Three of Hearts (18 page)

“Haylee. Don’t feel guilty.”

“I can’t help it.” I grimaced. “I know I had to leave. I
had
to. But I wish he was proud of me instead of resentful.”

“Maybe,” Ben said slowly, “he wasn’t resentful. Maybe he just didn’t want to be alone. Your mom had just died. Sounds like that hit him hard. Then his daughter left too.”

I closed my eyes. My throat burned. My chest ached. “Oh my god.” Tears stung the edges of my eyes. “Now I feel even shittier.”

“No, babe,” Lucas said quietly. “You had to get out of there. You couldn’t have stayed there just because he didn’t want you to go. You’re not responsible for his drinking. It wasn’t up to you to fix his life.”

“I can’t imagine that he’s
not
proud of you,” Ben added.

“If he can forgive me . . . and if he’s still singing . . . maybe he could sing with us sometime.” I bit my lip, glancing at Lucas on one side of me, then Ben on the other. “Just one song.”

“That would be cool.” Ben’s eyes were warm. “Sweetheart, if you want to go see him and try to fix things between you, we’ll come with you.”

My heart filled up with love, squeezing the breath out of me. “Our relationship will be hard to explain.” Which raised the bigger question. “It’ll be hard to explain to anyone.”

“We don’t have to explain anything,” Ben said. “This is our business.”

I looked back and forth between them. “People are going to talk. You know they are.”

“Let ’em.”

Lucas frowned. “She’s right. People will talk. We need to be prepared for that. We need to face the fact that we’re never going to walk down the street, all three of us, holding hands or kissing in public. We need to face the fact that rumors are going to fly as time goes on and there aren’t any other people in the picture . . . girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, a husband for Haylee. We need to talk about marriage and kids.”

“Whoa!” I burst out. “Slow down, Lucas. I’m not ready for kids. Or marriage. Can’t we just cross that bridge when we come to it?”

“You willing to give up the idea of marriage and kids forever?”

I swallowed. “Um. No.” I thought about that for a moment. I obviously couldn’t marry two guys, but I loved them both so much. The idea of having their babies . . . whoa. My insides clenched with both fear and wanting. “I know this is really weird. But we have the rest of our lives to figure it out.”

“What about our careers?” Ben asked.

We all looked at each other. We all understood that there was a risk to our careers. A huge risk. I thought about it. I thought about losing it all. I thought about doing it without them. And I was the first to whisper my thoughts. “I can’t imagine doing this without you guys.”

Their eyes softened and warmed.

“I feel the same,” Ben said.

“Me too.” Lucas nodded.

If we made this choice, this unconventional choice, if we wanted this unconventional relationship, were there things we had to give up? Sacrifices to make? I didn’t know the answers . . . but together we would figure them out.

“You guys are missing Christmas with your families.”

Their eyes met, then turned to me. “We want to be with you, Haylee,” Ben said. “You’re our family.”

“Yeah,” Lucas agreed. “We’ll call our folks tomorrow and explain things.” I stared back at him, and he smiled. “Somehow.”

“I would love a Christmas where we could just be home . . . together,” I said. “Just us, doing whatever we want. Me in my sweats and drinking beer, with no makeup on. Nobody making us do anything. Nobody fighting. I hated it that you guys weren’t getting along. It scared me.”

“Sorry, hon.” Ben touched my face.

“Do you really hate dressing up that much?” Lucas asked

I hitched a shoulder. “I’m used to it. I do it for you guys. Because I want us to be successful, and because . . . I love you.”

“You don’t need to do it for us.” Ben frowned. “You wanna wear sweats on stage? Fine.”

“Fuck yeah. Wear whatever the hell you want,” Lucas added.

I smiled. “Thank you. But you know what? You guys believe in me. You give me the confidence to wear that stuff and not feel like a complete idiot, because you accept all of me. I used to feel like a fraud, wearing makeup like a mask and sexy clothes, like I was pretending to be someone I’m not. But . . . that last night on stage, in Sioux City—and the other night at the Ryman—I felt like I really was beautiful.”

