TITAN (20 page)

He opened it up and saw the two of
them in Central Park.

They were picture perfect. He had
never seen it.

They were both smiling.

She looked beautiful. He hated
himself.

She had only defended herself. She
didn’t blow this whistle on him or even mention his name.

He had thrown her to the floor.

He sunk to his knees holding the
necklace.

She didn’t even undo the clasp. She
had broken the chain.

The pain he felt went far past what
he had told her she was to him.

She was never coming back.

He let the tears slide down his
face and recalled the look in her eyes as she was telling him she was damaged.

She was afraid of him, but she had
a look of defiance too, like a caged animal.

He had done that to her.

He knew she had never expected that
type of reaction when she got home. She expected him to be mad, and itching for
a fight. The whole thing was over.

He replayed it down to their very
first “Hi” and closed his eyes.

She was gone.

Gone.

“Jordy,” Angie held out her hand,
insisting Jordy grab it, “it’s been two years, and no one is going to recognize
you now.”

“I don’t fucking care, I don’t need
to walk the stage.”

“Jordy, you doubled your class load
and finished your bachelors’ degree. I think you deserve to walk.”

“I am too old,” she said, looking
around her.

“Fine. Get in the fucking car.”

“Okay, you’re right. I deserve it,”
she said, smiling.

“Good,” Angie said, asking her
husband to park the car.

“You know, if that asshole had just
admitted you two were no longer together, you wouldn’t have had as hard of a
time as you did.”

“He never discusses it, they had to
catch on,” she said, dismissively. “No, Tite, no TITAN. Today, he doesn’t exist
anymore,
it was all a fucking dream.
This
,” she
smiled, enthusiastically, “is my future.”

Angie screamed her head off as
Jordy crossed the stage. Jordy buried her head in her diploma and scurried back
to her seat, glaring at her.

“See, that wasn’t so bad,” Angie
mused. 

“Angie, that was ridiculous, but I
love you, thanks for scraping me off of the pavement and gluing me back
together. I will never, ever let you down when you need me. Business woman, no
longer a mouse pusher, no longer Titan’s ex, just Jordania Wilson: Business
Woman Extraordinaire,” she said, laughing. “One year to get my masters and I am
moving the fuck out of this city. I will fly you to visit me every month.”

“Then what?”

A voice sounded behind her.

“Motherfucker,” Angie said, her
face going dark.

“Angie, good to see you. You have
no eggrolls today, I see.”

Jordy froze for a brief second, but
then turned to smile at him.

Poker face.

 “Tite, what the hell are you
doing here?” Jordy asked, giving him a half hug.

“Enrolling, I need help with my
grammar.”

“Motherfucker,” Angie said, again.

“Yes, I am, but not yours, I
promise,” he said, amusing himself.

“Tite,” Jordy said, worried about
Angie’s growing temper.

“What?” he said, completely
ignoring Angie’s
venom.

“Cut the shit, people
are
starting to stare at you.”

“Nothing new. Look, Jordy, I was
hoping I could talk to you. Can I take you guys somewhere?” he said, turning to
Angie and smiling at her.

“NO,” Angie stepped in front of
Jordy “For a solid year this girl cried herself to sleep, she buried her head
in public. She fought with women over nothing but their jealousy. She came home
every day with a new bruise from the media or otherwise, and you think you can
just swoop in here…”

“Angie,” Jordy said, trying her
best not to laugh at her absurd attempt to put him in his place.

“No, this son of a bitch is going
to hear it.”

“I thought I was a motherfucker”
Tite said, almost scared, but still amused.

“Angie,
stop it
! Get in the
car. I swear I will be right there.” Jordy said, ordering her away.

“You’re getting to be an old lady,
Jordy,” Tite said, amused, studying her carefully.

“Yeah, I am, and wiser.”

She held up her diploma. She smiled
at him. She could feel the same electricity going between them as it always
had. She could tell he could, too. It became awkward quickly. Neither of them
were
expecting to feel that. She knew that, too.

“Congratulations,” he said,
brushing a hair away from her lips.

“Tite, really. What are you doing
here?” she said, defensive that he had just touched her.

“I came to see you graduate.
Jessie’s wife, Tina, said she saw you and you were graduating this weekend.”

“Thanks for coming, really, but I
have to go. Angie will murder you if I talk any longer.” She was fleeing and
she knew it. The feeling between them was still so strong, she had to break
away.

“Jordy, wait,” he grabbed her
wrist. They both caught each other’s eyes immediately.

“Oh Jesus,” she said, the color draining
from her face “She’s not here anymore, Tite.”

“Well, will whoever the hell you
are mind spending some time with me tomorrow?” he said, both amazed and amused
at her strength.

