There Once Were Stars (8 page)

“Yes, ma’am.” Evan salutes Roe. A smile plays at the edge of her mouth.

“I think she likes you,” I say to Evan once we are alone in the elevator.

“She’s a little old for me.” He laughs. “Plus, military women aren’t really my type.”

“You have a type?”

“You think these good looks get wasted on just anyone?” Evan points to himself. “I’ll have you know, I like only the brightest. And a little
pretty
never hurt anyone.”

I turn away from Evan, wishing we weren’t stuck in this elevator together. I’d met guys like him at the Institute; there was a reason I was one of the last girls to kiss James Poole.

“Come on now,” Evan nudges my shoulder with his. “I’m pulling your leg. Where’s your sense of humor?”

“I’m surprised you didn’t leave yours on B2.”

Silence fills the elevator as the doors slide open. He walks into the hallway, his back rigid as he calls out, “Aren’t you coming?” His voice is raised. I walk past him to my room, but he follows me inside.

I turn toward him, about to ask him to leave, but he advances toward me. I step back until I bump against the wall. My heart beat feels like it’s going to explode from my chest. He leans toward me, and I draw in my breath with a quiet gasp. The earthy smell is gone, replaced by the scent of cologne I’ve never smelled before. I close my eyes, and savor it as he reaches behind me. With a
click
, Tassie’s music pod turns on, blaring some funky pop music. My eyes jump open.

“Eww.” Evan shakes his head at the bouncing beats.

“What are you doing in here?” I can barely hear my voice.

“Elevators are about as private as the dorms around here.” He gestures toward the ceiling.

I notice the cameras and instantly feel my skin crawl from under my scrubs. I undressed in here. Who the hell was watching?

“How are we supposed to hear each other over the music?” I shout.

Evan grabs my wrists, and pulls me close to his chest, and whispers in my ear. “Trust me, and speak slowly, like this.” His breath tickles my neck, and his firm chest presses against mine, through the thin fabric of our lab clothes. He’s stronger than I thought. His muscles tense as we sway together to the same rhythm.

I wrap my pale arms around Evan’s neck, a stark contrast against his tanned skin which is weather-worn from the outside, touched by a sun I’ve never been allowed to feel. The pulse in his neck beats through his skin, vibrating close to the bend in my elbow. I want to run my finger over it, to feel the vibration against my own skin. I don’t. I bite my lip and look away.

“They want us to help them find areas to examine outside,” he whispers. A shudder runs down my back from the sensation of his breath against my bare neck. He pauses and clears his throat.
Does he feel it too?
“They figure my experience, combined with your mother’s notebook, will lead them to where the last team left off.”

“I don’t have my mother’s notes any longer.”

He hesitates a moment. What does he know of my mother’s notes?

“Maybe that’s why you didn’t end up on B2. They must think you’re hiding it all up here.” He removes a hand from the small of my back and runs it down my hair. Another shiver runs through me.

“I think they took my grandfather there.”

“That, my dear, is not something I’m privy to.”

“How did you get out?”

“They tried getting information out of me the old-fashioned way.” His body tenses. “But when answers didn’t come fast enough, I guess they felt killing me with love would work better.” His humor is comforting.

“It looks like they gave you a haircut since I saw you last.” I take a deep breath of his cologne again. “And possibly a bath?”

“Though company would have been nice, I did manage the bath on my own.”

A nervous laughs sputters out, and I keep my face down, glad we are not face-to-face. Visions of Evan undressing to take a bath flood my head, and my skin heats. I need to change the subject.

“Where did you get that picture?”

“I needed to make sure you knew I was a friend.”

“That doesn’t explain why you had it.” I bite my lip. It’s now or never. “So, you didn’t kill my parents?”

Evan grabs my shoulders and pulls me away from him, his steel gray eyes narrowing as his face reddens. “Is that what you think?”

“What am I supposed to think? You show up here with a photo of me, one that only my parents would have. They were killed on the outside, and that’s where you come from. Then you just expect me to trust you? I don’t even know you.”

