They Don't Teach Corporate in College (30 page)

Passive:
Communication that does not convey the whole picture. The passive communicator shares information with reluctance, fails to offer feedback, and responds with blanket agreement—particularly at the first sign of confrontation.

Assertive:
Communication that is not accusatory, nonjudgmental, and conversational in tone. Assertive communicators are in control of themselves. They think before responding, avoid personalizing problems, and consider the big picture.

I'm sure you've had the pleasure of interacting with plenty of aggressive and passive communicators. Maybe some of them were lucky enough to advance to a high level. Usually, though, these extreme styles will handicap a career, because people don't respond well to them. If you have your eye on a VP position and want to be seen as a powerful communicator and a key influencer, assertiveness—or the ability to stand up for your rights, opinions, ideas, and desires, while respecting those of others—is the way to go.

Let me confess that I am not naturally the most assertive person in the world—I definitely lean more toward the passive style. Though I hate to admit it, I think it has something to do with growing up as a female in our society. Women are encouraged to be passive from early childhood up until we're thrust into the business world, when we're expected to promptly grow a backbone. Fortunately, communicating assertively on an everyday basis is pretty easy provided you willingly express yourself clearly, confidently, and in a tone that sounds friendly rather than fake.

It's harder to be assertive when you move beyond small talk into the realms of persuasion and confrontation. In situations in which you must communicate your point to someone who doesn't agree, assertiveness marks the difference between being perceived as a leader or as one of those “ineffective” or “difficult” people who populate the lower ranks of the professional world. Hendrie Weisinger, author of
Emotional Intelligence at Work
, makes the following suggestions for incorporating assertive communication into your problem-solving technique.

Use facts to justify your position.

Acknowledge that you understand the other person's point of view.

Repeat your position (be consistent and don't raise your voice).

Communicate emotion by using feeling statements (“I feel disappointed that you are not comfortable assigning me this project”) rather than accusatory statements (“You don't trust me to work with your clients”) that express an opinion as a matter of fact.

Strive for a compromise.

Plan for important conversations ahead of time. Assertiveness does not mean opening your mouth each and every time you have an opinion. One of the most common complaints I hear about twenty-something employees is that they think they know everything and don't hesitate to convince others of this at every opportunity. Have deference for the years of expertise in the room, and the fact that your organization is still in business for a reason. Before you speak, make sure you fully understand your own point of view, and think about the most appropriate way to communicate it. It never hurts to take an extra minute to decide whether something should be shared, and/or if it's an appropriate time to interject your thoughts. When in doubt, err on the side of caution.

Watch people around you who are using assertiveness to their advantage.
Toronto Star
career columnist Mark Swartz recommends choosing a few role models in the office, and noting the behaviors they use to communicate effectively. Why does your coworker always seem to get the ear of your boss? How does your supervisor come out of every staff meeting with an increased budget for new projects? Try some of the successful techniques you see, keeping in mind that your communication style should match who you are personality-wise. If you stray too far from what comes naturally, you might be perceived as phony.

Now that I've talked about the role of assertiveness, let's cover specific strategies for leveraging three communication vehicles—writing, speaking, and listening—to help you connect with people in ways that will enhance your career potential.

I learned the hard way never to write anything in an email that I wouldn't want to see on the front page of the Washington Post after I overheard my workmate talking to one of our colleagues about her recent divorce. She sounded really upset, so I wrote her an email expressing my sympathy and telling her I could totally relate to her
predicament. Unfortunately, I put in all the details of my own divorce, including my ex-husband's infidelity. I really wish I had just talked to her in person, because I accidentally sent that email to the entire company. I have never been so mortified in my life.

Hilary, 29, Virginia

Word on the street is that if you're not a communications professional, you don't need to pay too much attention to your writing skills. This is not so. In fact, good writing is one of the most underrated skills in the business world. Maybe this attitude is a defense mechanism. After all, many business people are bad writers, and how can you judge your employees on something you don't even have a clue about? If you're not the most polished writer in the world, with technology and all you might get away with it. But you're not reading this book so you can just slide by. Presumably, you want to impress the socks off your managers and come out looking better than everyone else. There's no better way to do this than to showcase the rare talent of a superior command of the written language.

I could happily devote an entire book to the craft of writing. However, because that's not what I'm here to do, I'll limit my advice to two simple rules:

Rule #1:
C&C (Clear & Concise). Most people in today's professional world have an extremely short attention span, so get right to it by prefacing your document with a brief, objective-oriented introduction, and by setting off your key points with bullets for painless consumption. Whether you're writing a routine email or a quarterly business plan, offer only the necessary information and be prepared to provide supplemental material. Your word choice should accurately convey your meaning, and your vocabulary and tone should reflect your audience. Use the active verb tense (“I wrote this plan”) rather than passive (“This plan was written by me”) whenever you can. Don't load Microsoft Powerpoint presentations down with too much text; instead, employ plenty of colorful graphics, charts, and photographs to keep your audience's attention.