To Breathe Again (2 page)

Rachel’s eyes welled up and she touched Shaun’s cheek. “You’ve always been a caring boy. As a child, you used to bring sick animals home all the time. I thought you’d end up being a doctor someday.” She wiped her eyes. “You did a wonderful thing for Kelsey. I’m so proud of you. And Kelsey,” she continued, “I’m glad you found a donor and you’re okay.”

“Thank you, Rachel.” Kelsey said, her voice cracking. She looked down and cleared her throat.

They finished the meal with Shaun and Kelsey relaying amusing stories about Dreara and its residents. Then, once the food was gone and they’d run out of stories, Cole and Garrett hugged them all and walked out into the night.

Cole had promised to give Kelsey a tour of Serendipity, but Garrett urged Shaun to hang back. He ought to keep a low profile, Garrett said, just in case people were still angry with him.

“Garrett, it took so long for me to come back,” Shaun responded. “Now that I’m here, I won’t let anyone drive me away again.”

It was clear he had no intention of hiding. In fact, he shocked Kelsey that night when he told her he planned to pay Carmen’s parents a visit the next morning.

She went to bed feeling uneasy.

Chapter Five

Just like his own, Carmen’s childhood home hadn’t changed a bit. Shaun parked a few blocks away so he would have time to collect himself before anyone saw him.

He watched the porch swing, on which he and Carmen had often sat, swaying in the wind. The wind chime hanging above the front door sang in time with the swing. Carmen had won that at a fair and given it to her mother, who collected them.

His breath caught in his throat when the front door opened to reveal a frail-looking woman wearing a large hat and gardening gloves. She approached one of the rose bushes in front of the house and got to work pruning it. She had always loved plants.

Shaun drew in a deep breath. It was best for him to talk to Nora alone, without Nick around. Maybe she would listen. He hoped she would. The last time he’d seen her, she’d been filled with so much hatred, reserved just for him. The woman who’d had such a forgiving heart before Carmen’s death was gone. Her once-bright green eyes had dimmed.

His heart was pounding hard as he approached the house. He could only hope she had found a way to forgive him.

She noticed him when he was at least five steps away. She removed her hat and squinted in the light. Then the hat dropped to her feet and she clutched her chest, backing away toward the front door. Turning away from him, she reached for the door handle.

“Nora,” Shaun said, rushing to her. “Please, I just want to talk.”

Nora barely glanced behind her. “Didn’t think you’d have the guts to show up here,” she said over her shoulder.

“I don’t,” Shaun said, his heart sinking. “But I had to try.”

Nora glanced up at the door and then back at him. Tears sparkled in her eyes. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come in.” She paused. “You shouldn’t be here, Shaun.”

The conflict in her voice wasn’t lost on him. Something in her had changed over the years. The anger in her eyes all those years ago was muted now. In its place was a sadness so suffocating, he struggled to breathe. She was a broken woman.

Her eyes told him she wanted to talk, but he suspected that Nick was inside, and he would never let Shaun in.

“We can go and talk somewhere else…if you like?”

Nora’s lips were thin as the anger in her eyes sparked. She lifted her chin. “I think you should go,” she said, her voice hard even as it trembled. “Don’t come here again.”

Shaun swallowed hard. “I understand.” He jammed his hands into his pockets. “I won’t bother you again.” He turned to leave, then looked back one more time. He had to say it. Even if the words weren’t welcome, he had to get them off his chest. For both of them. “I am truly sorry, Nora. I hope one day you’ll forgive me. I loved her too.”

He walked away then, without waiting for a response. He didn’t think he would get one anyway. But it didn’t matter. He’d said what he came to say. He’d said the same words he’d said to her before going off to prison, but this time, there was a chink in her armor. So he’d taken the chance that, maybe, this time they’d sink in.

But as he walked back to his car, hands in his pockets and his head lowered, he didn’t feel the relief he’d hoped for. In fact, he felt as if he’d been hit by a train. And he only felt worse when, from the corner of his eye, he saw curtains being pushed aside, and faces pressed to windowpanes. All hoping to catch a glimpse of the murderer. He walked on as if he didn’t notice them shooting daggers in his direction.

