Through His Eyes: An Institute Series Novella (The Institute Series Book 4) (8 page)
Read Through His Eyes: An Institute Series Novella (The Institute Series Book 4) Online
Authors: Kayla Howarth
CA
N’T GO ON
It was when her lips touched his for the first time that everything became clear. I fought Hayden’s words for weeks, I didn’t believe him. I didn’t want to. But something happened when I realised what he said about Jayce was true. It was something I couldn’t explain – a mixture of being punched in the gut and having the heaviest weight lifted from my chest at the same time.
Clarity.
I wasn’t searching for it, yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was instantaneous, but I couldn’t say I was all that surprised. After spending the last few weeks with Jayce, it was building to a point where I knew I’d have to give in to it eventually.
I realised that even with the enormous piles of drama and crap going on in Allira’s life, this guy would be there for her no matter what. He was there for her when I couldn’t be.
If someone had told me when I was alive that I’d witness Allira kiss someone else and I wouldn’t actually feel bad about it or want to smash the guy in the face, I would’ve laughed. No, I probably would’ve punched
them
in the face.
Since Jayce and Allira had been hanging out, I saw something in her that I hadn’t seen since before I’d died. When she wasn’t concentrating so hard on trying not to forget me and move on, she actually let her guard down around him. She showed him a side of her that only a handful of people had ever seen. I was pretty sure Paxton hadn’t even seen it, and they were living together. The bond between Jayce and Allira was obvious.
So when he tentatively kissed her, his lips soft and unsure, not knowing what her response would be, I was surprised that I found myself hoping she’d kiss him back. And when she did, I wasn’t angry. I was relieved.
I always felt like she was always mine to protect, but the thing is, I was never meant to be hers.
When Allira abruptly pulled away from Jayce, my heart sank. She pulled away because of me, and in that moment, I knew exactly what I had to do. I was ready.
***
It was the first time in weeks that I’d been able to blink away on my own accord.
“Hey, buddy,” I whispered, leaning over William’s cot.
He looked up at me and smiled. It was moments like this one that made me think he really could see me. They say kids have extrasensory perception, and I liked to think that it was particularly true in William’s case. Because this was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do, and I hoped that he could at least acknowledge my existence in some way. Just once.
“Finding out I was going to be a father at twenty wasn’t exactly the way I’d planned out my life. Then again, neither was dying. Life’s shit like that sometimes.
“You know what sucks? Knowing that I’m never going to hold you in my arms. I’ll never kiss your mother again. But most importantly, I’m not going to be there – for anything. Birthdays, celebrations … they all belong to the living.
“I hope you grow up to be happy. That’s all a parent ever wants for their children. Sure, we hope you’ll become successful, or do something truly amazing and heroic with your life … but we can’t all be your mother. Am I right?”
I was sure it was a coincidence, but William giggled.
“One day, you’ll meet someone who turns your whole world upside down, and the only piece of advice I can give you is, love her every single day like it’s the last one you’ll ever spend with her … or him, if you’re into that. The future is unpredictable, even to people like your uncle Shilah who can literally see glimpses into the future. Spend every last second, every minute, every single chance you get to be with the person you love. Don’t fight over the trivial stuff, and when you do get mad, make sure you apologise profusely afterwards.
“At the end of the day, you need to show them how you feel while you’re alive, because once you’re dead, there’s only one thing you’re able to do.”
I took in a deep breath, ignoring the logistics of a dead man breathing, and let it out as I closed my eyes.
“Let them go.”
Thank you for reading Chad’s novella!
I hope you enjoyed reading about the lost months.
***
Why Through His Eyes was written.
The giant gap in between Resistance (book two) and Defective (book three) of The Institute Series was a bit jarring to some readers. While there were reasons for needing that gap, the audience missed out on a lot of events that happened over that time.
The idea behind Through His Eyes came from my reluctance to let go of Chad. I had nothing against the guy – I actually loved him during The Institute. I didn’t even know he was going to die until I was halfway through writing Resistance. When I realised that, I made him start acting out so I’d
want
to kill him, because I knew I wouldn’t have had the guts to kill him off if he was the perfect guy I had imaged in my head.
I brought my idea of filling in the eighteen months gap and my sorrow over the loss of Chad together in the hopes it would provide a little more closure and give Chad a proper goodbye. But I also wanted to give readers a bigger insight into how Allira handled the roughest time in her life and how she almost lost herself while doing it.
It was only a short novella, but Chad’s afterlife story was one I felt I had to write.
Acknowledgments
To all you Chad haters out there, thanks for giving me the inspiration to share his story. I actually didn’t have plans on publishing this part of my work until you. Yes he was arrogant, yes, he didn’t always do the best thing, but his intentions towards Allira were always honourable. I wanted to show a different side of him and try to show the Chad I knew – the one who was in my thoughts for two whole books.
To all of my betas, thanks for your feedback and advice. Hannah, Michelle B, Michelle L, Linda, Bethany, and in particular the Queen of the Anti-Chad Club, Kimberly. I’m glad I could turn your around on Chad.
Patrick Hodges, my very own personal comma police, thanks for editing.
And to the usual suspects: the many friends and family, thank you for supporting me throughout this whole adventure.
Obsessed with YA fiction, I’m still a teenager at heart.
My love of reading and movies inspired me to start something I never dreamed possible: Writing my first novel.
One book turned into two, two turned into three, and now I have plans for another trilogy, a spin off to The Institute Series. Nuka, William, and Illyana each get their own story in The Litmus Series. Coming in 2016.
Find me at:
