TITAN (17 page)

“That’s fucking
classic
.
Yet, I sat here, in your house, begging you for crumbs and got
nothing
,”
she snapped.

“I don’t want to
need
anyone, Jordy. I don’t want to rely on anyone for
anything
, it’s the way
I have always lived, the way I taught myself and you come along and change
every fucking thing. I just couldn’t face you. I had to let the worst of me
take over again, the selfish prick I am when I run my life without a care in
the world. I tried to fool myself into thinking you were just another one. But
you’re not.”

He stopped looking at the ground to
look at her.

“If I ruined this, it’s not because
I couldn’t keep my dick in my pants, it’s because I didn’t want to do the
impossible,” he said.

She knew all too well what he
meant. He didn’t want to love her. He didn’t want her to be so important to
him.

“So tell me, Tite, when you came
home, were you never going to call me or see me again?” she asked, knowing the
truth.

“No,” he said, pain in his voice,
“but when I saw you in the doorway, ready to leave, I knew I couldn’t let you
go.”

“You don’t have a fucking choice
now, Tite,” she said, putting her truck into gear.

“Jordy, please.”

“Don’t you dare, Tite,” she said,
helpless and terrified she would lose her cool.

“Jordy,” he grabbed her arm, “don’t
leave yet. Just, don’t leave. Come inside and talk to me.”

 She looked at him as if he
was pure evil.

“I will talk with you but I don’t
see the point. You don’t want to love me and we were over for good as far as
you were concerned. I knew that though, I just knew it.”

“I don’t know what I would have
done,” he said, looking at her.

“You can’t take it back. You were
done with me, so why don’t you march your ass into your big empty mansion and
enjoy your freedom.”

She turned
to
looked at him and he was broken.

She pounded him on the chest,
screaming at him.

“You do fucking love me! I know you
love me! But you
deserted
me. I gave you everything, I gave up
everything! I lived for you, cried for you every night. You just abandoned me,
left me here, feeling stupid, like I was clinging to nothing. You act like all
that time we had didn’t mean shit!”

“I can’t do this!” he said,
grabbing her cap off her head, letting her hair fall in her face.

“I don’t want to ever be away from
you again. I need you and I am a fucking mess unless you are around. But, I am
fucking terrible at this. I don’t know why I try.”

She broke free from him and started
walking toward her car.

“If this is the way you do this! I
don’t want it! It’s torture. It’s fucked up. I can’t live like this, completely
ignored for almost two months because you can’t
handle
it.”

She was furious and sad and so
tired. She had to stop. She was short of breath, things were getting blurry
again for her, and the last thing she remembered is seeing the snow.

“JORDY!” Tite screamed, watching
her fall to the ground. “NOT AGAIN, JORDY!”

He shook her, saying her name,
begging her to wake up.

“Fuck, not again,” she said, coming
to.

“Jordy, let’s go in. I need a
shower and some food, and you need another doctor’s visit.”

She smiled at Tite and yelped,
“Welcome home!”

He carried her inside and they
headed for the elevator.

“You are fucking impossible,” Jordy
said, through glossy eyes.

“And,
you
are fucking
beautiful,” he said, almost happy.

When she woke up, Tite was watching
SportsCenter next to her. She barely remembered the doctor coming in. It was a
blur of questions and she fell back to sleep. Awake now, she studied him and he
was watching her closely.

“Apparently, I am a stress
trigger,” he smiled.

“You are a son of a bitch,” she
said, smiling back.

“Are you hungry?” He looked at her
closely.

“Doctor said you are underweight
and malnourished. He said the same for me. We may need a vacation.”

“I can’t believe I fainted again,”
she said, stunned. “You are terrible for me.”

She turned over, facing away from
him. If she looked at him any longer she would lose her mind. She had missed
him so much. All she wanted was to touch him, but she couldn’t bring herself to
do it.

“Are you going back to sleep?” he
asked, curious.

“No, demon, I just can’t look at
you right now,” she said, with a little humor in her voice.

