To Breathe Again (7 page)

They spent a whole thirty minutes in Patty’s Petals, and when they left, their baskets overflowed with roses and other flowers. By the time they left, Patty’s Petals was crawling with customers.

While picking out flowers with Rachel, Kelsey had imagined getting married to Shaun and choosing flowers for their wedding.

Shaun had never hinted he wanted to get married again, and Kelsey had the feeling he might never be ready to take that step. Who would want to get married again when the last I do brought tragedy after tragedy?

She loved Shaun enough to be with him without the promise of marriage. She loved him enough to shove her dreams of being a bride—and marrying a man for the right reasons—to the back of her mind. She would give him time to heal. As much as he could.

Chapter Eighteen

To avoid the gossiping crowd, Kelsey, Shaun, and Rachel made sure to arrive at the lake just in time to sprinkle their petals on the water. They decided to risk their neighbors’ ill will and stay a little while afterward, though, to enjoy the music and a midnight picnic.

The lake in front of them looked like a carpet of flowers; the petals glowed in the moonlight and the light of the lamps on the many boats out on the water. It was a magical scene, and one Kelsey would not soon forget.

After they made their wishes, Rachel settled on the picnic blanket. Kelsey wrapped her arms around Shaun, allowing him to lead her as they danced on the grass. She leaned her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

“I have something for you,” Shaun whispered into her ear. “It’s in my pocket.”

Kelsey gazed up into his eyes. “You do?” She pushed her hand into his left pocket and removed a small velvet box. Her heart began to pound as she stared at it.

Shaun took it from her before she could open it. “Allow me.” He smiled and opened the box, and then before Kelsey knew it, he had dropped to one knee and was gazing up at her. “I’m ready, Kelsey. I’m ready to love you more than you’ve ever been loved. I want you today and tomorrow. I want you forever. Say you’ll be my wife.”

Kelsey covered her mouth with her hands as tears flowed down her cheeks. Her wish was coming true, just hours after she’d made it. “Yes, Shaun.” Her voice trembled. “Of course I will be your wife.”

Shaun stood up and kissed her while a few people clapped. Probably Rachel, and whichever of Shaun’s brothers had sneaked over while they were dancing. As Kelsey was swallowed by their kiss, a firework went off. Grinning, she pulled her lips from Shaun’s. “Did you plan that too?”

Instead of responding, Shaun’s eyes rolled back in his head and his body went limp in her arms. Then he crumpled to the ground.

Before it dawned on Kelsey what had happened, she heard a voice screaming, “He’s been shot! Call 9-1-1!”

Kelsey’s whole body went cold. Shaking all over, she dropped to her knees beside Shaun. She couldn’t breathe or even think. The words rang in her head. He’s been shot. He’s been shot.

She looked down. Dark liquid was pooling fast around the man she loved and soaking into the grass. She screamed.

Chapter Nineteen

Kelsey had no idea how she got to the hospital. One moment she was kneeling beside Shaun, watching the blood flow from his body, and the next, she was sitting in a brightly lit waiting room surrounded by Shaun’s family.

Rachel was next to her, her face white as a sheet, and his brothers were scattered around the room. Dustin stood at the window, hands in his pockets. Garrett faced a nearby wall, his fist between it and his forehead. Cole sat on a chair with his head in his hands. No one spoke.

A door slammed and Kelsey jumped. The sound reminded her of the gunshot. Her resolve melted and she started to feel again. Pain.

“Shaun,” she said in a whimper. She tried to stand up but her legs wouldn’t let her. “I need… I have to see him.”

“No, sweetheart.” Rachel took Kelsey’s hand and held it tight. “They’re taking good care of him. The doctor… The doctor will come soon.”

“Someone shot him.” Kelsey’s words pierced their way up her throat.

“What was he thinking, going to the damn festival?” Dustin whirled around, his eyes dark. “I told him to stay the hell away. But did he listen? No. He thought he was some fuckin’ hero or something.”

“Dustin, stop,” Rachel said. “Just stop.”

Dustin turned back to the window, his body rigid.