“You
are
beautiful.” Ben nuzzled my ear. “Gonna tell you that over and over.”

“Fuck, yeah.” Lucas stroked some hair off my face.

“Thank you. That’s what I mean. That means so much to me.”

“You’re beautiful, yeah, no makeup, whatever,” Lucas said. “It doesn’t matter what you wear. Although I have to admit some of those short skirts and low-cut tops and sexy shoes are pretty hot . . .”

I grinned.

“But even without those, you’re beautiful,” Ben said. “It’s not just about what’s on the outside. It doesn’t matter what you wear. You’re beautiful because you’re
you
. . . talented and funny and caring. When I’m in one of my moods, you crack a joke and make me laugh and it’s like the clouds open up and the sun shines.”

“Yeah,” Lucas agreed. “I know I get too serious and single-minded sometimes, and you lighten me up and make me realize it’s not just about the goal—it’s about having fun along the way. You love what you do so much, and you make me realize . . . I do too.”

My throat swelled and ached, and I gazed back at both my guys with so much love and gratitude I couldn’t even speak. I reached my arms out and hooked them both around their necks. “You guys. I love you.”

They kissed me again, so sweetly, and then both whispered to me: “Merry Christmas, Haylee.”

I shouldn’t want these things,

Especially from you.

I’ve never felt this way before.

Your touch, your smile, your arms around me

Make me feel so beautiful.

Waited all my life, wanted so much more

Didn’t know what I wanted was gonna be so hard

And I don’t want to lose this.

But you make me feel so beautiful,

You make me feel so right.

You make me burn and want to fly,

You make me smile and make me sigh.

You make me want things I’ve never had and fill me up with wanting more—

More love.

I’m lost, aching and longing for something I can’t have.

Pleasure like this makes people do crazy things.

You make me lose my mind.

Part of me wants to stop,

Part of me wants to go,

Part of me wants to know

Because I don’t know how to do this.

(He sings)

Gonna show you how to do this,

Gonna show you how to fly.

Gonna make you smile and make you sigh.

Gonna make you want things you’ve never had and fill you up with wanting more—

More love.

It’s all changing, there in our bed,

Growing into something more

Like a song moving from verse to chorus,

Just don’t know how the song’s gonna end.

Drowsy and drunk, feel like I’m floating,

Can’t stop myself from caring,

Even though my heart still hurts.

But you make me feel so beautiful,

You make me feel so right.

You make me burn and want to fly,

You make me smile and make me sigh.

You make me want things I’ve never had and fill me up with wanting more—

More love.

We kept our feelings locked deep inside,

So deep we didn’t even know them.

Wanted you for so long, then I finally had you.

We’ve moved together past you and me

Now we’re one, as close as we can be.

Can’t believe you love me too

And it’s not wrong because we should never be ashamed of love.

You make me feel so beautiful,

You make me feel so right.

You make me burn and want to fly,

You make me smile and make me sigh.

You make me want things I’ve never had and fill me up with wanting more—

More love.

Two years later . . .

Country Tunes Magazine
Christmas Edition

After last month’s Grammy win for Best Country Song with their smash hit “More Love,” country music trio Three of Hearts has another reason to celebrate. Haylee Tremayne has confirmed she is pregnant with her first child. She is not, however, divulging who the father of her baby is.

None of the three band members are married or in apparent relationships, and in fact all three share a home in Nashville. There has long been speculation on the nature of their relationship and whether Haylee is romantically involved with either of her bandmates, Lucas Doan or Ben Radcliff. The three musicians neither confirm nor deny any of these rumors.

This reporter says, when they make music that beautiful, who cares about the nature of their relationship? All three are wildly popular with their fans and greatly respected by fellow musicians. They give much back to the community and they obviously care about each other. Like their song says—“never be ashamed of love.” Congratulations on bringing more love into the world with the coming birth of a child, and Merry Christmas, Haylee!

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