He raises his voice and starts to shake me, anger flashing in his eyes. “Do you know what I did to get here? The crap I put up with? I can’t believe you think I had anything to do with your parent’s death. It’s ridiculous. What was that, nine years ago? I was eleven.”

I shrug his hands from my shoulders and shrink away from him, the moment spoiled. Turning around, I shut off Tassie’s music. The heat in my face is making me sweat. It was stupid, but Evan just showed me a quick-temper I’m not interested in putting up with.

“Please leave.”

“Fine,” Evan grumbles from behind me.

I don’t turn around until the door slides shut, confirming I’m alone. Then I turn and crawl into my bed, pressing my warm cheeks into the cool cotton as I let out a scream. I’m stuck here, with a bunch of strangers, who expect things from me I can’t provide. Now I know the reason I’ve been brought here. The Order still suspects my mother of something, after all these years. To them, I’m a link to the past, ready to lead them to the evidence they seek. What happens to me when they find out I’m useless?

I role onto my side and run my fingers under the pillow along the smooth sheet. What I wouldn’t give for one of my mother’s stitches to comfort me. Instead, I curl into a ball and don’t move from my bed for the rest of the day. I hear the door slide open and shut, as Tassie comes to get me for lunch, but I decline. At suppertime, when I reject another invitation from her, she brings back Roe. Roe doesn’t say a word to me, just watches for a minute, and then leaves. No one bothers me again.

I open my eyes and see Jak sitting on the edge of my bed, half-asleep, propped against the wall of my cubby. His tall frame is hunched to fit at the end of my bed, and his short blonde hair is tousled from its usual perfect placement, crisscrossed as if he’s been running his hands through it. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard Jak talk about being worried, let alone physically show it. His lashes flutter open as I shift in bed.

“Dreaming about me?” he murmurs.

I jolt up and throw my arms around him, pulling him tight against my body. His warm arms slide past my sides until they meet behind me, one resting against the small of my back and the other gently holding the back of my head to his shoulder. A sigh escapes my lips, threatening to wrack my body with sobs.

“Thank goodness!” Tassie squeals. She’s sitting on the edge of her bed, watching intently. “I was so worried about you. No one has had a roomie lose it before. I’m going to pay special attention to you from now on, I promise.”

I glance up at the camera set deceitfully above us. “There are enough people watching me already. What I need are some friends.”

Jak laughs. “You talk like you’re in prison.”

Tears spring to my eyes, and I push myself away from him to cover my face. Tassie slips out of the room, and Jak slides next to me, holding out his hand, then tucking them back at his sides as if he can’t decide how to handle me.

I wipe the tears from my face, before reaching back toward him. His hand feels warm in mine, and I instantly melt against his side.

“I’m so sorry for what I said to you, before, the night they took Grandfather.”

“It’s okay.” His arms wrap behind me and pull me close once again.

“No, it’s not,” I say, pulling back to see his face. “It was mean and terrible. I thought I’d never see you again, to apologize.”

“Easy.” He reached up and wipes the last of my tears from my cheeks. “You haven’t lost us. We’re still here. Xara works a couple blocks away, and you and I both work in the Axis.”

“But I can never leave here.”

“You’re not a prisoner. They just need you on call for expeditions. You’re part of a very important team. You get to take up where your mother and father left off.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I started working for the Director, remember?”

Right. I’d forgotten Jak was going to finally get to live out his dream. Why did I think he’d forget about me so quick? He’ll be down on Floor 2, close to me every day.

“Jak,” I decide to change the subject. “Did you destroy my mother’s notebook?”

“Yes.” His gaze darts away from mine. “I brought it to work yesterday and dealt with it.”

“Thank you.” I wrap my arms around him again. Now the Order will never be able to point a finger at my mother.

“Nat.” His tone changes and he presses his cheek against the top of my head. “I missed you.”

“I missed you too.”

“I don’t want anyone else.”

I lean away, absorbing his words, but I can’t commit. “Right now, I need to deal with all of this.” I wave my hands to the tiny room around us. “Plus, I still have no idea what happened to Grandfather. My entire world has fallen apart. Give me time, please.”

