To Breathe Again (3 page)

Chapter Eight

“What do you and Kelsey have planned for the day?” Shaun’s mother asked when they finally found their way to the kitchen table.

Shaun knocked back half of his black coffee and smiled at his mother. She used to ask them that question every Saturday when they were kids. And when they responded, she told them what they should do instead. Something like read a book, or go to some museum. Anything, as long as it was educational. She had always been an advocate for education, unlike their father, who’d believed that education, though valuable, wasn’t a panacea. There were other factors that made a person successful in life.

He’d been living proof of that. He’d dropped out of school at fourteen to work for an auto repair company. His hard work was rewarded when the owner died and left the business to him. Within a year, he’d doubled the business’s profits.

A week before he died of a heart attack, he’d gathered his whole family together to tell them one thing: “Find your passion. Whatever you do, make sure it’s backed by passion, and the money will eventually follow.”

That was the motto that had driven Shaun all his life.

“I was thinking of dropping by the house. But I have a feeling you have other plans for us.” The thought of going back to the home he had shared with Carmen, the home that had lost its heartbeat when she died, was enough to just about kill him, but he had to do it. He had to face the past and make peace with it.

His mother turned back to the sink and began rinsing the already clean plates.

Kelsey and Shaun exchanged a glance.

Shaun narrowed his eyes and stood. Wrapping an arm around his mother’s shoulders, he peered into her face as best he could. “Mom, those plates are clean. Is everything all right?”

She shrugged and forced a smile. “I didn’t do a good job the first time.”

“Kelsey, great to meet you in person. I’ve heard a lot about you.” Shaun turned around to see a man in stained trousers and a tool belt bending to kiss Kelsey on the cheek. “Sorry I wasn’t able to see you earlier. I was away on business.”

“It’s wonderful to meet you…too.” The confused look on Kelsey’s face told Shaun she had no idea who the guy was.

Their mother sighed, perhaps with relief, at the disturbance. “Dustin.” She reached for a dishcloth and dried her hands. “You finally came to eat. What took you so long? Repairs can wait, you know.”

Shaun laughed and went to sit back down. “Kelsey, this is my brother Dustin. As you may have already figured out, he loves broken things.”

Surprise crossed Kelsey’s face, but she laughed. Shaun knew what she was thinking. When people met Dustin for the first time, they sometimes mistook him for a visiting repairman.

Kelsey reached for a strip of bacon. “At least he likes to fix them. I think that’s a good thing.”

“I think you and I will get along very well.” Dustin stood at the table and filled his plate with eggs, sausages, and bacon. Instead of sitting down to eat, he reached for a fork from the dish rack and ate standing up, his plate balanced on the palm of his hand. “So.” He smirked, chewing. “Kelsey, how do you put up with my brother? He can be quite an ass at times.”

Kelsey placed a hand on Shaun’s thigh under the table and grinned. “It’s hard, but I do my best.”

“Look who’s talking,” Shaun scoffed. “How many girls have you managed to keep around?”

Dustin shoved the last of his eggs into his mouth and chewed thoroughly, giving Shaun a tilted smile. “If I find the one, I’ll do everything to keep her around. Trust me. So far”—he shrugged—“I’m enjoying window shopping.” He went to pat Shaun on the back. “Seriously, Shaun, I’m happy you found Kelsey. I’m glad she brought you back to life. And she’s gorgeous. Don’t mess it up.”

Kelsey blushed as Dustin placed his plate in the sink. He went to kiss Rachel, who had moved to a chair and was sitting with her hands clasped. “Mom, I have to go to a meeting. The guest toilet is working great now. If you need anything else fixed, I’ll take care of it when I drop by in a few days. You’re staying for a while, aren’t you, Shaun?”

“Another few weeks and then I’m off to California to meet with the screenwriters.”

“Good. Let’s get together at my place before you leave. How about a party to celebrate your return home?”

“Sounds awesome. I’ll give you a call in a few days.”

Chapter Nine

Once Dustin had left, Shaun got up and headed for the door himself.

Rachel sprang up too, as if there were hot coals on her chair. “Darling, where are you going?” Her face had drained of all color.