“Jordy, we were apart. It was hard
on us both. Can’t we just agree that I am great at fucking us up?”

“We spent a lot of time apart,
Tite. It’s almost weird right now, being with you,” she said, knowing it was a
lie. She felt right at home in his bed with him.

“Have it your way, Jordy, but right
now, we both know we can’t hold on much longer,” he said, knowing she knew
exactly what he meant. “Here, more Valium.”

She took it from his hand and
popped it in her mouth.

Getting up, turning on the bathroom
light, she caught her reflection in the mirror. She looked terrible. She hadn’t
eaten or slept in days. She grabbed water under the faucet, washing the valium
down. When she looked up, he was behind her, just like he had been months ago.
This time it was different. He waited for her to talk first. He watched her
intently.

“I don’t know what you want from
me,” she said, voice barely a whisper.

“Nothing and everything,” he said,
grabbing her and turning her to face him.

“Jordy, I couldn’t talk to you and
do what I do,” he said, “I wish I could explain it better.”

“I don’t want you to, Tite, I just
want...a shower,” she said, almost exhausted.

He reached down and kissed her,
light and swift and stepped away, letting her have the room.

When she was done, she came out of
the bathroom, feeling better. The valium had calmed her nerves and she felt
like she could finish a sentence.

“I have some food for us
downstairs,” he said, grabbing her hand.

They ate in silence, mostly,
staring at each other. Tite finally spoke up with a shot at humor.

“Well, thanks for cleaning the
house,” he said, a touch of a smile on his lips.

“I have a surprise for you,
actually. When you asked me to move in, I took a room and made something for
you,” she said. 

“Really?” He sound intrigued. “Show
me.”

The finished their plates and he
grabbed her hand again and followed her upstairs. She walked toward the
library.

 “I donated most of the books
to the children’s hospital,” she said, hoping it wouldn’t anger him. “And the
rest to the community college, all in your name. I kept the books that were
expensive and rare and they are still in here.”

When they walked in, Tite had to
catch his breath. It was a library of music.

“It’s a collection of the greatest
of albums of this century. Dating some 20’s, 40’s, Jazz and a lot of Motown.
Some just background music, vocals and beats. I spoke to Tunez
  and
he told me he had his own library and that it
inspired him to make his beats and that you had wanted one of your own and
never had the time to put it together. So, I got all his recommendations and
kind of just… put it together.” She pointed to a large system in the center of
the room. I had this system made. It plays records, eight tracks and tapes. Of
course it plays CDs too. The pictures…” she said, pointing to the life sized
black and white portraits of Tupac and Biggie on opposite walls of the library.
“Well, who the hell doesn’t like Pac and Biggie,” she said, looking at him,
almost afraid of his reaction.

She continued, too scared he was
not happy. “It’s going to take a little time for you to get all the music you
want,” she said, worried. He was just standing there taking it all in. His face
was a complete mystery. She walked over and pushed play on the tape deck. It
was his very first recording. “I found this in my search, of course, and
thought it would be a good way to present this to you. This is the original,
Tite,” she said, smiling, praying he would just say something, anything!

He walked around staring at all the
records, the tapes, the CDs. He pulled some out, studying them. It was every
one of his idols recordings, every one he admired, and all the beats he had
listened to as a kid. He loved everything he saw. It was if she had stuck his
childhood, teens and twenties in a room. It was the best collection of music he
had ever seen. He looked through the albums next. He was beside himself. How
did she know all this? She couldn’t ever know this much about him, musically.
There had to be parts of her everywhere in this library. He took his time,
scouring the room. He couldn’t believe she did this, it was perfect. She was
perfect. He would never in his life get a better gift. This library was the
icing. He went to find her.

She was sitting on the couch in the
living room. She looked nervous, but smiled at him anyway.

He sat down next to her and pulled
her in his lap.

“Jordy,” he said, grabbing her
face, “That is the best fucking…”

He broke off, voice shaky, still
amazed by his gift.

