This Broken Beautiful Thing (30 page)

She leaves
shortly after, I dress Willow in warm pajamas and she skips out my mother’s room in search of Caleb. It’s already dark outside and the weather has turned rather cold.

I walk out into the lounge to see Willow sitting in Caleb’s lap facing him. She plays with his hair and he’s smiling at her.

“We have the same hair.” She says leaning her forehead against his.

Caleb smiles and
says, “We sure do…”

I leave them chatting as I quickly take a shower
, when I come back they are still sitting in the same position chatting away. I sit on the sofa opposite them as Willow tells him about how much she loves cartoons and which are her favorite. Much to Willows surprise Caleb loves cartoons too…he always has and after a few hours of watching cartoons, Willow is cuddled up to Caleb’s chest fast asleep. I take my phone out and snap a picture because the moment is too special not too. Caleb doesn’t even hear the sound my phone makes because he’s so focused on his sleeping daughter on his lap. I get off the couch and walk towards them to see Willow holding onto his finger like she always does with me.

“I think I should take her to bed.” I whisper.

He finally looks up and asks full of hope, “Can I? Can I tuck her in?”

“Sure.” He gently picks her up and follows me to my mother’s room. I open the blanket and Caleb puts her down in the center of the bed. He pul
ls the blanket over her, I give her a kiss on her cheek and tell her I love her. She’s fast asleep but I still tell her.

Caleb gives her a kiss on her forehead and I’m pretty sure he whispered, “Love you too baby girl.” But it was too soft to tell for certain.

We leave Willow and I get out extra blankets and a pillow for him and place it on the sofa.

I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. After a few hours of dead sleep I’m awoken as I feel the bed behind me dip.

“What are you doing Caleb?” I whisper and turn to look at him.

“That couch is fucking uncomfortable. I’ll try keep my hands to myself baby
, don’t stress.” He says getting comfortable in my bed.

He always used that as an excuse when he would stay over
and sneak into my bed.

I lie on my back and look up at the ceiling unable to fall asleep now that he’s here lying next to me. It brings back so many memories.

“I missed this …” he says tenderly and I can feel his eyes on me.

I don’t know what to say to that because I missed this too. So I follow that up with, “Yeah…” Even if we aren’t exactly touching…I
enjoy his presence.

The silence in the room is killing me
though.

“How’s football going?” I ask knowin
g he got his scholarship because of how good he is with football.

“
It’s great… don’t get around to playing with the guys that much nowadays but it’s the one thing I’m good at…. so I know I can’t fuck that up.” He says bluntly.

“And college?
You graduate already?”

“
Yeah last year, workload was crazy especially with football. What about you?” he says shrugging.

“I’m doing okay I guess.
I also graduated and now I manage my parents bar and Anna’s Tattoo parlor, I enjoy it so I guess that’s all that matters. Are you working for your dad now?” I ask knowing he’s studying architecture and that his parents own a well-known Architecture firm.

“No definitely not my fathers
but my mother’s firm yeah….”He says.

“Oh
? They have different firms now? Since when?”  I ask leaning on my side waiting for his response.

“Since they got divorced…” he says and I’m in total shock. His parents seemed like the most loving couple I’ve ever met. They were so kind to me and the
y loved me like their daughter.

“Oh my gosh….I’m so sorry Caleb.” I say resting my hand on his
forearm.

He looks down at my hand and I see his lips twitch as if he’s about to smile but he doesn’t as he says. “Don’t be…I’m not. The fucker cheated on my
mother so she divorced his cheating ass.” He spits it out with such disgust.

“How did she find out? Was it going on for long?”

“When I caught him fucking the tramp in his office, same night as our graduation party, he says it was just the once but I don’t believe one word out of his mouth.” He says this and as much as I’m shocked and feel sorry for him, I can’t believe how hypocritical he is.

“
Like father…like son …” I blurt out before I can stop myself and his head whips around in shock.

“I’m nothing like him.” he
spits out harshly.

“You’re not? Didn’t I catch you
with Ashley? Yeah, I was lucky enough not to walk in but I heard everything and you’re telling me you’re nothing like him? Right….” I say this and watch as his face falls. 

It’s quiet for a few minutes and I can’t even look at him any longer so I turn around, I feel the tears falling down the bridge of my nose until it reaches the pillow. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I don’t want him to see me crying so I quickly make my way to the bathroom after peeking into my mother’s room to make sure Willow
’s still asleep and she is.

Closing the door behind me, I turn the sink tap on to hide my sobs, needing fresh air so I can catch my breath I slide the window open and sit down leaning against the door because the door lock doesn’t work.

I pull my knees up to my chest , fold my arms over my knees and rest my head in my arms as I attempt to hide my cries. There’s a slight knock on the door. I quickly wipe away my tears and try calm my breathing.

“Baby
let me in… please.” He pauses for a few seconds waiting for me to respond but I’m still trying to calm my breathing.

“You okay Harlz?”  He says softly and I can tell he’s bending down on the other side of this thin door. I hear him so clearly and he sounds close.

“Yeah…I’m good… go away.” I say trying to sound normal but it just comes out as a gruff mumble.

“Oh
Harlz…” he definitely knows I’ve been crying now and him seeing how much he still affects me makes me weep harder. I try cover my face and calm my breathing but I can’t soften my snuffles. 

I look up when I hear a noise coming from out the window just in
time to see Caleb jumping in.

He bends down in front of me and raises his hand to touch my face but I turn away from him
to cover it.

“Please…please…don’t look at me…just go away
Caleb…go away.” I cry.