Shaun turned, his brows furrowed. “Just going to get the paper.” He walked over to where his mother was standing. “Are you sure you’re okay, Mom? You seem different today. I know that look. You’re worried about something.”

Rachel sighed and slumped back into her chair. “There’s something I need to tell you. Please sit down.”

Shaun did as he was told. Kelsey’s stomach twisted. This was the news Rachel had mentioned. She put down her fork and got to her feet. “I’ll give you a minute alone.”

Neither of them responded, so Kelsey walked out. She didn’t go far. It would be inappropriate to eavesdrop on their conversation, but she just had to know what was bothering Rachel so much. Whatever it was could hurt Shaun.

Kelsey leaned against the wall on one side of the door and shut her eyes, holding her breath.

“What’s going on, Mom?” Shaun asked.

“Shaun,” Rachel said, her voice shaking. “Nora died…yesterday.”

Silence fell over the kitchen as the knot in Kelsey’s stomach tightened even further. Carmen’s mother was dead? He’d just been to see her a few days ago. How was that possible?

“What… What happened?” Shaun’s voice was barely audible. “She was all right when I saw her. Was she sick?”

A long pause.

“Sweetheart,” Rachel said, “she committed suicide. The maid found her floating in the pool. The papers say she took a bunch of sleeping pills.”

Shaun inhaled sharply. “I just don’t get it. No, this can’t be happening.”

Kelsey heard a chair scraping against the wooden floor.

“Baby, I don’t want you blaming yourself for this. It’s not your fault. You understand?” Rachel’s voice was urgent, desperate.

“How could I not, Mom? She was fine. And then I came back to town. Days after I went to see her, she killed herself. We can try to twist this any way we like, but we both know why she’s dead. I came back to Serendipity, and I brought all the tragic, traumatic memories of what happened to her daughter with me.”

Kelsey swallowed and peered through the slit in the door. Rachel stood up, pulled Shaun out of his chair, and hugged him. Shaun faced the door over Rachel’s shoulder, but his eyes were closed.

Please, God, don’t let this destroy him. Please let him survive this.

She pressed a hand to her mouth and tried not to cry. They had come such a long way, made so much progress, and now this.

“I’m sorry, baby. But you have to keep going. You’re doing so well.”

Shaun released his mother. “I’m responsible for two people’s deaths. I killed them both.”

Rachel cupped his face with trembling hands. “Don’t. Don’t say that. You have nothing to do with her death. And you will not stop living because of this tragedy. Look at you. You’ve found a nice girl and you have a bright future before you. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thanks, Mom. But I’m afraid everyone in town won’t agree with you. They’ll think exactly what I’m thinking right now.”

Rachel’s hands dropped to her sides and her face hardened. “To hell with what they think. The only thing that matters is what you think. Don’t you dare let them stand in your way. Now go. Go and have a nice day with Kelsey.”

Kelsey stepped away from the door and walked blindly into the living room, where she dropped onto the couch, her knees knocking against each other.

When Shaun entered the living room a few minutes later, he was alone. He sat down next to her and told her the news she already knew.

“I promise,” he said. “I promise to try and deal with this. Don’t think I’ll get back to the man I was in Dreara, okay?”

Kelsey pursed her lips and nodded, relieved. “Shaun, we’ll get through this together. You are strong, but if some of your strength leaves you, I’ll be strong for both of us.”

He kissed her and stood up. “Do you mind if I go out for a bit? I want to go for a drive, then I’ll drop by Garrett’s office.”

“Of course not.” His brother would help him digest the news, and that gave Kelsey some iota of comfort. “See you later. I love you.”

After Shaun left, Kelsey returned to the kitchen. Rachel stood at the window, gazing out at her vegetable garden.

“He’s not taking it well, is he?” She turned and looked at Kelsey with a sad smile. “I’m so afraid, Kelsey. I’m afraid he’ll start running again. I’m afraid of losing him again.”

Kelsey touched Rachel’s shoulder. “I’ll do my best to make sure that doesn’t happen.” She paused as an idea came to her. “Would you mind telling me what Shaun’s favorite meal was when he was a child? I might want to prepare it for him.”

