Threads of Steel (Bayou Cove) (9 page)

He stared at something behind her back, and Anna Marie wondered what he thought when he saw groups of people from their high school days. Was he wishing he could relive them, start over, and make good the things he’d screwed up?

There were things she would’ve done differently had she had the chance. Number one on the list would have been refusing to go out with Ronnie.

But then he surprised her. “If I settle down it’ll be around north Alabama. I like that area, but there never was any reason to.” He straightened up and inhaled. “Guess I’d better go.”

He handed her a piece of paper with a number hand written on it. “Would you mind letting me know about
Doti
? She never answers when I call and never returns my calls. I hate caller ID.”

“You still care for her, don’t you?” The words flew out of her mouth before she was able to stop them. She really didn’t want to hear him say he still loved
Doti
.

His hesitation gave him away.

“Guess I have a way of ruining the good things that come into my life. She won’t even let me see my little girl except once every few months. Caitlyn doesn’t really know me.”

It had been a long time since Anna Marie had thought about the child he and
Doti
had together, a child conceived while he was still married to her. She would’ve given anything to have had a child with Ronnie, but he’d said they needed more time in their marriage before they had to settle down with a baby. When they divorced, everyone commented that it was a blessing she didn’t have any kids to raise alone.

Anna Marie never considered that fact a blessing.

She pushed thoughts of having babies out of her mind. “Things can change, Ronnie. You know that, don’t you? Maybe now’s the time for you to get to know that daughter of yours.”

“No, I don’t think things will change with us.
Doti
made it clear. I
was
scum and she wants her daughter to have as little to do with me as possible. The only reason I get to see her once in a while is because the judge gave me limited visiting rights.”

Anna Marie had heard the story of Ronnie’s use of drugs and affairs that drove
Doti
away from him, but she wondered why he hadn’t fought harder to be part of his daughter’s life. That was so typically Ronnie. How sad, Anna Marie thought. A child would’ve added so much to his life—or to hers.

Maybe
Doti
was right. Maybe he was scum.

She took a chance and asked what she knew was none of her business. “But you’ve changed for the better, haven’t you?”

“If you’re talking about my little problems, yeah.
I’m doing really
good
. I go to counseling
and AA meetings. I’ve changed, but I’ll never convince
Doti
of that.”

“You never know. She might’ve changed as well.”

Ronnie shrugged, trying to make it appear it was no big deal, but Anna Marie knew better. As much as she hated to admit it, she knew him well enough to know it was a bigger deal to him than he was letting on
..

“I have to go.” He surprised her and took her hand. “I’m so sorry to hear the news about your dad. It’s not fair for him to pull you down again.”

She looked down at her hand in his and gently pulled it away. “Thank you for your concern. I’m sorry, too, that it was my father who took her life. It’s still too much for me to understand, but I guess most things in life are.”

Anna Marie watched him walk away. He said he was sorry for what she was going through, and even knowing what he and
Doti
had done to her, it was hard not to feel sorry for Ronnie. There was a time when he’d had so much potential, so much drive. She wondered what had happened.

Nancy timed her return just right. “He finally came up and talked, huh?”

“Yes. But so did a lot of people here.”

“But you weren’t married to the rest of these people here.
Only him.”

They both turned and watched Ronnie slide into an older model truck, then ease it through the narrow winding road of the cemetery.

She turned to Nancy. “Have you talked with him since the divorce?”

“No. This is the first I’ve seen of him in years.” Nancy shook her head. “He doesn’t look happy, does he?”

“No. I don’t think he is.”

“I can’t imagine why he’s not,” said Nancy. “I hear he’s still in the dating scene, taking out one bimbo after another.”

“Maybe that gets old.”

“Yeah, maybe.

Putting their arms around each other, they headed off to their cars. They knew there would be a gathering at Miss Ellie’s old home, but Anna Marie also knew she wouldn’t be welcomed. “Are you going to Miss Ellie’s?”

“No, I wouldn’t want to go without you. I’ll use my kids as an excuse if anyone asks why I didn’t show up.”

“I hate not being there. I’d love to see her home one more time. It was such a special place for us.”

“Yeah,” Nancy said, “I felt important when we were there, like we really belonged in that high class neighborhood.”

They both laughed.

Anna Marie told Nancy good-bye, then sat for a little longer in her car and watched the other cars pull out, wanting more than anything to be amongst those who gathered at Miss Ellie’s house to remember her. She closed her eyes and let the tears flow, both for Miss Ellie’s death and for the fact that she couldn’t relive those wonderful moments in her home.

Finally, she lowered the window to let in the slight breeze carrying in a hint of the fragrance from the flowers surrounding Miss Ellie’s grave. The smell reminded her of Miss Ellie’s garden and the day she left Bayou Cover forever.

Anna Marie walked around Miss Ellie’s house when no one answered her knock at the front door. She found her kneeling amongst her flowers, weeding. When Miss Ellie saw her, she pulled
off her gloves, stood up, and opened her arms.

“Come here, Anna Marie.”

Before leaving for her new home, Anna Marie had been strong as she told her mother good-bye. She had to be strong for her, but not for Miss Ellie. For some reason as soon as she stepped toward her, her throat tightened and tears burned her eyes.

Miss Ellie put both her hands on Anna Marie’s arms. “You cry and curse and yell and get it out of your system,” she said with a straight face and a stern voice. “
Doti
Smith and Ronnie Daniels are not in your life any longer, and you have to let them go. If you don’t, you’re going to grow old and wrinkled and hate the world. Hate makes a person not see the beauty in things around them and, by God, there is so much beauty that you don’t know is out there.”

