Through His Eyes: An Institute Series Novella (The Institute Series Book 4) (5 page)

“Sorry, dude.”

Drew laughed. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I think I just need to stay away from brunettes. I need to date baggage-less blondes who have terrible aim. Or at the very least, don’t wear high heels.” He rubbed the side of his head like he was reliving the shoe incident again.

Shilah smiled, but it faded quickly. “Okay, so …”

“Just say it, Shilah.” His dejected tone was something I wasn’t used to hearing from Drew.

“While I don’t blame you for what Allira did, you didn’t exactly help.” There was a short pause before he spoke again. “You know what I’m about to ask, right?”

Drew looked back out over the horizon, and nodded subtly. “You want me to stay away from her until she’s better.”

“I just don’t want to confuse her feelings even more. Like you said, there’s a lot of ‘what-ifs’ that surround you two. If you’re meant to be together, it’ll work out that way. She just needs to focus on getting better. If she comes to you for help or whatever, then by all means … but yeah, I’m asking you to not cause her any more confusion when she’s as screwed up as she is.”

Drew’s jaw worked from side to side, tensing as he gritted his teeth. “I understand.”

I had to admit it, I was starting to feel sorry for Drew. Allira would always hold a place in his heart, but he – and everyone else – knew it wasn’t meant to be. He was clearly hurt that Shilah asked him to stay away, but he understood.

Whatever Drew and Allira had, or could have had, was gone.

***

Back inside the apartment, Drew said a few quick goodbyes and left, leaving Shilah to explain what happened out on the balcony. Everyone agreed with what Shilah asked of Drew, except for Ebb who insisted that Allira might’ve just needed a fling to get over her hang-up on me. I was glad I wasn’t the only one who rolled their eyes at her typical Ebb-like suggestion.

“Kenna, can’t you prescribe something to help? Like medication or something?” Tate asked.

Kenna shared a look with Seph before answering him. “We’ve discussed this, and maybe we can bring it up with Allira again, but the last time we talked to her about it, she didn’t want to hear it. She kept saying she was grieving, she wasn’t depressed. I don’t think she understands that sometimes they’re one and the same. She’s consumed by her guilt and her loss. Her whole life revolves around it.”

“Then what are we going to do?” Tate asked. “You want us to pretend we don’t know she erased her memory? We’re meant to pretend that William is our little brother, and not our nephew? You know she hates it when we lie, how do you think she’ll react when she finds out we’ve deceived her in the biggest way yet?”

“You think medicating her is a better plan? Make her so numb she acts like a robot instead of a human being?” Seph asked.

“That’s not exactly how medication works,” Kenna said.

“I don’t think that matters anyway – Lia will never agree to it. We just need to make sure we’re there for her, and we all need to support her. Even if that means taking a step back from her. I can keep trying to get her memories back, but I think it’s time to look at other options.”

Tate shook his head. “I don’t want to be a part of this charade.”

No one else agreed with him, and it suddenly felt a hell of a lot like a year earlier, when the Resistance council decided Allira’s fate without her consent.

“The decision’s been made, Tate,” Seph said with authority.

“I’m out.” Tate stood, prepared to leave.

“Tate, wait,” Shilah pleaded.

“You need to promise us you won’t say anything to her,” Seph said, blocking his path to the door.

“Lucky for you, your daughter doesn’t seem to give a crap about what I do or say anymore.”

“Promise us,” Seph said again.

Tate sighed. “I promise I won’t tell her the truth. But if this backfires, it’s all on you guys. This is my official protest.”

“Noted,” Seph said. She let Tate pass, and Shilah followed after him, briefly kissing his mother on the cheek before chasing after his husband.

“I should get going too,” Kenna said. “There’s a lot of plans to be laid for this clinic. Opening day is only a few weeks away, and we still need to find more staff.”

“You want me to come help?” Ebb asked.

Kenna smiled. “No, Ebb, I’ll be working you hard soon enough. Enjoy your last days of freedom while you can.”

“Thanks for being here, sis,” Seph said, hugging Kenna.

“Love you,” Kenna said, walking out the front door.

“Are you sticking around to talk to Lia about moving in, Paxton?”

“Sure. Can I just use your phone to check on Nuka and the new nanny?”

“You can use the one in our bedroom,” Seph said, gesturing down the hall. Then she turned to Ebb. “Did you have somewhere to be? Lia would like to see you. At least, I think she might.” She sighed. “I never can tell what that girl wants these days.”

Ebb didn’t budge from her spot. “I was actually hoping to see her. You know, check in on her after …”

“Are you going to be able to do this – keep her from finding out what she did?” Seph asked.

Ebb nodded. “I think you guys are right. She needs normalcy in her life. What’s more normal for her than me bugging her about boys, right?”

Seph grinned. “Just, don’t push her too hard. Maybe tone down the Ebbodine a bit.”

“Hey, I’ve been toning it down for a year.”

“Which has only been a month to her.”

Ebb hung her head. “Of course, I didn’t think of it like that until now.” A tear formed in her eye. “I hate she got to that point and felt like she couldn’t come to me.”

“She didn’t want to go to anyone. There’s nothing you could’ve done to stop this. But we can all prevent it happening again. We all have different strengths that could help her. Shilah’s a shoulder to cry on, Miles and Paxton are the strong supportive type, you’re a distraction, Tate and I are the ‘cruel to be kind’ types, and Kenna is the mother I never was.”

Ebb wiped a tear from her eye and reached for Seph’s hand. “You’re a great mother. You were there for me when I first came to the Resistance to hide out.”

“Kenna always seems to know what to say, and I always seem to screw things up.”

Ebb smiled. “At least we know where Allira gets it from.”

Seph started laughing before stopping abruptly when the front door swung open. Allira walked in, trailed by her dad pushing William in his pram.

“What’s going on?” Allira asked, looking between a red-eyed Ebb and her mother.

“Come sit down, Lia. We need to talk.”

BEGINNING AGAIN

“What’s this about?” Allira asked tentatively, taking a seat on the couch.

Paxton was returning from the bedroom when she arrived, and went to sit next to her. “I need a favour,” he said, casually.

“I’ll go put Liam down for a nap,” Miles said, leaving the room.

It was surprising he wasn’t getting involved. He raised Allira, and if anyone was to have a valid opinion on what she should do, it’d be him.

The fact he avoided eye contact with Seph, and that she just waved him off, I figured they weren’t under a mutual opinion that something this drastic needed to be done.

From what Allira had told me of growing up with her dad, he was always one to avoid conflict but would take charge when needed to keep her and Shilah safe. I started wishing he’d take charge now.

I wasn’t sure if what they were doing was right or not. I was of two minds about it. Then I remembered it didn’t matter what I thought, because there was absolutely nothing I could do about it anyway.

The toll of being a ghost was starting to weigh heavily on me. I hated feeling helpless, and I’d been this way for a year now. It was hard to understand why I was even there in the first place.

“Paxton, I’m still kind of recovering from the last favour you asked of me.” As soon as the snarky words left Allira’s mouth, her jaw fell open and she dropped her gaze from him.

It took her erasing her memory to realise Paxton was just as much at fault as Tate?

“I guess I deserved that. Anyway, as you know, I’m running for president in the upcoming election, and—”

Paxton didn’t even miss a beat, getting straight into it, despite Allira’s comment and solemn mood.

“You’re what?” she blurted out before quickly regaining her composure. “I mean … of course you are. I … uh … just forgot for a moment, sorry.”

He waved her confusion off as if it was a natural thing to forget. “Anyway, I need to start attending a lot of public events – benefits, conferences – and I’m going to need a date to each of them. I know you’re not exactly busy these days … wait … that came out wrong.”

Allira screwed up her face. “Take Ebb, she’d be perfect.”

“No way in hell,” Ebb commented. “No offense, Paxton.”

“None taken. I need someone serious who won’t get drunk and flirt with all the members of Parliament. No offence, Ebbodine.”

Ebb shrugged. “You have a valid point.”

“I’d need you close, and we’d need to look like a couple.”

Her eyes widened.

“Don’t worry, I’m not actually asking you out.” He laughed. “But in exchange for you being my arm candy, I have a spare room in my penthouse apartment. I’m sure Nuka would love having you there.”

“You want me to move in with you?” She bit her lip nervously.

“It’ll all be temporary,” Seph said. “I was just telling Paxton how cramped you’ve been feeling here lately, and that you might need a change of scenery for a while.”

Allira’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “I don’t think …”

“Allira, you’d actually be doing me a pretty big favour,” Paxton said. “I don’t really have the time or energy to date anyone for real, and Nuka loves you, it’ll make her happy. Plus, I just hired this new nanny, but I’d feel much more comfortable having someone I know there.”

She was silent for a long while before she finally said, “Yeah, okay. I guess.”

“How enthusiastic of you,” Paxton said dryly.

“I’m going to go shower and then I’ll start packing.” Without another word, she got up and went to the bathroom. I started to wonder if it was possible for a door to be depressed – it made the saddest little click as Allira pushed it shut.

“That was easy,” Paxton said quietly.

Seph huffed. “I can assure you, that wasn’t easy. She’s waiting for you to leave before she explodes.”