“That was the coolest thing anyone
has done for me, ever. I won’t let you leave, so don’t try.”

She was smiling and crying at the
same time. Relieved and justified in her feelings all at once. Only he could do
that for her. He was the only one for her.

“It’s the real thing,” she said, as
they nodded together. He kissed her gently and then grabbed her hand, leading
her upstairs.

She woke up and heard him entering
the hotel room.

She could hear the hustle of Times Square outside the window.

She looked at the clock.

4 a.m.

She couldn’t see his face to read
his mood. She had gotten really good at it over it the last 3 and half years.
They only had a few fights in their time together. It was usually him, blowing
up about something and taking it out on her, or his crew, and she would not
back down when she knew he was in the wrong. She felt that was one of the
reasons they were still together.

They always found humor in the same
things, and managed to scare people with how creepy they were when they would
come up with the same ideas.

They never tired of each other
sexually.

When they saw each other, they both
were excited and would start talking right away. When Tite was in a bad mood,
Jordy would just leave him alone until he was himself again and eventually he
would talk to her about it.

He seemed to love her perspective.
He spoke to her freely now about most things, it took the better part of their
time together to get him to this place.

She did her best to make sure it
stayed that way. He was still so secretive at times. It scared her, but she had
learned it’s just a part of who he is.

She reached for her necklace to
fidget with it. It had become a new habit for her. It was the most precious
thing she owned. She had spent her day touring the city, alone, but wasn’t
upset about it.

She would hear
her
song in
and out of cabs and in the stores as she was shopping.

He had released his album, almost 9
months ago, and it had become number one overnight. It had stirred up media
frenzy and tons of speculation.

They still played
The Witch,
more than all the other radio singles from the album. She was living in a
dream.

Jordy was also thankful she had
people in her corner she could trust. The media had never gotten wind of the
true witch.

 “Hey,” she whispered in the
dark.

She felt him grab her hand.
Suddenly, he leaped on top of her, making her scream out in shock as he sat on
top of her, chuckling.

“You asshole,” she yelped, half
laughing as he sat on top of her.

“You smell like a bag of weed,” she
said, thankful the mood was good.

“And you smell like heaven. Baby, I
am starving. Let me peek under here and see what’s on the menu.” He grabbed the
covers and stuck his head under them.

“Yep, yep, we have two eggs, sunny side
up, with a side of oooohhhh this looks good, and wait, wait we have a problem
here. We are completely out of ass. Yes we have to no ass to serve any of you.”

“Get the hell off of me,” she said,
laughing at him, swatting him as he emerged from the covers.

“Jordy,” he said, so serious
suddenly, it took her by surprise.

“What is it Tite? Everything okay?”
She was so worried, he sounded almost scared. “What is it, Tite? Is it bad?’

“Depends on how you look at it, I
think it is,” he said.

“Now, I am scared. Really,
Tite,
cut the shit. What is it?”

“I think someone stole your ass,”
he said. “WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO! Someone calls the PO- LICE,” he said, with a
southern twang.

“SOME ONE DONE STOLE THIS WOMANS’
ASS! OH LAWD!”

He laughed in his menacing way.

“You son of a bitch,” she said,
almost mad, but laughing too hard to keep it up.

“I am so sorry, you are an ass man
and your girlfriend lacks one. Deal with it. You are no spring chicken either.
Isn’t that gray hair sprouting at your temple?” she said, turning the light on.

“Good God, who did you smoke with?
Ziggy Marley?” she said, unaffected by the fact that he was high. It was not
something that ever bothered Jordy.

“Jordy, you are so beautiful,” he
said, smiling at her.

“What do you want, Tite?” she
asked, knowing he was up to no good.

“You baby, you, AND chicken and
waffles and eggs.”

“Smoking with Snoop again?” she
said,
a little jealousy in her voice.

She didn’t go out with him to any
appearances, and was invited to very few nights in the studio. She decided she
would have him when he was done with his usual appearances. She wanted to keep
their life together separate. “And you don’t think this might sound like an
order a stoned man would make? This is the penthouse of a five star…okay, okay,”
she said, under his glare.

