How odd. Even at Brianden? We all had such a nice time. Didn’t I seem happy then?”