“What for? It’s been two years,”
she said wishing she hadn’t.

“Not like that. I mean, yeah, but
look,” he said, holding up two tickets to his concert, “you always
bitched
you never got to see me. I thought I would give you
a graduation present.” He said, holding the tickets out to her, hopeful.

“Am I supposed to swoon now?” she
said, rolling her eyes.

“Take the tickets, Jordy, front
row. Please, just come.” He pleaded with her. “You are still beautiful,” he
said, kissing her check and putting them in her hand. He braved another look at
her and saw her face fall. He ripped himself away and waved to his driver,
summoning him to hurry. He jumped in the back of his SUV. The driver, Jake,
waved to her, and smiled as if he was saying hello to an old friend.

It was worse than he thought it
would be. She was acting like she was over him. It was
still there
. He
knew she felt it, too. It had been there since the night they met. He almost
took her hand and threw her into his truck. It was all he could do to walk away
from her. He had spent last year, touring, and was ending his tour at home.

The first year was the hardest for
him, too.

He remembered Angie’s words. 

He wiped at his face with one hand
as if to dismiss his feelings. He felt Jake eyeing him in the rearview. He had
killed them both with that break up and they were forced to move on. She made
it crystal clear to leave her alone, so he did.

Neither of them wanted that and he
knew that now, too. They had spent almost four years together and two years
apart and he still loved her.

No one could take her place.

He had slept with enough women to
keep him calm, but they never had a face. It would always be Jordy. He went
straight home to sleep.

Tomorrow would change everything.

“Don’t even think about it, Jordy.
Whatever he wants, it can’t be good for either of you. You are finally yourself
again.”

“I am not going to do anything
stupid to screw up my future, Angie, and it’s my decision to make. I am
stronger now, and you know it, and
he
is the reason. You know he just
didn’t let me go. He called my mother, he tracked you down. I broke it off for
good, not him.”

“But, Jordy, it almost killed you.
Don’t you want to just move on?”

“I have, but Angie… just let me
think,” her voice was one of warning and Angie left her alone. The ride home
was almost too much to bear.

She was completely shattered when
she had heard his voice. She put on her poker face as Shelia had taught her to,
years ago. He was still so beautiful.

She knew he had been touring, she
had finally started braving news of him six months ago, just to make sure he
was alive and well.

From what she heard, he was giving
performances of a lifetime. There were no bad reviews anywhere. He was rapping
from every single album and killing his fans with his best lyrics.

She was happy for him.

She had buried herself in school,
and thrived at it, graduating at the top of her class. She had taken a job
online and was supporting herself and staying out of the limelight. She had
gotten really good at avoiding all things media, and really surprised herself
with what she was capable of.  Her mother had called her a few times
letting her know Tite had called and was asking for her to reach him, but she
just couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Not the way it ended.

Not the way she seemed to him.

Pathetic was the only word that
came to mind when she thought of the way she ended things.

She had bared her soul and looked
like a fool. She had kept it hidden for so long from him, and never planned on
revealing that side of her.

Somehow, in the last two years, she
had become both sides. She was stronger and more confident. She was definitely
less faint at heart, bold, and in charge of herself. She knew she owed it to
her time with Tite and the break up that cost her everything, and she had
gained everything from it.

She went to sleep that night,
dreaming of him as she always did, taking her back to the place where she felt
like home.

“Tonight’s concert should be one
for the books, folks,” the radio announcer said, while Jordy was running her
errands. “If you don’t have your tickets yet, we have two left. Be the tenth
caller to win.”

Jordy turned off the radio and
pulled the tickets out of her purse. She pulled into the K-Stop,
their
K-Stop and sat there. It was only a few hours until the concert. She put her
car in park and let her mind drift.

It was the first time she had been
there in 6 years.

It was run down and looked to be in
shambles. She looked at the front door and saw it had been closed permanently.
She wondered where she would be if she had not pulled into the station that
night. She thought of all the unbelievable things that happened to her because
she had made that decision.

“Why couldn’t you just leave me
alone?” she breathed.

More Jordy
?

It echoed in her head, like a
broken record.

Her heart always screamed, “YES!”
Her head would never catch up with it.

She didn’t want to see him again.

No, she couldn’t, it would kill
her. She looked at the tickets again.

She would have to face him for
hours. She didn’t know if she could handle it. Once again, he had managed to
get the best of her by surprising her last night.

BREATHE JORDY.

What does he want?

Not to be together. That can’t be
it.

She buried her head in the steering
wheel and agreed with Angie, “Motherfucker is right.”

Tite braced himself.

Jeff had just told him the house
was packed. He only cared about one seat.

