They Don't Teach Corporate in College (42 page)

Seek guidance.
Ask the person, “How could I do that differently? What change would be appropriate?”

Process the input.
Ask yourself, “Is this criticism valid? Am I willing to make the change to eliminate the contention?”

Review your progress/seek follow-up.
Say to the person, “I'm working hard to bring about the change we talked about. Do you have any other suggestions?”

Provided the criticism is meant to help you, be sensitive to what the other person is feeling. It was probably very hard for her to approach you, and you will score major points by trying to make her more comfortable. Also, there's nothing wrong with telling her how you feel. If the criticism isn't justified, say so frankly, without letting your emotions get the best of you.

One last point on criticism: Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right—for you'll be criticized anyway.” Keep in mind that if you are accomplishing something, you will most likely be criticized by someone who secretly wishes that she were as important as you are. Take it as a compliment, for it means you are worthy of attention.

Customer service representatives frequently have to contend with angry people, and my friend Jan, who spends all day on the telephone, offered me some valuable advice for neutralizing someone who is out of control. According to Jan, the best thing you can do is acknowledge the person's anger and listen attentively without interrupting. “If you let the customer vent, she'll eventually quiet down,” Jan says. “Don't respond with defensiveness or annoyance. Show empathy for her predicament and assure her that you'll make it your business to fix the situation.” Jan also clued me in on some things not to say:

“Calm down”:
This is bound to elicit the response “Don't tell me to calm down!”

“That's not my fault”:
Whether true or not, the angry person will not appreciate hearing you deny responsibility. She is looking for your help.

“You're way out of line”:
Needless to say, this will just prolong the argument.

“If you just hold on, I'll transfer you to…”:
This lack of urgency and personal ownership will annoy the angry person. She wants you to come up with an action plan now.

“The key point,” Jan says, “is to remain calm. If the customer is not able to engage you in an argument, she'll eventually stop fighting. People can't be pissed off by themselves for long. Your calmness will diffuse her anger, and then the two of you can work together to solve the problem.”

When I was interviewing for my first job, I was very professional. Almost too professional. I wanted to be perceived as serious and knowledgeable, so every time someone would make ice
breaker–type conversation, I'd shut them down. I was completely mystified as to why, with my fantastic record, I had to wait so long for an offer. Now that I've been in the business world for a decade, I realize that of course those interviewers weren't going to feel comfortable working with me—I hadn't established rapport! I didn't show personal interest in them and made it impossible for them to show personal interest in me. I wish I could tell my 21-year-old self that there's a happy medium between over- and undersharing.

Laura, 31, Missouri

Choose a Win/Win attitude.
Other people don't care what you want—they want to know what's in it for them. By approaching negotiations with a Win/Win attitude, you'll be more effective at eliciting cooperation, and, ultimately, getting what you want.

Compliment your coworkers.
People hunger for recognition. Be generous with your compliments, but make sure they're sincere. The most effective compliments focus on specific actions or facts rather than vague generalities or assumptions.

Give coworkers your undivided attention.
Being mentally present for another person means actually listening to what she is saying, focusing on her rather than everything else going on in the room, and ignoring potential interruptions, such as beeping smartphones.

Learn to handle criticism with class.
The most successful people in the business world listen objectively, accept constructive criticism, and look for ways to grow from it. Those who respond to criticism by getting defensive hold themselves back personally and professionally.