Anna Marie swiped the tears that ran down her face. “I know there is, and you’re one of those beautiful humans that God put on this earth. Why can’t everyone be like you?”

“Oh, my dear, you’re so wrong. I’m not so wonderful. I just happen to have what you need right now. My shoulder is big. Come sit by me and let’s talk.”

“I don’t have time. I’m heading out of town now. I want to get to the real estate office before they close today. My rental house is empty and waiting for me.”

Miss Ellie held her at arm’s length. “And it’s going to be a wonderful move. I want to drive over after you’re settled. I love old New Orleans. I can take your mother with me and you can show us the town.”

Anna Marie nodded. “I hate to leave Mama here alone. As soon as I get settled, I’m going to try to get her to move in with me.”

“And that would be a wonderful thing to do for your mother, but it’ll happen only when the time is right for her. This is her home. She won’t leave it unless she’s ready.”

“I know.” Anna Marie looked out over the garden of fall flowers that Miss Ellie kept immaculate. “I know how hard it is to leave your home.”

“I know you do. Leaving can be the hardest thing you’ll ever do, but right now I think it’s the smartest thing for you.”

“You don’t think I’m running away? That’s what Nancy said I was doing.”

“Running away? I guess in a way you are, but you’re also running to start a new life. Sometimes we need to find our own paths away from what we know. You don’t have many more hours to finish for your degree. You’ll have a good life for yourself soon and we’ll all be envious that you had the balls to do it.”

Anna Marie laughed. “You always come up with the greatest way to say things, Miss Ellie. I love you for it, and I love you for being here for me.”

Miss Ellie pulled her close. “And I love you, Anna Marie. Don’t you ever
forget.
You might not realize it now, but you’re a strong woman. You’ll do just fine no matter where you live.”

Anna Marie looked around at the house that had become a shelter for her and
Doti
and Nancy. It would be hard not to have this sanctuary to help her deal with her problems.

As if Miss Ellie understood what she was feeling, she smiled. “This house will always be here. New Orleans isn’t that far away. Anytime you need to refresh, take the short drive and come spend the day with me.”

“I will.” With one last look around, she pulled up a smile. “I have to go.”

“Yes, you do, but don’t let
Doti
and Ronnie’s actions taint your way of looking at the world. What they did to you is the worst thing that can happen between friends and between a husband and a wife, but it’s not the end of the world. You’ll see. You can live without them.”

Anna Marie looked at the new grave site where workers were lowering the casket. Miss
Ellie had been right. She had make a life without her friend
Doti
and without her husband, but through it all, she always had to wonder what it would’ve been like to have a home and a family here in the community where she’d grown up.

For the years she’d spent in New Orleans, Miss Ellie had always been there for her anytime Anna Marie needed to be “refreshed” as she’d put it.

Now she was totally on her own, but the years had given her the strength to stand on her own two feet just as Miss Ellie had said she would.

She started the car. Burying someone you love is exhausting, and Anna Marie was ready to leave the cemetery to lift her heart and nourish her body. She was starved.

After a quick bite to eat, she went straight to the hospital where she sat with her dad until the doctor came by. They thought a recipient had been located and matched for his eyes and his heart, but no date had been set. One possible recipient was from central Mississippi, but one was from Bayou Cove.

“Well, Dad,” she said after the doctor left, “your life will have meaning after all. I know you can’t hear me, but I pray you can sense the good you’ll be doing.”

She kissed him,
then
left the hospital. As she pulled her keys from her purse, her fingers rubbed against the card that Doug had given to her.

Did she dare call him? Would it be appropriate to golf on a day that Miss Ellie was buried, not to mention the fact that she’d found out her dad would be a donor very soon?

She could sit in her room and mope, or she could make the call. Not letting herself think about all the reasons why some people would think it inappropriate, she punched in Doug’s phone number.

CHAPTER
6

Anna Marie let the straps of her golf bag slide down her arm. “I’m glad you had the afternoon free,” she said to Doug as he lifted the bag from her and positioned it on the back of their golf cart

“I’m the thankful one. I was trying to decide whether to cut my grass or clean out the garage. Your invitation made my decision easy.” His big smile told her he was sincere. “I really am glad you wanted to spend some time on the course.”

“That was a given, but I almost didn’t call. I didn’t think it would be appropriate having been to a funeral today and having my dad in ICU about to become a donor.”

Doug straightened up and looked at her. “You did the right thing. You’re doing what you can and nothing more can be expected of you. Burying your friend was hard, but she wouldn’t want you to wallow in sorrow all day
.
And, as for your dad, you’ll still have time to go to the hospital again after we finish. In fact, I’ll insist on it, and I’ll even escort you over there.”

“No, I couldn’t ask you to do that.”

He grinned. “We’ll see how we feel when this round is over.”

“I can almost guarantee you’ll want to race off and forget you ever accepted my invitation after you see me play.”

He adjusted the cart strap around his and her golf bags, then walked around and slid onto the seat. “I doubt that.”

“Okay, but you’ve been warned.

“Hop in. If we stand around here much longer, these old men will run us over. I’ve played with most of them. They might be old, but they’re tough and serious about their golf.”

Amazed at how comfortable she was in his presence, she slid onto her side of the bench.