She picked up the phone “Yes this
is Penthouse. Please send up some fried chicken breasts, boneless, four Belgian
waffles, maple syrup, whip cream and lots of chocolate milk. Also, add some
really cold bottled waters, at least four of them. Thanks.”

She held her necklace, thinking of
the day he came home, this only got better and better. There was nothing that
was complicated about it. Their life together was good, fun, and simple.

 “Shower with me?” he asked,
almost childlike.

“No, that quit being fun months
ago. Now I just freeze my ass off while you steal all the hot water.”

“Great,” he said, not hearing a
word she said and dragging her into the shower with him. He was making jokes,
making her crack up the whole time.

They threw on the hotel robes and
Tite clicked on the TV.

“Jordy, what did you do tonight?

“I had wild sex with the concierge,
the maître d and two bellhops,” she said, very matter of fact.

“Jordy, you know I hate that shit,”
he said, giving her the stink eye and pretending he was going to back hand her.
“What? I was tired of being ignored. Isn’t that what jilted women do when they
want attention?”

“That’s what exes do,” he said,
warning her.

“As if I could get it any better,
baby,” she said, taunting him.

“Jordy,” he said, planting a wet
one on her, “shut the fuck up.”

They were interrupted by a light
knocking at the door.

“Room service.”

Jordy got up to get the door,
grabbing a bill out of the stack on the side of the table.

“Uh, uh crazy, I will handle this.
Get your half naked ass in the bathroom.”

“I will just grab my cowboy
helmet,” she said, obeying him, but not before she reminded him of the day she
was naked in the elevator.

“You can come out now, you tramp,”
he called, after plating himself some breakfast.

“Oh baby, your pillow talk, it
just, it just,” she grabbed the chocolate milk and took a huge drink and a burp
eased out. She tried to stop it but it was too late, it was loud.

OH MY GOD!

“WOW,” he said, laughing hard,
having to sit down to cushion the blow.

“Oh shit,” she said, running out of
the room, into the bathroom, hiding herself behind the door.

“Jordy, it’s just a burp,” he said,
“get your dramatic ass out here and have breakfast with me.”

“I am just drying my hair,” she piped
from the bathroom, still embarrassed.

“We leave tomorrow. Did you get to
see everything you wanted?”

“Yeah, there is just one more thing
I want to do and it has to be with you and you have to agree to it before I tell
you what it is,” she said, opening the door.

“Um. No,” he said, spitefully.

 “Oh, yes, you will,” she
said, kissing him on the mouth.

He jumped in bed, wrapping his arms
around her. “Sleep.”

“Babe, wake up,” Jordy chimed,
“Please babe, we are missing it.”

Titan looked at the clock behind
her. 7 a.m. “Jordy, I just fucking went to sleep,” he snapped, irritated at
her.

“I know. It will only take a little
while, get dressed, please. Dress warm. Come on babe, I don’t ask for much. I
just really want to do this.”

He got up, reluctantly, bitching
under his breath, giving her the evil eye.

“Central park.
The old puppet theater entrance,” she said happily to the cab driver, watching
the snow fall around the car.

“Are you fucking serious?” Titan
snapped.

“I have always wanted to see it in
the winter, in the snow, babe. It will be the first time we have ever been in
public together, ever, and look around. There is no one on the streets. We can
be commoners. Phillip and Jordy.”

Seeing Jordy’s face light up, he
couldn’t deny her this. She never asked for anything, ever. He would give this
to her. He reached over a squeezed her hand. He was so tired but he didn’t want
to ruin this for her. She seemed so excited. He wished he could go back to the
time where this was all new to him. He never really looked around. He loved
seeing the world from her perspective.

He handed the cab driver $200 and
told him to wait for them.

“OH MY GOD! It’s beautiful!” she
said excitedly, getting out at the park. There were very few people out. None
of them would bother to notice them.