 If it was empty, he would
deal with it.

He grabbed a towel and headed for
the stage. He heard the opening act finish their set and took deep breaths.

“You sure about this, Tite?” Jeff
asked.

“Is she here?” It was all Tite
asked.

“No, I don’t know. I haven’t
checked, Tite, listen…”

“I don’t want to talk, Jeff. I have
to get my head in it,” he snapped.

Tite gathered his crew and did a
round of prayer. They all looked at each other and hugged. They had been on the
road so long. They were ready for a break.

“Kill ‘em, Tite,” Onyx yelled.

“It’s time,” Jessie said, with
excitement.

He heard the pyrotechnics and the
auto voice go on. He was in rare form, he knew he could do this and he was
ready. He swore to himself he would not look at that seat until he was ready,
for now he had a job to do.

“I’ll take it ALLLLLLLLLL.” He
heard the crowd erupt. It was deafening.

He started with his first album and
saw the faces of his fans. He watched them repeat his words, verbatim. He let
his stage personality take over and it became easier.

He let their faces and screams
power each song. This was a feeling he didn’t want to live without. This was a
feeling he couldn’t live without.

What would he be without this? What
would become of him?

The fear of everything he was about
to face started to creep in. He finished his first set of songs from his older
albums and addressed the audience.

He took a deep breath and started
to speak, “How many of you out there are witches?”

He finally let himself look at her
seat.

Jordy pushed past half a row of
younger girls and found their seats. She had to drag Angie out of the house,
bribing her with riches untold and begging her to not make her go through this
alone. Angie cussed the whole ride.

Jordy tuned her out, knowing it was
all out of love.

This was Jordy’s first Titan
concert. She had been his fan through his whole career. She had the best seat
in the house and she was no longer his lover or his best friend.

She went as a fan.

Angie was secretly excited, too,
even though motherfucker came out of her mouth every five seconds.

“Angie, I love you, but you have got
to trust me.”

“I don’t trust him, I mean what
does he expect Jordy, it’s been two years, not ten minutes.”

“I want to see this concert, and we
are already here, so please go get us some beers.” She shoved fifty dollars in
her hand and said, “I am buying all night if you shut up.”

They had missed the opening act
because she had argued with Angie the whole time.

The lights were dimming and she
regretted sending Angie away, almost immediately.

The show started and Jordy was left
there, helpless, just where he wanted her to be. It angered her at first but
then she realized she had chosen to come. She shook her head in disbelief as
she heard him start. She saw him emerge from the stage and froze. She prayed he
wouldn’t look at her.

Not yet.

She shouldn’t be here, she couldn’t
handle this. Snap out of it, Jordy, she scolded herself. She watched him rip
apart every single song. All the songs she listened to in her twenties. After
her first beer, her tension started to ease.

She decided to be a fan and enjoy
herself. She and Angie were now fully immersed in Titan the rapper, not Titan
the man. They were sounding off his lyrics verbatim and laughing at each other.
Jordy had to admit it was awesome, she hardly recognized the presence on stage.

It wasn’t him.

This was not the man she knew.

The hairs were standing up on the
back of her neck.

She was amazed at the difference
between the two men.

Angie poked her in the ribs as if
to say ‘thank you’. They were so into the concert when asked ‘how many witches were
in the audience tonight’, her head snapped to attention. He had not looked at
her at all, yet, but now, he was staring straight at her.

“Good to see you, witches,” he
smiled at Angie and then winked at Jordy.

There he is,
Jordy thought.

“MOTHER…”

“…FUCKER….. I know, he has that
effect,” Jordy said, finishing her friend’s statement, still consumed with it
all.

“Okay, witches, now
tell
me this. If you had a rap star in the palm of your
hand, would you let him slip away?” The girls went nuts and started screaming.
Jordy just stood there in shock and looked over at Angie who was now open
mouthed, gaping at her.

“This is for my one and only
witch.”

She had heard the song a million
times. She had played it in her truck a million times. She had seen him perform
it live, none of it compared to now. He hadn’t even acknowledged her at the
awards, something she thought about later after their break up and now, he was
telling her in front of fifty thousand plus people? He finished the song, he
smiled at her and went right back into his show. He blew them all away, one hit
after another, bringing performer after performer on stage. He did every single
song she loved. Angie was losing her mind. Jordy just stared at him into each
song, feeling every word, loving his beautiful mind, letting him take her away
to where she was the first time she heard each song.

“Guys, hold up. Hey guys,” he
stopped a song almost at the end and caught the attention of the crowd. It took
the better part of 5 minutes to calm them down. The noise was deafening.