Someone stood up from a chair near the door, a woman Kelsey hadn’t even noticed. Her whole body was shaking as she cried, and her mascara ran in streaks down her cheeks. She sobbed louder, then left the room.

The room was silent again, and Kelsey cried into Rachel’s shoulder. She only looked up when she heard a shuffling near the door.

Rachel stood. A young doctor hovered in the doorway.

“Where’s the doctor taking care of my son?” she asked.

“I am,” the doctor said, her voice strained.

“How is he? How is my son?”

The doctor shifted her weight ever so slightly. “I’m sorry,” she said. “We did everything we could. He lost too much blood.”

“No.” Kelsey slumped forward, clutching her head, her hands over her ears. “No. No. No.” The word bounced off the walls.

Shaun’s brothers all fell into their seats and Kelsey heard crying. Rachel shrieked and then just stood there with a hand over her mouth, staring into space.

“I’m sorry,” the doctor repeated.

Her words punched Kelsey in the stomach and the sudden urge to throw up rushed through her. She shot out of her chair and pushed past the doctor, stumbling into a nearby bathroom.

Inside a stall, she sank to her knees in front of a toilet, retching as tears blinded her vision. How could this be happening?

Chapter Twenty

Kelsey didn’t stop running until she’d burst through the hospital’s front doors. Outside, she dropped to her knees on the sidewalk and buried her face between them, shaking with grief. How could this be? How could she have made love to him last night, slept in his embrace, and now he was dead?

Shaun was dead. Gone.

The dam collapsed and tears poured from her eyes, blinding her, choking her, her stomach twisting as if it were a towel being wrung. This pain was like nothing she’d experienced before.

Someone laid a warm and comforting hand on her back, but she shook it off without bothering to look at who it belonged to. She didn’t want comfort. Accepting comfort meant accepting what had happened. And she couldn’t do that.

The person walked away, and she was aware of others walking around her. They did not try to approach her, probably afraid her bad luck and grief would rub off on them.

She finally pulled herself up from the ground and walked away from the hospital without looking back. Deep down, she wanted to go back inside, to insist on seeing him for herself. But she was terrified to see him drained of life, just a body on a table.

She wandered for an hour around town in the dark with no idea where she was going. She just wanted to get lost. After a while she hailed a cab and found herself back at Serendipity Lake Park.

Areas of the lake and grass were still strewn with wilting petals from the festival. Sweet smells hung in the air. How could an event so beautiful have ruined everything?

Feeling as if she were floating, Kelsey headed for the place they had been when it had happened, but it was surrounded by police tape. She lowered herself onto the grass and drew her knees to her chest, rocking herself back and forth.

It started to rain. Fat raindrops beat down on her scalp, drenching her hair. As she gulped for air that felt too thick, water streamed into her mouth. She didn’t move, even though she was shivering. She curled up into a ball and wept for Shaun, for the life they would never have.

Her phone vibrated inside her pocket and she hesitated. Only Rachel and Shaun had her phone number. When she pulled it out, she saw an unknown number. She wiped the water off the screen with her skirt and picked up the call, but didn’t speak.

“Kelsey, are you there?” It sounded like Dustin on the other end, but his voice sounded different. It kept breaking off.

“Yes,” she whispered, and with the other hand she pushed herself to her feet and went to sit on a bench under a tree, where the leaves stopped most of the rain from reaching her.

“Where are you? We’ve been looking for you.”

Kelsey blinked raindrops and tears from her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. “At the park.” She paused. “Have you… Have you seen Shaun?”

There was a long silence on the other end, and when Dustin spoke again, his voice was soaked with tears. “Not yet… It’s too hard.”

“It’s confirmed?” At the back of her mind, she still hung on to a thin thread of hope. “Is he really…”

“Yes. He’s gone, sweetheart. Please come back to the hospital. It’s not good for you to be alone right now.”

“Oh my God.” Kelsey pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes, squeezing tears out of them. She started to cry again, louder this time. “I don’t know…” She hiccupped. ‘I can’t believe it. I don’t know what to do without him.”

“I know,” he said simply. “Come back. We will all get through this together, okay?”