When he reached the truck, he glanced back at the house. Nora was still standing on the doorstep, arms crossed over her chest. She looked directly at him, and her gaze hit where it hurt the most: his heart. It had almost killed him when he’d lost Carmen, but he couldn’t even start to imagine Nora’s pain. Yes, he had loved Carmen so much it hurt, but he had known her only a few years. Nora had known and loved her daughter from the day she had taken her first breath. If Carmen’s parents never forgave him for the rest of their lives, he would understand. He had no choice.

He nodded in her direction and got into the truck, then drove away without looking back.

***

Kelsey sat at the table eating breakfast while Shaun’s mother stood at the stove. Kelsey saw him first and smiled. Her smile held questions, hope.

“How did it go?” she asked, and his mother turned around, a spoon in her hand.

“Shaun, I didn’t hear you come in. Tell us, did you get to talk to them?”

Shaun slumped into the chair next to Kelsey and she took his hand.

“I only talked to Nora—”

“That’s good.” He saw the relief in his mother’s eyes. “I’m glad she gave you a chance to explain.”

Shaun shook his head and his stomach clenched when he remembered the look in Nora’s eyes. “She didn’t invite me in. She told me to go.”

“She refused to hear you out?” Kelsey squeezed his hand. “I’m so sorry, Shaun.”

Shaun ran his thumb over the top of Kelsey’s hand as his mother’s face fell.

“Yes. She refused to talk to me.” He swallowed hard. “But I apologized anyway. It’s the least I could do.”

His mother came to lay a hand on his head. “You did what you had to do.”

“Yes, you couldn’t have done more than that,” Kelsey added.

His mother returned to the stove. “Some wounds never heal,” she said, scooping scrambled eggs onto a plate. “So we live with them. Or we try to.”

They made lighthearted conversation as they ate, pretending everything would be all right. Shaun wanted to believe it, but something inside his heart wouldn’t let him. There was a weight on his chest he just couldn’t ignore. But he wouldn’t let anyone see it.

After breakfast, his mother showed Kelsey photos of Shaun and his brothers as kids, and they all laughed about the mischief they got up to back then. Kelsey laughed so hard that tears sprang to her eyes. She asked endless questions about Shaun.

Shaun sat in what used to be his father’s favorite armchair and watched Kelsey.

After all the wrong turns his life had taken, she had still shown up. And she hadn’t given up on him yet. That must mean something. There had to be hope somewhere.

Chapter Six

Shaun drew his arm out from underneath Kelsey and reached for his phone on the bedside table. Two a.m. Who would call him so early?

“Hello?” he said, blinking away sleep. No response. “Hello, who’s there?”

Still nothing. Apart from labored breathing from the other end, he heard only silence, so eerie it caused a cold shiver to run down his spine.

Kelsey stirred but didn’t wake up.

Before Shaun could say anything more, he heard a click and the phone went dead.

Something wasn’t right, and he felt it in his whole body. The dread that had hung over him three days ago, when he’d visited Nora, had swelled to a dark storm cloud.

He sat up and stared into the darkness. There was no way it was a wrong number. Someone had wanted to call him and hung up. He was familiar with such calls.

Before he went to prison, people who hated him for what he’d done had called and hung up almost every day. Eventually he had been forced to change his number. And now it was happening all over again.

Shaun felt a warm, gentle caress on his back and climbed back under the covers. He pulled Kelsey to him and she nuzzled her face into his neck.

“Who was it?” she whispered.

He ran his hand along her arm. “Wrong number. Go back to sleep.”

Kelsey drifted off again a few moments later, but Shaun stayed awake, staring into the dark room. His thoughts, and his guilt, swirled through him.

Serendipity was a small town, and when something like Carmen’s death took place, the whole community felt the shock. People would not forget easily what he had done. He would probably remain an outsider for as long as he lived. And as long as he remained in town, they would scorn him.

But he had already paid for what he did, dammit. Did they really expect him to keep paying for the rest of his life?

Kelsey had taught him how to live again. How to move on in spite of what had happened. For her, he would stay and fight. No way would he fuck up his life with Kelsey because of his past. Not this time.