He winces as he lets go of me. I know I’m being selfish, but I really can’t extend myself any further. I reach for his hand, but he pulls it away and stands, leaving me sitting alone.

“I still love you and Xara, like always.” I try to reassure him.

He walks to my desk, absentmindedly running his hand across the top. There’s nothing there. I’ve barely tried to make myself at home in the short amount of time I’ve been here. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, his face not meeting mine. But his movements are deliberate and rigid.

“I’d better get back to work.” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat. “Duty calls.” He pauses at the door, without looking back. “Be careful outside. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“Thank you, Jak. I love you.”

“Not in the way I need you to,” he mumbles from the hallway.

I throw myself back on my bed and cover my face with my hands. When did life get so complicated? If Jak really loves me, then he should understand I need time to adapt to all this change. Seeing him come when I needed someone means so much to me, but I’m not ready for something serious, and I’m not sure I want that with Jak. Shouldn’t I feel more than platonic love?

I touch my ear where Evan whispered yesterday. Evan makes me feel different than Jak does. There’s more of a mystery there, but at the same time he frustrates me. Jak is secure, and predictable. I’ve known him since we were little kids. Evan is unpredictable and showed me just how explosive he can become.

The door to my room slides open, and Evan walks in. My face instantly flushes. Can he tell I was just thinking about him?

“Is that your boyfriend?” Evan thumbs over his shoulder.

“I don’t recall inviting you in.”

“Come on, kid.” He flops onto my bed. “Let’s go get some breakfast.”

I scramble for my blanket and pull it up to my neck. “I just woke up. Can I have some privacy, please?”

“I’ll save you a spot in the cafeteria.” Evan steps into the hallway, then turns, poking his head back in. “Lighten up, kid.”

“I’m not a kid,” I yell after him as the door closes, then I turn and scream into my pillow.

I dress at my own pace, and as far from the camera that I’m able; Evan is not going to govern how I run my morning. By the time I’m finished, I hope he’s gone, but when I finally slip through the door of the cafeteria, he waves me over.
Darn
.

I ignore him and get myself some eggs and fruit from the buffet. Outside the Axis, these are a luxury, but here they’re in abundance. I wonder what the people in the districts would do if they knew of all the extravagances the Axis has inside its tower walls. While I’m stuck here, I’m going to take advantage of it all.

I pause at the end of the buffet, considering my seating options. The room is filled with white square tables, pushed together to make rows. All the occupants are scientists, evident by their white lab coats and scrubs. They’re outlined by the dim light pouring in from the tinted windows that run all along the walls, revealing the dome and the gray skies on the outside. Not even the sun pokes through today.

My runners squeak on the vinyl floor, louder than they should, and people quiet as I pass by. Everyone’s gazes burn into my back.
Why are they staring at me?
I dart to the empty seat across from Evan, and keep my head down, wishing I had remained in my bedroom.

“We’re discussing locations for our expeditions.” Evan explains. “What are your thoughts?”

Two other scientists from our division are sitting with him. One is an older woman—maybe thirty—with red hair that matches her lipstick, and a thick black line outlining her eyes. The other is a man, though I can’t pin down his age, gray hair along his flat forehead, outlining his face. It matches the moustache under his nose. Whereas her clothes are smoothly pressed, his are wrinkled, matching his wild hair.

All three of them lean toward me, as if I have the answer they’ve been waiting for. I ignore them for a moment and break open the shell of my hardboiled egg, but I have to eventually give an answer. Mom’s notebook mentioned taking her children somewhere, away from the colony. I can’t remember exactly where, but water flowed there.

“Is there water somewhere near, a creek, or river or something like that?” I keep my voice quiet.

“I followed one here.” Evan says. I look up from my egg, but he’s looking at the others.

“I know where that is, but they will not allow us to go that far,” the male scientist says. “Perhaps once we have a few trips under our belt?”

Discouraged, I return my focus to peeling the shell from my egg. I don’t know why they asked. What do I know about the outside?

“I agree,” the other scientist nods her head. Her voice comes out as steely as her blue eyes. “Roe’s already decided we’re going to the meadow. It’s not too far, and we can stay in the view of the dome.”