“That’s a wonderful idea.” Rachel reached toward a shelf to her right and pulled out a hardcover book with the title Brannon Recipes written on its front. She leafed through it until she came to a page that she presented to Kelsey. Kelsey looked down, impressed. There was a heading there. It said simply “Shaun.”

“Wow,” she breathed. “Did you make this?”

“Yes, I had it printed when my boys were small. Each one of them has a chapter dedicated to their favorite meals. I’m sure you’ll be able to find something in there. There are desserts and snacks as well.”

Kelsey leafed through the chapter. “This is beautiful. And such an amazing idea. I’ll pick something. Thank you, Rachel.” She kissed Rachel on the cheek.

“I have a crotchet class with my friends this evening. You’ll have the place to yourselves.” She touched Kelsey’s cheek.

“You don’t need to thank me, Rachel. I’d do anything for Shaun, just as I know he’d do anything for me.”

Rachel nodded. “I think I should go and lie down for a bit. This news took a lot out of me. Choose what you want to cook, though, and I’ll get the ingredients for you in an hour.”

“That’s not necessary. Go and take a nap. I’ll go to the Shop ‘n’ Carry across the street. If I don’t find what I’m looking for, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay.” Rachel shuffled out, her feet barely lifting off the ground.

Kelsey put the recipe book down and leaned against the counter, covering her face with her hands. She forced herself to breathe.

Chapter Ten

Kelsey hummed to herself as she pushed her shopping cart down the produce aisle. She was on the search for fresh chili peppers to make chili con carne.

She had just picked up a bag of peppers when the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Someone was watching her.

She turned to find two snooty-looking, elegantly dressed women with expensive-looking strollers staring directly at her, not making any attempt to hide the fact that they were gossiping about her.

She flashed back to the day Shaun had taken her to the farmer’s market in Dreara. Her lips twitched with a smile that she wiped off immediately. There was nothing funny about this situation. These women were rude. Lifting her chin, she turned her whole front toward them and stared right back, arms crossed over her chest.

They smirked and wheeled their strollers away.

Kelsey exhaled and continued her shopping. It quickly became clear the women with the strollers weren’t the only ones who found her interesting. Several other people at the store threw her disapproving looks. For God’s sake, was this bloody high school? She ignored them and pretended she didn’t care, but she had to admit she was getting uncomfortable.

When a young couple actually pointed at her, she threw everything else she needed into her cart and rushed to the checkout line. She placed her products on the conveyer belt and waited for the cashier, a woman with long braids, to finish with the old lady in front of Kelsey.

When Kelsey’s turn came, she pulled out her purse. But the cashier looked down the queue, as if Kelsey weren’t even there. She put on a bright red-lipped smile and turned to the next person in line. “Next, please.”

The woman behind Kelsey pushed passed and placed her products at the front of the belt.

“What are you doing? I was in front of you.” Kelsey gaped at the woman, then turned to the cashier. “I’m standing right in front of you. Don’t you see me?”

The woman shrugged and her smile transformed into a snarl. “We don’t serve murderer’s whores,” she spat, and began scanning the next customer’s carton of milk.

Kelsey’s skin prickled and her cheeks burned. “Did you just call me a whore?”

“That’s right.” The woman didn’t bother looking over at Kelsey.

This situation called for her dark side. “Well, I think you’re a bitch. And you’re working in the wrong place. You’re taking someone’s place—someone who would treat customers with respect.”

Leaving behind a wake of gasps and whispers, she left her groceries right there on the belt. The bitch can go and put them back herself.

She stormed out, swallowing her tears, feeling the pang of rejection Shaun must have been all too familiar with. She wandered the streets for half an hour until a bakery caught her eye. Mel’s Delights. She’d heard Shaun mention it some time ago. She’d get herself a nice cup of tea and some doughnuts for comfort. If they agreed to serve her, of course.

She pushed open the door, which gave a little chime. There were no other customers in the bakery. The woman behind the counter had a smile on her face, but the longer she looked at Kelsey, the more her smile waned. Then it disappeared all together.

Kelsey drew in a breath and stepped closer to the display case next to the cash register. She glanced at the framed menu behind the woman then looked back at her with a genuine smile. “I’d like two chocolate strawberry donuts, please. And a cup of black tea.”