“Listen, I have something to tell
you and I wanted to tell you here at home, where it all began sixteen years
ago.”

He looked right at Jordy.

“I don’t know if I could ever tell you
how much I love you, and how your support meant everything to me over the
years. This will be my last concert. I am hanging up the mic tonight and I
wanted to share it with you.”

Only the first couple of rows
noticed he was talking to the girl in the front row. The rest of the crowd
roared and cried, showing their torment and support.

Jordy stood there in shock. Angie
grabbed her hand and Jordy looked at her. There were tears streaming down her
face. Jordy let hers go too.

The music started again and he gave
them five more songs, finishing with
Endurance
, his biggest number one.
When the concert was over, he took a long look at the crowd.

He inhaled a deep breath, and took
a bow.

He turned to look right at Jordy
and set his mic on the stage and walked away. His fans screamed for an encore,
crying and begging, but he never came back out.

He was done being Titan.

Oh God.

“You have to go to him,” Angie
said, sobbing.

“I can’t,” Jordy sobbed.

“
Fuck all that
! Forget what
I said, you have to go to him.
Right now!
”

Angie grabbed her and hugged her,
hard, and spoke loudly in her ear. “He loves you. He just told the world. 
It doesn’t have to be
perfect
, Jordy, but it does have to be the two of
you.” Angie looked at Jordy, nodding her head yes, over and over.

Jordy cried in her best friend arms
for a minute then ran to the stagehand, showing him her ticket.

 “Jessie! I need Jessie!” she
shouted and when he shooed her away she started screaming. “I AM THE WITCH. I
AM THE FUCKING WITCH! LET ME BACK!”

The roar of the crowd was still
going. She saw Jessie out of the corner of her eye, walking past the security
guard, tears in his eyes.

She jumped the gates, screaming his
name, “Jessie! It’s me! Jordy!”

Jessie just kept walking. When she
was about to give up, he turned again and saw her.

 “JORDY!”

She could see him mouth her
name,
the crowd was refusing to leave. She saw him motion to
the security guard to let her in and they hugged each other tight over the roaring
of the crowd, both crying and laughing. He brought her back toward the dressing
room and hugged her again.

“He’s done. I can’t believe he’s
done.”

“Why, Jessie?”

“He just came into the studio one
day and said he was ready. Before you go thinking too much, Jordy, he had done
all he wanted to do. He’s going to produce now. I am not completely out, I
still have a job, I think.” He laughed.

“Where is he?” All of the blood was
draining from her face. She stopped herself quickly from letting that feeling
take her over. She had come too far in the past few years to let this be the
time that triggered her.

“Jeff, where is Tite?” Jessie
asked, still studying Jordy while speaking to him.

“He’s in the dark out there,
listening to the crowd at the side stage.” Jeff looked broken, almost scared.
Jordy had never seen him so pale. He walked away quickly.

“Get me to him, please Jessie,” she
begged.

He ran her out to the side of the
stage. The crowd was still going insane; they were begging him to come back.
They were heartbroken like she was. She spotted his dark silhouette out of the
corner of her eye and turned to study him. He was slumped slightly and his
hands were clasped in his lap and his body was shaking. She thought better of
running up to him and left him alone until she saw the emotion in him subside.
This would be his last applause. When the crowd finally started dispersing, she
approached slowly, leaning on the edge of the stage. She walked up to him and
grabbed his hand.

“Once again, your wow factor
remains untouched. Do you want to talk?”

She was still crying
,
her face was soaked with tears. Her mind was racing. She
couldn’t believe he had just ended his career. He had never given her any
indication he wanted out. Not in all their years together had he mentioned he
would stop making music. She had come to grips with a lot about her life in the
last two years. She wondered what had brought him to this decision.

He turned to her and the lights
came on, making it impossible to be comfortable. He ushered her from the side
of the stage, into the hall, where it was less bright.

“Talk about what? I just ended my
rap career. I was ready, just not ready. Fuck it,” he said.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but
they weren’t ready either and neither was I,” she said, tears pouring now
freely.

“I had to, I was ready.”

“Now what?”

“A future producing, writing songs,
I have so much material. I don’t want to talk about it now,” he said, pain
evident in his voice

“It was awesome as a fan. I will
never see better and I
am
not biased anymore.”

“Aren’t you?” he said, wrapping his
arms around her.

Never lie to him. “Yes,” she said,
letting herself cry more. “Damn you, Tite,” she said, burying her head in his
chest.

“This is what you told me you wanted,
in the chair, on the porch, all those years ago. You wanted the trials, the
hard time, the bitterness, the resentment and the fact that you stayed together
through all of it.”

“But, we didn’t stay together.”

“Yes, we did.”