Tite looked around, a little
excited about the fact that he could walk around in public for the first time
in years. He grabbed her hand and smiled.

“Don’t ask me to go ice skating or
none of that bullshit.”

“I know you are tired, baby, but
look. It’s all ours, just for a little while. We are in the most populated city
in the United States
and we are out in the open, alone, and this is our playground!”

“If you start a stupid ass snowball
fight I am going back to the cab,” he smiled at her.

“No, I was just hoping for a
stroll,” she said, poking at him.

“Okay, let’s stroll.”

They walked for what seemed like
forever. She stopped on a bridge and looked out over the park, snapping a
picture with her cell phone, and then pointed the camera at them.

“No Jordy,” he said, irritated.

“Come on, baby. We don’t have one
picture, not one. Please take one picture with me.”

He relented, making a mean face in the
first one. When she made him retake it, he decided to give her what she wanted.

“Thanks, Tite. All I wanted was to
be with you, alone, in this city. This was the only way.”

“It’s cool, Jordy. Smart, too. And,
it is cool out here. I have never been out here in all the trips I have made.”

“Really?”

“You know I can’t.”

“But you can, and you just did,”
she smiled, cheeks red, toboggan about to slip off her head.

He pulled it down on her, tight, so
it covered half her face and kissed her.

In the cab, he held her tight. He
put his cold hands under her shirt, making he scream out. The cab driver gave
them a dirty look.

“Asshole,” she said, punching him
in the arm.

“Baby, the meaner you get, the
better it is.”

“You are a psycho,” she said,
laughing his menacing laugh. He started laughing too and then they both looked
into the rearview mirror at the driver and laughed their menacing laugh at him,
as if on cue. They were
creeping
him out. The driver
was scared. Almost to their destination, he put on the brakes and ordered them
out of the cab.

“No tip for you,” she said in her
best German-American accent, handing him a tip anyway.

It was only a block from the hotel.
She grabbed Tite’s arm and pulled him out of the cab. They were laughing
uncontrollably when they stepped out onto the street. She wrapped her arms
around him when they got out and kissed him for a solid minute. He reached in
her jacket and wrapped his arms around her.

“I can’t believe I am kissing you
in public,” she said, half laughing.

“Jordy, I am so…” he stopped. He
kissed her again and started to talk again when he saw the first bulb pop.

“Titan, who is she? Is this the
woman rumored to be the next Mrs. Preston?”

“FUCK YOU, MAN. GET THE FUCK OUT OF
HERE!” He was instantly pissed.

“Tite, chill, he’s just doing his
damn job,” Jordy’s words were absolutely pointless. She sprinted ahead of him
and reached the hotel, but not before at least fifty pictures of her
were
taken.

“Well, you are going to be
everywhere tomorrow!” he said, entering the room and throwing off his jacket,
“Three years under the radar and now we are leaked. Unfuckingbelievable.”

“We kept it a secret almost three
years and
a
half
years.
That’s
a miracle in itself and before you start blaming me for this one, remember,
they were outside the hotel. Someone
here
leaked us. It had nothing to
do with the park,” she warned.

“I don’t fucking care right now,”
he said, walking toward her, ripping her clothes off piece by piece, until he
had her naked and panting. He grabbed her and walked her to the couch. Sitting
down, he pulled her down on top of him, facing away from him. She let out a cry
as he thrust himself in her.

“Ahhh…” he sighed, pumping gently,
holding her hands down by the wrists and making her crazy. She ripped her hands
free, placing them on his knees grinding
herself
into
him until she could no longer handle it. Freeing herself, she let out a moan
and fell back onto his chest. He picked her up and set her on the couch, head
and hands down, thrusting himself into her from behind, making her cry out to
him. When he was finished he turned her around and kissed her.

“Angry at the press sex?” Jordy
said, chuckling, making a joke at his expense. He laughed with her and they
both laid there, staring at each other.

“They are going to judge me, say I
am not pretty enough, oh God, the shit they are going to say,” she said,
starting to worry.