Chapter Seven

The growl of a chainsaw disturbed Kelsey’s late morning snooze. She dragged herself out of bed and shuffled to the window, tying the belt of her silk robe around her waist.

The sun was already bright in the sky. How long had she been sleeping? She had never slept so much in her life before coming to Serendipity.

Shaun, shirtless and with his pants low so his boxer shorts were showing, stood atop a ladder in the backyard. He was helping the gardener saw the branches off the largest oak tree. The gardener had blond hair, and defined muscles just like Shaun.

Kelsey smiled as she remembered the first time she’d seen Shaun shirtless. Her spine tingled. It seemed she could never get enough of the man.

At that moment, Shaun turned and spotted her in the window. He waved and she waved back. He said something to the other man, who gazed in her direction, nodded and waved. A wide smile split his tanned face. They went back to work, and Kelsey reluctantly left the view to take a shower.

She had just finished dressing when there was a knock at the door.

“Come in,” she said, already pulling the door open.

“Morning, sweetheart. I won’t be long. Just want to have a word.” Since Shaun had come home, his mother had hardly stopped smiling. Every time she looked at Shaun, her eyes brightened and welled up with tears. Happy tears. But this morning, Kelsey caught a glimpse of the sadness she had detected in Rachel’s eyes on the day they met.

Kelsey stepped aside to let her enter. “Of course.”

Rachel walked over to the only chair in the room and sat down. Kelsey perched on the edge of the bed, facing her, who wrung her hands in her lap.

Kelsey’s breath caught, and her heart started pounding. “Are you okay?”

A wavering smile flickered over Rachel’s face. She reached for Kelsey’s hands. “I just realized this morning that I never really thanked you.”

“What for?”

“For bringing my son back home. Shaun went to hell and back.” She paused and blinked furiously. “If it weren’t for you, he’d still be in that hell.” Her warm hands squeezed Kelsey’s.

Kelsey’s heart swelled. “You never have to thank me for being there for Shaun. I love him. And he gave me something priceless.”

Rachel touched Kelsey’s cheek. “I’m so glad Shaun was the miracle you needed during that difficult time. Are you really okay now?”

Kelsey nodded. “I’m on medications, but I feel great. I’m grateful I didn’t have to wait too long for a donor.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Rachel moved her hands back to her lap. Her chin hit her chest. “Kelsey, I’m afraid my son is going to need to lean on you for just a little longer.”

Kelsey’s mouth went dry. “Did something happen?”

Rachel nodded. “Yes.” She looked up again. “I intend to tell both of you later. I just wanted to give you a heads-up that he will need your support.”

“Of course. He has that always.” Kelsey’s voice trembled. Was Rachel sick? Was that what she wanted to tell Shaun? Her chest ached.

“Thank you.” Rachel stood and walked to the door. She turned before stepping out. “I truly appreciate everything you’ve done for my boy.”

***

Shaun appeared in the bedroom just after his mother left. He kissed Kelsey on the cheek and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower, while she remained on the edge of the bed, endless thoughts racing through her mind.

“You okay?” Shaun asked a few minutes later, drying his hair with a towel. “You look distant somehow. Something on your mind?”

She forced a smile. “Nothing important.” She stood and kissed his damp cheek.

“Good.” He dropped the towel onto the bed and encircled her waist, pulling her against his hard, naked body. “Because today is a good day. Each day with you is a good day. But first things first.” He nuzzled her ear.

“You insatiable beast.” She laughed despite her worries.

Minutes later, they were under the covers relishing each other’s kisses. They were so consumed in their passion that a knock on the door made them both jump.

“Come out, you two,” Rachel said from the other side. “Breakfast is past and your brunch is getting cold.” They heard her padding away.

Kelsey giggled like a teenager and Shaun covered her mouth with his hand.

“I’m not done with you yet.” He removed his hand from her mouth and glided it down the side of her body, bringing it to rest on her hip. Tugging gently, he flipped her onto her stomach and lowered himself on top of her, spreading her legs apart with his knees. “Damn, I love fucking you,” he whispered in her ear. She gasped into the pillow as he gripped her shoulders and thrust into her.