***

That pulling sensation took over me again, and when I blinked, I was in Allira’s room. Miles was there, bouncing William in his arms, trying to get him to sleep.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” he said to William, his voice cracking. “I thought she’d be okay once you were here, that you’d be real to her, and she would’ve fallen in love with you the second she saw you. That’s what I thought was going to happen. I never thought she’d …”

He was trying to be the strong man he was known to be, but I could see tears forming in his eyes.

“She does love you. She’s just confused right now. I promise I’ll never let anything bad happen to you. Just a few months, that’s all she’ll need to get better.”

I wasn’t sure anymore whether he was trying to convince William or himself.

Allira walked in, fresh from her shower, and stalled as soon as she saw her dad. “Oh, sorry. Didn’t realise you were in here.”

“I was just putting Liam down for a nap.”

Allira swallowed hard, looking at William in her father’s arms. “I’m going to start packing.”

“Packing?” Miles asked. He moved to the cot, placing William gently on the soft mattress.

“I’m going to be staying with Paxton for a while,” she said, her voice devoid of any emotion.

“What? When was this decided?”

“While we were out. Are you saying you didn’t know about it? That this wasn’t the plan all along?”

He shook his head. “I seriously had no idea. You can’t … I mean … you have to be here.”

“Mum doesn’t trust me anymore. She needs me out of her hair. You have a new child to raise … and …” she trailed off, looking at William again.

Hope started to form in the pit of my stomach.
Is she remembering?

“Can I ask you something?” She changed topics. “Why was Liam’s cot put in here with me?”

She knows! She’s remembered!

“Why do
you
think we put him in here?” Her dad asked tentatively.

Allira’s gaze dropped to the floor. “Because of something I’m terrified of,” she said quietly.

Her dad sat on the edge of Allira’s bed and pulled her down next to him. “I understand your fear, I do. I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through. It breaks my heart to know that you’re never going to see Chad again, and if it’s doing that to me, I don’t even want to contemplate what’s going on inside you right now. I don’t want you to move out.”

“I don’t want to either …”

“But,” Miles continued, “if it gives you some space, and helps you gain back some of what was lost when Chad died … I just don’t want to see my little girl like that anymore. It’s unfair for your mother and me to live through your pain when you won’t even help yourself to fix it.”

Something about seeing a grown man break down did me in.

Her meltdown was too hard to watch, yet Miles was with her every day, feeling the same pain that Allira was. He was at a loss for what to do. He was trying to be supportive, but didn’t know how to be anymore. I could tell he desperately wanted her to ask if William was hers, but he couldn’t flat out tell her or it might’ve hindered her small progress.

Watching Allira, the way she was studying William, I think both Miles and I knew that deep down, Allira felt a bond with him. She was just fighting it, too scared to contemplate the possibility.

“If you can’t find a reason for you to stay here,” he said, looking at William, “you need to move in with Paxton and come home to us when you …” he trailed off, not really knowing how to finish that sentence.

“Sort my shit out?” she replied with a small smile, causing her dad to break a smile in return and nod. “I’ll try, okay Dad?”

“That’s all I can ask of you, sweetheart.”

“What if I never get better?” she asked quietly.

His silence scared the hell out of me.

***

“All packed up?” Seph asked as Allira walked out with her two duffel bags.

Allira didn’t respond.

“Really? Going to do the teenager thing?”

“Did you tell Paxton what I did?”

Seph sighed. “Does it make a difference if I did or not? You need help and he offered to take you on.”

“To get me away from you, you mean.”

“I’m just doing what’s best …”

“Bullshit! You’re trying to get rid of me because you’re scared I’ll do it again! Dad said as much, just in not so many words.”

“You’ve shown no remorse for what you’ve done. None at all. You have no desire to get any of those memories back.”

“What memories? Of me sitting on my arse for a year, crying into a pillow? That’s all you’ve told me that I’ve been missing! Unless there’s something else you’re keeping from me?”

She’s fishing again.
“Just tell her,” I yelled, about to lose my mind. “She knows! And you refusing to tell her the truth is just pushing her away!”

“I’m not going to do or say anything that will jeopardise your recovery,” Seph said.

“You know, if you’d just done as I asked, I wouldn’t have screwed it up and you wouldn’t be going through this.”

“And you’re wondering why we can’t trust you to not do it again?” Seph yelled. She shook her head. “Just go. I don’t want you around Liam, or anywhere you could be a danger to yourself.”

“So now you’re kicking me out?” Allira yelled. “I thought you wanted to help me!”

“This is helping you,” Seph said dejectedly. “I’ll check in on you in a few days.”

“Don’t bother.”