Kelsey nodded and hung up. They would get through it together, but she wasn’t one of them. They had each other, and they had a lifetime of wonderful memories of Shaun. After his funeral, she would return to Ireland, all alone, to grieve for him. She would have her family and friends, of course, but no one there loved Shaun like she did. He was dead, and she wanted to die too. The memory of him opening the velvet box and kneeling in front of her played over and over in her mind.

Why was it that the happiest days of his life had been cursed? First the accident on his wedding night, and then the shot that killed him on the night he proposed to his second love. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to him. It wasn’t fair to the people who loved him.

***

Kelsey stood shivering, still in shock, on the street corner. She hailed a cab to drive her back to the hospital; and the driver threw curious glances at her in the rearview mirror, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak to him apart from telling him where to drop her off. She gazed at the window, watching the raindrops merge into each other to form rivulets that flowed across the grass.

Her eyes were finally dry, but her heart was made of lead. The knot in her stomach tightened as they approached Serendipity Memorial. She wanted to cry again, to let the rest of her emotions out, but she was paralyzed.

She paid the driver without a word and got out of the taxi, then just stood there in the rain, watching people enter and exit the hospital. Some had smiles on their faces, perhaps from news of their loved ones’ recoveries, or healthy babies born. Some, like her, walked out with shadowed faces, or tears streaming down their cheeks.

She forced herself to lift one foot and move it forward, then the other, until she was walking faster, and then running. Suddenly the fear of seeing Shaun dead was swallowed by the need to see him at all. She had to see him one more time before he drifted too far from his living self. She had to try and say goodbye.

The elevator doors opened and she almost slipped out of her wet shoes as she raced down the corridor, breathing hard.

The waiting room they had all gathered in earlier was empty. Confused, she asked a passing nurse if she’d seen Shaun’s family, but the woman shook her head and left her standing there. She headed for the information desk.

One of the nurses gave her a bright smile. “Mr. Brannon’s family is still here.”

“Where?” Kelsey asked, her voice just a little above a whisper. “I want to go to him.”

“Sorry, miss, we can’t allow more than two people to see him at once. Only his mother and one of his brothers are inside now. The rest are in the green waiting room.”

“Thank you.” Kelsey turned.

The nurse called out before she was out of earshot. “The operation went well,” she said. “It was a close call, but he pulled through.”

Kelsey spun around and gaped at her. “What did you say?” Her lips trembled. “Shaun… he’s alive?”

“Yes,” the nurse said. “He almost didn’t make it. He was very lucky.”

Tears welled up in Kelsey’s eyes. “But…the doctor…she said…she said Shaun was dead.”

“I’m sorry.” The nurse stole a glance at her colleague. “There was a mix-up. The news was meant for someone else, who was supposed to be in the same waiting room.”

A smile broke across Kelsey’s face and she rushed off, waving at the nurse. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Wait,” the nurse called and Kelsey turned around again. “Take this.” The nurse walked over to her and handed her a blanket. “You’re dripping wet.”

“Thanks.” Kelsey smiled and wrapped the blanket around her shoulders.

Dustin and Cole looked up when she entered the waiting room. Relief was written all over their faces.

Dustin pulled her into a hug. “It was a mistake. We found out right after I called you.” In response, Kelsey sobbed as he held her close. “It’s okay now, Kelsey,” he said. “Everything will be all right.”

“He wants to see you.” A female voice slipped through the sound of her sobs. Both she and Dustin turned to the door.

Rachel stood there, smiling, with Garrett behind her. She crossed the room and embraced Kelsey, both of them crying.

“Shhhh.” Rachel cupped the back of Kelsey’s head. “He’s all right. There was a mix-up.” She pulled back and looked Kelsey in the face. “He’s asking for you.” She gave Kelsey the room number, and Kelsey walked out of the room, feeling weightless.

Shaun smiled weakly when she entered. Her heart raced as she took in the oxygen tube in his nose, the beeping heart monitor, and the IV bag above his bed.

Pushing past the shock that still hadn’t quite faded, she rushed over to his bed and kissed his face gently, careful not to brush against his bandaged left shoulder. “I thought… Oh God, I thought I’d lost you, Shaun. I can’t even imagine…”

“You don’t have to. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, baby.”