He
roughly pulls me to his chest and sits me on his lap so that my legs are on either side of him, he leans against the bath tub.

“I’m not going away Harley
, I’m not going to let you leave either. I need you and I need… this.”  He tightens his arms around my waist, “I need you in my arms and with me. I can’t let you go again, I can’t…” he says softly in a coarse voice.

“
How can I ever trust you again? How could you do that to me? I loved you so much…so fucking much Caleb! I never looked at any other guy or even thought about anyone besides you and you just threw that all away…” I cry into his neck, I realize my arms are wrapped tightly around his neck but I can’t seem to let go and I’m not sure whether I want to.

“I’m so sorry baby…. I
didn’t want anyone other than you and that night I was pissed and my head was so fucked up after seeing my dad, I just lost it. I waited for you in one of the rooms but Ashley came in and I just needed to do something to clear my head and just….stop thinking…I hate what I did Harlz and I don’t even know why I thought it was a good idea but for the five minutes it lasted all I could think about was how perfect you are and that I was doing the same thing to you that my father was doing to my mother. I fucked up I know! I love you so much Harley and I don’t know how I’m ever going to make it up to you but I will, I promise you I will.” He says in a muffled voice against my neck line and I feel his body shaking underneath me, he’s crying and it breaks my heart. I’m still stuck on him saying he loves me…present tense. The sorrow he projected as he spoke was too real. I never seen someone look so regretful and it only makes me feel remorseful. Even when I thought he didn’t want his child, I should have tried harder and maybe things would have been different. He’s lost four years of his daughter’s life because of me being too afraid and stubborn to confront him face to face.

I loosen my grip and pull away from
him, his head rises and his hand moves from my waist to wipe his tears but I stop him and he lets me. Looking down at his tear streaked face, I wipe his tears away from his eyes and he closes his eyes and rests his head in my small hands almost as if he’s content. I pull the messy hair out of his face, and bed down to kiss her forehead.

“I’m sorry too Caleb.
” I whisper.

He seems shocked because he looks up at me confused
. I only notice now how close we are and I get butterflies in my stomach as I try to avoid looking at his lips.

“I was so scared to confront you about what Ashley said. I was afraid that what she said was true and I couldn’t bear to hear it come out of your mouth. I wish I tried harder, I’m so sorry I didn’t. I can’t imagine missing one single day
of her life and you missed… so much time.” I say finally looking down at his glossy green eyes.

“
Baby come here.” He pulls my head so I’m nuzzling his neck. He runs his hands up and down my back just like he used to do. “I think we should start fresh, it’s the only way to move forward and I want to move forward…with you and Willow. I don’t want us to waste our time fighting over things that happened in the past. You’re here …I’m here and our baby girl is here, let’s just focus on us for now.” I lift my head and he cups my cheeks with his big warm hands, he raises his eyebrows, “Okay?”

The thought of starting fresh sounds really good even though I know there’s too much s
hit in our pasts to just forget, but starting fresh…right this moment…with Caleb? Sounds pretty darn good right now.

I give him a small
smile and he returns it with an even bigger grin.

“Okay.
”

After checking on Willow and climbing into bed, Caleb
keeps his hands to himself and gives me some space.

Deep…deep…down inside I was a little disappointed because I missed his touch already.

I wake up in the morning to Willows giggling once again and it brings a smile to my face. Looking at my bedside clock I see it’s already ten and its already light outside. She’s sounds close by so I turn and watch her as she stands on Caleb’s side of the bed and uses a piece of her long hair to tickle Caleb’s nose, every now and then he would scratch it in his sleepy state.

I forgot to close our door last night, I don’t want her seeing me in bed with guys even if we
are just sleeping, I make sure to close the door when Jace used to sleep beside me and made sure he was out of my bed before she got up.

I smile at her and she
whispers, “Morning mommy, look.” She shows me what she’s doing and Caleb scrunches up his nose as if that will help with the ticklish spot. Willow bursts out in giggles again clutching her tummy. She tip toes over to my side of the bed and I help her up, I turn my back to Caleb to cuddle her. I wrap my arms around her and whisper, “You sleep okay sweetie?”

She takes my hand and she plays with my fingers and mumbles
an
Mmhhmm
. She lets out a big yawn and as soon as she wraps her little hand around my finger I know she’s going to fall asleep soon.

“I love you baby go back to sleep.” I whisper and kiss her forehead.

“Love you too Momma.” She whispers.

After a few minutes of watching Willow fast asleep in my arms I feel Caleb stir behind me. He
moves closer behind me, I feel him move my hair and then his warm breath is against the back of my neck. I feel him attempt to wrap his arms around me but freezes when he feels willows little legs hanging over mine. I turn my head a little and he lifts his to look down at me. He smiles when he spots Willow sleeping cuddled up to me.

He
whispers, “I’ll be right back…” he quickly sneaks out of the bed and tiptoes to his jeans that are hanging on my chair. I watch as he takes his phone out and climbs back in bed.

“What are you doing?” I whisper confused.

“I need a photo of this.” he says lifting his camera taking a photo of Willow, looking back to Willow I smile as she stirs but doesn’t wake instead she cuddles closer to me. I hear the sound of his camera go off a couple times then I hear him place it on the bedside table.

Willow stirs in my arms again and Caleb rests his chin on my arm looking down at her. He leans down and places his hand over mine, the same one that holds onto Willows as she holds my finger tight.

“She held my hand like that too.” He whispers running his thumb over my hand gently.

“Yeah she always does that when she sleeps, ever since she was a baby.” I whisper and he smiles.